Let Go
by LetItRock
Summary: HIATUS. Life is never perfect and Bella's is far from it. But when her family moves to Texas, she meets Jasper. Can he teach her to just let go? Can Jasper - someone with his own hardships - save a girl who has kept her heart locked away for so long? AH
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: **This story is AH/AU/OOC and rated M for a reason. Read at your own risk. It is also set in Texas, of what I have limited knowledge, so please excuse that. I hope you enjoy and please review!

**Disclaimer: **Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all its inclusive material. I just own an imagination.

**Let Go  
**_Prologue_

Heavy bass faded into obscurity behind me. I sobbed and screamed and scraped for a breath of air in my laboured lungs. My feet lagged. I fell hard to the cold earth.

My hands scratched against gravel as I went to catch myself. My knees skidded, grass staining my jeans. My arm scratched against the gravel, slicing my elbow. I felt a stinging, searing, putrid pain as blood pumped towards my injuries; heavy, glugging blood. It stained my clothes and trickled down my freezing skin, leaving a trail of sordid heat in its wake.

I clutched at my wound and the wounds you couldn't see. They were the wounds that wouldn't heal. They were cut by _him_.

Blood was everywhere. Blood made me queasy. The pain was just too real.

My heart ached. My body shuddered with the overflow of emotions I tried ever so desperately to block out. Tears streamed down my face. Blood seeped through my fingers.

I'm alone.

_Ashes to ashes, we all fall down._

I heard that chant in my mind, replaying like a broken record; raspy, harsh and callous. It was an evil whisper in my thumping ears. I was being pulled down. I was being dragged into the oblivion below.

_If you strike a match, you're going to feel the flame_.

His words from all those weeks ago repeated themselves as I lay, pained and aching on the hard earth. I had struck the match. I had gotten close. Now I was feeling the flame.

You'd think I would have listened.

My hands, doused in my own blood, clambered along the wet grass and gravel as I scrambled to my feet. Blood coated the damp. It would soon be washed away by the rain; the wet; the storm.

_Wash it clean, _I begged, turning my face to the crying clouds as a thunder clap sounded overhead. The storm that was brewing had come. _Wash everything away_.

I was broken and beaten on the cold, hard earth. Darkness flooded me; surrounded me; boxed me in. I had always hated the darkness. It woke me up.

I was shattered beyond repair. I felt mutilated and twisted, like my soul and my heart had been ripped from my body. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut with a big metal boot.

He had destroyed _everything_.

I was running. I would run. I wouldn't do it anymore. I _couldn't _do it anymore.

I pushed my legs further; faster. I wouldn't stop moving. I pushed myself through the pain; the blood; the emptiness. I wouldn't stop running. I had to flee. I had to get away.

I had to take flight.

Fly away, I told myself. Fly away from him. Fly away from it all.

"_What do you think it's like to fly?"_

Memories of that day at the beach came back to me, tearing and teasing my broken body.

_He shrugged, cracking a small smile that made my heart melt. "It depends why you're doing it and where you're going."_

I didn't want it anymore.

Follow the moon, I told myself. She will take you home.

_Maybe, _I thought in a whim of hope. _From these ashes something beautiful will rise.__._


	2. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **The characters are AH and a bit OOC. Also, thank you to everyone who alerted, favourited and reviewed so far. It was way more than I expected.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight or any inclusive materials and I am not Stephanie Meyer.

###

**Let Go  
**Chapter 1

'_You are now leaving Forks, Washington'_

###

"Highaa, Bella, higha!" Renesmee squealed as her hands flew into the air. "I wana touch the cloud!"

Her little palms clutched towards the bright sun hanging high in the sky. It was about midday and a surprisingly sunny day in the little town of Forks. It was odd for the middle of winter. I sighed and pushed a little harder. Renesmee let out another high pitched squeal and beamed a crazy smile. Her little two-year-old fingers wrapped around the safety chain keeping her in the swing and she shook it vigorously.

"Let me out swing! I wana fly!" She yelled in delight.

I sighed again and took hold of the back of the swing, bringing it to a slow stop. I didn't really see the attraction of swings, even as a child. They made me nauseous.

"No Bella! Nooo!" Renesmee yelled, swinging her legs. "More!"

She was squiggling in my arms, laughing without a care. Her energy was overpowering; almost exhausting.

I, on the other hand, did not share my little sister's excitement. I couldn't shift that dark cloud hanging over my head; that cloud that kept reminding me we were moving.

"Come on Nessie, we have to get home," I told her, putting her in the push chair. "We are leaving soon and we don't want Mom to worry."

Renesmee's smile immediately wiped. This had been our last trip to the park before we left forever. We were on our way to a new life today; a life in Texas. She completely understood, too.

This park was Renesmee's favourite place in the world. Any mention of the park had her beaming. I didn't blame her; for a two year old she had it right. This place was beautiful. It was secluded, peaceful and most of all, not our house.

We went there every day. As soon as I got home from school I would get Renesmee and take her there. It was our quality time. That was all about to stop.

I had lived in Forks all my life. Renesmee had lived in Forks all her life. My mother and father grew up there and got married just out of high school. It wasn't one of those romantic, high school sweet hearts deals. No. It was a shot gun wedding. My Dad was a hot shot Jock; Captain of the football team. My Mom was a flighty, preppy junior. They met at Dad's graduation party and it was a one-night-stand. Well, it was meant to be. My Mom turned out to be pregnant. And so Dad graduated, Mom dropped out and they got married. A few months later I arrived.

So, I suppose you can guess that our family life was not exactly perfect. Dad was a police chief; a real hot shot again. And Mom was, well, a 'homemaker', you could say.

At the time we moved, I was fifteen - nearly sixteen - and a sophomore. Renesmee is my little sister. She was, of course, a mistake as well. It was not like my parents ever wanted kids with each other. She is the product of another drunken night.

As I was saying, we were heading off to Galveston, Texas. We were starting a "new, fantastic life" according to Charlie, my Dad. But in reality, he was the recipient of a huge promotion. That meant we were all moving on. What I didn't understand was why Mom, Renesmee and I couldn't have stayed. It's not like he cared much for us. He didn't have anything holding him in Forks anymore. Although that was true, it didn't mean we didn't. I had my best friend, Jacob. He lived on the La Push Reserve not far from Forks. I had known him since we were babies. There was not one important memory I had that didn't have him in it in one form or another. I also had school, which I truly did enjoy. It was a home away from home.

But none of that mattered to my parents. We were leaving no matter what.

Renesmee called out in her push chair which brought me back to reality.

"Come on Bella!" She squealed. "I'm bored!"

I laughed half-heartedly and walked over to her, bending down and tickling her feet. Renesmee howled with laughter and wriggled around.

"No Bella!" She squealed. I giggled at her reaction. It was too easy to cheer her up.

Heading home, we reached the porch soon enough and I began searching my pocket for the key. As I did so a pair of large, hot hands covered my eyes.

"Guess who," A low, strong voice said. I smiled; I could pin-point the voice anywhere. I spun around on my heels, smiling, and hugged the person behind me.

"Jake," I sighed. Jacob wrapped his arms around me in one of his infamous bear hugs. I couldn't help but smile, burrowing my head in his warm chest. He always brightened my day.

"Looking for these?" He asked, holding his hand in front of my face and shaking my keys.

I smiled and jumped for them. Sadly, he was too quick. He moved his hand away in a blur and shook he his head.

"Hey there," He joked. "Where are you manners, Miss Swan?"

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

"Fine. Thank you Jacob," I chimed.

Jake smiled widely and tossed the keys into my hand. I fumbled them. He laughed. I poked my tongue out at him and spun around to quickly open the door. I heard him laugh quietly behind me. Jacob then wheeled Renesmee inside as I held the door.

"Let me out, Jakey!" She squealed when I shut the door. Jacob chuckled and knelt down in front of her.

"Not before I get a kiss," He said, tapping his cheek. Renesmee smiled and then blushed, pecking his cheek lightly.

"That's better," He chuckled, unbuckling her. Renesmee was then out and waddling over to her few toys left in the living room.

When Renesmee was out of sight Jacob turned to me and frowned slightly. I was on the verge of tears, but it didn't register till he gave me that look. I tried to smile in re-assurance but it only made the tears fall. Jacob didn't speak. He didn't need to. He knew why I was crying. He just encased me in a warm hug.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I re-assured him as I pulled away, rubbing my eyes. Jacob frowned at me again. I had the urge to straighten out the creases between his brows.

"C'mon Bells, no you're not. You can't lie to me. I know you too well."

I just shrugged, not wanting to talk. It would just choke me up, and I needed to spend these last few hours with Jacob happily.

I didn't have to avoid the topic for long though. The next second there was a loud smashing sound echoing from the kitchen. It was plates breaking.

I pushed away from Jake quickly, worried that it was Renesmee causing the noise. I raced into the kitchen, the scene nearly causing me to buckle at the knees. Luckily Jake was there to catch me.

There was my Mom - my flighty, irresponsible, drug-addict of a Mom - taking plates out of boxes and smashing them on the ground. They were the boxes we _weren't_ taking, thank god. On the table there were the left-over's of cocaine scattered in the evidence of lines. Then there was the empty vodka bottle.

I just closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. I tried to go to my happy place, but nothing worked.Whenever I was nearly there the smashing of a plate broke through the haze.

Jacob wrapped an arm around my shoulder, holding me steady. Being my best friend - my practical brother - Jacob knew everything about my family, including all the skeletons in the closet. But even he didn't know to what extent it went on. To him, it was a once-in-a-blue-moon thing.

I pulled myself together and turned around, walking towards Renee, my Mother. She heard my approach and turned towards me, smiling. I saw that in one hand she held another vodka bottle that was barely touched.

"Bella!" She yelled, holding her hand towards me. "Come, come, come! You have to try this!" She enthused, smashing another plate.

"No Mom. Stop, please?" I begged her. She just smiled, getting ready to smash another plate. I grabbed her wrist, stopping her, and took the plate from her cold hands.

"Stop!" I yelled. I pulled her away from the box and into the middle of the room, pointing at the evidence of her habits. "You swore you had quit. You said you were straight!"

I was screaming in her face. Her smile wiped away for a second, but then it was back and bigger than ever.

"Oh, Bella, stop it! Damn it, you are so annoying," She sighed, blurry-eyed and shaking off my hand.

"Mom..." I whispered, exasperated and sick of it all.

"Now," She huffed, looking around and ignoring me. "Where is my fucking baby girl?"

I grabbed her and stopped her. "No, Mom. Don't. She doesn't need to see this."

"Bullshit," She claimed. "She's my daughter. _I_ choose what she sees."

Mom tried to shake me off but I kept my hold tight.

That was until that spine chilling voice floated from the doorway, making my back stiffen and my heart stop.

"Renee," My Dad's voice growled. My mother just raised an eyebrow expectantly, clearly enjoying it. Charlie glanced over Jacob and I. "Kids, get out, now," He ordered calmly yet strongly.

I didn't know what to do. I knew what was coming and I didn't want that for my Mom. But I also knew what might happen if we didn't listen to him. Then, there was the thought that I could use my current grip on my Mother's wrist to pull her away and make a run for it. But even I knew that would be hopeless in the end.

I was frozen in place by indecision. Jacob stayed behind me, just as unsure as I was. What seemed like hours passed, although I know it was only a few seconds. My father always did have a short temper. The evidence that his patience was maxed out came when a loud, threatening groan cracked the silence.

I turned around to see him shove past Jacob and rub his thumb through the white dust, inspecting it. I held my breath. Jacob eyed his every movement carefully. I saw the tension in his muscles. He was ready to pounce at any time.

"Again?" He questioned menacingly.

"Oh, give it a rest, Charlie. Like you haven't been up to anything while you were 'out'," My Mom hissed, venom dripping from every word. "What were you doing? Screwing that slut of a secretary for the last time?" She tested, stepping closer to rock that was Charlie. She was pushing his buttons purposely. She enjoyed getting on his nerves, no matter what the consequences. Self-preservation wasn't high on her list.

I knew what was coming before it happened. I saw Charlie's eyes narrow and his hand twitch. I saw my Mother's widening eyes as she caught his reactions. I saw her stiffen her jaw in preparation. But before it happened, Charlie's strong hand flew up in the air and pointed toward the door, telling us to get out.

My fear went into overdrive

Taking Jacob's hand and turning towards the door to the living room to grab Renesmee, I did exactly what he told us. I wouldn't let Jacob get in the way, and Renesmee had to get out.

As we reached the front door the sound of the slap still stung my heart. I heard Renee fall to the floor and I clutched at Jacob's hand harder as we ran.

Jacob had only witnessed one or two of these fights. His family tried to get police involvement, but nothing came of it. The Police force was useless without any victim statements. It only made Charlie angrier. Both Renee and Charlie would deny everything, and Renesmee and I were forced to do the same. Plus, Charlie being the police chief wasn't any help. Who would really believe the rumours against such a Good Samaritan?

When we reached the front fence I sunk to the ground, Renesmee still in my arms. I felt Jacob's warm body come sit by me and his long arm drape across my shoulders and hold me tight.

Minutes passed. No one spoke. I needed to calm down. Jacob let me.

"Jake, I'm so sorry," I sobbed eventually.

"I need to go back in there. I need to help your Mom," He growled.

I shook my head. I knew it would confuse him, but I had a reason. "No. You can't. You will get hurt and I can't have that. It will be over soon."

I hated myself for letting that happen to my Mom. I hated the guilt. But I also remembered my duty to keep Renesmee safe. I remembered what Renee told me when she was straight. Sometimes, when she was straight – no matter how rare that was – she was a good Mother.

"Keep yourself and Renesmee safe and far away," she told me one day. "Don't worry about me. Don't try to help or you will be put in danger. And most of all, do not call the police. It will just make it worse."

"We can call someone," he volunteered eagerly.

"No," I snapped quickly.

"Why?"

"It just makes it worse. My Mom said not to, ever."

Jacob was silent. I could feel the tension radiating from him. He wanted to help. He knew what my Mom was like – he knew her vices and her bad parts. But he was also brought up to respect and never hurt women. He was brought up to protect them. He hated knowing what was going on and not doing anything. But then again, he was also brought up to not intrude on other people's business.

"I'm so sorry, Jake," I whispered, trying to reconcile.

Jake looked down to me and frowned, brushing my tears away.

"Bells, this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong," He soothed.

"But… This is the last time I'm going to see you," I whispered, "and _that_ happened. My last day with you and we have to deal with _that_. I am so sorry."

Jacob looked away from me for a second and then looked back, meeting my eyes again.

"You have nothing to be apologetic about. It wasn't your fault. It was _theirs_."

His eyes flashed to the house. I saw the anger in them. Then my own anger started boiling inside of me, too.

"Don't even think about it, please. Don't even talk about it."

Jacob looked back at me. He was confused. Again.

"You know it could all end, right? All you have to do it tell the truth. You and Renesmee can be safe. I will help you. Billy will help you."

I shook my head. "No."

He was annoyed again. "Why?"

I shrugged. "Because he doesn't hurt Renesmee. Because he will _always_ find a way to get us back. Because I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Is it right to take Renesmee away from her parents? They are great to her sometimes. It's just... some _other _times..."

"It's not right, Bella. What they do, I mean. You still have time to change it. You can still get away."

"We are leaving, Jake. It will be... _better _in Texas."

It sounded weak, even to me, but I wanted with all my heart to believe it.

He just shook his head slowly. "No, it won't. And I hate it, because it will be worse. And I'm going to go insane here, knowing I can never _protect _you."

I laughed lightly at that, although it wasn't a true laugh. "You don't need to protect me."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Have you seen how small you are, Swan? Sometimes I fear I'm going to trample you."

I hit him lightly with a laugh. He just smiled.

"Small yet feisty," He corrected himself.

"Thank you," I popped.

"But seriously, Bella. It's not too late."

I just sighed. "It_ is_ too late."

"You're so stubborn," He growled.

"You have to let me go, Jake."

He paused and thought before replying. "Not when you are in danger. It's not healthy. Youneed to let go of this life and protect yourself."

"I have to go," I whispered. "I don't want to, but I _have _to."

"Why?" He tested.

"Because it's my family. I have to go for Renesmee. I have to be there for my Mom, no matter what she's like."

"I don't agree with it."

"You don't have to agree with it, but you do have to accept it."

Jacob sighed again. He flexed his fists, the veins twitching. I knew he was angry but I also knew he wouldn't do anything I didn't want him to.

"But I'm going to miss you. You're my best friend," He said softly, not meeting my eyes. They were locked on his fist, tracing the lines. I knew he was thinking hard.

"You have other friends, too."

"But you're the bestone. I've known you forever. It's going to be weird without you around."

"I know. I'm going to miss you, too."

"Then stay," He encouraged.

He just wouldn't bloody well let up.

"Jacob," I cautioned. "I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay? I'm going, and I know this is the last time I will see you in a long time, so can we just talk about something else; something more _pleasant_?"

He sucked in a long breath before answering me. I knew it was a lot to ask. I knew it was hard for him. But I also didn't want our last bit of time together dampened. My choice was made. I would stick with my family, keep them together, and hope for the best. Renesmee could stay with her parents.

"Fine. I'm sorry," He agreed.

"Don't apologise."

He just sighed. "Okay."

I had to force myself to push all thoughts of what was happening inside the house to the back of my mind. It was hard, but I managed.

"Okay, first I need to ask you something. _How_ exactly did you get my keys out of my pocket earlier without me noticing?"

I cocked an eyebrow. Jacob's boisterous laugh that followed opened him, Renesmee and I up for twenty minutes worth of carefree, happy, laughter-filled conversation.

Soon enough, however, it was cut off by the door slamming and Charlie storming out, followed by Renee. She was neat again. Her hair was brushed and tidy. Her clothes were clean and ironed. She had make-up on.

He had made sure she covered up well.

"Get in the car," Charlie growled.

I felt Jake tense next to me. He looked at me and tried to smile. I tried to smile back. It didn't work, and both smiles faltered and cracked as soon as we truly looked at each other. Neither of us wanted to be separated. It was like separating twins.

Jake then stood up and helped me stand. I was still holding Renesmee who was burrowing into my chest. He took me into a big hug. His breathing was forced and uneven, as though he had a lump in his throat, holding back tears. I did too.

"I will miss you, Bells."

His use of my nickname tore at my weak, sensitive heart. I couldn't help but crumble into him. I was losing the one person I could trust. I was losing the one person I could be myself with. I was losing my _one_ friend.

I sobbed into his chest, tears falling fast. "I will miss you too, Jake. More than you know. Stay in touch, okay?"

I felt Jake nod but neither of us wanted to let go.

"Hurry the fuck up," Charlie's voice boomed. Jacob then pushed me away slowly. His expression tore at my chest and stole my breath. I couldn't stand to leave Jake, but I had to. I knew he would be looked after. He still had Summer - a girl he has been dating for three years.

Jake leaned down to Renesmee and kissed her on the forehead. Her usual giggly smile was absent. I knew she understood.

"Bye Ness," He said. "I will see you later, okay?"

Renesmee nodded and pecked him on the cheek. It was their greeting to one-another, and now their goodbye.

I tried to smile at Jake one last time but it wasn't very successful. Jake brushed his thumb over my cheek, taking away the tears, and kissed my forehead.

"I will see you again soon, okay? Don't worry and keep safe."

I nodded and spoke. "I will. And you be good, too. I want you in one piece next time I see you, so go easy on the cliff-diving."

Jacob laughed quickly, but soon it died out. Neither of us could be happy. We exchanged one last goodbye hug. Then I pulled away. It was the hardest thing I had ever done.

I turned to face my dreaded future, leaving the only good things in my life behind.

Renesmee stayed with her head buried in my hair the entire journey. I had to keep her safe. I watched as Jacob's reflection disappeared into the distance; he was my best friend, my lucky charm. I watched as we passed that darn 'You are now leaving Forks, Washington' sign. Then I watched as we pulled up at the airport with our moving truck close behind. Then it fully dawned on me.


	3. Chapter 2

**Let Go  
**Chapter 2

###

_Spotlight_

###

The stale, black sedan pulled up on an unfamiliar road, in an unfamiliar town, in an unfamiliar state. The heavily tinted windows didn't allow me to see much, and my limbs wouldn't let me move to open the door. Renesmee still sat in my arms, looking into my eyes now. She hadn't left them the entire trip, apart from when I buckled her up in the plane for takeoff and landing.

Dad opened his door and got out, leaning against the roof of our new car. I didn't like it. It was black, for one. And not a nice black either. It was a menacing, cold black. He liked it though. I had rolled my eyes at the irony when I first saw it. It was like his heart – cold, unforgiving and hard. The tinted windows just made me hate it even more. They let no light in.

Charlie breathed deeply and laughed, clapping his hands together. Renee sat in the passenger seat, staring straight out the windscreen. I didn't want to move, and neither did Renesmee. She just sat in my arms, looking up at me.

Our trip had been a long one. The plane ride was tiring. Mum and Dad spent their time either bickering or ignoring each other. I spent mine trying to keep Renesmee happy. Of course she knew what was really going on. Luckily Charlie's new employer had been nice enough to fork out good seats for us. Then I can at least say the plane ride wasn't physically uncomfortable.

We got to the Airport and collected our bags. The process through was quick. Then we got in the car and drove off to our new home.

It wasn't long till we arrived at our new home. I didn't like it. The town was big enough to satisfy your needs but small enough to not be crowded. It was bigger than Forks.

My mindless staring into space was interrupted by Charlie's chilling voice. My eyes snapped to his general direction, wide and alert.

"Well?" He asked, angry now. "Are you going to get out or what?"

None of us bothered answering him. We just opened our doors, like robots, and stepped out of the car.

I then stood in front of a wide, concrete driveway leading up to a large brick house. The house looked stale - unused. It had that empty feeling. It held no warmth to it. It didn't feel welcoming or comfortable. But I suppose nothing could seem comfortable or welcoming when compared to Jacob's quaint yet snug home in La Push. I had always felt happy and warm there.

The wide driveway fed into a two car garage. To the left of the garage was a grand mahogany entrance way. A double door, framed in patterned glass. To me it was tasteless. To others it was probably beautiful. I just wasn't a fan of grand entrance ways and glistening crystal. I liked small homes with wide open spaces and quirky additions.

The front yard was large and green; just a lump of grass with one water fountain smacked tastelessly in the middle. I quickly glanced around the neighbourhood. I repressed a defeated sigh, deciding instead to just deal with it. Every house was exactly the same. Some had the odd personal touch like a garden gnome or a child's bike left out accidentally, but basically it was your typical measure-the-length-of-your-grass suburban neighbourhood. It felt claustrophobic and forced, but I wouldn't let anyone know that.

I saw Renee and Charlie begin to walk up the drive, so I followed behind, not wanting to aggravate them.

When I entered the house my heart dropped. I sucked in a breath of the chilly air and shifted Renesmee's weight slightly. The room was large enough. It was also crisp, clean cut and stale. There were no personal touches, although you can't really expect that since we just arrived. It just didn't feel _lived _in. It didn't feel like it could even _be_ a home.

The entrance led into a large, high-ceiling room with a chandelier. To the left was the white kitchen with stain-less steel appliances and black counter tops. It flowed easily into the dining room, complete with a large table and black leather chairs. To the right was a living room with black leather sofas, white carpets and a television large enough to appease Charlie. The house had clearly been basically furnished and readied for our arrival. It explained why we bought so little with us.

Directly in front of me was a winding, wooden stair case. I headed towards it with Renesmee still in my arms. When I reached the top, I saw, to the left, another large mahogany door leading into the library and Charlie's study. Near that door was a white, plain door with a gold handle. It was Renee and Charlie's room. I didn't need to check to know there were two separate beds. To the right I located two more doors. I walked down, expecting to find Renesmee's room and my room. Instead I was faced with one massive bathroom and a nursery for Renesmee. I spun around on my heels and looked around for any other doors. Where did they expect me to sleep? Outside?

Then my eyes landed on a small set of white stairs, like a ladder, against the wall at the far end of the hallway. I curiously walked down to them and looked up. About halfway up the wall was an open door. I frowned slightly - curious - and popped Renesmee up to the open space before climbing up myself. When I got up there I entered a good-sized bedroom. It was my room. The far wall was complete with large windows and a sliding, glass door that led out onto a small ledge. To the left was a door into my own bathroom and wardrobe. That lifted my mood. I had never had my own bathroom. To the right was another room separated by a soft, cream curtain. Inside stood an empty book shelf and desk, complete with one laptop.

I smiled to myself and walked into the centre room. In the middle was a double bed which I placed Renesmee on to relieve my stiff arms. It was already made with simple white sheets and a purple duvet. On either side sat plain pine bedside tables. Near the large windows was a soft armchair and in the far left corner, by the windows, was a corner window seat. I imagined myself engrossed in my favourite books on that seat. The thought made me smile.

Sadly, the view wasn't as great. It was over-looking the neighbour's house and some poor souls' window.

I sunk down into the window seat, closing my eyes and trying to match my heart beat with the quiet patter of rain drops on the window. I loved the rain and the rhythmic patter of raindrops on the window. The chill of winter was awakening to the senses. I needed a few minutes rest. I would get to un-packing my clothes later that night. I just needed a moments' peace.

The subtle sound had almost put me to sleep when I heard a little giggle from my bed.

I looked up to see Renesmee tugging on the duvet and smiling playfully.

Her expression of joy only made me smile. "Come here, Ness." I cooed, standing up and picking her up off the bed.

"Do you like the new house?" I asked her as I sat back on the window seat, cradling her in my arms. She looked up at me and smiled a bit, before frowning.

"No," She said slowly, trying to form her two-year-old words. "I like the old one bestest."

"Yeah, me too," I agreed with a simple nod. "But you will learn to like this one, too."

I didn't exactly believe what I promised. I more hoped for it to be the truth. We would eventually grow to like this place, or at least tolerate it. I could survive. It would only be for a few years.

She frowned at me, but then forgot the subject. A few minutes later she fell asleep after a long day.

When I knew she was in a deep sleep I picked her up and took her to her room. I could hear Charlie and Renee arguing down stairs, faint muffles travelling through the halls. I put Renesmee in her cot and tucked her in, kissing her on the forehead before leaving. She wasn't disturbed from her sleep at all. She had always been a heavy sleeper.

When I arrived back into my room I decided to do a bit on unpacking. I went to retrieve my bag from the car, full of the necessities I needed for the next few days till everything else arrived. It took me about an hour to get a grip on my room. Then I settled down on the window seat with a tattered book.

I couldn't concentrate on the words though. They all just kind of blurred into one big black smudge on the page. My thoughts were focused on other things, like my pending first day of school that next day. My parents wanted me out of the house as quickly as possible. They said it was because I needed to settle in quickly. I suspected other reasons. But, whatever it was, school wasn't my problem. It was the meeting new people thing.

I had never been good with people. Never. The only person I could ever really talk to was Jacob, and we only became friends when we were young and visiting McDonalds one day. We were both in the play area. Jacob had smuggled chicken nuggets inside. He shared them with me because I was crying. I had fallen over and skinned my knees, clumsy as ever. He took pity on me. That day a friendship was formed. It was my only real friendship.

I was never a confident person at school. I kept to myself, answered questions when I was asked them, and tried to be pleasant. Jacob was the only person who managed to befriend me. He was just a friendly, outgoing, carefree person - but not only that. He was loyal and trustworthy as well. It took a while, but eventually I became comfortable with him.

And as I sat on the window seat in my new room my thoughts were on the fact that within twenty-four hours I would have to start all over again with the whole friend thing. It all frightened me a bit too much. I was always a shy person. I never voluntarily started conversations with strangers. I never openly offered people information on myself, apart from things like my name. That and the fact that I didn't _want_ any friends other than Jacob led me to make the decision to stick to myself at this new school. I would be kind when spoken to, but I wouldn't lay my trust in anyone. It took me years to trust Jacob, and I didn't want to replace that. I didn't see the need, either, seeing as though I would be gone and back in Forks after few years. I couldn't wait to move out.

I was happy on my own. I was contempt on my own. I enjoyed isolation. So really, I didn't mind.

But the thought of walking into a new school and not knowing anyone or anything still made my heart race. I was always nervous.

It was about eight o'clock when I pulled myself up from the seat, stretching my stiff joints and tossing my book onto the bed. The rain had stopped, but the evening air was still frosty. I grabbed a jacket and headed downstairs, eager for some fresh air.

When I got downstairs I headed to the kitchen. I could hear Renee and Charlie bickering over the television. Just as I walked into the kitchen an angry voice addressed me.

"Bella!" Charlie yelled. "Where the hell are you?"

He was angry, clearly. I had to watch my words. I didn't want to anger him further.

I kept my tone calm and steady as I answered. "Here, Dad."

"Where the hell have you been?" He growled at me.

"I put Renesmee to sleep. She had a long day," I said calmly. "Then I unpacked my bag."

He was silent for a few seconds. I held my breath and kept quiet while I waited for a response.

"Fine," He growled. It was my permission for freedom, and I took it swiftly, yet quietly, making a drink as silently and unobtrusively as possible.

When I was finished I decided to go and sit on the porch and relax for a bit. Then I would go check on Renesmee before going to bed. I needed an early night.

Sitting out on the porch step, just listening and watching, was very peaceful. The old man in the house across the road from us came out and called his cat inside. The couple from down the road walked past, hand in hand. Then there was nothing. The place was unbelievably quiet. I could still hear my parents' argument out there, although the words were muffled. It was a relief.

I took another sip of my drink and breathed deeply in and out, watching the cloud of air escaping. It was peaceful, darkness just beginning to paint the town.

When I heard the slamming of a door to my left and an angry "Hurry up!" yelled behind it I was snapped from any peace with a jump. The abrupt disturbance made my heart skip a beat. I glanced over to see someone taking their trash out.

I watched them as they padded slowly over the rain washed concrete of their driveway. It was a male. Of that I was sure. The black hood of his hoodie was pulled up so I couldn't see him very well, but the wisps of honey-blonde hair peeping out from the edges provided me with one of the puzzle piece making up his appearance.

When he reached the dull circle of light from the streetlamp I got a better view. He seemed slim, but not scrawny. His jeans were worn and faded. He was tall – about six foot three. As he walked a chain hanging from his belt jangled. I couldn't grasp much more detail though. Not until he turned around and started heading back.

When he did, I noticed more. His hoodie was un-zipped, showing his white t-shirt that sat perfectly, showing the hints of muscles. His skin was tanned under the dull light. He seemed young – maybe sixteen or seventeen.

There was something about him I was drawn to. I watched him walk back to his porch, breathes of hot air escaping his lips. He breathed into his hands, then rubbed them together and stuffed them in his pockets, warming them.

I couldn't help but watch him as he sat down on his own porch steps, shoved his hood back and buried his hands in his shaggy, windblown hair. I could hear the muffled sounds of the television coming from his house, mere feet away from my own.

I kept my eyes on him. He kept his at his feet.

That was until the sound of a cat's meow from my driveway distracted me, and my eyes scanned the concrete pad.

Once. Twice. Three times.

Nothing. I must have just been hearing things.

I peeled my eyes back to my new neighbour. As soon as I did my breath caught. He was staring right at me; _right_ at me. I suddenly felt embarrassed and tongue-tied. My pulse sped. My cheeks burned. He caught me, and I was a little embarrassed. His eyes were sky blue and penetrating - beautiful. He was frowning ever so slightly. He didn't seem bothered. That calmed me in an odd way. I didn't know what to do. I didn't feel the need to look away. I didn't want to. Looking into his eyes felt completely natural.

I just took a deep, contempt breath.

I knew I should have looked away, but I couldn't. He surprised me because he didn't look away either. Not once. It was a weird sensation. Some sort of adrenalin thrumming, yet completely comfortable trance. It wasn't love at first sight or any of that shit. No, it didn't feel like that. It just felt... safe? It felt natural. It wasn't even his appearance. It was just something in his _eyes_. There was no judgement or awkward feelings. His gaze felt like a spotlight, and I was its target. I felt like I was being stripped bare – like he was looking through the haze and right at me. It was weird. I didn't want him to look away. His spotlight warmed me through. I felt kind of _honoured_.

Looking at him felt like home. No matter how absurd that sounds, it's true. I was more at home looking at him then I ever was before.

I wanted to know his name.

But I couldn't speak. I don't even know if I was breathing. I just wanted to stare at those eyes. I wanted to stay in that spotlight.

I don't know how much time passed. It could have been barely a few minutes. It could have been forever. I didn't count because I didn't want it to end.

But it did. It always ends.

At that moment the door behind me burst open and a yelling rang in the air. I looked away. I didn't want to, but I did. Charlie was fuming behind me, yelling something about me getting inside and doing something useful for once. Some threats were thrown in. I didn't really listen to what he was saying. All my thoughts were on those eyes and the body attached to them. Who was he?

I started to stand up and head through the door. I didn't want to. I wanted, more than anything, to stay. But I also knew I couldn't. I was forced to turn my back on him and walk away. I was forced to leave him alone. Charlie forced that on me. I hated him for it.

As I did I looked back to the spot where those eyes had been. It was empty. Suddenly everything felt dark once again. My spotlight was gone, its warmth along with it.

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**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks to any readers out there. Please review!


	4. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Thank you again for all the reviews, favourites, alerts etc. You are all awesome! This chapter is considerably longer than the previous ones... I hope you enjoy it and please review.

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**Let Go  
**Chapter 3

_Cogs_

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I woke up the next morning at 6:30am. It was Monday and my first day at my new school. Monday... I hated Monday's. Why? Because they meant the start of another boring week of school and family 'issues'. They meant more of the life that dragged on – the life I hated. More times Charlie would come home late from work, smelling of cheap perfume that Renee wouldn't be caught dead wearing. More times Renee would go over-board on everything. More times my life went to hell and back.

Now you ask: Why were Mondays any worse than Tuesdays or Wednesdays? They are just another day of the week, right? Well, no. With each day that passed after Monday, I knew it was closer to the weekend - closer to the days Saturday and Sunday. On these days I could spend the time down at La Push with Jake, drinking warm sodas in his garage, talking happily as he worked on his car, or pushing Renesmee in the swing at our favourite park. Maybe we would even ride motorcycles along the dirt roads in the forest or just sit in the backyard on a picnic table on that odd summers' day, basking in the sunlight. Monday was the day furthest from all these small pleasures. That's why I hated it.

But then – since we moved – I could never have any of those things. Every day was my own personal hell. No day was closer to those days because they didn't exist anymore. There was no more Jake, no more Forks and no more relief.

I pulled myself out of bed and hit the snooze button on my alarm. I had a quick shower before going to wake up Renesmee. She was sitting quietly in her crib, waiting for me. I smiled at her and she beamed back, although it was clear that the majority of her attention was on the muffled remains of yelling from the other room. I scooped her up and gave her a quick bath before helping her get dressed. She was getting good at it. She could wash her own hair and tie her own shoes. She was an independent little thing.

When Renesmee was sorted out I rushed back to my room and went to the bathroom. I pulled and hair brush through my hair and brushed my teeth. I didn't bother with make-up. I never did.

I then went to my wardrobe and pulled on my favourite jeans, a rolling stones t-shirt and pair of converse. They were the nearest cleanest clothes. I then pulled my jacket off the hanger and grabbed my bag. I was done. I quickly snatched my phone from the desk and went back to Renesmee who was sitting on the floor, playing with her teddy.

"C'mon Ness," I said quietly. She looked up and smiled, waddling over to me. I picked her up and took her down stairs.

"Now," I began, placing Renesmee in her chair, "what do you want for breakfast?"

"Cereal," She replied, clapping her hands together. I smiled and turned towards the cupboard, getting our breakfast ready.

When we were finished I cleaned the dishes and set Renesmee up with a video. Renee and Charlie hadn't set her up with a day care centre yet. I kissed her forehead and walked out the door.

Luckily school was not far away from my house at all, on a pretty easy route. I walked past that boys' house on the way. I think I will call him _Eyes _– at least until I find out his real name. He did have pretty eyes. I tried to search his house in the corner of my eye for any sign but there was none. I didn't know why I was so drawn to him, but I was. He mystified me. People are interesting, you know? The way they interact together, and then the way they act when they are alone, or think no-one is watching. I could never get bored of watching people. Of course, I wasn't exactly a social person. Jake was my only friend. I never got on with girls much - too much drama.

When I started up the road towards the High School I finally saw the student body. There were people everywhere, mostly walking in groups towards the buildings. They came from all different directions and were smiling and laughing with their friends. I suddenly felt a lump in my throat. I was starting about two weeks after winter break. It was quite disruptive to the already settled student body.

As I approached the gate the lump grew bigger and tighter. I walked through the gate and past a giant oak tree. The buildings were made of a red-brown brick and surrounded an open courtyard, dotted with wooden picnic tables on the lush, green grass. Directly in front of me was a building with a grand clock sitting precariously on top. It was cliché, but expected_. _The building was the front office. Next to this building were corridors leading to more buildings, housing classrooms.

This school differed so much from Forks. It was open, and I saw no cafeteria. People lingered around outside before class. They had the option. It didn't rain here as much as Forks.

I kept my head down as I walked towards the front office. I could feel a few pairs of eyes watching me but I dared not meet them. It was nothing bad and nothing worrying. A few eyes did no harm. Although I needed to keep a low profile, making sure more didn't find me. I doubted they would. I mean, new kids are hardly interesting at all. I just wasn't interested in embarrassing myself in front of anyone today. I had to keep my eyes on my feet to make sure my face didn't meet the ground in haste.

I entered the office and headed for the front desk. Behind it was a short, red haired lady with pear shaped, thick glasses, wearing a floral printed blazer. I started towards her and she heard my approach, looking up from the computer screen.

"May I help you?" She asked in a sugar sweet voice.

"Hi...um...yeah, I'm Isabella Swan. I'm new here an-" I began, but the lady began shuffling around on her desk.

"Ah yes, Isabella. I have your timetable here," She said, handing me a piece of pale blue paper. "And here is a map of the campus, should you need it. Your teachers will know you are coming."

I took the paper kindly and hoped to myself that I wouldn't need it. Walking around with my nose in a map all day would definitely lead to a few accidents. Starting off as a sophomore meant I still had a few years left. Making an idiot of myself on the first day wasn't a good idea.

"Thanks," I mumbled, swivelling around on my heels and hurrying out of the room, knowing the bell had already gone. I managed to bump into a body on the way out, but with a mumbled apology and fast feet I didn't meet their eyes, my cheeks already reddening.

I glanced at my first class - physics. I then searched the map and found my destination. I started off and reached the door soon enough. It was painted green. It was not a nice green though. It was more of a vomit green. I felt my stomach churn as I lifted my fist to knock. I had to stop and pull myself together before I carried on with the manoeuvre. I knocked once and then moved my hand to the cold, metal handle. The door creaked open, causing every person in the room to stare. I bowed my head and headed towards the teacher who had stopped talking and was looking my way. I handed him the letter attached to my timetable and he took it, reading it quickly.

"Ah, yes, Isabella Swan. I have been expecting you," He said, before turning his attention towards the class. "Class," He began, "This is our new student, Isabella Swan. Please make her feel welcome." I felt the eyes of the room shift to me. I wanted to escape them.

"You can take a seat if you wish," He instructed. I nodded, heading towards the only seat left. Luckily it was at the back.

"Now Isabella, do you have any preference for what I call you, or is Isabella fine?" He asked.

"Um... Bella," I stuttered. The teacher nodded and directed his attention back to teaching.

I kept my head down, looking at my desk. I didn't want to look up. I could hear the teacher talking in the background, but I didn't really listen. I just kept my eyes locked on the flat, wooden surface.

It was then that my ears landed on a conversation. It was coming from the two desks north east of mine.

"What do you think is up with her?" One nasal-sounding voice asked. It was clearly a girl.

"I don't know, but she seems weird. I bet she's like, depressed or something," Another voice answered. This one had a bitchy tone to it, but was high-pitched and girly. I knew I didn't want to get to know the owner of the voice.

"Yeah, and look at those clothes! I mean she either lives in a cardboard box or doesn't own a mirror," The first voice continued. I had a feeling she was trying to impress the owner of voice number two. I decided that I didn't want to know either of them.

The second voice laughed at this. The sound was piercing. It was filled with cruelty which was attempted to be hidden by the girly voice. I then decided it was time to face my fears. I wouldn't take their shit. Monday's were bad enough without being put down by two brain-dead bimbos. I lifted my head up from the desk and looked at the owners of the voices.

The owner of the first voice – the nasal-sounding one and the one closest to me – was glaring daggers. She had corn-silk, blonde hair and green, fishy eyes. She was slender and looked to be about 5'6'. I disliked her immediately. Her fishy eyes complimented her slimy personality.

The second girl made me catch my breath. It was her hair. It was long, swirling red hair that looked like wild-fire. To add to it she had intense, feline-like eyes. Her fierce appearance contrasted with her girly voice startled me. She was pretty – I had to admit that – but I didn't like her. She was also intimidating by the way she stuck out like a sore thumb.

Both girls stared at me with narrowing eyes. I stared back. I didn't want any trouble. I just wanted them to know that I wasn't going to pretend I couldn't hear them. It was more of a warning then anything. When I didn't look away they both broke into shrill laughter. Blood began rushing to my cheeks again but I _still_ wouldn't look away. It's a sign of cowardice. I wasn't a coward.

That made them back-track a bit.

"Lauren! Victoria!" I heard the teacher call. "Be quiet." The girls' – now dubbed Victoria and Lauren – laughter died down to muffled giggles. I turned my attention to the lesson at hand.

After a while I glanced at the clock. There was only ten minutes left in the lesson. I figured it would be okay to look around at my new class, so I did. Directly in front of me was a boy with black hair and medium build. I gave him a quick glance. He seemed normal and nice enough. However, as my eyes moved to the left, there were two people who caught my eye.

Their desks were moved noticeably closer to one-another and their hands were entwined together. The moment I noticed them was the moment I noticed that the room seemed to revolve around them. Was I so shallow that I had thought I was the centre of unwanted attention in the class today? Yes, but I was wrong. Like I said - new kids aren't that interesting. These people, however, were. The girl brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes, and the people around them released a breath. The boy looked to the window and the people near it tensed. Everyone's actions were synched with these two. But they didn't seem to notice. It was clear they loved each other by the way they looked at each other, by the way their hands were entwined and by the way they seemed relaxed next to one another. It seemed to them that they were the only people in the world. It was bliss.

The girl, closest to the boy in front of me, was beautiful; stunning really. Her cheeks were like cream and roses and she had blonde, wavy hair that hung down to the middle of her back. It was clear that she was tall and very slim, with a figure like a model. She had to be the most beautiful person I had seen. Her eyes were a odd colour – almost a violet – that held a continuous twinkle. No wonder people noticed her.

The boy next to her was equally as noticeable. But really, he couldn't be dubbed a boy – more a man. He was very tall, very big and very muscular, although he was certainly not over weight. His size was alarming. He was clearly strong, but his rounded, dimpled face and dark brown, curly hair gave him a childish appearance. It softened his presence and made him look less frightening. He was more like a big teddy-bear.

These two people intrigued me more than the others. The way they interacted together was calming.

I could have watched the actions of these two and the class around them for much longer. However, of course the bell rang, calling classes to a close. There was a rush of packing up and the class was soon empty. I was the last to leave, and I was not grateful for it. I was most likely going to be late again.

I glanced down at my timetable, trying to be inconspicuous. My next class was Design. I hurried off to the room, trying to avoid being late again. When I got there I walked up to the teacher's desk and gave her the same letter. I told her I preferred the name Bella and she assigned me to a seat in the back of the room.

The teacher was talking at the front of the class and she luckily didn't feel the need to introduce me. I zoned out again in this lesson, staring at the pad of paper I had on my desk and letting my pen-in-hand run over the paper freely. It was sort of away to clear my thoughts and get them in order. It pre-occupied me for a while.

About half of class passed by the time I decided to look up from my work. Directly in front of me I then spotted the familiar hair of the girl from Physics. Just looking at her made me self-conscious. I looked to the left of her and was surprised to find the boy from Physics was not there. Only, someone else was.

Next to the model-like girl – who I will now call _Blondie _(For easy reference, of course) – was another girl with deep black hair that was cropped short and spiky. She was very petite and short with a slim build. She had small, pixie-like features, although her eyes were large and hazel. It was also clear that she was graceful. Even the way she wrote in her book and talked to _Blondie_ was the pinnacle of poise. She reminded me of a pixie, so that is what I decided to call her, for easy reference once again. I would find out their names eventually.

_Pixie_ radiated happiness and energy to everyone near her. You couldn't help but smile at her easy joy. _Blondie _radiated something different. It was more threatening; maybe a sense of protectiveness and loyalty, like _Pixie_ was very important to her – A best friend.

These two girls chatted together, again unaware of the impact their actions had on people around them. Every time one of them giggled, the rest of the class smiled over-so-slightly. Each time _Pixie_ wrote in her book the people around her did the same.

But, no matter what they were like, I didn't get the vibe off them that I got off Lauren and Victoria. They didn't seem to crave the attention. They just seemed happy.

Most of the time.

When they weren't smiling there was something else in their body language. I tried to push that thought to the back of my mind though.

Soon enough the bell rang once more and students were released for morning break. I packed up and headed towards the courtyard, knowing full well that there was no cafeteria to sit in during break and lunch.

When I reached the courtyard people were strewn all around. There were a few groups of people sitting on the grass talking and some sitting on or hanging around picnic tables. I saw a groups of boys throwing a football to one-another.

I scanned the area and located an unused table under the shade of a tree. It was close to the far right corner. I walked slowly to it and sat down, pulling an apple out of my bag. I bit into it, only to spit out my bite immediately. It tasted disgusting. Something was most definitely off with it, but I didn't want to throw it away right then.

I groaned to myself and lay my head on my arms, bored. The day wasn't exactly going great, although it could have been worse. And as soon as that thought passed through my mind I spotted Lauren and Victoria standing in their little group, whispering to each other and laughing while eyeing me up. I sighed and rolled my eyes at the exact moment they noticed me staring. It wasn't a good action on my half, I must say, because then they decided it would be a good idea to come say 'hi'.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Lauren snapped in her nasally voice. Victoria, who was beside her, crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to look mean. What was up with these girls? Were they just looking for a fight? Did I have a sticker on my forehead that said talk to me? Do I look like I care? No. So fuck off.

I guess I must have zoned out because_ Snappy_ over there got a little impatient with me.

"Hey! I'm talking to you! Are you fucking retarded? Are you fucking dumb?" Lauren yelled at me. I hated her already, and I knew that I couldn't let her or Victoria walk all over me. If I did I would never survive in that school.

"Oh sorry, I didn't see you there," I shrugged.

Lauren smiled then, spitting more words filled with venom. "What? Are you fucking blind or something?"

They both laughed. I just shook my head, "Nope. I just don't take notice of things that aren't important to me."

They both stopped laughing. It made me crack a smile.

"Like anyone cares about you," Lauren countered with a satisfied grin. That only made me smile more.

"You're right. They don't. So, remind me, why are you here again?"

Lauren opened her mouth to speak. No words came out. I turned to Victoria with a raised eyebrow.

"Victoria?" I questioned. She didn't answer. She just narrowed her feline eyes at me. It made me crack a smile.

"Right. That's what I though. Now could you both please _leave_? I have better things to do than talk to you."

Victoria narrowed her eyes at me again, shooting daggers. Lauren just scoffed, tossing her hair back.

"You don't fucking _tell_ us what to do," Victoria snarled. I saw her hate, and silently cursed myself for putting my foot in my mouth. I was surprisingly good at that – screwing myself over.

"I didn't tell you what to do at all, _Victoria_," I corrected. "I merely _asked_ you to leave."

"No, you didn't," Lauren claimed, placing her hands on her hips. "You told us to, bitch. Now you're going to pay."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was, firstly, because of their utter stupidity, and secondly, because of how they tried to look tough but failed miserably.

I just rolled my eyes and pushed my apple further away from me, utterly bored as fuck.

"I actually said: 'Now could you both please _leave_?'. But of course, I wouldn't expect you to remember that, Lauren. You probably have the memory span of a goldfish. You sure look like one. And Victoria, are your eyes permanently narrowed or are you trying to look threatening? Because if it is the second choice then you are failing miserably."

I was being a bitch, but I also wasn't going to put up with their shit. I hadn't done anything to them. I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

Victoria took a menacing step forwards. I didn't flinch. I just sat happily in my seat, keeping my eyes locked on hers. It made her hesitate just a bit.

"You better watch your fucking mouth, Swan. You _don't _talk to us like that," She growled.

"And _you_ need to remove that shitty, caked on make-up from your face. It makes you look like a slutty clown. You also need to stop treating me like shit when I don't even know who the hell you are. Now go away."

Lauren was about to say something to support her friend. Victoria stopped her with a hand up.

"You better watch your back, bitch," She threatened. I just smiled. It pissed her off and so she swiped my apple off the table in one quick motion. It was in an attempt to get me back. It didn't work. That apple was rotten anyway, and I didn't flinch.

Victoria sized me up for a few more seconds before storming away. Lauren was quick to follow after flipping me the bird. I just did it right back to her. She didn't know what to do. Once they were gone I released my deep breath of relief and lay my head on my arms, settling down for the rest of morning break. I felt horrible, but I had no choice but to stand up for myself. I wasn't going to be bullied there too.

It wasn't a good start to the day because I had made _two_ enemies and not a single friend. It _was_ a good start to the day because I had stuck up for myself.

Then, when the bell rang, I quickly left the table and walked off to Literature, silently hoping they weren't in my class.

I entered Literature and went though the same routine with my teacher as Design. He didn't introduce me to the class and Victoria and Lauren weren't in it. I was feeling better already.

I sat in the middle of the row by the window. I was happy with the seat. Plus, I got the added benefit of being able to watch the happenings outside during boring lessons. What was even better was that the window over-looked the field where all the gym classes went. It would be entertaining.

When I took my seat people were still filing in. As I watched each person come through the doors my eyes landed on a familiar face. It was _Pixie_ from design. This lifted my mood a bit, and I didn't have the faintest idea why. It's not like I knew these people. For all I knew they could have been horrible snobs. But no matter what, they still fascinated me.

I wasn't surprised to see _Pixie_ towing another ridiculously beautiful person along behind her. This person was a male and stood at about 6'2'. His features were strong and angular. His eyes were emerald green and his hair was an unusual bronze shade, styled in casual, shaggy disarray. He had that got-trashed-at-a-party-last-night-but-made-it-to-school-after-five-cups-of-coffee look, but he pulled it off well. He had a slender build and it was obvious he was protective over _Pixie_. Even in the small space of time it took them to reach their desks he hovered over her, watching and waiting.

_Pixie _sat in front of me and the boy – who I now dub _Shaggy_ – sat next to her. I saw him shift his desk slightly so it angled towards her. They didn't notice me. I kind of hoped they would. I know that I sound whiney and spoilt, but I had already had enough negative attention for a day. I just wanted someone to send a well-meaning smile my way. I didn't need to be friends with any of them. I just wanted someone to show me they were nice.

As I watched them it was clear that they were together. The way they touched each other – even the simplest touch like a tap on the shoulder – held something more. It was like this with _Blondie _and... Well I haven't got a name for the big guy yet. How about... _Teddy_? Yeah, that fits. So anyway, it was obvious that these four people were close. I mean, _Shaggy_ and _Pixie_ clearly were, as were _Blondie _and _Teddy_, and _Pixie _and _Blondie_ seemed to be good friends in Design. I could only assume they were all one group of friends.

I had to laugh at myself then. I was wasting all my energy on deciphering the group dynamics of these four people who had not even looked my way the entire day. The school was affecting me. I wasn't normally like that.

The rest of Literature passed slowly. I was very bored and definitely not looking forward to lunch. The possibility of another confrontation with Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber did not appeal to me in the least.

When that damn bell chimed out its routine of three, long rings, the class slowly thinned out. I didn't see _Pixie _and _Shaggy_ leave. I was too busy picking up my books that I had brilliantly dropped on the floor. When I was bending down to pick them up a helpful hand snatched my worn copy of Wuthering Heights. I stood up quickly, cradling the rest of my books, and frowned at the boy smiling down at me.

The boy standing in front of me was blond with pale blue eyes and a baby face. He was beaming at me and that took me back a bit.

"Hi, I'm Mike Newton," He said.

"Um... hi..." I replied. "I'm Bella Swan."

"Hi Bella, nice to meet you," He smiled. "Here's your book you dropped." He added, placing Wuthering Heights on top of my other books.

"Oh, thanks," I replied hesitantly.

I turned back to my desk and put the books back in my bag. Suddenly Mike was in front of me.

"You need any help there?" He asked. It shocked me a bit. He was in my personal bubble and I didn't like it. He was too enthusiastic and happy. It immediately raised my guard walls.

But then I mentally slapped myself in the head. He was the first person to be nice to me at the school and I appreciated it. I was going to be nice to him too.

"Oh no," I said, smiling in an attempt to be nice. "I'm fine."

Mike nodded and put his hands in his pockets. I knew he wasn't going to leave. He was just searching for a topic of discussion.

"So, you're the new girl. Where are you from?"

"Forks, Washington," I replied quickly as I started towards the door.

"Cool, cool," He said, nodding. "Forks, huh? Interesting name."

I just nodded in reply and kept walking towards the door. I wanted to get away from the tension but Mike was quick to follow.

"So, you want to sit with my friends and me at lunch?" He asked as he caught up with me.

I looked up to meet his eager eyes. I immediately shied away. I agreed to be nice, but I didn't want to make friends with anyone.

"Um... I would, but I have lots of homework to do. Maybe another time?" I excused myself.

Mike's face dropped a bit, but then he smiled when I said 'maybe another time'.

"Yeah, definitely. It was nice meeting you Bella," He said before walking away. I nodded and turned towards my still vacant table from morning break.

I felt kind of bad for turning down Mike, but when I looked to his table I saw he was talking and laughing with his friends. My worries soon evaporated.

During this quick glance I noticed a table in the middle of the courtyard that was unused at break, which was now filled. And it was not just filled with any old people. I recognised _Blondie_, _Teddy_, _Shaggy_ and _Pixie_ all seated around it. _Blondie_ was sitting on _Teddy's _knee, while _Pixie _leaned against _Shaggy_, his arms around her. They were all talking and laughing together, not noticing the outside world.

I sighed to myself and rustled around in my bag for my sandwich. I eventually found it and placed it on the table, un-wrapping it slowly.

As I ate I noticed again how everyone interacted around this group. They were clearly not the stereotypical 'popular' kids. No, those kids were to the left of this group, laughing loudly. But they definitely held some sort of power. Maybe they were well respected. Maybe they were generally liked. Or maybe they were even generally hated. Whatever it was, they didn't seem to notice.

After a few minutes their attention diverted to something near the office building, behind me and to the right. All four of their faces turned up to look at whatever it was. I saw _Teddy_ smile widely and say something to _Shaggy_ while _Blondie_ rolled her eyes and _Pixie _giggled.

I then decided it was time to go with the sheep and turn around to see what it was. When I did my heart nearly stopped. It was _Eyes_ again. I couldn't believe it. I literally felt like my chest was going to explode. Blood rushed to my cheeks. I felt nervous, embarrassed, surprised and completely happy all at once. I mean, the fact he probably attended the local high school faintly registered in my brain the night before, but I never _fully_ took the time to notice. When I saw him in that moment it all came crashing down, and I couldn't help the goofy smile that spread.

But when it registered to me that I probably looked like an idiot staring at him like that I quickly reigned in the grin.

Why I was so obsessed with the group and _Eyes_ I had no idea. They were just interesting people - kind of magnetic, in an odd way.

I watched as _Eyes_ scanned the area and I silently thanked the heavens that I was under the shade of the tree where he would not see me. I was sure if he saw me my heart would explode.

For some reason I felt drawn to him. There was something about him. There was something behind those sky blue eyes that I wanted to uncover. It was weird and out of character, but it was true. The sensible part of my brain put it all down to teenage hormones. The irresponsible side didn't give a shit. When I looked at him, I was lost for words. And that was a strange thing for me – I always had something to say, which often resulted in me putting my foot in my mouth. It wasn't his appearance that tied my tongue. It was something else.

_Eyes_ sat down at the table next to _Blondie _and _Teddy_. _Blondie_ scooted off _Teddy's _lap to sit next to _Pixie_ and _Teddy_ put his arm around her. They interacted together like a perfectly oiled machine, each one a little cog that kept the group working perfectly. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if one of those cogs broke.

_Teddy_ leant closer to _Eyes _and said something to him with a huge grin on his face. _Eyes_ smiled and shook his head, replying to his giant friend. _Blondie, Pixie _and _Shaggy_ laughed quietly. _Teddy _playfully punched _Eyes' _shoulder and hugged _Blondie_ tighter. _Blondie_ buried her head further into his chest and _Teddy_ kissed her forehead. Their bond made my heart melt.

I moved my attention to _Pixie _and _Shaggy_. _Pixie_ had turned around slightly in her seat and was looking up at _Shaggy_, who had his eyes on her. He was holding her hand on the table, playing with her tiny fingers. She looked up at him in wonder. They were talking quietly to one-another. I watched as _Shaggy_ lifted _Pixie's_ small hand up to his lips and kissed it. _Pixie_ ducked her head and smiled. I had to look away then. That was their special moment.

I scanned the rest of the group slowly. _Teddy_ and _Blondie_ were talking together and laughing. _Eyes_ was watching something in my direction. Our eyes met for a split second. This observation took me a while to register. I carried on looking around the courtyard, scanning each singular group, hoping _Eyes_ hadn't noticed me noticing him. Nevertheless, I could feel that spotlight come back. I felt exposed. But, even though the last thing I wanted was attention, his spotlight warmed me. I felt comfortable. I knew it was only his eyes watching me.

I took a deep breath and turned back, meeting him. His concentration did not falter, and neither did mine. When he looked at me it didn't feel like it had when I was watched during my entrance into physics. He wasn't judging every move I made and every piece of clothing I wore. I didn't stiffen because it didn't feel judged. He wasn't condemning me from face value.

We didn't look away from each other. It was like the previous night. I faintly recognised _Teddy_ and _Shaggy_ joking around next to him, holding their girl friends, while _Blondie_ and _Pixie_ whispered together. _Eyes_ didn't pay any attention to them.

I looked away when I saw a movement in the corner of my eye. I didn't want to, but the familiar flash of red hair had me groaning. I looked up to see Dumb and Dumber strutting over to me, followed by a posy of the town's finest town bicycles. Okay, maybe that was a bit mean. I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. It's just these books looked like they had been checked out. A lot.

I quickly glanced over to _Eyes._ He was still watching, but was frowning now. He had seen their approach. He looked over to _Teddy_ and whispered something to him. _Teddy _whispered something back and laughed. He then looked back towards me. I moved my focus back to my visitors.

It was just as a loud bang erupted from the table. I looked up to see Victoria and Lauren standing opposite me, Victoria's hands planted on the hard wood. I sighed, not in the mood to talk to them.

Victoria narrowed her eyes at me and I smiled. Letting them get to me was not an option.

"What are you doing?" Victoria spat at me. Her voice had turned cruel – crueller than before.

I shrugged and took a bite of my sandwich. "Just eating," I said casually.

"No. What are you doing _here_?" Lauren chirped in, her voice sounding like nails scratching over a chalk board._ What was I doing here? Uh... It's school._

"Like I said, just eating," I replied, placing my sandwich down and smiling.

"What a _pig_," I heard one of the drones behind them mumble. I smiled to myself then. It was amusing.

"Excuse me?" I asked, looking past Victoria's stiff posture.

When I said this, a short blond girl who looked like she had eaten a few too many burgers stepped around Victoria and folded her arms over her chest, glaring at me. I laughed to myself at this.

"I said, 'What a pig'," She snarled at me.

I let out a small laugh and smiled at her. This would be fun.

"I appreciate your professional opinion on the subject of my eating habits. Kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?" I asked, looking her over. A few dramatic gasps emerged from the rest of the drones. I was impressed that they had caught on to what I was inferring.

The girls smirk wiped off her face and she scrunched up her nose, glaring at me. There went another foot into my mouth. I wasn't getting along well in that school.

"Are you calling me _fat_!" She snapped at me. I thought her ears were going to start pouring steam like you see in those cartoons. She looked like she was going to pop.

I turned to Victoria then and smiled. "Wow, what intelligent friends you have," I commented. Victoria glared daggers at me. I just laughed. I turned back to the blonde girl then. "I'm glad you caught on so fast."

The girl looked like she was going to explode at that moment. She was about to speak again, but I just couldn't hold myself back. It was bitchy, but I wasn't going to stand around while I was trampled on.

"But, one favour, please. You see, I have a tendency to fall over and hurt myself. So if you stay close to me my body can search out the closest soft surface and stop my fall. Judging by the size of your ass, you will be perfect."

I mentally slapped myself again. I wasn't settling in well.

The girl took a step forward but Lauren elbowed her in the ribs.

"She's not worth it," She hissed. "You'll get suspended _again_."

The girl glared at me and backed away into the group of drones.

"Anything else you want?" I asked in a sugar sweet voice.

Victoria opened her mouth to speak but suddenly a short little girl with dark hair appeared next to the table with a blond girl beside her. It was _Pixie _and _Blondie_.

"Hey Victoria," _Pixie_ sang in a lovable voice.

Victoria's face softened immediately and then became worried.

"Hi-i Alice," She stuttered, "Hi-i Rosalie."

I smiled then, but not for the obvious reasons. I was just happy to find out their names.

"Hi," Alice sang. "Now, I think its best that you go off to class and stop bothering Bella, don't you? I'm sure that you don't want people knowing about that little job you got done over summer, and they will if you don't skedaddle." She said, smiling and tapping her nose. I smiled at this. Alice was officially my idol.

Victoria's eyes grew wide and she turned to leave after sending me another death glare. Lauren and the drones quickly followed. I was suppressing my laughter at this show. For such a little girl, that Alice held a lot of power.

Alice turned to me then, smirking with amusement. "Well you certainly have a fan base at this school already, don't cha?"

I blushed, trying to hold back a smile. "Sorry," I mumbled. "Thanks for the help."

They both smiled then, sharing a quick glance and nod. Rosalie turned to me then. "Don't be sorry. Just watch your back. Those girls are nasty pieces of work. But don't fret. Victoria's all talk and no action."

I nodded again. "Thanks."

"Well, see you around then," Alice popped. She then smiled brightly and skipped off to their table with Rosalie.

I looked over to see _Shaggy _and _Teddy_ in fits of laughter and _Eyes_ was looking my way, trying to repress his laughter too. I felt my cheeks flood with blood and I let my hair cover my face.

I couldn't look at their table until I had calmed myself. Why Victoria and Lauren had decided that they didn't like me from the beginning I had no idea. But honestly, I wasn't missing much.

Eventually I pulled out my books and started on my pile of homework. It would lessen the work load for when I got home and I didn't dare look over the Eyes' table to see what was happening over there. I knew he was watching me, but I was still embarrassed.

The bell rang a few minutes later and I bundled up my half eaten sandwich and bag, throwing the food in the bin as I looked at my map. Next I had Media Studies.

I kept my head down as I walked into the room. I handed the letter to the teacher and went through the normal routine. I was assigned a seat in the second to back row near the wall.

I walked over to my seat, stuffing my timetable back into my bag. I was a few feet away when I looked up. The person I saw in the seat behind took my breath away, like so many times before. _Eyes_ had his head down and was drawing on his note pad. I breathed in deeply and kept walking, keeping myself calm. If I had any luck, he wouldn't look up at me. I wanted to avoid that awkward exchange.

I had just put my bag on my desk when he looked up. I cursed under my breath, wishing I could have just sat down without being noticed and have avoided the embarrassment.

He met me with a dazzling smile that could stop anyone in their tracks. The spotlight was back, and brighter than ever. He was so close.

"Hi," _Eyes _greeted me. His voice made my heart falter. I cursed my stupid hormones. His voice was smooth and charming and southern – I felt as though I could drown in it. I tried to smile back, but it came out crooked.

"Hi-i," I stuttered out, trying to take a step forward to get into my seat but failing miserably. I fell forwards, but luckily my hands landed on a hard surface and I caught myself before I landed face first. Sadly that hard surface was his desk.

My hair had fallen around my face during the little trip and I could feel blood pooling in my cheeks. I gathered my balance and peered through my hair up to him.

"Sorry," I mumbled, pushing myself off his desk.

_Eyes_ was frowning. My cheeks flamed brighter.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concerned.

I nodded faintly and slid into my chair. I sunk as low as I could and let my hair fall around my face. My cheeks were still burning. At that moment I wished a trap door would open up below me, letting me fall in. I hadn't avoided the awkward exchange. I probably would have if I didn't have two left feet.

I zoned out for the rest of the lesson but was still acutely aware to his eyes on my back. I couldn't bring myself to turn around. I don't know why I honoured myself so much to think he was _actually _watching me, but it sure felt like it. Why would a guy like that even notice a girl like me? I bet it was just my imagination. How could I tell if he was watching me? I couldn't, but I thought I could.

I didn't find out his name during class. When the teacher called the roll I was too busy drowning in my own idiocy to listen.

When the bell rang I was one of the first to get out of class. I didn't want to face _Eyes_ again. I pulled out my map and located my next class. I had Study Hall next. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was a class I could relax in. There no pressure to listen to the teacher and no homework.

I got into study soon enough and chose a desk at the back. I didn't take any notice of the people in the class. It was a few minutes before I felt the spotlight around me again. I shivered slightly at this thought and shook my head. My imagination was running wild. I was starting to believe I needed an intervention.

Just when I had fully decided I _was _going crazy, a familiar voice told me I might be wrong. I had heard the voice say only four words, but I knew it, and it was in the same room as me. I looked up to see all of them walking in. There was Alice and Rosalie, linking arms, dancing in front of the boys to their desks. Then came _Teddy_ and _Shaggy_, joking around together. _Eyes _was walking next to them, his hands in his pockets, smiling at me. I ducked my head quickly when I noticed this. I was still embarrassed as hell from my accident in Media Studies.

I looked back up after a few seconds and they were in their seats. _Eyes_ was talking and joking around with the rest of them. I wanted to know what they were talking about.

I kept looking at them until the scraping of chairs on the lino floor in front of me woke me up. I looked up to see two girls taking the seats in the next row forwards. The girl directly in front of me turned around and smiled. She was quite short and had wild, curly, dark brown hair with blue eyes. She was pretty, I had to admit. Next to her was a very tall girl. She had light brown hair with streaks of honey and gentle, light brown eyes.

The shorter girl kept smiling as she addressed me. "Hey. I'm Jessica. This is Angela," She said in a happy voice. The girl next to her – called Angela – turned around and smiled.

"Hi," I said quietly. "I'm Bella".

"So, are you new? I haven't seen you around before," Jessica asked, still smiling. I nodded simply, bowing my head a bit.

"Where are you from?" Jessica continued.

"Forks, Washington," I replied.

"That's cool," Jessica said with a nod. "So, how do you like it here so far?"

"It's... good," I managed to say. I didn't want to go into detail of _exactly _what I thought. I still wasn't sure myself, to be honest. _Eyes_ had shaken my thoughts up a bit.

Angela smiled to me and Jessica nodded. "Made any new friends? I saw you had a bit of a confrontation with Victoria and Lauren at lunch," Jessica said, laughing slightly.

"Um... no... no friends... but I have made a few enemies, as you saw," I said, smiling slightly yet awkwardly.

Jessica laughed at this. "Don't worry about them. They are always like that. No-one around here likes them. Victoria is a slut. Lauren is like her lapdog. The rest follow suit," She encouraged.

"I kind of figured that. They seemed that way," I agreed. I wasn't good with strangers, but these girls were nice and I wanted to return the favour.

It was then that Angela spoke.

"Hey Jess, remember we have to go do our Art work," She reminded quietly.

Jessica gasped a little and turned to Angela.

"Oh shoot! That's right. We better go. See you around, Bella," Jessica called, spinning around on her heels.

"Bye," I replied quietly. I looked at Angela and she smiled.

"Nice to meet you," She said in a sweet, quiet voice before following her friend out.

I sighed and bowed my head again, not really sure what to do. I had finished all my homework at lunch.

I waited for a few seconds and then mustered enough courage to look over to the group again. When I did my eyes met his once again. He was smiling my way, as though he had been watching me the whole time. He looked away from me and turned to Alice then, laughing at something she had said. The ease with which they all got along never ceased to amaze me. The evidence of their strong friendship made my heart ache. I missed Jake.

I watched them for a few minutes longer and then looked away. It was rude to stare all the time. It was just that they were so intriguing.

It wasn't till half an hour later that I looked back over to them. I met his eyes again. The feeling of being watched by him was starting to feel like a second skin. It was electrifying. My heart pumped faster, the obvious consequence of my cursed teenage hormones. His eyes were penetrating and homely. Why I had spent basically all my time that day thinking of that boy, I had no idea. It was pathetic really. I shouldn't have obsessed over a boy. But I suppose that's what happens when you get your first crush.

But I wasn't even sure if it _was_ a crush. I couldn't really pinpoint exactly _what _it was. It was more of a pull – a continuous, dull tugging. It was a need. And that was just crazy.

I ducked my head after a few minutes and started scribbling on my page. I looked towards the group after a few moments through the corner of my eye, and, the moment I did so, _Eyes_ looked away. He started chatting with his friends. I watched them as they were intent in conversation, and then, suddenly erupted into laughter.

The bell rang soon after that and I packed up my things. I was one of the first out the door. I started heading towards the front gate, wanting to get home quickly.

It was still cold outside during my walk home. The chilly air still stung my skin and I pulled my hood up over my head for extra warmth.

On the trip home I found myself occasionally scanning the area for any sign of _Eyes_. I figured, as he lived next door to me, he might take the same route back. But, then again, he probably had a social life which gave him better things to do after school then look after his baby sister. I didn't, which meant I had to baby sit.

I didn't purposely mean to search for him. I suppose it's just that my mind – being so caught up with him and all – felt the need to see him again. It was silly, really.

I got home soon enough and welcomed the warm air of the indoors. I found Renesmee in the living room, watching another video. I decided to lean against the door frame, watching her until she noticed me. She seemed to have a sixth sense of knowing when I was in the room and would realise soon enough.

As expected, just like clock-work, she swivelled around on her seat and beamed her smile at me.

"Bella!" She Squealed. "You're home!"

She slid off the couch and waddled over to where I was standing, her arms spread out and reaching towards me. When she got to me I picked her up and rested her weight on my hip.

"And how was your day, little missy?" I asked, tapping her nose.

Renesmee giggled and brushed where I had tapped. "Boring," She chimed, smiling at me.

I smiled at her and started heading towards the kitchen. "Well, are you hungry?" Renesmee nodded furiously.

"How about some fruit?" I asked her. Renesmee nodded and clapped he hands together. I smiled and grabbed everything I needed. I cut an apple up into little cubes for her and put them into a bowl.

"One for you," I said, handing her the bowl, "and one for me," I said, taking my own apple from the fridge. "Now, would you like some... orange juice?" I asked her whilst rummaging in the fridge.

Renesmee squealed and smiled.

"I will take that as a yes," I said.

After we had finished our snacks I took Renesmee up to her room. On the way up I noticed the absence of the rest of our family.

"Renesmee, where's Mom?" I asked as I walked up the stairs. Renesmee just shrugged her shoulders. I frowned slightly and carried on.

We reached Renesmee's room soon enough and I placed her on the ground.

"Okay, grab a few toys and then you can come play in my room while I do some more unpacking," I told her. Renesmee obeyed and picked up her Barbie and Ken dolls.

"Do you want me to grab the car for you?" I asked, knowing her tiny hands were too full. She nodded happily and I gathered all the toys. We then went into my room and settled in.

At about 7:30pm I heard a loud banging downstairs. I knew Renee and Charlie were home. I had just put Renesmee to bed and luckily she could sleep through anything. I could hear from upstairs that they were fighting. It didn't sound pretty. I could hear the crashing. I knew I had to stay out of it. I was still angry at Mom for leaving Renesmee home alone. I figured I would have to find her a day care centre, and soon. That wasn't the reason I avoided the confrontation though.

I put up with the yelling for about twenty minutes, but then decided I needed some air. I grabbed my iPod, slippers and a jacket and went outside to sit on the porch.

It was relaxing out there, not doing anything. The air was cold from the rain that had just ceased. The street lamps shone in the puddles, reflecting the light in all directions. In the occasional spot, where the light hit the water just right, a small rainbow would show in the ripples. The stars were bright and stunning. It was just so peaceful outside. The fresh air was invigorating.

It was a few minutes until I heard a noise. A familiar banging of a door to my left interrupted the peace. I had an idea what the noise was, and surely enough, when I looked over to the next house, I was right.

_Eyes_ was there, walking quietly over his porch. He came to the edge and sat down on the steps, resting his head in his hands. I watched him again, the scene looking utterly peaceful. The small amounts of light coming from the moon and the dull street lamps highlighted only parts of the surroundings. The white porch steps let off a subtle glow, but were touched with grey.

I watched as his chest expanded and shrunk from his breathing, so peaceful. I wondered whether he came out there every day. I knew I would.

A few minutes had passed before he looked at me. His eyes met mine without interruption. Their warm glow felt like a soft blanket. I was used to it by then. He watched me and I watched him. A smile soon began to form on his lips, and the spotlight brightened. I felt like I was trapped in a pure white room and I was the only thing with any colour. I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I loved sitting out on those porch steps with him. There was some sort of unspoken understanding between us. It was a relief and an escape from the world behind closed doors. Well, at least for me it was.

We stayed like this for a long time. It seemed like neither of us felt the need to look away. We didn't want to either. But soon I started to feel cool droplets of water on my skin. It didn't bother me at first. It didn't seem to bother him either. All of a sudden the familiar sound of a heavy downpour on the roof drenched us through. I didn't know where those clouds had come from. It caught me completely off guard. I noticed the feeling of cold, wet clothes on my skin. I looked up to the sky and my face was washed with water. I looked back to _Eyes_ and he was smiling for some odd reason, his eyes telling me what I needed to know. We both needed to get out of the downpour. We would see each other the next day anyway.

I smiled back and we both ran inside our houses.

I closed the door behind me and pressed against it, sliding to the floor and releasing all my tension. I didn't like the rain because it made us part, but I loved it because we both understood that it ultimately led to happiness. We just had to embrace it. There was some sort of thrill in it.

I then heard my Dad's booming voice coming from the kitchen and I darted upstairs, doing anything to avoid him killing my buzz of seeing _Eyes_.

I got ready for bed and soon fell asleep, curling up warm and safe in the covers. It was the best night's sleep I had had in a long time. I dreamt.


	5. Chapter 4

**Let Go  
**Chapter 4

###

_Befriending_

###

The rest of that week dragged on. Nothing happened really. I saw _Eyes_ every chance I got. He watched me sometimes, too. I didn't find out the rest of the groups names and was too nervous to ask. On Wednesday Victoria and Lauren approached me again, but I quickly shot them down, reminding them that this was not second grade, and names such as 'Loner' and 'Bitchy Bella' had no effect on me.

I talked to Mike a few times on Thursday and Friday, but the conversations were always very short. I liked sitting alone. If I sat with other people, they would talk to me, which meant distracting me away from _Eyes_.

Speaking of _Eyes_, we swapped no more words. When I would come to sit down in Media Studies, he would smile politely, but never speak. I think he was worried that I would trip again and this time not be so lucky to catch myself.

But, on the plus side, every night at the same time he would come out to the porch to sit there silently together. It was a special time that I treasured and a routine that I needed to keep. When his beautiful eyes stared into mine I felt like I was home. I don't know why. I just needed to be where he was. I needed to see him, and I needed him to see me.

The weekend passed slowly. Mum and Dad fought, the day care centre said they couldn't take Renesmee till a week from Monday, and I couldn't get hold of Jake.

It wasn't until that following Friday that anything memorable actually happened.

That day I managed to, brilliantly, sleep right through my alarm. I woke up at 8'o'clock, with half an hour to get dressed and walk to school. So I guess you could say I was a teeny bit rushed. I had a, literal, two second shower, tossed on the closest clean clothes I could find, grabbed my things and raced out the door. I quickly got Renesmee ready, plonked her in front of the TV and set her food in front of her. I then swiped an apple from the fruit bowl and dashed out the door, running the whole way to school.

Sadly, I was ten minutes late for class, which meant getting a detention. I groaned, but then shrugged it off. It's not like I had anything else to do at lunch, although the fact that I wouldn't see _Eyes _was disappointing.

I walked up the aisle to my desk quickly and I could hear Victoria and Lauren snickering in their seats. I just rolled my eyes. Did I look like I cared what they had to say?

Well, apparently listening to them would have been helpful. Turns out they were laughing because Lauren had decided it would be funny to stick her foot out into the aisle, letting me trip over it and land face first on the hard ground. Oh, and guess what? That's exactly what I did.

In my haste I didn't notice the obstacle in my way. My foot collided with it, causing me to, naturally, loose my balance. I landed on the ground with a crash, my bag smacking the boy who sits in front of me on the way down. Lauren and Victoria erupted into laughter the second it registered with them. I heard the teacher groan behind made it worse.

The entire class was in fits of giggles. I could hear _Teddy's_ booming voice above the rest. He seemed to have enjoyed the show. Victoria gave Lauren a small high-five under the desk and Lauren scoffed at me.

"Jeez Isabella, you should watch where you are going," She scolded, smiling to herself. Victoria's laughter just increased.

I blushed, glancing at them with a look of hate, stood up and brushed myself off. I looked around the room to find Rosalie and _Teddy_ looking directly at me. Rosalie was frowning slightly, and then looked towards Lauren and Victoria, glaring at them. It silenced them quickly. _Teddy_, however, was still laughing.

"Have a good trip?" He asked me when I looked at him. My cheeks burned and I bowed my head, making him laugh harder. I saw Rosalie hit his arm in the corner of my eye. He just made a pouty face.

"Okay, that's enough." The teacher ordered, silencing the class. "Emmett, please, you know better. Lauren, speak to me after class."

I cracked a smile then. Another name was uncovered _and _Lauren got her just desserts.

I took my seat quickly, sinking as low as I could. I let my hair fall around my face and leant my forehead in my hand. I knew the blush of my cheeks would not go away for a few minutes.

The teacher talked for about another twenty minutes and then set everyone on some tasks on a worksheet. The sounds of conversation soon filled the room. I could pick out Dumb and Dumber's voices above the rest, insulting me once again. I didn't care. I let my mind wander to thoughts of _Eyes_ and decided it was about time to find out his real name.

Soon a bang on my desk interrupted me. I looked up cautiously to see Rosalie – who was now straddling the back of her seat – looking at me. I looked next to her and saw Emmett turned around too.

"You took quite a fall there," She commented, smiling at me. I nodded wearily, readying myself for another onslaught of jokes.

"You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" She asked in a more caring voice. I looked up then, surprised and ashamed at myself for thinking she wanted to tease me.

"No. I'm fine, thanks," I replied quietly. Rosalie smiled at me and then turned to Emmett, frowning slightly and trying to look angry. He looked at her too and smiled brilliantly. Her angry facade cracked easily and she giggled.

"He is sorry for his... comment too," She said, elbowing Emmett playfully. He elbowed her softly back and then turned to me.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to embarrass you," He apologised.

I couldn't help but smile back. "Oh, that's okay. No worries."

Emmett smiled to me and then looked at Rosalie. She met his eyes, smiling back. They shared a little private conversation. Rosalie then turned back to me.

"I'm Rosalie. This big moron here," she began, punching his shoulder playfully, "is Emmett."

I nodded again. "I'm Bella."

"Well, welcome to Texas, Bella," Emmett send, sending a dimpled smile.

Then we were interrupted.

"Emmett, Rosalie, Bella," The teacher called, "get on with your work".

Emmett swivelled around. "Yes, sir," He nodded before turning around to wink at Rosalie and me. Rosalie giggled and then smiled at me, shrugging her shoulders and rolling her eyes. I smiled back and she spun round in her seat.

Class passed slowly after that. I watched Rosalie and Emmett whispering between one-another a few times, and I suffered through having to hear Victoria and Lauren's pointless chatter.

The bell rang eventually and I started packing up. All of a sudden Rosalie and Emmett were in front of my desk. I looked up to them and smiled curiously.

"Uh... Hi..." I greeted, not really sure what they wanted.

"Hi," Emmett chirped. Rosalie smiled at me.

"Would you like to sit with us at lunch?" She asked immediately.

I could feel a lump in my throat. These people – the people who I had spent all my time at school so far wondering about – the people who were friends with _Eyes_ – were asking _me_ to sit with them. I couldn't speak, because I knew the answer I had to give.

But then it hit me – it was the answer I wanted to give. No matter how nice these people were, I couldn't hang out with them. They were all beautiful people, and I wasn't. They held so much power and respect in the school, and I never could. They seemed to be at total peace in the attention they got. It didn't bother them, but it would always bother me. I didn't fit in with them.

No matter how much I admired these people, I couldn't be one of them. I also knew that I couldn't give them the friendship they deserved.

I know it sounds horrible – people who are perfectly nice were asking me to sit with them. They were going out of their way to befriend the unfriendly new girl. I didn't deserve their kindness, and probably, if I wasn't so selfish, I would have said yes. It's just I was happy being alone. It meant that I wouldn't get attached to anyone and have my heart ripped in two when they let me down. It was bound to happen. It always did. It is just human nature. It was nothing against the people who were in front of me.

"Sorry," I said quietly, holding up my detention slip. Rosalie smiled apologetically and Emmett laughed.

"Oh shoot, I forgot. Sorry," She said. "What about another time then?"

I smiled in thanks. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Cool. See you in design then," She replied, waving and pulling Emmett behind her.

I breathed in deeply and kept my head down, continuing to pack up.

I arrived in design and saw Rosalie in an intent conversation with Alice. I ducked my head quickly and headed for my seat. As I passed Rosalie's desk a voice spoke to me.

"Don't trip again," It said jokingly. I looked up to see Rosalie and Alice smiling at me. I returned the gesture.

Suddenly Alice stuck out her tiny hand towards me. "Hi. I'm Alice."

I took her hand nervously. She shook mine vigorously. She had too much energy, like a Pixie on speed.

"Hi. I'm Bella," I greeted in return.

"I know," She said, still shaking my hand.

"Um... great..." I replied hesitantly, glancing down at my hand still being held captive. "Uh... Can I have my hand back please?

Alice stopped shaking it and giggled, looking down to Rosalie.

"Oh, sorry," She said quickly. "I forgot."

Rosalie laughed. "Sorry Bella. Don't let Alice scare you. She's just absurdly energetic."

I just smiled. I would have spoken, but Alice bet me to the punch.

"Oh, don't worry Rose. I just know Bella and I are going to be the best of friends."

Rosalie's eyes widened, but she just smiled. "What, are your spidey-senses tingling again, Ally?" She joked.

Alice smiled jokingly back and plonked herself down on her chair, folding her arms and turning away. Rosalie laughed and shook her head.

"Excuse her," She said politely.

"It's okay. At least she's never boring," I encouraged, completely at a loss at what to do, but feeling some sort of comfort. I was starting to like them. Their close friendship reminded me of Jake.

"Damn right I'm not boring," Alice chirped from her seat.

"Girls, please take your seats," The teacher instructed from the front of the classroom. We did.

Class ended and everyone left for break. I went to my usual table. _Eyes_ eventually came out to his table. A few minutes later his eyes landed on me, and so did that spotlight. After nearly two weeks, I felt I knew every inch of it. I knew how it felt when either of us was angry or laughing or even just purely at peace. We shared only two things in this world; that spotlight and those few minutes on the porch each night. Apart from that, we were in separate worlds.

It was about half way through break when he looked away from me and started talking to his friends. I sighed and folded my arms on the table, laying my head in them. The day seemed like it would drag on forever, and the idea of a lunchtime in detention did not appeal to me.

I eventually looked up and back over to their table. I was not met by my spotlight. However, I was met by something else. Alice was looking straight at me, beaming. I smiled weakly back and she waved her hand rapidly. Rosalie then glanced over to her and laughed, before turning back and kissing Emmett on the cheek. Her action then caught the attention of _Eyes_, who looked over at Alice, then me, then Alice, then me again, before he laughed and bowed his head. Alice continued to beam her smile at me and I lay my head in my arms once again, groaning, and realising how idiotic it was to have rejected a lunchtime invitation but not have taken a break time one.

The bell went eventually. I stood up from the table and was picking up my bag when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I spun around to see Alice standing there, her hands behind her back, smiling, while _Shaggy_ had his arm around her shoulder. I smiled at them politely, feeling the blood start to rush to my cheeks.

"Hi," Alice chirped. "Are you coming to Literature?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah..."

"Great," Alice sang, grabbing my hand and towing me with her. "This is Edward. Want to walk with us to class?" She asked, already towing me along with her.

"Do I have a choice?" I mumbled from behind. Alice didn't hear me. She was too busy dancing her way to class, dragging me along behind while I stumbled over my feet.

"Not really," Edward chuckled from next to me.

"Is she always like this?"

"Pretty much."

"Wow," I mused. "I wonder what she puts on her cereal each morning."

"You don't want to know," He answered jokingly. I started to blush, realising I had just spoken my thoughts.

"Actually," Alice chirped from in front as we closed in on the class room, "I don't eat cereal."

Edward and I just laughed.

We entered the classroom that was already full. The teacher was speaking at the front of the class, already having started the lesson. I started worrying about another oncoming detention.

Turns out I had no need to worry. Alice just strolled in, still holding my hand, and we sat down at our desks. The teacher looked at us but said nothing.

"Sorry we're late," Alice sighed from her seat. The teacher nodded and carried on with his lecture, as if nothing was wrong.

Eventually the teacher stopped talking and Alice turned around in her chair to face me.

"Hi," She greeted, tilting her head slightly. Okay, then I started getting a little annoyed with the girl. Her bundles of energy were so draining.

"Hi," I replied.

"You should come hang out with us at lunch," She stated, matter-of-factly.

"Um... I have a detention."

"Oh that doesn't mean anything." She said. "They don't care of you don't go. Come sit with us."

At that moment I pretty much concluded the girl was nuts. I wasn't going to skip detention when I was so new. I did not want to get on anyone else's bad sides.

"Um... I would rather not," I said. "I don't want to get on anyone's bad sides since I'm so new".

Alice pouted but then nodded. "Fine," she grumbled, "but you are going to sit with us sometime."

I just nodded in agreement, flattered and slightly annoyed by her attentions, and lay my head on the desk, wondering if the girl would ever give up.

Class finally finished and I started packing up, getting ready to go to detention. A familiar voice then came from in front of me.

"You should give me your number," It said. _Alice..._

I looked up to her and she was smiling, holding her phone out to me.

"Um... yeah... sure," I nodded, slightly startled from how up-front she was. I took her phone and typed in my number.

"Cool," She said, smiling. "I'll text you". I nodded and she pranced out the door. I didn't bother telling her that I never check my phone.

I trudged off to detention then. When I arrived there were only a few people there. They seemed pretty familiar to the goings on of detention. I walked up to the teacher and handed him the slip before taking a seat as far away from the others as possible.

Detention passed slowly and I missed my spotlight. But luckily it soon ended and I was off to Media Studies, and at Media Studies, was _Eyes_.

As soon as I entered the room I was enveloped by my spotlight. I suddenly felt warm and comfortable again. It was right. Another thing that was good about knowing my spotlight was knowing when to keep my head down and avoid eye contact. This is because eye contact led to me being distracted, which of course led to an accident.

I sat down at my seat with my spotlight still around me. The teacher soon started talking and I settled in for the lesson.

Ten minutes later my attention was caught again when the teacher said something which attracted my attention.

"Okay, now I am going to give you an assignment to do with a partner. It will be due not next Monday, but the Monday after. That gives you two weekends to do it. It will be for you and your partner to create an advertisement for television of any product you like. _But_ along with this you must write an essay on why you did everything you did. Include your target audience, when the advertisement will show and all that. Include everything you have learnt. Now, partners will be picked randomly, so could I have each of the boys, one at a time, come and take a girl's name from the hat? And yes, this is a mix gender assignment, so don't groan about it."

I felt a lump developing in my throat. I knew who I wanted to go with, but there was also a part of me that didn't want to go with him. Maybe I was just happy with the current setup. Maybe I wanted to get to know him better. I actually couldn't decide. My mind was a blender of mixed thoughts and feelings.

Eventually seven boys went, and only three were left. One was a member of the football team, the other an intelligent-looking boy, and the last was _Eyes_. My stomach started churning as the intelligent looking one went up.

"Alisha," He called out, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Next was the jock. My stomach started churning immediately. I couldn't take the suspense. It seemed like forever before he read out the name.

"B-" My stomach jumped into my throat as I heard this first letter, "B-Brittany" He called. A wave of relief washed over me. Then the unbridled, stomach churning nerves set in. I was with _him._

"Okay," the teacher began, "that means Jasper, you are with Bella. Now I will give everyone the rest of the lesson to plan, so please get into your pairings."

The room then echoed with the sounds of chairs scraping across the floor and loud conversation filling the air. I couldn't move. I was frozen in place. My stomach was doing flips as butterflies fluttered around in it. My heart was beating in an irregular tune. Blood was rushing to my cheeks.

_Wait,_ I thought to myself,_ Did the teacher say Jasper? That's his name?_

The name made me smile like a little kid. I mouthed it. I became addicted to the way it rolled off my tongue. I could say it all day. _Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasper, Jasp-_

My thoughts were cut off by a beautiful voice coming from behind me.

"Are you going to turn around?" It asked. _Jasper_.

My cheeks instantly felt like they had burst into flames. I quickly started to move my chair to face him._ Jasper_.

"Sorry," I mumbled, my head down.

"Hey," He greeted in his deep, charming, southern voice, "my name's Jasper Whitlock."

I looked up to him then. _Jasper Whitlock._

His eyes met mine. My heart leaped.

"Hi," I stuttered. "I'm Bella Swan."

"Hi Bella," He said, smiling. The way he said my name had me stunned. He made it sound like the most beautiful song in the world. I had to hear him say it again. He didn't say it like everyone else did – no. When he said it, it wasn't judgmental. It was just Bella.

I smiled at him weakly. His eyes stayed on me. They caused my heart to flutter and falter. I cursed my teenage hormones, just imagining what I probably looked like; red faced and flushed.

"So, do you have any ideas?" He asked. I shook my head, still looking into his eyes.

"Nope."

He laughed then. "Neither," He admitted. I smiled like some love-struck teenager. He kept looking at me. I got nervous. Then I started babbling.

"I mean, we could pick some sort of product that we both like. The last advert I saw was for dog collars. I don't have a dog so I have never bought a dog collar. I want a dog though. Do you have a dog?"

Jasper laughed again, leaning his head to the side. "No, I don't. But I want one, too."

I blushed and bowed my head, clamping my mouth shut to stop more verbal vomit.

"I have a goldfish though," He mused with a small smile.

I looked back up at him.

"A goldfish?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Yeah. I won him."

"How?"

"In a raffle," Jasper replied with a proud smile.

I smiled. "Congratulations."

"Now tell me something about you."

I frowned. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything."

I shrugged. "Uh, I don't know... I'm not that interesting."

He frowned. "You are."

I didn't know what to say, so I just voiced my confusion. "Um... thank you...?"

He just smiled. "Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?"

_Okay, huh?_

I was confused, blinking a few times to get myself grounded. "What?"

He shrugged. "It was the first question I thought of."

I laughed then. He couldn't have asked something simple, like 'What's your favourite colour?' No, it's: 'Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?'

But I just shrugged that off, smiled at his odd thought processes, and answered truthfully.

"Yes."

He smiled then, and I caught my breath. It was stunning He was happy, and the thought warmed me through.

"There. Now I know something about you," He smiled in triumph.

I frowned. "What exactly can you find out by that?"

He just smiled with a shake of his head. "That you _would_ give a homeless person CPR if they were dying."

_Okay..._

"Right," I shook my head, unable to hold back my amused smile. "Anyway, should we get on with this?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Nah, I want to ask you more questions instead."

I was tongue-tied and couldn't resist the offer. To be honest, I didn't want to. He made me feel good – happy. He made me feel special. I wanted more.

The rest of the lesson passed quickly. Jasper and I talked, although none of this talking was about the assignment. I know it was kind of out of character for me. I am never one for chatter. It's just that talking to Jasper was so easy. There was no pressure to keep the conversation flowing – although it always did. There were none of those awkward silences. He did not judge me. It was fun.

Class ended too soon. Jasper left before I was finished which made my heart drop slightly. I had hoped he would wait for me. I walked out of the class only to be greeted by the most beautiful voice.

"Come on, slow poke," It said and my heart started to warm. His shoulder brushed against mine. My heart fluttered.

"Slow and steady wins the race," I replied with a smile.

"Not when slow means snail speed," He joked.

"Just because you have the energy of a five year old, doesn't mean everyone else does."

"No, see, right there you are mistaking me with Alice," He pointed out with a chuckle.

"And see, that is where you are wrong. Alice is more like a Pixie on speed," I pointed out. Jasper's laugh chimed and my heart melted.

"Touché."

I smiled to myself, and the rest of the journey was walked in comfortable silence. I felt perfectly at home, as if I was walking alone. Although my constant spotlight – like a shadow – reminded me I wasn't.

We arrived at study hall soon enough but Jasper stopped just outside the door.

"Bugger," He said, searching his pockets. "I left my phone in Media Studies. I have to go get it. See you in there, okay?"

I nodded and he dashed off. Suddenly my spotlight was gone and the cold reached me.

I was glowing as I walked into study hall. I had finally had my chance to talk to him and it was great. I didn't have to explain my life story to him. We could just talk. He made every worry I had disappear.

I walked in and sat in my usual seat. Alice was watching me as I sat down, smiling and waving. Rosalie was watching and smiling too. Emmett raised an eye brow and Edward was watching with the same suspicion.

I put my head down. Then someone appeared in front of me.

"Hi. I'm James," The voice said. I looked up to see this boy had moved his desk to be facing mine and was looking at me. His hand was stuck out, waiting for mine.

"Um... Hi... I'm Bella," I greeted meekly, shaking his hand.

James smiled brightly and shook it. Only, after the normal time frame it took to shake a hand, he did not give it back. He sat there holding my hand, and rubbing it lightly with his thumb. I froze. He was getting way too close way too quickly.

"Uh... can I have my hand back?" I asked, pulling slightly. Was there something appealing about my hand to these people? It was the second time that day it had been kept hostage.

James just smiled and tightened his grip. "Nope," He said, moving his desk closer.

"Um..." I said, pulling harder. It did not work. He held my hand there still. I looked over to the group. Emmett and Edward were out of their seats, glaring at James. Rosalie was looking at me, concerned, with Emmett's hand on her shoulder. Alice was half out of her seat, but I watched as Edward got her to stay. I turned back to James. His glare sent cold shots down my spine. "Seriously, let go," I ordered, yanking harder.

James shook his head and smiled curiously. I blushed but tried to stay strong, narrowing my eyes and tugging more. James's grip tightened and he stroked my index finger.

"She said _let go_," A beautiful voice said from beside me. Only now, this voice was fierce; caked in seething venom.

James looked up and smiled. "What are you going to do about it, Whitlock?"

Jasper narrowed his eyes. "You know what I'll fucking do."

James stood up, still holding my hand. I pulled harder and freed it, cradling it against my chest and shying away from the confrontation.

"Show me," James replied, leaning his head to the side.

"Back off, James," A booming voice sounded from behind Jasper. I looked over to see Emmett standing behind him, Edward next to him. "Don't start anything here."

James's face did not falter at the sight of Emmett and Edward. He just smirked.

"I like a challenge," He replied sheepishly.

"You don't want to test me, you piece of shit," Jasper spat, taking a strong step forwards.

"Jasper," Edward cautioned, mirroring his movements and sensing the tension hanging thick in the air. "Watch what you're doing."

Jasper brushed the comment away. James laughed. "Not man enough, huh Whitlock?" He questioned through bubbling hatred.

"You want to test it out?" Jasper warned again. "Step outside."

James just smiled, his eyes expectant and sick. I didn't know who James was or what caused that ferocious hatred of him, but I certainly didn't like him. My instincts screamed at me to run from him.

"Oh, I think I do," He replied.

"Then get the fuck outside. We'll finish this there, not in here."

Jasper's fist twitched and flexed. Emmett grabbed that same shoulder, stopping him.

"You know what will happen if you do this," He warned, his eyes still locked on James. Jasper didn't flinch for what felt like a whole minute. But slowly, as he dragged in a deep, stressed breath and fully felt the effect of Emmett's restraint, he nodded, his eyes softening and flashing to me, before returning to James. Immediately they filled with that anger again.

"I know, and I don't give a shit."

Jasper took a threatening step forward to James, Emmett having dropped his hand. I was out of my spot in the same second with my hands against Jasper's hard chest and my back to James.

Jasper's expression softened and he looked down at me. "Bella..."

"Don't," I ordered strongly. "No harm done, okay?"

I heard Emmett mutter something under his breath as Edward scoffed. I ignored them, keeping my eyes on Jasper.

"Don't," I said, softer then.

Jasper broke our eye contact and looked back at James, then back to me. I saw how he was torn, but I wouldn't give up. He wouldn't get in trouble because of me.

"Okay. Let's go. Grab your stuff." He finally gave in, leading me towards my desk, his eyes still filled with a killer instinct and watching James with careful criticism.

James laughed at this. "Controlled by the little woman, huh Whitlock?"

Jasper tried to turn around to face him but I held him back.

"Don't," I growled. "I'm fine. No harm done."

It took a few moments of internal battle but eventually Jasper sighed and placed his hand on the small of my back, leading me to where his friends were sitting. Alice raised an eyebrow at me as we sat down. Emmett came over the second after with Edward behind him. They sat next to their girl friends. An awkward silence hung in the air for a few seconds, but was soon cleared by Emmett's groan.

"Oh man, I had so been looking forward to teaching that little weasel a lesson," He moaned.

Alice laughed lightly while Edward nodded. Rosalie and Jasper stayed silent and seething.

"So was I, man. It's about time he learnt his place," Edward added. Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked. I nodded shyly, wishing the attention hadn't been focused onto me.

"Try to stay away from that guy," Rosalie said quietly, looking right at me with wide and worried eyes. "He is a bad guy."

There was a moment of silence; awkward, tension filled silence. Emmett broke it again.

"Speaking of freaks," he began, "you still up for the party this weekend, Jazz?"

There was a light laugh around the table.

"Sure."

"And how does that have anything to do with freaks? I didn't even mention freaks," Rosalie challenged Emmett, smiling lightly.

"Oh, you know babe. It's Jasper," He said, pecking her lips with a smile.

Edward fake gagged then. "Oh please you two, save that stuff for private."

Alice slapped his shoulder lightly. He pouted to her. She laughed.

"So, Bella," Emmett started, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, "where are you from?"

I shied away from his arm, blushing.

"Mate, don't scare her," Jasper joked from my other side.

"Oh look at that. Jasper is getting all protective," Emmett mocked. "So where did you come from Bella?"

"Um... Forks, Washington."

Emmett was confused. He frowned.

"Forks? Is that a town or a piece of cutlery? What in the world?"

I blushed furiously, ducking my head. Rosalie hit his arm lightly and whispered a scolding.

"Okay," He began again, wrapping his other arm around Rosalie, "and is it true you are Jasper's new neighbour?"

I froze then. He knew? That meant Jasper had been talking about me. _Oh lord._

"Um... yeah..." I nodded, unsure of what to say. Emmett smiled hugely and whispered something to Rosalie. My eyes flickered to Jasper. His flickered to mine at the same time. I couldn't read what he was thinking. There was too much in his eyes for me to make sense of it. When he looked away, the last thing I saw was defeat.

The rest of study hall passed quickly. We talked for the remainder of the lesson. I was starting to really like them, but I also knew that I did not fit in with them. They were all so confident – so sure of themselves. They worked together so smoothly. I couldn't fit in the mix.

The bell rang, calling the end of school. Jasper walked along with me to the front gate where Alice and Edward were waiting.

"You need a ride, Jasper?" Edward asked. Alice elbowed him. Edward winced.

"No!" She hissed, glaring at Edward. His eyes bulged, obviously confused. "Jasper is walking Bella home, aren't you Jasper."

It seemed more like a command than a question.

Alice beamed at me. I smiled weakly back, seeing Edward's dawning expression. Jasper rubbed the back of his neck and then nodded.

"Yeah, of course," He said. "I will drive over later on."

Alice nodded and smiled happily. "Do you want to come over to Edward's house tonight, Bella?" She asked. "We are all going over. It's movie night."

Edward nodded, finally catching on. "Oh yeah, you should definitely come Bella."

I was startled. I didn't know what to say. If I said yes, I would spend more time with them, which would be fun. I would also spend more time with Jasper. But then again, my plan to not get close to anyone would go out the window. I would be putting more and more trust in them, which could lead to disaster. Then a no might send them the wrong message. No matter how much I didn't want to get close to anyone, I didn't want them thinking I hated them.

I looked at Jasper then. He was looking at Alice. She was looking back at him. I knew they were having their own private, silent conversation.

Then he turned to me. "Uh...Would you like to?" He asked, unsure.

"Um..." I glanced to Alice, then Edward, then Jasper before speaking to everyone. I suddenly remembered why I couldn't. "I normally have to look after my little sister on Friday nights..."

"She can come too," Alice said quickly. "It's just a quiet night and we can put her to sleep in one of the rooms. It's a big house so she won't be disturbed. Please come!"

"Um..." I said, unable to think of another reason why I couldn't. Take Renesmee with me? That was just... really weird.

"Great!" Alice exclaimed, sealing the deal without needing to know my answer. "Jasper will drive you over later on. Come on Edward," She said, tugging his arm. "Let's go".

They were gone with a wave, driving away in Edward's silver Volvo.

I turned to Jasper and he smiled. We started off down the road home.

"You don't have to come if you don't want to," He admitted after a few minutes. "I mean, I know it's hard to say no to Alice."

"Oh no, it's fine. Really... Unless you don't want me to go..." I floundered, worried at the true meaning of his words.

"Oh, no... Of course I want you to go," He saved the mess of meanings, rubbing the back of his neck again and showing me he was just as nervous as I was.

"Okay," I said, blushing furiously.

It was a few minutes before he spoke again. "How old is your sister?" He asked.

"Two," I answered plainly.

Jasper nodded. "Why did you guys move over here? If you don't mind me asking..." He asked in an uncertain tone. I frowned at the sudden normalcy of his questions, but just shook my head and decided to go with it.

"My Dad got a promotion and got moved here. Work stuff," I said simply. Jasper nodded again and laughed to himself.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Nothing," He said.

"Oh come on. Tell me," I enthused.

"Parents suck."

I laughed at that. "You have no idea."

There was silence again. I could feel the tension in the air, a big change to Media Studies.

After a few minutes Jasper put a stop to that. "This is awkward. I'm sorry. My friends aren't very subtle, are they?"

I had to laugh at this. It was true. "It's okay. They are entertaining. Especially Alice," I encouraged.

He nodded, laughing. "I swear that girl can't keep her nose out of other's business."

"You guys are close, huh?" I asked. Jasper nodded, as if he was remembering some past memory. He smiled to himself.

"Very. Alice was my best friend when we were still in diapers."

I smiled then, reminded of Jacob. "How did you all meet?"

"Well, first Alice was here. We met when we were tiny. I knew Rose then too. She's my cousin. She moved here in kindergarten though, and that's when she met Alice. Then we met Edward and Emmett on our first day of school. Emmett came along because he thought it would be a cool idea to put glue on Rosalie's seat. They hated each other for the first few years. You wouldn't guess it now though." Jasper breathed a laugh. I did too. "Alice dragged Edward over to meet us. She used him as a seat the rest of that day, deciding he was more comfortable to sit on than the ground. She has been like his third leg ever since."

Jasper's story ended with a genuine smile. It spread to me, too. The way he spoke about them showed me that, for him, they were his family.

"Wow. You guys have been friends for a long time. That's really cool."

Jasper just nodded. "Yeah," he agreed, snapping back from a dream-like state. "You must be missing your friends back in Forks too."

Those memories of Jake were triggered and came flooding back. It hurt.

"Yeah," I said, my heart aching. "I only had one friend back there. His name was Jacob. We've known each other forever; as long as you have known Alice."

"He must have been a good friend."

"The best."

We walked in silence the rest of the way. It was a comfortable silence. It was peaceful and happy. It was a silence I could have lived my whole life in.

We reached our houses soon enough and Jasper walked me to my door. As we walked over the spot on the porch I normally sat on Jasper looked down, and then over to where he usually sat. I knew he was thinking about it, but didn't bring it up. It was as if those few minutes on the porch every night were something that weren't to be talked about; not because it was awkward or wrong, but because talking about it might make it uncomfortable. It wouldn't be a refuge anymore. Talking about things tainted them. It wouldn't be pure anymore.

"How about I come and get you at 5:30?" He asked, reminding me about our plans.

I nodded and started rummaging in my pocket for my keys. "Yeah, sure," I agreed. "I will see you then."

"Okay, great," Jasper smiled, backing off the porch. "See you later."

"Bye," I replied, smiling and watching as he jumped over the fence to his yard. We parted at our respective doors with a smile.

I walked into the television room. Renesmee was there, once again, sitting on the couch, watching another video. I waited by the door until she turned around, and sure enough, she spun around within ten seconds and greeted me with her bright smile.

"Bella!" She squealed. I smiled and went to scoop her up in my arms.

"Come on Ness," I said. "We are going out tonight."

Renesmee turned around in my arms to look at me, smiling a bright smile. "Where are we going?" She asked, excited as ever.

"To my new friend's house. Come on, we have to get ready".

We went up to my room and Renesmee played with her toys while I did my homework and got ready. My thoughts for the entire time were consumed on one thing - one person; Jasper.

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**Author's Note: **Thank you to all the reviews, alerts and favourites. I love them all. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and please do give me your thoughts in a review!


	6. Chapter 5

**Let Go  
**Chapter 5

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_Light-Weight_

_###_

I knew Renee and Charlie would most likely not be home that night, and if they were, they would be home late. It was the routine. Dad spent long nights at the office. He said it was 'end of the week stuff.' Really, he was busy with the secretary, or any other person of the female gender who would give him the time of day. I didn't understand how Renee could even look at him when he came home from work. How could she stand to still be with him? Well, I guess he provided a roof over her head. Plus, she had never actually loved him so it didn't matter. Renee was at the casino every Friday night. It was another one of her addictions. But luckily this one didn't hurt us. Charlie was the only one who suffered from it; it was his money going down the toilet.

It was 4:30 when I finally finished my homework. I looked over to Renesmee. She was drawing.

"Renesmee," I called softly, "I'm going to have a shower, okay?"

Renesmee looked up to me and nodded, before continuing her drawing.

I went into the bathroom to get ready, completely nervous about the approaching 'movie night'. I didn't know what it would be like, but Alice said it was just a quiet night, so I concluded that I didn't need to get dressed up. I had a shower, pulled a brush through my hair, brushed my teeth and then went to my wardrobe, pulling on my favourite worn jeans, a white singlet and black cardigan before turning to Renesmee. Her face was smeared with crayon and her smile was wide. It made me smile as I got her ready, giving her a quick bath and packing a bag for her.

When I was done I sighed and lay down on my bed, leaving Renesmee to play with her toys. I let my thoughts wander over everything – Jasper, Alice, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, James and what that whole confrontation was about. It still had me dumbfounded. Then I thought over the approaching movie night. I still wasn't sure whether what I was doing was right. I knew the danger of getting close to people, but they were too hard to resist not getting close to. Actually, correction: Jasper was hard to resist. He had me hooked, and I couldn't pinpoint why.

Time passed and the sound of the door bell rang through the house. I jumped off the bed, grabbed Renesmee's bag, my phone and Renesmee before racing down stairs.

Renesmee snuggled into my chest as I opened the door. When I saw him, one of those goofy smiles spread across my face and my heart hummed. Jasper was there, standing with his back to me, his hands in his pockets, looking out over the street, peaceful as ever.

_Jasper_.

He turned around when he heard the door open, his hair blowing in the wind. I was met with a gorgeous smile and my spotlight, once again. It made my heart buzz.

"Hi," He greeted. "You ready to go?"

"Yip," I nodded, shifting Renesmee's weight a bit as the bag started slipping off my shoulder. She kept her head hidden in my hair, breathing deeply. She was shy.

"Here, let me take that," Jasper said, reaching for the bag.

"Thank you. Uh...This is Renesmee," I said when we were all set. "Come on Ness, say hi."

Renesmee peaked through my hair at Jasper, who was smiling sweetly at her, and returned his gesture with a smile of her own.

"Hi Renesmee," He said and Renesmee giggled, hiding in my hair once again. "She's very cute," He complimented as we started walking towards the car. I smiled and Renesmee untangled herself from my hair to look directly at Jasper.

"Thank You," She said, smiling at him.

Jasper let out a small laugh at her and replied. "You're welcome."

When we reached the car Jasper opened the door as I buckled Renesmee into her car seat and then got into the front seat. We drove in silence to Edward's house, occasionally glancing at each other. The only noise in the car was Renesmee's quiet singing.

As we drove up Edward's long, winding driveway my heart started to beat faster, the nerves settling in. Edward's home was large, white and surrounded by woods. In the garage I recognised Edward's Volvo, but there was also a yellow Porsche, a red Convertible, a black Mercedes, a silver Motorcycle and a huge Jeep Wrangler.

"He... lives... _here_?" I choked out when Jasper parked the car in the garage.

Jasper laughed and started unbuckling his seat belt. "Sure does. Amazing, huh? Dr. Cullen is a successful surgeon. He and Esme are really nice people. Come on inside."

I nodded and got Renesmee out of the car while Jasper grabbed her bag. I then froze when I took in the look of the car I had been driving in. It was an Aston Martin Vanquish.

"This is your car?" I asked in astonishment. Jasper turned around and laughed at my expression. I was gawking at this beautiful auto-mobile.

"No way," He said, chuckling. "That, over there, is mine," He said, pointing to the motorcycle. "Edward just let me borrow this one. They call it his 'other car'. I don't really know. I couldn't drive you and Renesmee here on the bike, so he leant me this one."

"_Other_ car?" I choked out.

"Yeah. Crazy, I know. The Cullens have this affinity for nice vehicles. That yellow Porsche is Alice's. The red convertible is Rosalie's and the Jeep is Emmett's. The Mercedes is Carlisle and Esme's."

I just stood there in shock, trying to take it all in before nodding sheepishly.

"W-wow" I stuttered. Jasper laughed. Eventually I snapped out of my dreams and walked towards Jasper.

He led me through the door into a house. It was beautiful and large, with white walls and floor to ceiling windows on the other side, looking over the forest.

I looked around to see a huge TV with enough blankets and pillows to sink a battleship in front of it. I saw Emmett and Edward sitting on the ground, playing play station while Rosalie watched from the sofa. Alice was nowhere to be seen.

"Ha! Take that, Edwardo!" Emmett laughed from where he sat.

"Oh no, you didn't!" Edward growled back, furiously pressing buttons on the controller

Then, as if on cue, Alice's voice rang from the kitchen.

"Can you guys please stop playing on that _thing_ and help? They will be here soon!" She yelled.

I heard Rosalie giggle and Edward groaned.

"The play station is not a _thing_," Edward mumbled, not having noticed our entrance.

"Chill, Alice. It's just Jasper and Bella. He will have a tantrum with you if you make a huge fuss," Emmett sighed, his eyes still fixed on the TV. Rosalie was still giggling on the sofa.

Clearly no one had heard us enter. I was having a fun time watching them. I looked at Jasper and he was stifling a laugh.

"Just because _you_ don't have a romantic bone in your body," Rosalie joked, throwing a pillow at Emmett. It hit him square on the back of the head. He turned around, smiling mischievously at Rosalie. She squealed as he pounced and scooped her into his arms. Rosalie's laughter rang through the house. Edward was still on the play station and jumped up at that moment, celebrating.

"Yes! I beat you! Finally!" He yelled. Emmett froze then and looked back at Edward. Rosalie giggled and Emmett stood up.

"No! That's not fair! I was distracted."

Edward began to protest when Alice's head popped around the door to the kitchen and she growled at them.

"Emmett, Rosalie, _Edward_! Don't you dare make a mess of this room before they get here or god help me I wi-" Her words were cut off by a giggle coming from Renesmee. Immediately, all four of them turned around to look at us. Alice's face softened, Rosalie and Edward started laughing while Emmett just smiled at Jasper.

"Hi guys," Jasper greeted with a raised eyebrow, looking at Alice. Alice smiled and stepped out of the kitchen.

"Jasper, Bella!" She exclaimed, walking towards Edward and nudging him before continuing towards us. Emmett laughed at Edward's face and threw a cushion at him. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough," Jasper informed her. Alice smiled weakly back and then looked down to Renesmee, changing the subject.

"Oh, is this your little sister?" She asked, looking at Renesmee and smiling as she hid in my hair. "She is so gorgeous. What's her name?"

At that moment, Renesmee turned towards her and smiled.

"Renesmee," She answered.

"Well hi, Renesmee. I'm Alice, and this is Edward, Rosalie and Emmett," Alice said, pointing to each person individually. Renesmee smiled and waved to everyone. They all smiled back and Emmett waved happily. It made her giggle and hide again.

"Well, come on," Rosalie said. "Let's get on with the movies.

Alice beamed a smile at Jasper and then danced off to sit next to Edward who was leaning against the couch, sitting on some blankets and smiling about his victory. When Alice reached him she sat down happily on his lap. Emmett moved over to sit with Rosalie on the sofa and put his arm around her. Jasper and I walked over there slowly. He sat at the other end of the couch on the floor and leant against it. I sighed quietly and sat down an equal distance between Alice and Jasper, Renesmee in front of me and snuggling into the blankets. When Alice saw this she slid off Edwards lap to sit next to me, her shoulder pressed hard against mine.

"Could you move over a bit please, Bella?" She asked at a whisper. No one noticed, apart from Jasper. He glanced at Alice. She shrugged back. I blushed furiously and shuffled a bit closer to him.

Alice was just about to grab the movies when the door opened and two people, who I guessed to be Edward's parents, walked in.

"Hey kids," The lady with beautiful caramel hair greeted when she spotted us. She walked over to stand in front of the TV and put her hands on her hips. The blonde haired man came and stood next to her.

"And what's this?" She asked, smiling at Edward.

"Movie night, Mom," Edward answered. The lady smiled and nodded.

"Okay, well be good kids," The man said.

"Oh. Esme, Carlisle! This is Bella," Alice said, nudging my shoulder. "She's new."

Esme and Carlisle turned to look at me with kind smiles.

"Hi Bella. Welcome," Esme said kindly.

"Thank you, Mr and Mrs Cullen. You have a lovely home."

Esme smiled widely and blushed. "Oh darling, call us Esme and Carlisle. And we are happy to have you."

At that moment Renesmee decided to speak. "Hi," She squeaked, peering up at Carlisle and Esme. They both looked down and their eyes widened, but they smiled.

"That's Bella's little sister, Renesmee." Alice explained. "We're babysitting."

Esme nodded and knelt down to Renesmee. Renesmee stuck out her hand and Esme laughed, shaking it.

"Hi Renesmee," She smiled kindly.

Renesmee beamed a smile at her and spoke. "Hi."

Esme stood up then and turned to me. "Would you like Carlisle and I to take Renesmee to bed for you, Bella?" She asked, smiling greatly.

"Oh. No, I can take her. It's alright," I said quickly, readying myself to get up.

"Oh no, no, sweetie, it would be no hassle." Esme promised. "I love children."

Renesmee let out a little squeal and clapped her hands "Yeah, yeah! Please?" She said, turning to me.

"Okay. Thank you so much," I agreed. Esme then nodded, picked up Renesmee and her bag and headed upstairs.

"Be good," Carlisle called and they walked away.

"Okay," Alice huffed when they had disappeared, picking up the DVD's. "What should we watch: Comedy, Romance or _Horror_?"

"Horror and then Romance," Emmett called a little too eagerly. Alice nodded in enthusiastic agreement.

A minute later, the movie was on. I pulled my knees up to my chest as it started with the sound of an ear-piercing scream and was suddenly very glad Renesmee had been taken to bed early. For one, Emmett and Rosalie were getting a bit close on the couch, and two, the movie was definitely not child friendly. I kept my knees up at my chest the entire time and had one of the many blankets over me. Alice had been continuously nudging me throughout the movie, completely lacking all subtlety, causing me to inch closer to Jasper. On the other side, Emmett had been carefully kicking Jasper, causing him to inch closer to me. Our shoulders brushed together. It sent shots of ecstasy down my arm. My breathing hitched. My hormones were going haywire, and I prayed it didn't show.

Okay, sure, I liked Jasper, but all the attention was just ridiculous. I was started to doubt my judgement of even coming that night. Whatever happened to my plan of not getting close to anyone? I'll tell you, it got blown out the door by a certain Pixie.

But the lucky part was that it wasn't awkward between Jasper and I. We were both fully aware of his friend's lack of subtlety and both fully aware of each other. Every now and then we'd catch each other's eyes and smile or laugh or even roll our eyes at their boisterous attempts at match making. We were perfectly aware of their pressure but weren't rushing _ourselves_.

Then the movie came to that key, cliché part when the ditzy blonde is in the room, walking around, and you know something is going to pop out any second.

You know, some horror movies really peeved me off. You want to know why? Because they are the perfect example of complete and utter idiotic actions. Why? It's simple really. When someone says a place is haunted, they go in. It's just setting themselves up for a tragic death. You don't walk into the fire unless you want to get burnt. And you know, at that point, I was really wishing the bimbo had the brains to follow that simple rule.

Then again, I supposed everyone is allowed to fall to temptation every once in a while. Too bad it often ends in tragedy.

At that moment the camera moved to her hand slowly opening the door. Half of my brain scoffed at how cliché this was, where the other half – and the more dominant half – had me pulling my knees tighter and tighter into my chest. My heart was racing at a million miles per hour. _Here it comes. Here it comes. Here it comes. _

At that moment, someone – Emmett – tapped me on the shoulder. It just happened to be the same second the damn girl opened the door and the monster ripped her into shreds. I let out an ear piercing scream and jumped away from the couch. My heart felt like it was going to explode from my chest and I collapsed to the ground.

My cheeks were burning as soon as I realised what had happened. Emmett was rolling around in laughter. Edward was laughing along with him while Rosalie and Alice both looked at me in horror. Jasper whacked both boys over the back of the head.

They both stopped laughing.

"Oh Jazz, don't get angry. I just wanted to ask Bella to hand me the popcorn," Emmett choked out.

"Popcorn my ass."

"Don't get your panties in a bunch," Edward laughed. Alice elbowed him playfully.

"You think you're funny, don't you Cullen?"

Edward laughed then, as did Emmett. "I think I'm adorable," He admitted, smiling innocently.

Jasper couldn't help but crack a smile. Turning to me, he showed concern. "You okay, Bella?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I assured him, giggling as I crawled back into my seat. "Just recovering."

"See?" Emmett proclaimed. "Every one's fine. Now, let's have the next movie, eh Ally?"

Soon enough the romantic movie was playing and the two couples around me were getting very close. Alice was sitting on Edward's lap, pecking him on the lips every so often and snuggling into his chest for the rest of the time. Emmett and Rosalie were very close on the sofa, too. The awkwardness in the air thickened.

After that movie was over, the comedy came. A continuous stream of laughter filled the room throughout. It was a relief from the awkward air the previous movies created.

Eventually, however, the movie ended and Alice turned off the TV. "What next?" She asked, turning to face all of us.

Jasper stretched his arms out, releasing his stiff joints, and then looked at the time.

"It's midnight. Would you like me to get you home, Bella?" He asked, remembering I had to get Renesmee home. Before I could answer Alice spoke.

"No! Bella can stay the night with us," She claimed quickly, smiling.

That sparked my nerves. Not only did I know the consequences if I didn't get home, but I was suspicious to what else could be in store if I _did_ stay.

"Um... I can't Alice. I'm really sorry, but I have to get Renesmee home."

"But she's happy here. Please stay the night," She begged.

Her pleading eyes nearly broke me, but if nothing else, I had to get home and avoid angering my parents. "I can't. I'm sorry."

Alice pouted but nodded. "Fine, then can't you just wait a _few_ more hours? The night has barely begun!"

I decided not to argue. They had all been so nice to me. The least I could do was stay for a while longer. As well as this, I didn't really _want _to leave right then.

"Okay," I agreed, "for a _few _more hours."

At that, Emmett stuck his hand in the air.

"What is it Emmett?" Alice asked with a sigh.

"I have an idea of what we can do," He claimed eagerly.

The rest of the group groaned. Emmett just rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, it's not that bad."

Rosalie took the bait. "What is it?"

"Just a game..."

"Come on Em, spit it out," Edward interjected.

"Okay, okay. Edward, we are going to need six shot glasses and the vodka bottle if you don't mind," He instructed, nodding to Edward. I heard Rosalie and Alice groan. They knew what was coming.

"I'm starting to like this game," Edward commented, before rushing off and getting the equipment.

"Okay, now, you're all bound to know this game. We've played it before. It's 'I have never.' Bella, for your benefit if you haven't played, you basically just say something you have never done. You _can _also say something you have done if you want. But, for example, I could say I have never worn a dress," Emmett started explaining, but Jasper cut in.

"Hey, but what about that time at summer camp when-" Jasper began with a mischievous smile. Emmett interrupted, stopping everyone's laughter.

"That was a skirt and you know it," He claimed.

"Still doesn't make it any better," Edward mocked. Emmett fake laughed and kept going with his explanation.

"So, as I was saying, you say something like that, and whoever_has_ worn a dress has to take a shot. If you say something you _have _done, the people who _haven't _have to drink. Get it?" He asked. I nodded hesitantly. I could only imagine what was coming.

"Alright Edward, pour the drinks." Emmett commanded, and Edward obeyed. We each took a glass.

"Okay Emmett, since this is your brilliant idea, you start," Alice challenged, eyeing her own glass.

"Alright then," Emmett said. "I will start with an easy one. I have had my first kiss."

"Oh wow, very creative Emmett. Like we didn't already know that," Alice joked. Emmett just smiled. Four hands in the room relaxed their drinks. That shocked me. _Only four?_

"Now I know you have done a lot more than kiss," Edward muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah so is anyone going to drink?" Emmett asked, looking at Jasper. Jasper bowed his head and laughed.

"Okay, okay," He admitted as he washed back his shot. _That _shocked me more than anything. From the first time I saw Jasper I sort of pinned him as a guy who had had a lot of girls.

"Anyone else?" Emmett asked, eyeing me. "Because I know these two have," He laughed, elbowing Edward and Alice.

I shrugged and drank the white liquid, my heart thumping like a jack hammer as I did so. It burned my throat at first, but it was good.

Edward and Emmett laughed. Rosalie and Alice were wide-eyed.

"Alright, you got me," I admitted. "Who's next?"

"It goes in a circle, so Rosalie," Emmett explained.

"Okay, I have never been in a police car," She said, smiling. I looked around the room hesitantly, seeing if anyone had to drink, knowing I would. To my surprise, all the guys did.

I gawked at them. Jasper answered for me.

"It was all Emmett's fault," He claimed, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

"Was not," Emmett countered. "It was Edward's."

"No." Edward replied. "It was Jasper's!"

"Alright!" Rosalie silenced, glancing at me. "I know this is probably a stupid question, but Bella, are you drinking?"

Blushing like mad, I nodded, took a deep breath and downed another shot.

"Wow!" Emmett exclaimed. "Bella's on a roll."

"You have been in a police car?" Edward asked, flabbergasted.

"What happened?" Alice asked, surprised. I glanced to Jasper. He stayed silent, watching me with a small smile of amusement.

"It's nothing," I claimed, brushing it off. "My father was sheriff back in Forks. I practically grew up being driven round in a police car."

Emmett's eyes bulged. Edward started to laugh.

"Your Dad's a cop?" Rosalie blurted out. I saw Emmett glance at Jasper with amusement.

I just nodded. "Yup."

Another round of laughter came from Edward. Emmett joined in.

"Okay, okay," Alice cut in, silencing the two boys. "Jasper's turn next."

Jasper thought for a second. "Alright," He said, smiling at Emmett, "I have never dressed up as a girl and sang 'I'm a Barbie girl' at summer camp."

"That was a dare!" Emmett claimed. "That does not count!"

"Whatever helps you get through the night," Jasper shrugged, smiling.

"Yeah, whatever, Whitlock," Emmett groaned, downing his glass and wincing. "Okay, Bella's turn."

I thought for a few seconds, unable to come up with anything too extreme that I _had_ done. So, I settled for one I hadn't.

"I have never skinny-dipped," I admitted.

Alice gawked. "What?" She questioned. I just shrugged my shoulders. They all laughed and drank with ease. I frowned in confusion.

"Summer Camp," Rosalie stated simply. I understood then.

"I can't believe you have never skinny-dipped," Alice exclaimed. "I mean, you have had no first kiss, no skinny-dipping and no rides in a police car resulting from _criminal _happenings," she glanced at the boys then, smiling slightly. "You are as pure as driven snow, girl."

I blushed at her outburst and brushed it off. "Alright, well it's your turn now, Miss Alice."

Alice smiled and said hers immediately. "I have never done pot," She admitted triumphantly. Immediately Edward, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper drank up. I didn't, and Alice looked at me with a quirked eyebrow.

"Jeez, pure as driven snow, I tell you."

"Okay, Edward's turn," Emmett silenced Alice, smiling.

Edward smiled back at a nodding Emmett. He then turned to Jasper and narrowed his eyes. Jasper froze, his eyes questioning.

"I am not a virgin," He said smugly. Laughter rang out. Jasper looked annoyed, yet amused, and defeated. I blushed furiously. Had I been so stupid that I didn't notice the purpose of this game?

The word kept playing in my mind as I saw Jasper bow his head and drink. _Virgin. Virgin. Virgin. _

Suddenly all eyes were on me, questioning. I didn't dare meet them. I just picked up my glass and downed my shot. The room erupted in laughter and I saw Jasper throw a pillow at Edward. _Damn. Damn. Damn._

Okay, don't get me wrong, I was proud to be a virgin. It's just having it announced there was not exactly 'fun'.

"Yep, pure as driven snow," Emmett mumbled to Rosalie, causing her to giggle.

The game continued like this till we had just about finished the bottle. I think I took five shots in all. Jasper did a few more; about seven. The rest of them, however, were completely trashed. Eventually they decided it would be a good idea to pick on each other, and made the topics very interesting. Edward by far had the most. He ended up starting to scull the bottle part way through the game. Alice had to snatch it off him and take over the pouring duties. They eventually crashed at about two and Jasper and I were alone.

"I'd better get you home," He said quietly, getting up and brushing himself off.

"You sure you're okay to drive?" I asked, tripping over the blankets as I tried to stand. My head felt like it was spinning. I reached out to Jasper for support and he caught me easily with a small laugh.

"Yeah, I think I'm in a better state to drive than you," He said with a smile.

I was about to protest when I fell over again, landing on Emmett. Luckily Jasper had one of my hands so only half of my weight hit him, and also Emmett was too trashed to realise.

I started to nod. "You drive," I agreed, stumbling over my own feet.

"You are such a light weight," He laughed, helping me away from the knot of blankets and sitting me on the stairs carefully.

"And you aren't?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I can handle my alcohol," He said, patting his stomach. "I'll go get Renesmee and then we can get you home."

"I can get her," I claimed, attempting to stand but failing miserably, landing on my ass again.

He laughed then as I huffed and puffed. "I'll be back in a second," He assured, before he raced upstairs.

He came down a few minutes later, carrying a still sleeping Renesmee. We headed out to the car and Jasper buckled her in before driving us out. The drive was silent. I loved it. I felt comfortable again. It wasn't until we reached the highway at the end of the Cullen's drive that I realised how fast Jasper drove. It was well above the speed limit. But yet, I didn't mind. I felt perfectly safe with him.

Jasper dropped us home and carried Renesmee to the door. He offered to carry her up to her bed but I said I could manage. He then handed Renesmee to me.

"So, I will see you later I guess," He said.

"Yeah. We have to do that assignment, remember?" I reminded him.

Jasper smiled then. "That's right. How about we start tomorrow?" He asked as he opened his car door and leant against the hood.

"Sure," I agreed, cracking the front door open. "But wait, where are you going now? Aren't you going home?"

"No. I'm going back to Edward's," He admitted. "They will need someone there to look after them tomorrow. You know, do the aspiring runs; that sort of thing. They are going to have killer headaches," He explained.

"Of course," I said in understanding, turning towards the door.

"See you later then," He called. "Oh, and I'm sorry about them tonight. I hope you weren't too embarrassed."

I just laughed. In all honesty, the night turned out great. Sure, I was embarrassed, but it was all in good fun. Plus, Jasper understood and I got to spend more time with him.

"No, it was great. Thank you for inviting me."

"Anytime," Jasper replied. And with that, he drove off into the darkness while I stepped into the shelter of my house.

That night my thoughts roamed over Jasper and everything that had happened that night. I found myself analysing every word from everyone's mouths and their every action. I thought about Jasper. I thought over how he made me feel; happy, peaceful and calm. It didn't matter what his friends did. They could embarrass us all they wanted. It didn't make a difference. They meant nothing but good, and Jasper made me feel happy. I needed that.

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**Author's Note:** Again, thank you to all the readers and reviewers out there. You are all awesome. I meant to update earlier this week, but a busy time and a bit of a health scare had my mind elsewhere. Anyway, thanks again and please review!


	7. Chapter 6

**Let Go  
**Chapter 6

###

_The Butterfly Effect_

###

I woke up on Saturday morning to the bright sunlight filtering through my windows, shining right into my eyes. It was just before noon. I had slept for a fair few hours through the night of torrential downpour and thunderstorms, and still felt tired and groggy. I groaned again and rubbed my eyes, yawning. When I threw off my covers I was surprised to find that my bare shoulders were not stung by the cold air. Instead, it was warm. A bright, sunny day had arrived in the middle of winter.

I trudged down the hallway to Renesmee's room to find her sitting happily in her cot, playing with her toys. She smiled at me when I entered the room and I picked her up, walking her down stairs and sitting her on the couch.

"I'm going to go get you some food, okay?" I told her. Renesmee nodded and I walked towards the kitchen.

I rounded the corner soon enough. Then I saw it. Charlie was there, sitting on the counter top, sculling back a bottle of whiskey. I bowed my head when I saw him and walked quietly to the pantry. If I kept quiet, he wouldn't notice me. If I didn't look into his eyes, he wouldn't trouble me.

I was just opening the cupboard door when I heard the bang of shoes on the wooden floor as Charlie hoped off the counter. I began to hurry up, grabbing the cereal box and a few other bits and pieces. Suddenly I was regretting even taking the risk to get food.

Then I heard the ear-splitting sound of the whiskey bottle being dropped on the floor, the glass smashing into a million pieces across the hard wood. My heart leaped into my throat as I heard his drunken footsteps heading towards me. The smell of his alcoholic breath filled the air as he came closer. It felt like forever till the footsteps stopped. I froze in place as I heard his deep, menacing chuckle. Cold shivers ran up my spine and I dropped the food back onto the shelf. I knew what was coming. I readied myself to stay strong, for Renesmee at least.

"Turn around," His dark voice slurred. I tried to turn, but my feet were frozen in place. My body was stiff with fear. My mind was telling me to move but my feet wouldn't let me.

"Turn around!" He shouted, taking another angry step towards me. For a second I felt his hot breath on my neck. In the next he was grasping the top of my arms, spinning me around to face his towering form.

I kept my head bowed as I faced him, stone cold and rock hard. I wouldn't crack. I just worked on numbing all my thoughts.

He started to squeeze my arms harder. My lack of reaction was getting to him. He started shaking me. I concentrated on the deep, loud thumping of my heart and the glugging of blood in my ears. I swore my neck would snap but I didn't make a sound.

I could feel the blood being cut off in my arms, his hands wrapping all the way around them. He was screaming in my ear, his breath blowing down my neck with the stench of whisky making me want to gag.

"Where is she?" He growled. Renee hadn't come home the night before and I knew that. "Where the hell is she!" He yelled, shaking me more and more.

My head lopped back and forth, side to side. I couldn't take the continuous motion. I was a rag doll in his hands. Black started to tint my vision as my eyes dragged closed. I was about to pass out.

"Answer me!" He screamed, his face inches from mine. I took a deep breath in, the taste of his whiskey breath filling my senses. I couldn't crack my eyes open, although I knew I had to. I knew I should have answered but I couldn't.

Finally, I closed my eyes, tears ebbing at the edge. I wanted to numb myself to what was happening – to sink back into the recesses of my mind. I tried as hard as I could, wishing for unconsciousness. I knew Charlie was smart. He would never injure me somewhere visible. It was always somewhere that could be hidden.

"Tell me!" He ordered, releasing my arms and flinging me against the counter top.

I didn't have enough time to numb myself to it. My back whacked into it and I heard the sound of bones crunching. I knew that it wasn't broken, but the pain was agonising. I fell to the ground, only to have him grab hold of my wrist, yanking me off the ground.

"Don't be so fucking pathetic," He slurred, throwing me against the cupboard doors. I crumpled to the floor again, not wanting to move - unable to move. I was half unconscious, only making out the faded shapes coming towards me.

He blamed me for everything wrong in his life. He was going to be a football star. He had scholarship deals. He had a future. It was all shattered because of me and my Mother. She just _had _to get pregnant. Then, to top it all off, I had to look so much like her. Every time he looked at me he was reminded of her. He couldn't escape it, and he hated it. If all else failed, there was Renesmee. Renesmee shared my eyes; our Mother's eyes. No matter what he did he could not escape the awful truth of his life.

I was taken back to the present by the sound of his dark laugh. In the next moment, a heavy pain doubled me over as I clutched at my stomach. My now swollen eyes were fighting with unconsciousness, but eventually gave up. That was when the darkness shrouded me. I was gone, and I fell to the sound of a cry from Renesmee.

I don't know how long it was till I stirred. When I realised he was gone, I felt the relief. But I also felt the stinging pain as my chest expanded and shrunk again. I tried to move, but gave up. I could have been down there for hours. I don't know. All I know is that it was a long time. My whole body was aching as I dragged myself up. I winced at the pain in my stomach as I straightened it, reaching for the counter top. I whimpered as my arms ached as I leant some of my weight on them, supporting myself on the counter. I cried out quietly as I straightened my back when I was finally up. Once I was fully straightened out, the pain subsided, but only slightly.

I looked out towards the house and was reminded about the cry I heard from Renesmee just before I drifted off. My heart started racing as I remembered that I had left her in the TV room. She must have been terrified. I walked as fast as I could towards the room, pushing the pain away. When I came in Renesmee was in the same place I had put her, facing towards the TV and fiddling with the hem of her dress. She turned around to face me then, but I wasn't met by a smile. When she turned around I saw her cheeks wet with tears. Her face dropped immediately when she looked at me. She understood everything.

I went over to her a picked her up. When she was securely in my arms she reached her hand up to my cheek gently and stroked it. I smiled weakly at her. She was so gentle. She knew I was in pain.

I gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and took her up to my room silently.

"Stay here," I told her, as I sat her on my bed. "I will go and get you something to eat." Her little face washed with worry but I smiled. "Don't worry, it's fine," I told her. He was gone.

I headed out my door slowly, my body aching at every step down the ladder. I got to the kitchen eventually and got Renesmee some oatmeal and orange juice. I then took it back up to her.

"Thank you," She said quietly. I smiled and kissed her on top of her head.

"You're welcome." I needed to act like everything was normal. I did, to an extent. "I'm going to have a shower. Stay here".

Renesmee nodded and took a bite of her oatmeal. I dragged myself to the bathroom, stripping off my shirt to take a look at the damage. There was clear bruising and my muscles ached. On the small of my back there was a long red line where I had collided with the counter top. I saw it slowly turning into another bruise. My stomach was red and swollen, another bruise forming.

But then I looked at my forehead and saw what must have frightened Renesmee. There was a gash near my hair line trickling blood. I was shocked for a moment, unsure how I got it. I stopped the blood flow with my index finger as it ran down my temple. I then grabbed a wet towel and cleaned it. It didn't help much though. I was a mess; a sweaty, bloody, dirty mess.

I just gave up and jumped into the shower.

The water was still cold as I stood under the nozzle, but it wasn't unpleasant. It was soothing. Eventually the water warmed up and I was even more relaxed. I washed my hair as well as I could, but couldn't soap myself. It hurt too much to bend. I sighed and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body. I felt refreshed as I walked out into my room to check on Renesmee again. My body was still aching, but I felt cleaner, and that helped.

I walked through the door to see Renesmee lying on my bed, fast asleep. Her dishes were at the opposite end, stacked neatly. I smiled to myself and walked over to her to lean down and kiss her on the forehead. She was breathing softly, and as I leant down, I smelt her lovely citrus smell. My body ached, but I didn't care. I sat carefully next to her and watched her sleeping. Suddenly I was hit with a wash of guilt.

Why did I put up with this life? I knew I should have just taken Renesmee and left, but I have never had the courage. I could have called the police, but that had done no good in the past. There was no evidence, not to mention my father was _one of them._ Plus, I was just not sure whether it was the right thing to do. I didn't know whether I should have taken Renesmee away from her home at such a young age. Renee and Charlie had never laid a hand on her. But I always hated to think what she would go through once she grew up and I left home. I would have to take her with me. There was no way I would leave her. But one question plagued my mind every minute of every day: Should I leave with her now?

My thoughts were then interrupted by a movement in the corner of my eye. I looked around to see somebody in the room in Jasper's house that mine over-looked.

It was him. It was Jasper.

I saw him backing into the room, his hands up defensively. I stood up instantly and moved to the window, ignoring my aching, protesting muscles. I watched as he talked to someone. He seemed to be trying to calm them down. It was then that that someone came into view. It was a man. He was large, with greased, black hair and a dark suit. He was yelling at Jasper, stepping closer every second. I watched in shock as the man yelled straight into Jasper's face, inches from him and towering over Jasper's own tall frame. Jasper just stood there, his face expressionless and his figure strong.

I then watched as the big man shoved Jasper back, yelling even louder at him. Jasper stumbled back a few steps and hit the bed, falling onto it. The man then went closer to Jasper, leaning down and yelling right in his face. Jasper didn't move a muscle. The man eventually straightened up and yelled one last message before stomping out the door. I then watched as Jasper held his head in his hands and the man zoomed away in his sleek black car that mirrored his hair.

I watched Jasper there as he sat on his bed, defeated, his head in his hands. I was in total shock. I couldn't move. Every beat of my heart reminded me of the injuries I had faced, but all my thoughts were on Jasper.

My heart ached because I knew he was upset. I needed to be near him; to comfort him. I needed to be close to him. I knew how he would be feeling. My body felt an ache for him; an ache to comfort him.

Suddenly, Jasper's eyes met mine. His face didn't change as he looked at me there, standing in front of my window, wearing nothing but my towel. My spotlight felt different this time. It was still warm, but it was darker than usual. Jasper attempted a smile as he looked back at me but it faltered easily. He couldn't pretend.

I attempted to smile back but it didn't work. I couldn't pretend either.

After a few moments Jasper looked away, ran a hand through his hair and walked out his door. I sighed and turned around, needing to go to him, but not being sure whether I should. Renesmee was still asleep, so I walked to my closet and got dressed, finally.

I put on some grey sweat pants and my black tank top. I needed loose, comfortable clothes on my sensitive, bloated skin. Even the pressure of my tank top caused my bruises to ache. I then threw on a sweater and went back to Renesmee. She was still asleep. I was cold, even though the day was sunny.

Completely at a loss of what to do with myself, I went downstairs.

I was going to sit on the couch, but something in the back of my mind told me to go outside. I followed this instruction and walked out to the porch, sitting in my usual spot. My muscles protested as I sat down. I didn't care. I needed to clear my head. The porch was the best place for it.

I looked down to my feet and buried my head in my hands, sobbing slightly. My hair was still wet and un-brushed. I felt the dampness starting to sink through my sweater. It was cold. I felt like I could never get warm again.

I worried for Jasper. I worried for Renesmee. And then I worried for my own welfare. I didn't know what to do. I was a lost fifteen year old dealing with things I never should have had to deal with.

Suddenly my spotlight was on me again with that same dark feeling. But with it, there was that little bit of warmth I craved.

I didn't dare look up. My eyes were filled with tears and he couldn't see that.

I didn't look up until a beautiful voice sounded from in front of me. I peered through my hair to see Jasper in front of me, his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground.

"Do you want to go for a drive?" He asked, not meeting my eyes. I rubbed my tears away and looked up to him. His eyes soon met mine.

I didn't know what to say. I had to look after Renesmee, and I couldn't possibly take her. But then, I also needed that break. I needed to go with Jasper. He would make me feel better. He would lift the cold.

But then I couldn't leave Renesmee.

That problem was solved a second later when Renee pulled up in the driveway.

I looked up, confused. Jasper stepped back from me as she approached. Then I put on a fake smile and looked her over. Her clothes were clean. Her face was bright. She was completely straight.

"Hi Mom," I greeted, trying to sound happy.

"Good afternoon, Bella. Sorry I'm home late. I stayed the night at Mrs Jenkins place after her birthday party."

Translation: 'I stayed the night at a cheap motel because I was too drunk to drive.'

I just nodded. "Hope you have fun. Renesmee is asleep in my room."

"Thank you," She nodded. And with that, she went back inside.

I turned back to Jasper with a quiet sigh. My smile was gone. He never had one. He just peeled his eyes from the ground to look at me.

"Sure," I agreed, standing up. I needed to get out.

I didn't bother to ask where we were going. I just followed him as he walked to the car. It was the same one from last night. Jasper opened the passenger door for me and I got in, not saying a word. He got into the driver's seat and reversed out of the drive-way, heading down the road.

As soon as I was in the car with him my mood lifted that much more.

We drove for about half an hour when I finally looked at our surroundings. My mind had been filled with thoughts of the events that morning. I don't think either of us felt like talking. When I took in the surroundings I saw we were driving along a remote, skinny, winding country road.

"Where are we going?" I asked now, breaking the silence.

Jasper looked over to me. "The beach," He said simply.

I nodded and looked out the windshield. The sun was now gone. It was over-cast with a small amount of drizzle. It definitely wasn't swimming weather.

We reached the end of the long road and drove through a tiny town, with a few run-down houses, before reaching the beach. It was beautiful.

It was low-tide and the waves were crashing loudly, churning white foam. It was wild. I smiled, remembering First Beach in La Push. I had always loved it there.

We got out of the car and walked down the set of rickety stairs to the beach. Both of us were in our comfortable silence. We walked down to the end of the beach and climbed over a group of small boulders. We then walked over a group of flat rocks, some more boulders and up and over a steep hill. I stumbled and tumbled my fair share of times, but Jasper always caught me.

The fresh air was invigorating. I couldn't help but take long, deep breaths with every step. My body ached from my injuries that morning, but with the fresh air flooding through me and Jasper walking peacefully next to me, I felt reborn and happy. I couldn't help the goofy smile setting in.

Eventually we reached a secluded, small beach with shells as sand. Off to the far side was a small pool of sky blue water, untouched by the waves. The beach seemed untouched by humans, its sand completely smooth and uninterrupted. There were no foot prints - no disturbances in the smooth ground. The sounds of the waves crashing were like a lullaby.

As we crunched over the shells I noticed that I was still in my slippers. I laughed quietly to myself as we sat down.

"What?" Jasper questioned.

"I'm still wearing my slippers," I said with a giggle. Jasper chuckled slightly and then lay down on the shells, putting his arms behind his head and relaxing. I did the same.

We stayed like that for about ten minutes, just watching the clouds, drizzle falling softly on our faces. I could hear Jasper's relaxed breathing as he lay next to me. We were completely at peace, as though we were in our own little bubble. The outside world didn't matter. All of my life's worries seemed to evaporate. We were better just us together, no one there to interrupt us. I didn't have to think.

There was something between us; some unspoken understanding. After what I saw that morning, I couldn't help feeling a greater pull to him. Occasionally I glanced over to him, watching him as he watched the clouds, completely lost in his own world. How could someone so good be treated so badly by his own father? I couldn't answer that. Jasper was nothing but a kind person. He didn't deserve any of it.

My heart ached for him.

Soon my concentration was stolen by the beautiful sound of a wind chime laugh. I looked over to see Jasper chuckling to himself, still looking up at the sky.

"What?" I asked, turning over onto my side and perching on my elbow. Jasper just shook his head and smiled, keeping his eyes on the slow moving clouds. "Fine," I shrugged, rolling back over and relaxing. He must have just been having a special moment.

As soon as I lay back down Jasper laughed again. It was louder this time. I sighed and pulled myself up, turning around to face him and crossing my legs. I frowned at him. He looked at me, laughing again and looking back to the sky. I kept looking at him until he sat up and folded his legs, facing me too.

"You're not like other girls, are you?" He asked after a few minutes of silence, locking my eyes to his. I frowned slightly. I was nothing but normal. I was average; plain; mediocre.

And he was confusing me with his weird questions again.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning slightly.

"You're not going to ask me about anything? What you saw?" He asked, looking away to the waves to look back at me again, his eyes becoming dark, as changeable as the ocean.

My mind clicked instantly and I knew my expression changed to show that.

I shrugged, but kept my eyes locked on his. "It's none of my business. You would explain if you wanted to."

And it was true. It wasn't any of my business and I didn't want to pry. I lived my life by that saying: 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. It applied quite well. I didn't like people prying too far into my life. If I gave a vague answer, it was in order to give someone the message of 'back off' or 'bad subject'. So, I let Jasper keep his own secrets and didn't pry into them.

Jasper kept his eyes locked on me for a few minutes, frowning with confusion, but then looked away, back to the sky. I sighed inwardly and lay down again. The ache of my body then reminded me of the events passed this morning.

I lay there for about five minutes until Jasper spoke again.

"Bella," He whispered, still looking up to the sky. I propped myself up onto my elbows and looked at him. I met his eyes and saw the solid rock that had replaced the ocean. He wasn't showing me anything. He was keeping his thoughts and feelings in perfect check. It worried me. "I'm sorry," He admitted eventually. I frowned.

"What for?" I asked. I was confused then. What did he have to be sorry for?

"For taking you away like this. I mean, you hardly know me, yet I am whisking you away randomly but then hardly speaking to you," He admitted, looking down to his hands.

I was stumped. It was another one of the few times in my life when I didn't know what to say. How was I supposed to explain to him that I loved it; that I need to be with him like that?

How was I meant to tell him that when I was with him I could actually _breathe_?

I couldn't explain it. Hell, I had only known him for a week. This was only the second day I had spoken to him. Nothing of what was happening made sense, and so my brain thought up a bunch of verbal vomit that would hopefully show him indirectly.

"Did you know that even the flap of a butterfly's wings can cause a Tsunami on the other side of the world?"

His eyes bulged in confusion. I mentally slapped myself. "What?" He asked.

"They call it the Butterfly Effect," I said simply, trying to figure out where I was going with this. "It is that even something as small as the flap of a butterfly's wing can cause a disaster. That anything – even a tiny action – can change the course of the world."

Jasper smiled then. "The Butterfly Effect?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "But you see, I think it can work the opposite way. I think that even the smallest event can cause something good to happen on the opposite side of the world, because everything has a purpose. Even the smallest organism has a part to play. It doesn't mean that it has to be something bad."

Finally the rock liquefied. I saw the understanding in his eyes. Then I was taken aback by what he said next.

"But couldn't it also mean that even something as innocent as a butterfly can cause unimaginable damage; that everyone's actions have some negative effect on someone else, no matter how small the action? No matter how much good it means, the butterfly still causes catastrophe by the tiny flap of its wings. The sea meets the land and causes death and destruction where ever it travels. The land will be scarred forever, but the sea will just slowly move back to how it was. No good comes out of it."

I knew then that he understood, and I was shocked how he misconstrued what I said. Did he really think that of himself? Was he trying to apologise to me? I couldn't understand what he meant.

I tried to show him, again, what he meant to me. "Sure, I cannot deny that everything has the potential to inflict harm. That's just a fact of life. But it isn't just a one sided thing. It can work both ways. You never know what effect your actions will have on someone else, good or bad. You never know what something as small as a smile can do to someone's day."

Slowly the conversation was getting more direct. I knew what his smile did for me.

"And what effect have my actions had on you?" Jasper asked as soon as I had finished. His eyes kept mine in their gaze. I was shocked at first. He had understood the meaning of my words perfectly, no matter how indirect they were. Did he feel the same way that I did? Maybe. Maybe not.

What effect had his actions had on me? I didn't know how to explain it in words? Good? That didn't cover it. Fantastic? That was too light-hearted. Life Changing? That was too dramatic.

I couldn't find the right one.

I thought about it for a while. Jasper had changed my life. He made me happy. He provided me with a peace I never thought I could have again – a refuge. I hardly knew him at all, but that didn't matter. I didn't need to know everything about him to be comfortable around him – to be drawn to him. I just was.

"Only positive ones," I said simply. It was stupid and cheesy, but it was the honest truth. His tiny actions towards me were only positive. Never negative.

Jasper's expression didn't change. He just kept looking at me. I looked back at him, not faltering, in an effort to encourage his belief in me.

Suddenly I could read him again. At first he didn't believe it. Then his mind was filled with memories. Then he was questioning.

I know what I said sounded weird. I mean, we had been talking for hardly even two days. I didn't know him. But the time we spent each night on the porch told me something different. I wouldn't lie to him. I told him the truth. I was not going to bring it up, but it made me feel close to him. Just spending those few minutes a night on the porch had helped me find a new sense of peace. I had found a place which I could go to forget my life; forget everything. The only thoughts that came to me in this space were of him and anything purely beautiful in this world.

"Same here," He agreed after a few minutes. I felt my heart flutter. A smile broke loose on my face – that stupid, goofy smile.

After a few moments I saw a movement in the corner of my eye. I looked down to see Jasper's hand moving slowly towards mine. My heart raced as they finally met. I felt that jolt of energy pass between us when they touched. It flowed through my body, warming me. Our fingers entwined. It felt right. All my thoughts of not wanting to get close to anyone at that school flew away, like silent little butterflies. I needed to be close to Jasper. It felt right – more than anything ever had.

I knew we were moving fast, but it didn't seem rushed. Although we had hardly exchanged many words, I knew him.

We stayed like that for a long time - holding hands and talking together. It was mindless chatter about anything and everything; books, music, movies. In the long run, it wasn't an important conversation, but to me, it meant everything. With Jasper I laughed longer and louder.

The feeling did not subside the entire time.

Eventually, though, I noticed the horizon and the sinking sun.

I looked back to Jasper, worried. Suddenly I felt all my worries come back. Renesmee. Renee. Charlie. The pain my body was feeling.

The bubble was popped.

I looked back to Jasper. He was watching the horizon too.

"I better get you home," He stated quietly, the buzz fading. I nodded and he stood up, pulling me up with him. Our hands did not leave each other on the entire trip back. I was sad to be leaving, but I knew we had to. Life would always catch up with us eventually.

We got home at about 6'o'clock. The journey home was quiet - our comfortable quiet. Jasper walked me up to my door, our hands still entwined. He hadn't let go the entire ride home. He drove one-handed for me.

I didn't want him to let go either. I wasn't looking forward to him leaving me at the door.

When we reached the door he turned to me. Our eyes locked together but neither of us spoke for a while.

"I will wait for you here if you want," He said eventually, still looking into my eyes. I smiled immediately. He wasn't going to leave me?

"Okay," I agreed, a smiling tickling my cheeks. "I will just go check on Renesmee and then I will be back."

I rushed inside and ran up the stairs, hating the feeling of being away from Jasper. There was the constant throb of my body as I ran, still reminding me of the abuse.

I got to my room and hurried in, looking around to find Renesmee. She was sitting there, drawing pictures, surrounded by her toys. Mom had clearly looked after her.

"Are you okay, Ness?" I asked. I suddenly felt very bad for leaving her but knew that Renee had been there.

"Yeah," She encouraged with a smile before being absorbed back into her drawing..

"Want some food?" I asked and she nodded. I smiled once to her and darted down the stairs, getting her some food and a drink. I brought it back up to her and she smiled again.

"Thank you," She said.

"Is Dad home yet?" I asked, the ache of my body growing more painful with every breath. I let out a groan and shifted my posture so it was more comfortable.

"No."

"Okay, well I will be out on the porch. Do you want to come?"

Renesmee shook her head and pointed to her master piece. I smiled and nodded, leaning over and kissing her on the forehead, ignoring the ache.

"Okay. I will be back soon," I said, and I went out the door and down the stairs, needing to feel Jasper's presence again.

When I opened the door Jasper was sitting on the porch, his back to me. I smiled then as I felt the bubble slowly come back. The pain I felt melted away. All of my thoughts disappeared. He looked so peaceful. I walked up to him quietly and sat down. Jasper looked over to me and smiled. No words were spoken as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close. That moment, right there, was what I lived for. We were finally on the porch _together_. We were one. There was not that separation between us, and my heart was fluttering because of it.

"Hey," He said after about five minutes, a delayed greeting but perfect nonetheless. I looked up at him. He was looking towards the road. He turned to face me and smiled. I smiled back, my body humming with happiness.

"Hey," I greeted in reply. Jasper leant down and kissed my forehead. He held his lips there, breathing in deeply. My heart was humming. I felt as though we were the only people left in the world. _Forever you will be mine_.

When he pulled away he kept his eyes locked on mine. He smiled down to me and softly brushed a ringlet of my hair back behind my ear. Every part of my skin he touched was tingling. I felt warm and safe in his arms. _Don't ever leave me_.

I felt the blood start to flow to my cheeks. I ducked my head, not wanting him to see. Jasper laughed slightly and put his finger under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his. He smiled and brushed my cheek softly where the blood was pooling. _I can't live without you_.

We sat together like that for a long time. I listened to Jasper's breathing. It was calm and soothing. My heart would flutter every time he looked down to me. I didn't want it to end, but it had to.

It was too quick when I heard the beat of loud, blaring music coming from a car zooming up our street. It was too soon that a giant, dark red jeep pulled up in front of mine and Jasper's houses.

I heard Jasper groan from where he sat. He laid his head in his other hand. "Damn," He muttered.

I looked over to the roaring monster, blaring music into the peaceful night, to see Emmett sitting in the driver's seat, beeping the horn. Edward was on the other side, standing up on the door frame and leaning on the roof, yelling to Jasper.

"Come on, Jasper. Wrap it up. The party is on, remember?" He yelled over the music.

Jasper turned to me and frowned. I tried to smile back to him, but it was hard, knowing that he would have to leave.

"Oh, hi Bella," Emmett blurted out, realising I was there. He turned to Edward. Edward's eyes bulged. It made me giggle.

"Go," I said quietly, smiling to Jasper. "The boys are calling."

Jasper frowned in question. "I don't have to."

I smiled then. I wasn't going to hold him back. "Yeah, you do."

Jasper frowned, but I saw the small smile forming. "Do you want to come?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I can't. I have to babysit," I said. It wasn't entirely true, but Jasper needed some time with his friends.

The loud sound of Emmett's horn drowned out all other noise.

"Hurry up, Jasper!" Edward called. "Are you coming or what?"

Jasper sighed and shook his head, looking down to me. I smiled weakly. Eventually he stood up.

"Bye, Bella," He said, before rushing off and jumping into the huge truck.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself. As he drove away everything came flooding back; the cold, the pain - Everything. I stood up slowly and walked inside and up to my room. My body ached with the bruises, but it wasn't the thing that hurt the most. What hurt the most was my heart. It seemed that with every step I took away from Jasper, the pain doubled. I didn't know why someone who I hardly knew could have such an effect on me. All I knew was that he did.

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**A/N: **I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Thanks again to all readers! Please give me your thoughts in a review? What do you think about Jasper and Bella's relationship so far? I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	8. Chapter 7

**Let Go  
**Chapter 7

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_Secrets_

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Sunday passed slowly, in a blur or darkness and ache. My injuries fully took their affect, leaving me in bed for most of the day. I didn't see any sign of Jasper during the day. I guessed he got caught up with his friends after the party.

Speaking of Jasper, after Saturday, I was left with more questions than answers. Things between us had progressed very fast from what they were on Friday morning. I honestly didn't know what we were. He wasn't a friend. He was more than that. But was he my boyfriend? I didn't know. Nothing was official, and I didn't think he was. Not to mention, the label didn't _fit _right.

Charlie got home late Saturday night. And when I say late, I mean late. I only knew he arrived home because I couldn't sleep, and he made the most noise I had ever heard him make. I was relieved that Renesmee was such a heavy sleeper. That was one of the things she was lucky for. I, on the other hand, was a very light sleeper. Any sound could make me wake up.

I kept Renesmee in my room during the day, and I only left her to get us food. I didn't want her going down stairs and facing Renee and Charlie. Things were on rough ground between them. There continuous arguments rang through the house every hour.

I woke up on Monday morning feeling groggy. My muscles were stiff and protested every movement I made. My body felt the worst it had since Saturday morning, when the injuries were inflicted. I whimpered as I rose out of bed and walked over to the shower. When I was done I then threw on a pair of jeans and a blue, long sleeve shirt. I then hurried out the door to Renesmee's room. My muscles ached in protest but I ignored them, knowing I would have to the rest of the day.

Renesmee was just waking up as I entered and I smiled brightly at her.

"Hey, Ness. It's time to get ready for your first day of day care."

"Yeah!" She said, her chocolate brown eyes lighting up. I walked over to her and picked her up, and then took her into the bathroom and got her ready.

Once she was ready I went back to my room and grabbed things. I was about to leave my room when I brushed the hair from my eyes and felt the bandage on my forehead covering the small gash I received on Saturday. I had to change the bandage, which I did.

Soon enough Renesmee and I had had our breakfast and we were on the way to school, her in her push-chair. I had to drop her off at day care before going to school. Luckily it was on the way so I didn't have to take a detour.

As I walked up the drive way, pushing Renesmee, I looked over to Jasper's house. I saw him walk through his front door and start walking towards the foot path. He had his hands in his pockets and his head down. I smiled when I saw him, and I could feel the pain I felt start to numb. The bubble was slowly coming back.

Suddenly, Jasper looked over to me and smiled. I felt the warmth and smiled back to him as Renesmee and I reached the gate. I stopped at the entrance to his drive way and waited for him. Jasper half jogged the rest of the way to the gate and I was met with a bright smile and the comfort of my spotlight.

"Hey," I greeted as he reached us and we started walking.

"Hey," He said in reply, before looking down to Renesmee. "And who do we have here?" He said as Renesmee smiled up at him. "Hey Renesmee, how are you?"

Renesmee beamed a smile at him and buried her head in her blanket. "I'm going to day care today!"

"Wow, that's so cool. Are you excited?" He asked. Renesmee nodded furiously and then smiled, burying herself in her blanket again.

Jasper looked back at me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back.

"First day, huh?"

"Yup. I'm dropping her off on the way."

Jasper nodded and then looked straight ahead. He was thinking and I didn't want to disturb him, so I shut my mouth.

We reached the day care soon enough. Although the journey was quiet, it was our comfortable quiet. I enjoyed it. Jasper didn't seem to be one for unnecessary chatter either.

I took Renesmee inside the day care and Jasper waited outside. I had left early, leaving plenty of time to spare in case Renesmee didn't want me to leave her. Turns out she was perfectly happy with spending a day with nice people and kids her age. I understood. It would be better than home. I kissed her goodbye and left the push chair there for when I picked her up after school.

When I reached Jasper my heart fluttered as he put his arm around my shoulder. He smiled down to me and I smiled back. I was suddenly safe again.

The walk to school was peaceful. We had left early so there were no other students walking to school at that time, and very few cars. Jasper's arm stayed around my shoulder the whole time. Strangely, I didn't feel the cold air that morning.

When we arrived at school the courtyard was deserted. Jasper and I walked over to a table and sat down. I sat facing away from the school and Jasper sat opposite me, holding my hands in his. His thumb drew circles on my palm as we sat there. We chattered to and fro for a few minutes in an easy, flowing conversation. Jasper smiled the whole time which only made me smile.

A few minutes later Jasper lifted his hand slowly to my forehead. I didn't think much of it. My skin shivered as he brushed my cheek, and the energy continued to jump between us. Then, I was suddenly alert as his fingers brushed my bandage.

He pulled away quickly and frowned at me. I ducked my head and let my hair fall back over the cut.

"Sorry," He apologised quickly, still frowning.

"It's okay," I mumbled, feeling blood rushing to my cheeks.

"What happened?"

I ducked my head again. I didn't want to lie to Jasper, but I definitely didn't want to tell him the truth either.

"Oh yeah, I just tripped over the rug and hit my head on the table. No big deal," I explained, fixing my hair to cover the bandage.

"Are you okay?" He asked quickly, almost too quickly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I tried to reassure him.

Jasper nodded and continued drawing circles on my palm, only this time wearing a frown. He did it for too long, focusing too much energy on our hands.

"Jasper," I called his attention. Slowly he peeled his eyes away from my palm.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

His frown deepened. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem a bit out of it. What's wrong?"

He looked right into my eyes as he spoke. "I don't like the idea of you being hurt."

His sentence took the wind out of me. I had to choke out my words. "L-Like I said, I tripped. It was m-my own fault."

He just nodded, solemn, and looked down again.

After a few moments he cracked a smile and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Can't stay on your feet long, can you?" He joked.

I smiled and giggled slightly. If only that was the case.

We kept our eyes locked on each other. Jasper wasn't smiling, but his expression was happy. His eyebrows weren't stressed, and his eyes weren't even partly narrowed.

Then a ringing came from Jasper's pocket. He let go of my hands then and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?" He paused then. The other person was speaking. Then I watched as a frown appeared. "Shit," He whispered, before flashing his eyes to me. "Ah, Bella, I'm just going to take this. Be back in a minute," He said. I nodded and smiled as he walked off, chattering on the phone.

When he was out of sight I sighed and touched my bandage. I felt bad for lying to Jasper, but I had to. I couldn't tell him what really happened.

I then reached into my bag to find the aspirin. I needed some painkillers. As I did so I spilled a bunch of my things onto the floor. I groaned and bent down to pick them up, trying to ignore the ache in my muscles. I noticed the trickle of a few students arriving and sighed.

As I was picking up my things I hear familiar footsteps behind me. Then they stopped. I felt my spotlight come back, but it had a different feeling to it.

"Bella," Jasper said in an alarmed tone. It made my heart skip a beat. "What is that on your back?" I froze then, realizing what his worried tone was for. I quickly pulled my shirt back down and turned around in my seat. I tried to put on a confused expression, but I'm sure he saw through it.

"W-what?" I asked, stuttering slightly. Jasper frowned at me and I quickly stuffed the rest of my things in my bag.

"Why do you have a massive bruise on your back?" He said in an even more worried tone.

I ducked my head then, and pulled my shirt down further, before pulling the sleeves over my hands.

"What bruise?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly.

"Bella," Jasper cautioned. "Don't try and fool me. What happened?"

Worry was glowing in his eyes. He was frowning. He was sympathetic.

I was freaking out.

"Nothing. It's nothing," I said, picking up my bags. My heart stung with guilt for not telling him the truth, but I couldn't and I wouldn't. Looking back in hindsight, I know I should have continued with the rug and table story. But, under Jasper's revealing gaze and feeling my nerves setting in, I couldn't think straight.

"Bella. Don't lie to me. What happened? I mean, the cut on your forehead, and now this. Something happened, didn't it?"

"Nothing happened, Jasper. Okay?" I stated, noticing the school filling up quickly. "I'm fine. Just forget it." My voice was louder then. I wasn't thinking straight and I was too nervous to think of anything to say. The abrupt mention of the bruise left me totally shell-shocked.

I gave him a small, apologetic look before turning around and starting off to class. I don't know whether he saw it.

"I will talk to you later," I mumbled over my shoulder, walking quickly to class.

"Bella!" Jasper called louder as he reached towards me. He placed his hand on the top of my arm, trying to hold me back. He didn't squeeze hard, but the sensitivity of the spot because of the bruising caused a shot of pain.

"Ouch," I winced, jumping away from his touch. I placed a hand over the area, looking down at it. Then it dawned on me that he saw that.

I wanted to run. I wanted to hide under a rock. I wanted to do anything to get away from what I knew was happening. I just couldn't. All I could do was slowly peel my eyes away from my arm to look up at him. I don't know what he saw on my face, but he froze instantly. Shock and worry was all I saw.

I knew I had hurt his feelings, and I knew I had confused him, but I had to leave. My head wasn't thinking straight as I walked away, and I didn't turn back. I soon merged in with the flow of students heading to class as the bell rang. My heart called for me to turn back. I felt a pull to turn back. I had left Jasper in that spot, shocked and worried, when all he was doing was trying to look after me. All he cared for was my safety. But I couldn't turn back. I had just run away; closed myself up from the one person I wanted to get to know. I had confused him, and confused myself.

I didn't go to class then. I couldn't walk in and pretend like everything was okay. I should have been able to, but I couldn't. Everything had gone too far south far too quickly. Everything had started too quickly, too. There was a lump forced in my throat that wouldn't budge. If I tried to talk, I didn't know what might have happened. I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself, so I didn't put myself in a situation in which I would have to. I didn't want to test my barriers and defences.

Instead of turning to the door to Physics I walked straight past. I didn't dare look into the class to check if anyone saw me, and honestly, I didn't care. I carried on down the open-air corridor and out onto a large grass field. I walked over it and to the hedge of trees on the opposite side. When I was sure I was away from the vision of prying eyes I sat down and leaned against the strong pine trunk. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, letting my head fall back. I attempted to steady my breathing, concentrating on getting it perfect. I counted, insuring I was inhaling and exhaling at even intervals. It was successful in distracting my thoughts, and that's what I needed. I had to calm down before I tried to think anything through. It was essential that my mind was clear so that I could come up with a good excuse. I couldn't be flustered and put on the spot like I had just been. I knew I had ruined everything. I cursed myself for what I did. I should have stuck with my original plan. I should never have gotten close to someone.

I kept breathing. I watched the small beam of light filtering through a narrow gap between two branches. Finally, my pulse started to settle.

It had been at least twenty minutes when I heard the crunching of frosted grass in front of me. My breathing stopped instantly and I froze as the sound stopped. I silently prayed that whoever was there couldn't see me. I was hidden well enough in the dark shade, and the footsteps were at least thirty feet away. I didn't look away from the beam of light. I didn't want any move to attract my visitor's attention. My heart was pounding in my chest as I realised the footsteps hadn't started again yet.

Slowly I switched my gaze and looked forwards. At first I didn't see who my visitor was, but when I looked to the left I saw him standing there, frowning at me.

Jasper.

My heart started to instantly calm. He was the last person I wanted to see, but he was the one who I needed to see.

"Bella..." My name was a whisper on his lips. I didn't react to his words. I just continued to look at him. He took an unsure step towards me and my head ducked instinctively.

"I'm sorry," He said, quieter this time. I looked up to him reluctantly and saw he had stopped. He had only taken that one step. His eyes were filled with deep concern and there was a small frown line between his eyebrows.

"Bella..." He said again, leaning his head ever-so-slightly to the right. "Bella, don't cry. Please. What's wrong?" He said in a soothing voice. I was taken aback for a second, confused by his words. My mind then registered to the tickle of a tear falling down my right cheek. Then I felt one on my left.

I let out a small laugh and ducked my head, wiping away the tears. I hadn't even realised myself crying. I heard the slow sound of footsteps coming towards me and I smiled, still laughing. I looked up as Jasper knelt down in front of me. He was frowning and his eyes were worried, but he was smiling slightly, although I was sure it was not a real smile.

He didn't speak as he moved to sit next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I was still ducking my head.

"What are you doing here?" I asked after a few minutes. Immediately I felt guilty. My voice sounded cold and he didn't deserve that. I sure was screwing up that day.

"I tried to follow you when you left but I lost you pretty quickly. I passed your class when Rosalie came out. She saw you walk right past and was worried. She was going to go see what was wrong, but I told her I would. I was worried about you, Bella. She pointed me in this direction," He explained, keeping his arm around my shoulder. "I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be here, Jasper," I said, looking in the opposite direction from him. My voice was lifeless and dull, but authoritative.

"What's wrong, Bella? Please tell me. I hate seeing you like this."

I heard the worry in his voice. I wanted to look at him, to hug him, to comfort him. I just wouldn't let myself.

I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away from him. "Go, Jasper," I commanded. My heart told me what I was doing was wrong, but my head told me it was right. I should never have started to get close to him. It only made things more difficult. This morning's slip up was an exact example of that.

"Bella..." Jasper said in shock. I shook his arm off my shoulder. I felt a lump forming in my throat but swallowed hard, subduing it. "Bella, I didn't mean to upset you. Please."

"Just leave," I ordered again, ignoring any guilt I felt. I knew that getting close to someone was a bad idea. Nothing good came out of it. It would always end horribly; I would always screw it up.

"Jesus Bella," Jasper growled, standing up and looking down at me. I was shocked by the anger and annoyance in his voice. I have taken back by the sudden change. I had never heard him speak like that. My head shot up immediately. I was met with a cold look.

"What?" I spat. My voice's tone matched his. Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Could you make up your damn mind?" He asked strongly, his eyes meeting mine in a piercing stare.

I glared back at him, but then looked away rudely. I didn't have to listen to him. He didn't know me. He didn't know what he was talking about.

I heard Jasper scoff. I shot a glare back at him.

"What the hell, Jasper? What are you even talking about?" I asked angrily.

"For fuck sake, could you stop playing these damn games? Make up your mind already," He growled again.

I was sick of listening to him then. I didn't want to deal with his mood swings. I didn't have to. He didn't know me, and he never would. I shook my head and stood up to leave. I started walking out of the trees, folding my arms in front of me. I had never felt so cold.

"See! This is exactly what I mean!" I heard Jasper shout from his spot. I spun around to see him staring at me. He met my gaze for a second before rolling his eyes and heading further into the trees.

A shot of anger ran through me then. I sighed, turning back and heading towards him again. I was infuriated and wouldn't stand for his shit. Stubborn Bella took hold.

Jasper heard my approach and turned around again, staring at me.

"What do you mean, Jasper?" I spat at his solid stance. Jasper threw his hands into the air and started walking towards me. We met under a canopy of trees, merely inches apart.

"Don't play dumb, Bella. I know you aren't this blind. Could you stop mucking around with me and just tell the truth?" He said strongly.

I held my face firm and showed no emotion. "Stop being so vague and tell me what you mean!"

I already knew what he meant, or at least I had an idea. I just didn't want it to be true.

"Make a decision! I mean, what was up with you this morning, and right now? One minute, you are happy and want everything to do with me, and the next you are closing yourself up. On Saturday it was like I was finally getting a look at the real you and now you are closing up again. I don't know what I can do. It's like you are afraid to let anyone in." Jasper's words stung like a bad sunburn. "I don't know what to do with you, Bella. I'm getting mixed messages here. I don't know where I stand with you. I mean, what was all that stuff on Saturday? I thought I was starting to become close to you. Then today you just totally shut me out. Make a decision."

His face was strong, but I saw his eyes falter and soften slightly as they looked into mine. We were inches apart and I could feel his hot breath on my face.

His words hurt too much to bear. I hated that I did that to him, but I also knew I had to.

"You don't know me, Jasper. You can't ask anything of me. I hardly know you! What do you expect?"

I knew my words were lies but they were my last attempt to escape. Sure, we hadn't known each other for long, but there was something else between us.

"Don't try that, Bella," He whispered, hurt and pleading. "You know there is something else to this – to us. Don't tell me you can't feel it. I need you to talk to me."

I rolled my eyes and looked away. I could feel tears start to pool in my eyes, and I didn't want him to see. My heart screamed to say yes. I needed to tell him I felt it, too, whatever it was. But then my head told me I couldn't. I couldn't stay by him. I couldn't get close to him. I just _couldn't._

I started walking away when he spoke again.

"Bella," His voice was softer then, filled with worry. I turned around to look at him. "Please?"

"I can't, Jasper," I said, his begging feeling like a stab to the heart. Pain ripped through me when I uttered those three words.

"Why not?" He asked with his voice filled with urgency.

"Because nothing ever ends well. I can't trust anyone but myself, and sometimes I can't even do that. And you, Jasper, deserve much better. You deserve someone who can tell you the truth. I can't, so let's end it before it goes too far. It's for our own good."

"No," Jasper shook his head. "I don't want to end it. I want you. There isn't any better."

"Things aren't always as good as they seem." My voice was quiet then. I hated what I was doing, but I had to do it.

"Do you really have that much of a low opinion of yourself?"

I looked up to him, my eyes swimming in tears. At least I could tell him some truth.

"Yes."

Jasper shook his head and walked towards me, encasing me in his arms. I knew it shouldn't have felt as good as it did. I should have pushed it away. I should have rejected it all. I just couldn't.

But eventually, after a few moments of warmth, I did push away. I pushed away and wiped my own tears.

"Don't. I can't."

"Bella..."

"Don't."

I couldn't take it. I knew our relationship shouldn't have been that complicated from the beginning, but it was, and I needed to put a stop to it before he found out too much.

"What are you afraid of?" Jasper insisted.

I couldn't put it into words. I just looked at him, pleading for him to stop.

He pulled me into his arms again. I went willingly. I needed that comfort.

"I'm sorry," He whispered as he held me. "I'm just worried about you. That's all."

I nodded. "I know," I sniffled. "And I'm sorry... but I... I just can't..."

I pushed off his chest again, wrapping my own arms around my chest. Jasper frowned, stepping towards me.

"Then don't..." he choked out. I looked into his eyes then. I saw tears wanting to spill over. I saw his pain and his hurt. It killed me. "Don't explain. Just, don't leave me."

As I looked at the torn Jasper, I nodded. Slowly, Jasper walked over to me. I couldn't look at him as his hand went to my cheek, wiping away my tears. I couldn't breathe as he took hold of my hand and led me to a tree.

We both sat down in silence. It was five minutes until Jasper spoke again.

"When I was little my Mom told me this story, one that her father told her," He began as he fiddled with a twig on the undergrowth, "It was about a young boy who had always looked up to the stars in wonder. He dreamed of the stars being different worlds, all unique and beautiful in their own way. He always wondered what they were, but never knew for certain. One day, when he was a teenager, he decided to find out. So, he built wings and flew to them. He soared high, and people on earth watched on in amazement."

Jasper smiled then, meeting my eyes. "This story has a point, I swear," he promised. I smiled and nodded, something in his eyes telling me it truly did. "So, soon he reached the stars. They were even more amazing than he had ever imagined. On his way back to earth, his wings were destroyed by a freak thunder storm. He fell back to the ground and was killed. When he got to heaven he was asked: 'Do you regret what you did as it caused you to die at such a young age?' The boy's reply was: 'No, because if I had never taken a risk, I would never have known for sure'. My Mom said that in life you have to take risks in order to get what you want, and that you should always act on the whims of your heart, no matter what the risk. Life is too short to waste. Of course, when my Mum died I told my Dad this story. He said it was 'crap' and I wasn't to listen to it. No-one gets what they want in life."

Jasper was silent for a few minutes. I stayed quiet, wanting him to continue in his own time. "I actually believed him for some time. I agreed with him. I never thought any good would come of life. That was until I saw you." His eyes locked on me. He was dead serious, and I couldn't do anything but watch him. "I know I come off strong, Bella. I know that. It's just, all my life, I have been taught that I have to take risks and go after what I want. I know you have no reason to trust me. I know it's weird. I just... I have to take risks to know for sure. I have to plunge into the unknown. It's what I was taught. So I'm sorry that I upset you. It's just... I don't want to lose you."

My head felt like it was spinning from his words. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know if I was doing the right thing. All I knew was that Jasper made me feel better than I ever had. I needed him, but the things holding me back were too strong to forget. Was it okay to trust him? Would he let me down? Was I going too fast?

I didn't know.

"I've never really been one for taking risks," I admitted honestly. "I have always been one to stay away from the fire so I don't get burnt. And honestly, I don't know what is right or what will work out. But what I do know is I want _you_."

Jasper smiled then. It was small, but it's a start. "I'm sorry for upsetting you," He apologised. "I was just worried."

"It was my own damn fault. I'm the one who should be sorry."

He just shook his head. I decided to change subject.

"I'm sorry about your Mom," I offered, taking his hand.

Jasper smiled weakly. "So am I."

"What happened?"

"Cancer," He said blankly, not meeting my eyes. "I was eleven."

I didn't know what to say. I just squeezed his hand.

Jasper's eyes flashed up to me then. He straightened up quickly. It left me back-tracking.

"Anyway... it was a long time ago," He said, as if to shrug it off. "Dad's forgotten about her. I guess I should too."

I shook my head then. "You can never forget someone you loved."

"Try telling my Father that," He mumbled, as if speaking his thoughts allowed. That theory was pretty much concluded when he snapped to attention again. "Sorry. I didn't mean... He's just not the nicest guy around."

"I know what you mean," I mumbled. Jasper looked up to me then, his eye-brows burrowing in a frown. I just shook my head. Jasper continued to frown at me. I knew I had just said the wrong thing.

"Bella," He whispered, "the bruises?"

My heart jumped into my throat. I don't know what Jasper saw in my face, but his expression changed instantly. I looked away from him, my heart pounding irregularly. I didn't know what to say, so I chose not to say anything at all.

"Bella," Jasper said, more strongly now.

"No," I said, my voice faltering slightly.

"I'll kill the mother fuck-"

"It wasn't him!" I said quickly.

"Damn it, Bella," Jasper growled under his breath. "Just tell me the truth. I saw the cut on Saturday. I'm not blind, Bella. I didn't want to bring it up. Something happened, didn't it? I'll kill the mother fucker if it was him who did this." He ran a hand through his hair, stressed and squeezing his eyes shut.

"No," I said in a whisper. My voice was weak. "Nothing happened. This isn't about me, anyway. We were talking about you."

He turned to me then. "Bella, _please _tell me. You can trust me. I just want you to be safe. I won't judge you. Don't be afraid."

I shook my head. "I'm not afraid."

"Then what is it?"

I shook my head again, only this time, I kept my mouth slammed shut.

Jasper watched me, pleading. After a few minutes he threw in the towel. "Fine," He said gave up as he threw his hands in the air. "Forget honesty then."

Jasper shrugged and lay down, staring at the sky with intense eyes.

Honesty? _Honesty?_ Just because I didn't want to tell him something I was suddenly not honest? That's bullshit. How could he say that? Did he just expect me to spill every dark secret I had to him. Did he want to know every single thing about my miserable life? God, what was he going to ask next? He didn't know me. Hasn't anyone ever told him to stay out of other people's business? He had officially peeved me off. I had barely known him for a few days.

"You want _honesty_, Jasper?" I hissed. "Then how about telling me what happened on Saturday that had you fleeing to the beach? How about you tell the truth about _that_?"

Jasper sat up, staring at me with those eyes. "Nothing happened."

What happened on Saturday had been plaguing my mind for a long time. I knew that confrontation was not 'nothing'.

"Bullshit," I claimed.

Jasper groaned. "Why does it even matter? You saw it."

"But I have no clue what was going on. You want me to spill my beans. How about you go first, Mr I'm-Not-A-Hypocrite?"

In all honesty, I didn't need to know what went on. It was just my last desperate measure to escape me telling the truth.

Jasper sighed, running a hand through his hair. After a minute of debating he spoke. "Fine" He agreed. "My Dad was angry at me. I screwed up in the football game that morning. I didn't play well enough. That's it."

I was shocked that he actually told me, and I was even more shocked about what a horrible person his Dad seemed to be.

"His belief is that it's the only thing I'm good for. If I don't play well, he jumps down my throat. To him, I'm nothing if I don't play. I'm meant to take the team to the state championships and then nationals."

I couldn't really put any coherent sentences together. I just stared at him, not believing. From what I saw that day, his father's anger was outrageous.

"That's not fair," I claimed.

He diverted his eyes then. "It is."

I shook my head, grabbing his hand to try and get his attention. Jasper didn't deserve that pressure or expectation. It wasn't just his job to make the team successful.

"It's bullshit, Jasper, and you know it."

He shook his head, wanting to change topic as quickly as possible. "Whatever. It's your turn. Explain."

My heart jumped into my throat. I didn't want to explain. My hope had been set on him backing out. I didn't want to lie, and I wouldn't. I just didn't really want to tell the truth.

I turned my head away from him and stared at the thick trunk of the biggest pine tree. I imagined that my eyes were lasers and were slowly cutting through the trunk, causing it to crash to the ground. It would be the distraction I needed to get out of the explanation that was coming. I continued to glare at the tree, slowly narrowing my eyes.

I was soon interrupted by Jasper clearing his throat.

"If you strike a match, you're going to feel the flame. You wanted honesty, Bella. You got it. Now it's your turn," He said.

I snapped out of my trance and looked back to Jasper, breathing deeply. I waited for a few more seconds, hoping – wishing - that something - anything - would cause a distraction.

My wishes went unnoticed.

"Fine," I sighed in defeat as I bowed my head, knowing I would have to face the flame I started. I had to take a few deep breaths. All I wanted was to stall the inevitable. I just had to get myself more time – a few more seconds of planning

I could have run. I could have refused. But when I looked back to Jasper, my vision blurring, I knew I couldn't leave or refuse him. That thought made a thick, unmoveable lump form in my throat.

I had no idea how they got there, but they did. One tear tumbled down my cheek as I looked at him. It was because I was torn – torn between Jasper and what I wanted with him and my need to keep my secrets. I suppose it should have been easy to keep the secrets. I didn't know Jasper. But it wasn't. There was something different about us.

I couldn't see Jasper's face clearly. I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to face any of it.

"Oh no, Bella," He sighed. I heard him move closer to me, taking my hands in his. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You don't have to tell me anything. Not anything at all. I'm so sorry."

Jasper moved next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I tried to stop the tears from flowing and even though the warmth and comfort of his hold helped, I didn't want to need it.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," He apologised again. He lifted my chin. I opened my eyes and looked up to him. I saw his feeling of guilt which I didn't want him to feel.

I shook my head and sat up. "No, please don't be sorry. Please, don't."

"I didn't mean to upset me. Don't tell me anything. It doesn't matter. I just need you to be happy."

I froze then, immediately guilty at what I had done. Jasper had told me what he never wanted to share with the belief I would share my secrets too. Then I used the waterworks to dodge a bullet. It wasn't fair on him at all. I was manipulative and selfish. Jasper had braved the storm to come out in a better place – an honest, open place. I needed to do that too. We couldn't start anything on lies and secrets. I knew that we were moving fast but the rule was still the same: You don't start a relationship on lies, secrets and manipulation. It just creates a rusted foundation that will certainly crumble.

"I do," I nodded, wiping away the manipulative tears. "It's fair and it's right. No secrets."

Jasper frowned at me. "You don't have to, Bella. Really, it's okay."

"No, it's not," I said, determined, wiping the final tears from my eyes and facing him. "I'm going to tell you."

Jasper frowned. I nodded and continued breathing steadily, eyes on my hands. Jasper took my hands. That comfort returned.

"My Dad," I breathed. I felt Jasper tense in front of me. I squeezed his hands as his back went ramrod straight.

"I'll kill him," He growled.

I looked up to him through tear stained eyes. "Don't you dare do a thing," I growled.

"How can you say th-?"

He was getting angry. I put a hand up to silence him. "No. Stop it now. If you do anything, I swear to God I'll-"

He interrupted me. "Okay. Sorry," He said quickly.

I nodded and took a deep breath. This time, Jasper squeezed my hand. "He was drunk. He is abusive. That's all."

Jasper was silent for a few minutes. I listened as he attempted to control his broken, heavy breathing. His back and arms were stressed to breaking point.

"Is this the first time this has happened?" He asked through clenched teeth, a storm brewing behind the blue.

I didn't answer for a few minutes. I was attempting to calm myself. Also, I was weighing up the pros and cons of lying versus telling the truth. Then I thought back to my agreement: No lies.

"No," I whispered.

At that Jasper cursed lost control. He shot up, fists crunched. "I will fucking kill him!"

I shot up after him. "Jasper, calm down. It's okay," I said, reaching towards his cheek.

Jasper moved away, fuming. "No, Bella. It's not okay. It's fucking wrong! He's a cop, for fuck sake! How could he!"

Jasper was furious, his whole body on the verge of snapping.

"No, Jasper. Please just leave it," I pleaded, trying to calm him.

"No," He growled. Then he swivelled around on his heels, attempting to storm away.

I grabbed hold of his wrist and held him back. "No, Jasper," I ordered.

Jasper turned around slowly and his eyes met mine. "But Bella-" He tried to argue with his stance softened. I interrupted him.

"Please Jasper. Just stay."

"Why? I can't just stand here when-"

I interrupted him. "You have to."

He shook his head. "I _have to_ do something."

I didn't want him to. I also knew that, if I asked, he wouldn't, because no matter what he thought, he would do what I wanted.

"I don't want you to."

"But-"

"It does no good. None. Just come back. Sit down. I don't want to leave yet."

I watched his disbelief. Then his disagreement. Then his anger. Then, finally, I saw his tortured agreement.

Then Jasper breathed in once and nodded.

As he came closer I hugged him. I wouldn't let go – not for what seemed like hours. I buried myself into him and let a few silent tears fall.

Eventually, though, Jasper pulled us apart.

He looked down at me and brushed away a few more tears.

"Come on," He said, taking my hand in his and leading me across the field.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I went along with him. Neither of us were smiling – our previous conversation put a damper on the day. But, no matter what, we were both still comfortable. We both still wanted to be with each other, no matter what.

"You'll see."

_###_

**Author's Note: **I missed the update last week, and I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of exams and my mind was elsewhere; far away in study land. I just got back from a three hour exam actually. It finished at 6 o'clock. On a Saturday night. Yeah, it sucked. Plus, I'm pretty sure I failed, so I'm not in a very good mood. Review and make it better? Please? Tell me what you think of the chapter. I'm still not sure about it. What do you think of Jasper here? Thank you to all readers!


	9. Chapter 8

**Let Go  
**Chapter 8

###

_Home and Curveballs_

###

Jasper took me back to his house to get the car and then we drove. We drove the familiar roads of our home town and then the memorable road leading to the small town of oddly placed houses near the sea side. Jasper parked in that identical parking space and opened his door. Only, this time the wind did not whip at his clothes and parade his hair frantically over his eyes. The weather was calm; overcast, but calm.

Jasper headed around to my door and opened it, helping me out. A refreshing, intense surge of sea air blew into my face, twirling my hair. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, feeling Jasper's hand on my waist as he closed my door. I needed that fresh air; that relief from my previous puffy, post-tears state.

I kept my eyes closed until I felt Jasper's lips at my ear. His voice was a murmur and his breath tickled my skin.

"Let's go," He whispered, taking hold of my hand and leading me down the rickety staircase once again. The waves that day were very small and only breaking as tiny ripples, as if someone had jumped into a pool.

Jasper escorted me down towards that same end of the beach. We walked hand-in-hand, and I couldn't help but smile.

We carried on walking until we reached that little bay that Jasper had taken me to on Saturday. I thought we were staying there, but apparently Jasper had other plans. We kept walking until we reached the end of the small bay. In front of us was a large, towering rock with jagged handles and steps that I supposed we were meant to use to climb up. I gawked at the monstrosity we were supposed to climb. Jasper laughed slightly. I looked to the end of it. It reached into the sea, not changing in height. I knew there was no way around it or under it. We had to go up.

I turned to Jasper with a look of horror on my face. I had already fallen down five times on the way there, but had survived. I didn't want to test that luck.

"I am not going up there," I stated, matter-of-factly, folding my arms and turning to Jasper to plead for my life.

"Don't worry, I will help you," He reassured me.

"N-n-no" I stuttered, shaking my head and turning away.

"Oh, come one, Bella. Take a risk. I will help you and you will love what's on the other side," He promised.

I shook my head again, adamant on keeping my feet firmly on the ground.

"What do I look like; Spiderman? I am not going up there. Two left feet plus heights don't work well together, Jasper."

"Where's your sense of adventure? And listen, if you fall, I'll jump off after you. We will plummet to our deaths, but we will do it together."

I laughed at that – his positive attitude to such a depressing topic. Jasper was smiling at me, but I knew he had something planned. I shook my head and folded my arms over my chest again.

"Are you crazy Jasper? This is suicide."

"Stop being such a tight ass. You only live once," He joked. "Make the most of it. Come out of your shell."

I thought I was going to win the argument; I had to win the argument. I could never climb that thing. I didn't have the guts. I didn't have the want. I wasn't an adventurer. I liked things I knew. Sadly, I suddenly felt as though I was soaring, and before I knew it I was up on the first ledge.

I let out a scream and Jasper rolled his eyes. I was frozen in place, unable to move, pressed hard against the rock.

"Get a move on, Bella," Jasper said from below me. "You are part way there."

I looked down to him and narrowed my eyes. "How did I get here?"

Jasper smiled then. "I lifted you. Now go!"

I rolled my eyes, but inside I said _'Fuck it'_. I was already part way up, so I had to keep going. I got up off my ass and turned to the next ledge, muttering "Show off" as I placed my shoe in a foot hole and lifted myself up. Jasper laughed from behind me and got up on the first ledge.

Eventually we reached the top, and I had been determined on the way up to show Jasper I needed no help. He had only supported me once when he caught my foot when a foot hole crumbled from beneath it.

I pulled myself over the top and lay down on my back, panting. Jasper came up beside me a few seconds later and did the same, laughing.

"See? That wasn't so hard," He said, catching his breath.

"Yeah..." I agreed hesitantly, rolling over and looking down from the towering slab of rock. "But how are we going to get _down_?"

"The same way we got up."

It was then that my eyes widened in horror. The _same_ way?

"Relax, Bella. It was worth it," He said, sitting up. "Look."

Jasper pointed towards the other side of the rock that we had just tackled. I rolled over then and sat up, bringing my knees to my chest.

When the sight before me finally registered I was struck dumb. Before me, about sixty feet ahead, the enormous rock started lazily slopping down towards the quietly crashing waves. Scattered over this rock were lumps of brown in all different shades. There were three of them; one very large one, one which was slightly smaller than the biggest one, and another which was tiny in comparison.

The sky blue water pattered over the rocks, ebbing and flowing with the waves. The smallest shape lay by the edge of the water. It was then that I saw its tail jump into the air and it flopped around to face the other two lumps.

_Seals._

I was amazed when I finally realised what these inert objects were. When I did, all the details of them stood out to me: The texture of their fur, the movements of their bodies and the rising and sinking of their chests.

I gasped at their sight and felt Jasper's arm go around my shoulder. I nuzzled into his hold and lay against him as we watched the gorgeous animals in their natural environment.

After a few minutes Jasper spoke.

"The locals call the big one Alfred. He's the father. The middle one is Sally, who is the mother. The little one's their baby. Normally they only come here every spring to have their baby, but this year they came now. Nobody knows why and nobody can explain it. It's a miracle of nature. They came just over two weeks ago. Only locals know about them, so it has to be kept a secret."

My heart fluttered at this story. My goofy smile came back, and all my worries from earlier in the day were practically forgotten.

I watched as the baby lifted its head and snuggled into its mother. Its mother returned the gesture by licking the top of its head.

"Does the baby have a name?" I asked.

"Lily," He said, smiling._ Lily_.

I smiled and felt Jasper lean down and kiss the top of my head. My heart buzzed because of it.

"How do you know about them?"

Jasper was silent for a few minutes. I didn't rush him. We had all the time in the world.

"I'm kind of a local, I guess," he explained after a while. "My Mom grew up here. When I was young, every weekend after Football, her and I would come down here and stay in her old family home. This place was her escape. After she died she left me that house, but I haven't been back, but I still come to the beach every chance I get. My Mom showed me this place first. You're the first person I have ever brought here."

Jasper spoke in a quiet voice. My heart was fluttering after this story, but it was also aching for the pain I knew Jasper felt. Jasper continued to stroke my hair, running his hands through it.

I sat up after a few minutes and faced him, crossing my legs and taking his hands in mine. Jasper glanced over to me and smiled weakly. His eyes dug into mine and I finally realised what this place meant to him. I finally realised that he had let me into his heart long before I let him into mine.

No words were spoken as we looked into each other's eyes, but we were talking. Nothing could take me away from that moment, and I wouldn't let anything.

In the corner of my eye, slowly but surely, I watched as my small hand reached his cheek and cradled it. Then I found myself leaning slowly towards him. I didn't have control of what was happening, but it felt natural, and so I went with what my heart told me for the first time in my life.

Jasper's eyes flashed with surprise. Soon he was returning the movement. It was instinctual and magical and meant to be.

When our lips met I was finally where I was meant to be. This was my first kiss, and I knew it was Jasper's. The feeling of my spotlight seemed to shatter. The feeling that came then was even better. In that spot, with Jasper, was home_._

I knew that if I had been standing I would have crumpled to the ground. I felt as though lightning had struck me. Energy was jumping between us like never before. Jasper's hands moved to the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. My hands tangled themselves into his hair. Jasper held me closer.

Eventually we pulled away from each other. I held Jasper's face in my hands. He smiled to me and then looked to my lips, pecking them once, twice, three times.

Then he stopped and sighed. "Jeez, Bella," he chuckled. "Where'd that come from?"

I laughed quietly and blushed. "Sorry."

He frowned. "You really need to stop saying that."

"What?"

"Sorry."

"Oh..."

"Because you didn't do anything wrong."

I attempted to smile at him but couldn't quite get it to look real. I had been very wrong that morning.

"I did."

"That kiss wasn't wrong. Fuck, it was nowhere _near _wrong."

I laughed then. He wrapped his arms around me and I leant into him.

"Good."

Then we were silent again. We just watched the seals.

They were so peaceful and serene. I ached to have a peaceful life like theirs. But I also knew I could have one, as long as I was with Jasper. When I was with him nothing else mattered.

We watched them for hours. The sun had moved to its opposite place in the sky when any more words were spoken. The time seemed to fly by. No worries of the real world could get to me when I was with Jasper, so I was never troubled to wait for time to trudge along. Neither of us even thought about school.

"Jasper," I said after many hours. "What is your mother's name?"

"Maria," he answered simply.

Neither of us spoke for a minute until I broke the silence once more. "I'm sorry that you lost her."

I felt Jasper pick a piece of my hair and twirl it around his finger absentmindedly. "Please, stop apologising."

"Right. Okay."

"It was a long time ago. No need to worry."

I would have tried to talk to him about it, but his tone told me not to. He seemed too cold when he talked about her. All I could put it down to was that it was a sensitive subject, and we had had enough of those for one day. I didn't want to test the water anymore.

We stayed silent for about ten minutes until the shrill, un-natural sound of Jasper's phone rang from his pocket. Jasper groaned and shuffled around a bit to reach into his pocket. He held it in front of us to look at the caller ID and then flipped it open, silencing its terrible shrilling sound.

Immediately a frightened, panicking voice erupted from the phone. I recognised it instantly; Alice. Jasper stiffened and shuffled himself away from me when Alice's alarm registered with him. He stood up and started pacing the length of the rock. I stood up too, my heart pounding with worry about what was happening.

"Okay, calm down Alice. Have you called Emmett?" He asked calmly. More voice filled with terror came from the phone.

"Alright, just wait there. I will be there as soon as I can. Look after him till then. I will try and get hold of Emmett and Rosalie on the way. Just keep him there, okay?" Jasper's voice was strong but patient. Alice's voice was even more panicked then.

"Listen to me, Alice. It will be okay. Trust me, okay? I will be there soon."

With that he slammed the phone shut and turned to me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella, but I have to go. Alice needs m-" He was trying to explain but I cut in.

"Okay, don't explain. Let's go," I said. I knew something bad had to be happening, therefore we had to leave. No matter how much I wanted to stay, the world would always catch up with us sometime. There were no two ways around it.

We made it back to the car in record time. I made a specific effort not to trip and went as fast as I could. It took all my concentration and then some, but I managed. Alice's panicked voice kept me going.

When we got to the car Jasper sped off, going well above the speed limit the entire way. I couldn't even make out any shapes as we whizzed past them. Luckily, no police were about.

Jasper had managed to get hold of Emmett and Rosalie. They had been at Emmett's house, neither watching their phones. They left as soon as Jasper got them. He didn't have time to drop me home; he had to get to Alice and Edward as soon as possible. He had offered, but I told him to get to Edward's house and that that was all that was important.

The rest of the ride had been quiet. Jasper concentrated on driving, his focus burning into the road. Soon enough we were tearing up the Cullen driveway, dust rising up behind the car. I looked behind us and saw Emmett's truck following closely. Whatever was happening, it was bad.

Jasper parked right at the door and Emmett skidded up next to him a second later.

Jasper turned to me but I spoke before he could.

"I'll stay here," I said quickly. Jasper frowned, as if to say '_I'm sorry,' _but then nodded, tossing me the keys and shooting into the house right behind Emmett and Rosalie.

The front door stayed ajar behind them. I just watched, completely shell-shocked. It had all happened so fast. One moment, Jasper and I were in total peace, and then we were rushing off as if life depended on it. Everything seemed so robotic – even my actions. I never really thought about what was happening until I was sitting docile in the car. I acted all on instinct.

At least half an hour passed till I saw any sign of life. To my surprise, Rosalie came out the front door, her head bowed and her hair in disarray. She walked straight towards the car and opened the driver's door, getting in, but not shutting it behind her. She looked at me, her eyes full of concern. She was frowning slightly, her eyes in a deep stare.

"Is everything... okay?" I asked hesitantly.

Rosalie nodded. "It's under control."

I nodded and stared out the front window. Of course I was curious about what was happening, but I wouldn't ask. It was way too personal and she seemed way too shaken up to explain.

"Bella," Rosalie called my attention, her eyes still holding that deep, empty stare. "Be careful."

I was confused by her words and looked to her, frowning. "What do you mean?"

Rosalie thought for a while, as if she didn't know how to word what she was trying to say.

"I mean be careful about the decision you make."

I was still confused. I had no idea what she meant.

"I don't understand, Rosalie," I admitted. Rosalie sighed.

"Jasper. I'm talking about Jasper, Bella," she said quickly.

"What about Jasper?" I asked, still not completely sure of what she was meaning.

"You guys are moving quickly, Bella."

_Oh fuck, I know_, _and it's scaring the shit out of me_.

I just nodded.

"But you don't know what he's like or what goes on. I just... I don't want you to get in too deep without knowing what exactly you are getting into."

I knew what I was getting into with Jasper. At least, I thought I did. He was a great guy. Sure, he had a dick of a Dad and a hard upbringing, but he made me happy. What else was there?

She noticed my continuous confusion and continued. "Do you know what happened here today?" she asked.

Now _that_ question I could answer.

"No."

"That's exactly what I mean. You have no idea what you are getting into, yet you are already smack bang in the middle of it. I just... I don't want you to get hurt."

She was starting to worry me. I wanted answers.

"Please, make it clearer, Rosalie. I don't know what you are talking about."

She ran a hand through her hair and rested her elbow on the wheel, stressed. "It's not my place to tell," she said through clenched teeth. "Just... _be careful_. I don't want you to get hurt because you and Jasper rush into things completely unbeknownst and unprepared."

She sat up straight with a groan then before turning to me, her eyes hitting me with a power that stopped my heart. "Okay, I'm just going to be blunt here. I suck at sugar coating stuff, so here goes. There are things about Jasper you do not know. I know that's an obvious thing. I mean, you haven't known him for long. It's just... what I mean is that... there are things you _should _know before your relationship goes this far that you don't..."

Rosalie paused again, cursing under her breath. "Fuck, this is hard. How do I say this?"

I had had enough of the beating around the bush. "Rosalie, just say it."

She nodded. "Okay. This is going to sound bad. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my cousin to death. It's just that... Jasper can be difficult. He is a great guy, but can be destructive to anyone he meets, especially people who he is close to. I don't want you getting hurt, and you should be prepared. It may seem like you know him, but all of a sudden his mood changes spontaneously. You will be left in the dust thinking what the hell happened. I just want you to be careful. I care about my cousin. I love my cousin. I want him to be happy and have you. But... I also don't want you to be hurt. We all have our issues and I need you to seriously consider whether you want to get into this shit."

Rosalie looked down to her hands then. I finally understood. She didn't want any of their issues to affect me and my life. She didn't know what my life was truly like, or that Jasper had saved me. She was only doing what she thought was best; warning me from possible danger and harm. What had happened that night had been one example of it. Even though I didn't know what went on, Rosalie was trying to warn me that it was something bad, and to be careful and be sure I wanted to get involved with it. She was trying to warn me about how quickly Jasper and I were moving. She wanted me to be careful and make the right decisions.

I truly appreciated her care for me and that she had the guts to talk to me about it. I admired her for her courage. But I already knew my answer.

"I know that there are things I don't know, Rosalie. And I do appreciate your concern. It's just... I need Jasper. That sounds selfish. I know. It's just... everything else can be worked out. _Everyone _has their issues." I said the last sentence with a little emphasise, trying to tell her he wasn't the only one with secrets.

Rosalie nodded, her eyes darting to the front door. "Okay."

I knew she understood.

We were silent then. My eyes moved to where hers kept darting. I saw Jasper come through the front door.

Rosalie got out of the car then. "I will talk to you later, Bella," she said, before heading towards Jasper. They met on the porch and exchanged a few words before Rosalie nodded and headed inside while Jasper walked towards the car.

He got in and started the engine, not speaking until we got to the end of the Cullen's driveway. My thoughts were solely focused on what the hell I _was _getting myself into. I knew Jasper and I were moving fast, and Rosalie's words to me started to get me worried. I knew I needed Jasper but then the question was suddenly put to me: What is _right _and _safe_?

"We will go pick up Renesme and then I will take you home," he said as we hit the road. I nodded silently and in my mind told myself off for forgetting about her. It was getting late.

Nobody spoke for another few minutes. Jasper seemed like he needed to think. When he did speak his voice was soft.

"I'm sorry about this," he apologised.

"It's okay," I reassured him.

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have dragged you into this and I'm sorry." His tone then was strong and forceful. Immediately my rule of not prying went out the window again.

"What happened?" I asked. Immediately I regretted it.

He looked at me, his eyes strained and debating. "It's... it's not my place to tell," he admitted.

I nodded. "I understand."

It took him a few minutes to speak again. I knew he was lost in his thoughts. There were battles and wars going on in his mind that he needed to settle before speaking again.

"Edward is an addict," he said blatantly. My eyes flashed to his, alarmed at his quick admittance. "You need to know. It's not fair to leave you in the dark, and they all agree."

Jasper took a deep breath then. It was hard for him to face the demons of one of his best friends. "Edward was adopted by Carlisle and Esme. His biological Mother didn't want him. He found out when he was twelve. Ever since then it has driven him crazy. That thought of being unwanted by his real Mother is too much for him to bear sometimes. He hasn't been straight since they broke the news. He does drugs. He drinks. Sometimes he's furious, sometimes suicidal or sometimes he's downright insane. Today he couldn't take it anymore. Alice found him this afternoon. He missed school. He destroyed his room. Alice couldn't calm him down. He didn't hurt her, but she was distrait from what she saw, so she called us. She couldn't stop him hurting _himself._"

I was shocked. No, shocked is an understatement. I then understood what Rosalie truly meant.

I kept staring out the window, unsure of what to say. Jasper turned to me, his eyes filled with worry.

"I'm so sorry about all this, Bella. I didn't want you to see this."

"Don't be sorry," I said after a few seconds of getting my head together. "I understand."

"But it's not fair on you to have to deal with this."

His eyes were burning with deep-seated pain. I didn't want to see him hurting.

"Everyone has their issues. I understand. Don't worry about me."

"You deserve better than this."

"No. Don't say that," I said strongly. I wouldn't let him beat himself up about it. "It's not your fault. Please, understand that. Thank you for telling me."

I watched as Jasper's hands squeezed the steering wheel tighter and tighter, his knuckles turning white as they stretched against the skin. His breathing became heavy. His back and arms stressed. His eyes narrowed towards the road. Yet, he didn't say another word.

Neither of us spoke for the rest of the drive. When we picked up Renesme she was pretty tired. We drove in silence until Jasper dropped me off.

"So, I will see you tomorrow, I guess," I said uncertainly.

Jasper nodded, his eyes still holding that absent look he had had since our conversation in the car ended. "Yeah," he replied blankly.

"I had a really great time today, Jasper, even with everything that happened."

Jasper just nodded again, "Yeah, me too."

I tried to smile at him. He didn't seem to notice. His eyes were still blank – not showing me any hint of emotion. He seemed numb, and so I stepped out of the car with Renesmee bundled in my arms, hoping that the next day he would be a happier one.

I watched as he sped away, back to Edward's house. My head spun with everything that happened that day; our shared demons, our kiss and then the curveball of that afternoon and everything it raised. Was I supposed to run from Jasper because there were some dark skeletons in his closet that could hurt me? Or was I supposed to stay with him because he's what I needed, trusting that we would be honest enough with each other to sort out everything fighting against us? I didn't know what the right answer was. I supposed it was too early in our relationship to tell. But then I thought over Jasper's story – the one about taking risks to get what you want. I was never a risk taking kind of person, but Jasper and my situation wasn't the usual. I didn't know what was right – to risk being hurt or avoid the flames.

All I knew was that I needed Jasper. He made me happier than I had ever been. I would risk it, at least for a while. I just told myself it was still too early in our relationship to tell.

I didn't sleep much that night.

###

**Author's Note:** Hello again all you lovely readers. So, what did you guys think of this chapter? There was the first kiss, then Rosalie's warning and then Edward's story. What do you guys think of it all? Most of all; what do you think about what Rosalie said and Bella's thoughts afterwards? I would really like to hear your opinions in a review. Thanks again.


	10. Chapter 9

**Let Go  
**Chapter 9

###

_Preparation_

###

Nothing special happened for the rest of the week. On Tuesday I had a few confrontations with Dumb and Dumber. Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward and Alice weren't at school. To be honest, I was kind of relieved, yet still worried about what was keeping them away. I needed some time to gather my bearings and deal with the mountain of emotions I was feeling. A lot had happened in the course of three days, and I needed some time to think. In a way though, their absence meant there was a whole lot _more _to think about.

Wednesday trudged along. The group wasn't at school. I tried to keep to myself that day, but, no matter what I did, I always found myself being bothered by someone. Most of the time it was that James kid. It seemed that he had positioned himself in a spot that didn't allow me to _not_ notice him the entire day, which was just crazy. But, no matter what, whenever he was around, my instincts screamed danger.

Thursday was much the same as the two days before it. The only good thing was seeing Jasper every night on the porch. I didn't know what was wrong with him. He wouldn't talk to me, although I wished with all my heart he would. In fact, I had no conversations with any of them over those three days. It worried me sick, to say the least. Jasper wasn't himself.

I didn't sleep because of worry.

But, on Friday, everyone was back at school.

Edward was different that day. He was distant and not as involved in the conversations. He didn't joke around. My first impressions of the group having perfect lives were far from correct. He was very vague for most of the day, hardly even talking to Alice. Once, at morning break, him and Jasper went away to talk. I didn't know what they talked about, but when they returned I noticed that Jasper's smile didn't reach his eyes.

That morning – Friday morning – I woke up and went through the usual routine. The morning was peaceful as Charlie had left early for work and Renee was still asleep. However, when I took Renesmee downstairs, I was met by a strange and surprising note on the bench. As I gave Renesmee her food I noticed the twinkle of something silver in the corner of my eye. I looked to the shiny object to see a silver key attached to a cheap, rubber key-ring shaped in a 'B'. I picked up the key and inspected it before picking up the was written on a serviette in a scratchy scrawl I recognised as Charlie's.

_Bella,  
Here's the key to your new car. It's outside. Your Mother said you would need it to get around.  
Dad._

At first I was shocked. My parents never gave me gifts and I never expected anything. My birthdays went un-noticed, Christmas was a no-show and everything I had I bought for myself. This gesture was purely out of the blue. I wondered what the motive truly was. Was it guilt, a way to drop any responsibility they had for us, or was it a purely kind, thoughtful gesture? I didn't know, but honestly, I didn't mind.

When I walked out the door with Renesmee in her stroller I was met with the sight of my first car.

The thing was a beast, to be honest. I immediately knew I would be safe in it. If it ever got in a scrap with a tank, my car would win. Probably come out un-scathed too.

It was a faded red, Chevy pick-up truck. I knew it had probably done a few miles, but I didn't care. Not only would it keep me safe, but it suited my personality. It wasn't showy.

When Renesmee spied the truck she gasped and then squealed.

"Bella got a truck!" She yelled.

"What do you think, Ness?"

"Can we ride in it now?"

I thought for a few seconds and then shrugged my shoulders.

"Why not," I said and I started pushing her to the truck.

When we reached it I heard Jasper's front door open and close and his gorgeous voice reached my ears.

"Hey Bella, is this yours?" He asked, jumping over the fence that separated our yards and walking over to me to help Renesmee in.

"Apparently," I said, handing him the note. Jasper skimmed it over and then smiled.

"Are you going to give me a ride then?" He asked, smiling cheekily to me.

I smiled back, "Of course."

Jasper walked to the driver's door, opening it and letting me in. He then walked to the back and put Renesmee's stroller in the tray before getting in the passenger door next to Renesmee.

I smiled to him and turned the key in the ignition. Suddenly, the sleeping beast roared to life and I jumped back from the dashboard slightly. My heart pounded in my ears loudly and quickly, pumping from the fright. I attempted to slow it, grasping at my chest. After a few seconds the noise died down to a low rumble.

I looked over to Jasper and he was trying to stifle his laughter.

"This thing has got some kick in it," He joked. However, when he took in my horror stricken face he straightened up and subdued his laughter. "I mean," He started, clearing his throat, "that was scary."

I poked my tongue out at him and stuffed the gear shift into reverse in a huff. Renesmee giggled as I put the truck in first gear and drove down the road.

"Did you get scared from the truck?" Jasper asked the giggling two year old.

Renesmee shook her head and giggled again. "Nooo!" She sang.

Jasper laughed. "Guess it's just Bella who's the scaredy cat," He mocked in a voice just loud enough for me to hear.

I cleared my throat and Jasper sat up quickly and straightened his shirt. Renesmee giggled again.

We dropped Renesmee off quickly and drove the rest of the way to school in silence. The air was still a little tense from Jasper's unexplained absence. But, as Jasper walked me to class, we talked freely and happily, Jasper even mocking me about my height and me mocking him about his crazy clown hair.

Physics and Design passed quickly. Emmett kept us entertained in Physics with his attempts to handle the current experiment. In Design Alice talked non-stop. During break time we sat at our usual table. The tension in the air was still there, but no one brought it up. Things were swept under the rock. Issues weren't aired for public consumption. I had no clue what went on, but decided not to mention it. Only when Jasper and Edward left the table to talk did things get a bit awkward. They were both abnormally quiet that day. When they came back they tried to act like nothing was wrong. Everyone else did, too.

Literature passed quickly too. Alice continued to talk non-stop and Edward tried unsuccessfully to hush her.

When the bell rang for lunch I was the first one out of class, eager to see Jasper. Edward and Alice caught up with me quickly after my face met the ground in a hurry.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked in a worried voice as her and Edward helped me up.

"Yeah, you took a big fall there," Edward added.

"I'm fine," I said, blushing furiously and brushing myself off. "Let's just go."

When we reached the table Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were already there.

"Hey," I greeted as I leant down to Jasper and gave him a kiss, before sitting down.

"Hey," He said in return, accepting me gratefully into his arms. "How was Literature?"

"Well, someone wouldn't keep her mouth shut," I teased, nudging Alice's leg lightly. "But apart from that, it was good. I missed you though."

Jasper smiled and leant down to kiss me on the lips.

"Hey, talking is not a crime!" Alice claimed, interrupting our moment.

Jasper groaned and pulled away from my lips. I sighed and looked at the little pixie before me.

"That's true, but causing someone to go deaf because of your constant yapping is."

Alice poked her tongue out at me and I returned the gesture.

"Girls, that's not very lady-like," Jasper scolded with a smile.

Alice looked up to him and smiled brightly. "Well, your inability to keep your lips off Bella's for two seconds is also quite disturbing, but you don't hear me voicing my opinions about it," Alice chimed. Jasper was about to rebut with a cheeky comment of his own when his phone went off. It vibrated against my side and Jasper groaned, reaching into his pocket and getting it out.

He flipped it open and looked at the text.

"Huh," He said.

"What is it?" asked Emmett.

"It's Laurent. He says there's a bonfire at the beach tonight and is telling us to come."

The entire group breathed a sigh of relief. Alice squealed. "Good, it's on! I was starting to think they'd cancelled it. This is awesome!" She said.

"Chill, Alice. It's just another bon fire," Rosalie said.

"True. But," she said, all matter-of-factly, "this time _Bella_ is with us."

Rosalie's face lit up immediately, "Oh, yeah. Bella, you've been to the beach right?" That goofy smile came back then as I thought of all my experiences there.

I must have zoned out because I then felt Jasper squeeze my hand. "Bella?" he whispered.

Immediately I snapped myself out of my day dream. "Oh, yeah, I have been before."

"Great," Alice popped.

"Why? What's happening?" I asked.

"Our mates from down there are having a bonfire on the beach tonight," Jasper explained. "It's a monthly thing and we always go. Want to come?"

"Sure."

"Cool," said Rosalie. "But we are going to need to take two cars this time. We can't all fit in Emmett's jeep... Unless Bella doesn't mind sitting on Jasper's knee...?"

I started to blush. Emmett laughed.

"She'd would be okay with that, wouldn't you Bella?" asked Alice.

"Um..." I couldn't quite finish my sentence before Jasper saved me.

"We can't fit six people and all our stuff into one car. We are going to need to take two," He pointed out. I squeezed his hand in thanks. He smiled and then started drawing the little circles in my palm.

"Good point," Alice agreed. "Oh, how about Rosalie and I come over to your place this afternoon to get ready, Bella? Then we can leave from there."

I nodded, accepting her plan.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Media Studies flew by. We were meant to be doing our assignment and so got free reign around the school. Instead, Jasper and I went back to the trees that we had sat under on Monday. I spent the time in his arms and I finally asked about his absence.

"Edward needed some time off to get his head together," He explained. "We stayed with him. He was pretty torn up. The party tonight should be good for him; get his mind off things."

I understood the explanation, but it felt like there was something else going on. Jasper was distant, and I didn't know how to help him.

"How are you dealing with it all?" I asked apprehensively. Jasper looked down to me, confused and then resolved.

"I'm fine, really. It's just a bit of a shock. I'm worried about Edward."

"He will be alright," I encouraged.

"I know," Jasper answered absently. It didn't sound like he believed it.

He made us drop the subject. Eventually I felt back in the loop, and the rest of class was spent easily.

Study flew by as well. We all talked together. I could feel James's eyes on me occasionally, but easily forgot him when I felt Jasper's reassuring arms around me.

As Jasper and I walked out of the Study Hall together we were soon separated by Alice and Rosalie as one took each of my arms.

"Edward will give you a ride home!" Alice called over her shoulder to Jasper. "And don't worry; we will take care of her!"

I was too shocked to do anything but try not to trip over as we walked. Alice and Rosalie rushed me through the crowds. I heard Jasper call something from behind us but I didn't catch what. All I knew was that the next few hours would be painful.

Alice and Rosalie took me to my truck and Rosalie got in the driver's seat. She laughed when she turned the ignition and the truck roared to life. Next to me, Alice jumped slightly. I then understood why Jasper had found my reaction so funny.

I soon realised that Rosalie drove as fast as Jasper. It had to be a family thing. I felt safe with Rosalie, but was worried about my ancient truck.

I told them we had to pick up Renesmee on the way so we made a quick stop. Alice ran in and got her, throwing the stroller in the tray. This made me gawk in amazement. How could such a little person have so much strength?

We got home soon enough and I just had time to set Renesmee up with a video and some food before Alice and Rosalie practically carried me upstairs.

"Alright," Alice sang as she waltzed into my closet. Rosalie followed close behind her and started ram shackling my drawers and cupboards in the bathroom.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," Alice scolded from the cupboard. "You need a new wardrobe."

I sighed and fell back into the bed. I then heard Rosalie complain, her head buried in the cupboards.

"_And _you need to expand you variety of toiletries. There is practically nothing in here."

"What are you doing?" I groaned.

"Getting you ready!" Alice chirped. "We are going to blow Jasper's mind!"

"Oh... but guys!" I complained, but I was soon silenced by Alice's excited squeal.

"Yes!" She exclaimed. I heard Rosalie shut the drawers and search in her bag.

"We are going to have to use the make-up we have in our bags, Alice," She said.

"That's fine. I just found a great outfit."

Suddenly I saw Alice rushing out of my bathroom with bundles of clothes. "We just have to have a bit of a fiddle to get it just right," She added.

"But don't you guys have to get ready?" I asked, hoping to avoid this torture.

"You're the first priority," Alice said strongly. "Now get up. We have a lot of work to do."

"I have got the beauty products," Rosalie said, dropping an armful of bottles and potions onto my bed.

I picked up a lethal looking metal contraption and gawked. "What is this?"

"It's an eye lash curler," Rosalie popped.

"Where did it come from?"

"Alice had one in her bag." Rosalie added quickly. I couldn't believe someone would carry around that crazy piece of machinery in their bag.

"Okay, enough chitter-chatter," Alice said, tossing me a red piece of string. "Strip."

I looked at the thing she had tossed at me and recognised it to be a pair of lacy underwear. At that second a lacy red bra flew into my face.

"Alice!" I yelled, throwing the garments off me. "What in the world?"

"I bought them for you," she said. "I guessed your size, and I know I'm right."

"But why do I need _these_?"

"Bella," Alice said, looking at me and rolling her eyes. "Don't play dumb. We don't want Jasper seeing your everyday underwear." It then clicked in my mind what she was inferring. I nearly fainted.

"Nothing like that is going to happen," I claimed. And it wasn't.

Alice rolled her eyes. "It's best to be on the safe side. Anyway, when you wear sexy under wear, you feel sexy. Therefore, you act sexy. Therefore, Jasper will be like a love-sick puppy."

I rolled my eyes. "No way," I said, adamant I would not wear them. I heard Rosalie laugh from beside me.

"Bella, I think we are a bit more experienced in these matters than you are. Now stop fighting and put them one. We all know who's going to win this argument."

I had to admit, Alice had a point. I didn't know much about this stuff. I then thought of a resolve; I would wear the undergarments, but just make sure Jasper never saw them.

"Fine," I grumbled, snatching the pieces of fabric. Alice smiled brightly and I trudged off to the bathroom and put them on.

Soon enough a piece of fabric was stuffed through the door.

"Put these on," Alice called, handing me a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. I looked at them.

"These aren't mine."

"I know. I bought them for you. Now put them on."

Immediately I knew this had all been planned.

I obliged quickly, slipping the jeans on.

Alice handed me another piece of clothing then. I unravelled the thin piece of fabric to find a small, white tank top. The bottom had about an inch of white lace around it.

She then handed me a black piece of clothing. I slipped it on and realised it was a black, fitted vest with only two buttons on my waist. It was a deep V neck and I was suddenly very grateful for the thin piece of white fabric I was wearing underneath. The vest was shorter than the tank top and the inch of lace was visible underneath it.

"Is this it?" I asked, coming around the corner, sure that I would be given more to wear than that. I would freeze.

"Yes."

"You can't be serious," I gawked. "It's freezing."

"Oh don't be such a drama queen, Bella. Rosalie, you're opinion please," Alice requested, turning me around.

Rosalie looked away from her work to look me over. "Perfect."

"Thank you," Alice said with a smile. "Now it's your turn."

Alice turned me around and I immediately found myself slammed down into a swivelling chair in front of a mirror.

"Okay," Rosalie said, beaming above me. Then they were at work, brushing my hair and applying god knows what to my face. I do distinctly remember, however, that lethal looking metal contraption attacking my eye lashes.

Rosalie did my make-up while Alice fiddled and poked around in my hair. Soon enough they were finished, and I looked decent. Rosalie had done natural make-up. Alice had curled my hair slightly and added a few skinny braids in odd places. It didn't look half bad.

"Thank you," I said with a smile when they were done.

"You look beautiful," Rosalie said.

"Agreed," Alice nodded. "Now, we will throw our clothes on and then leave. You should get Renesmee settled for the night."

"Okay," I agreed and I grabbed my phone and put it in my pocket before heading downstairs. I gave Renesmee a bath and dressed her in her PJs. I then put her in her bed with some toys. She would play with them for a while and then go to sleep. Mom would be home soon enough.

Then I got a text. It was from Jasper.

"_We are leaving for the beach now. Just thought you should know. See you soon and I hope they didn't change you too much."_

I smiled when I read the text and headed upstairs to tell the others. When I arrived they came out of the bathroom. Rosalie wore a flowing white skirt that was just above her knees with a black tank top. Her hair was natural and wavy. She looked beautiful.

Alice wore black skinny jeans and a pink fitted t-shirt. Her shoes were black wedges that gave her extra height. Her hair was pointy as usual and shot in all directions. She, too, looked beautiful.

"We're ready," Alice said, smiling at me.

"Jasper said they are on their way to the beach now," I said quietly.

"Oh shoot!" Alice said, remembering something. "I meant to ask them to pick my car up on the way so we can drive in that. It has all my things in it."

Alice rustled round in her pockets and found her phone, hitting the speed dial.

After a short conversation with Edward she convinced them to get her car and bring it to us. Complaints from Emmett and Jasper were heard through the phone but they had no chance with fighting with Alice. No one did.

The boys brought the car over ten minutes later. I had to stay inside while Alice went and got the keys from Edward. Alice wanted to keep my makeover a surprise, which was, although unnecessary, just her way.

Ten minutes after they left we were on the road. I soon realised that Alice drove as fast as Jasper and Rosalie. I guessed it was not a family thing.

###

**Author's Note:** Thank you to all you lovely readers and reviewers. So, what do you think of this chapter? Is anyone worried about Edward and Jasper? Excited for the bonfire? Tell me what you think. Thanks again.


	11. Chapter 10

**Let Go  
**Chapter 10

###

_Bonfire_

###

When we got to the beach Alice drove down onto the sand and parked next to Emmett's truck. All the cars were parked around the raging bonfire and had their lights on, lighting up the area. One car was blaring music while another was backed into the circle and held all the drinks in the back. Around the bonfire were about ten logs that people were sitting on. There were at least twenty teenagers around the fire, with a few others standing by the drinks car and a few tossing a football around. Alice squealed with glee and clapped her hands together.

"Here we go!" She sang.

Rosalie and Alice got out of the car first and I followed a few moments later after taking a few deep breaths. We walked in the gap between Emmett's truck and Alice's car. That was until a boy on the other side of the fire stood up and yelled to them.

"Rosalie, Alice!" The boy yelled. Both Rosalie and Alice ran around the fire to the boy and hugged him. He swung each of them around in greeting and then released them. When I reached them Alice grabbed my arm.

"Laurent, this is Bella," Alice declared. I looked up to see a dark haired, olive skinned, golden eyed boy standing over me.

"_The_ Bella?" Laurent asked Alice. I raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled and nodded. He turned back to me. "Hey Bella," Laurent said, sticking out his hand. "I've heard so much about you," he added with an amused smile.

I shook it warmly, "Hi Laurent."

"Where are Edward, Emmett and Jasper?" Alice asked. Laurent pointed over his shoulder to the log he had just stood up from. I glanced over there quickly, my heart suddenly racing. _Oh shit_.

When I did I was met by Jasper's intense stare. He was sitting next to Emmett, who was talking to Edward and two other boys. Jasper had a beer in his hand and was looking me over. I couldn't read what he thought in his eyes. It only made me heart beat faster. I didn't know what he thought – what he felt – about my makeover. It put me on edge.

Jasper stood up then and headed towards us.

He squeezed between Laurent and Rosalie to stand in front of me. He didn't react for a few minutes, but slowly a smile appeared.

"Hey," he said with a smile, pulling me into a hug. He then whispered in my ear. "You look great."

"Thanks," I smiled, leaning into him. "You don't look too bad yourself."

Alice and Rosalie were watching us in the corner of their eyes but soon enough they realised their work was done and left. Alice trotted over to Edward and sat on his lap, taking his drink out of his hand and taking a swig. Rosalie went and took Jasper's seat next to Emmett and leant into him. Laurent went off and got them each a drink before settling in with the group.

However, to me, nothing really mattered. The roar of the fire died down and the sounds of music and talking seemed to blend into a low humming.

"So, you want a drink or something?" Jasper asked. He actually seemed nervous, scratching the back of his head. This made me smile. It was so absurd.

"Yeah, sure."

Jasper smiled and took my hand, leading me to the drinks. There were three people standing there, talking and laughing. When we approached them they turned to Jasper.

"Hey Jazz," A boy with short brown hair, olive skin and grey eyes said when he saw Jasper. Next to him was a girl with flowing, curly brown hair, olive skin and hazel eyes. Next to her stood a tallish boy with long sandy hair that he kept tied back.

"Hey Peter," Jasper said. "Charlotte, Garrett. This is Bella."

"Hey," I greeted. Garrett and Charlotte smiled warmly at me and said various 'hello's'.

"Hi Bella," Peter greeted, smiling at me and then raising his eyebrow at Jasper. "Want a drink?" he asked, offering me a beer.

"Sure," I said, taking it gratefully.

"So Jasper, ready for the game tomorrow?" asked Garrett.

"Oh, yeah, I'm ready to kick your ass."

Garrett and Peter laughed sarcastically.

"You wish Blonde-y," Peter mocked. Jasper laughed and rolled his eyes before tossing his empty bottle into the fire.

"And which team won the last four games?" Jasper asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Shut up," Peter said, throwing another beer to Jasper. Jasper laughed and took it gladly.

Soon the boys got into an intense discussion about football. Eventually the girl, Charlotte, turned to me and we started chatting for a good half hour before the topic of football even came up.

"Sorry about this," she apologised. "Every month the two teams have a game together. Your school verses the local school down here; my school. And every Friday night beforehand we have a bonfire. It's kind of a tradition. The boys can get a bit carried away... you will see later tonight. But luckily the game is just a friendly get together so it doesn't really matter."

"Sounds like fun," I agreed with a laugh. "But what do you mean by 'the boys get a bit carried away'?"

Charlotte just smiled then. "Get a few more drinks into them and you'll see."

It was then that Jasper turned to me.

"Ready to go?" He asked. I nodded.

We then said out various good byes' to Garrett, Peter and Charlotte before we walked to the log next to the one Edward, Emmett, Laurent and the girls sat on. I sat down on the end closest to Edward and Alice and he sat next to me. He pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me.

Jasper leant down and whispered in my ear. "I don't think I like what you're wearing anymore," He said, concerned. I was shocked and twisted around to him and put my hands on his chest.

"W-why?" I said, my voice breaking slightly. Jasper laughed when he heard the worry.

"Well," he started in a whisper, "because I don't want any extra competition, and there will be if these guys keep seeing you like this."

I frowned to him and leant my head to the right slightly.

"There's no competition," I reminded him, pecking his lips. I then turned around and settled back into my spot. Jasper sighed and wrapped his arms around me.

"So how long have you known Peter, Garrett and Charlotte?" I asked.

"Ever since I was in diapers," He answered. "Like I said, I'm practically a local."

Before I had a chance to reply our attention was drawn by a huge figure standing awkwardly close to our log, a huge goofy smile on its face.

It was Emmett.

Jasper groaned when he noticed.

"What?" I whispered to him, but there was no need. My question was answered a second later.

"Bella!" He exclaimed, hands thrown into the air, spilling his drink behind him. "What'd they do to you? You look different."

"Alice and Rosalie dressed me."

Emmett nodded once. "Right. I bet that was painful!" His eyes shot to Rosalie then, fear running through them. He then leant down to whisper. "_Don't _tell them I said that."

"Your secret's safe with me."

Emmett nodded, his head bobbing lazily, and turned to Jasper. "Jasper," he warned, hands on hips, stumbling. "You be nice to Bella tonight. Keeps your eyes up high, not down _low_."

I blushed.

"Emmett, you're drunk," Jasper laughed.

Emmett shook his finger and head. "Nope," He popped. "Not _quite_."

Jasper then turned to Edward. "How much has he had to drink?"

"A lot," Edward laughed, glancing at Emmett.

Emmett then interrupted with a burp and laugh, nodding to Jasper and I. "I hope you two are using protection," he scolded, "because, hell, if there are going to be any little Jaspers running-"

We all knew where this was going. "Emmett," Jasper warned.

He blinked widely at us before sighing and rolling his eyes. "Don't say I didn't warn you," he sang before stumbling away.

I turned to Jasper then, looking up to him and giggling. "Does this happen often?"

"You have no idea."

I sighed and lay back into him. Soon enough we all settled into rounds of random conversation and numerous bouts of laughter. The alcohol was starting to take an effect on everyone at the party. I soon realised that no one would be driving home. I even found myself stumbling a few times. The four beers I had drank in that space of time started to take an effect on my empty stomach.

After about an hour Jasper leant down, pecking my lips in the middle of a conversation, pulling my attention to him.

"Want to go for a walk?" He whispered, his face inches from mine. I bit my bottom lip and my heart raced, pounding against my chest. Eventually I nodded.

Jasper smiled and helped me up. I stumbled into him when I tried to get myself off the log. He didn't let me fall.

Jasper led me down to that familiar end of the beach and to that familiar bay that had become home. The sounds of the blaring music and constant chatter were just murmurs in the wind at the bay.

When we reached the bay I walked ahead of Jasper, entranced by its beauty. I just started spinning. My vision blurred to just streaks of coloured light. I felt free as the sea breeze whipped my hair. I closed my eyes, letting images of the dancing flames and Jasper's kiss flood into my mind. I kept spinning, because I wanted to, and I couldn't figure out why.

Then I was falling. Slowly I descended into the sand. I heard Jasper call my name but I didn't care. I welcomed the sand as I lay there. I smiled and laughed. I laughed because I had been silly enough to spin. I smiled because I had found my freedom.

I felt Jasper lay down next to me, laughing too. We both lost all our cares. I didn't care that I was messing up my outfit. I didn't care what I looked like.

We stopped laughing eventually and Jasper perched himself up on his elbow, looking down at me. His hair was in disarray and sand was washed through it. He reached his hand to my cheek and brushed away a ringlet of hair. I giggled as his fingers brushed my cheek, trailing grains of sand against my skin.

"Unpredictable," He whispered, brushing his thumb over my lips. I smiled and perched myself up on my own elbow.

"Dizzy," I corrected. Jasper smiled at me, laughing.

Something changed then. As I looked at him, my vision spinning from the alcohol and dizziness, I realised something. I realised what I was meant to do there. I felt a pull to him. It was time.

I leant into him then, kissing him passionately. I didn't really know what I was doing. My mind was fogged by the alcohol. My decisions and reasoning was blurred.

Thinking back, I know we were moving fast – too fast for anything _real _to catch up to us. At that moment, I hadn't a clue what I was doing. I felt like I had known him for years, not a week.

The speed of our relationship was spinning out of control, and neither could stop it.

In my alcohol-induced state, that fact gave a new spin on my thinking.

I moved my palm to his chest and pushed him gently back into the sand. Our kiss broke for a second as I moved my hands to sit on either side of him. My hair fell around my face, brushing his skin.

My heart beat irregularly and my cheeks flamed. I didn't know what I was doing, but I had to keep my cool. I had to be perfect, because I knew he was worth it. Jasper laughed and smiled at me as I positioned my knee between his legs. I leant down and continued our kiss, and as I did so I moved my left hand to his stomach, running my thumb along the waist band of his jeans before rubbing my hand under his shirt and along his chest. Jasper smiled as I kissed him.

I sat up then and moved my leg to sit on either side of his hips. I pulled him up with me and carefully slipped off his jacket.

"Bella," He said in concern when I kissed him again.

"Don't," I purred as I reached for the bottom of his t-shirt. My hands stumbled along slightly and I took a deep breath to steady them, pushing away the effects of alcohol and keeping my cool. Everything felt kind of slow, like it wasn't really happening. I couldn't understand it; I only knew that it was happening. It was like an out of body experience.

I tried to act strong and dominant. I had to. I knew this is what he wanted, and I wanted it too. He was worth it and I had to. I took his shirt in my hands and whipped it over his head, throwing it to where his jacket lay. The movement was smooth but Jasper didn't smile at me. His hands stayed on the small of my back, warm and gentle.

I wanted to blow him away. He wanted this. It was why he asked me to come for a walk. I wanted it too.

The sounds of the waves crashing soothed my emotions as I bowed to what my body was feeling.

I then pushed Jasper down again slowly, my lips still on his. Jasper moved his hands to my hips and rested them there. I smiled into his lips as my hands roamed over his chiselled chest. The feeling of his skin and the sand was the most magical experience I had felt.

I broke away from the kiss then and moved to my vest, undoing one button slowly as Jasper watched.

Abruptly, Jasper took hold of my hands. Then he flipped me over and held my hands above my head, him on top of me.

"Stop, Bella," He ordered with his voice strong.

Immediately my smile wiped. Isn't this what he wanted?

"Why?" I asked, my heart suddenly aching. Did he not want me? Did I do something wrong?

"Not now, Bella. Not like this."

I was shocked. I had done something wrong. He had wanted this and I had ruined it.

I shook my hands free from him then and squirmed out from under him. I was shaking then. The thought of Jasper not wanting me broke my heart. I couldn't have another person not wanting me; especially him.

"But... but I thought this is what you wanted. I did something wrong, didn't I? I ruined it. You don't want me." I was panicking. My heart beat furiously and I curled my knees up to my chest, my eyes swimming with tears threatening to shed. The alcohol was messing with my emotions.

Jasper moved over to me and wrapped me into his arms. His skin was hot against mine but I shrunk away from him.

"Bella, how could you think that?" He asked. It only made my heart ache more. "You didn't do anything wrong. You never could. But I didn't bring you here for this. I don't know where you got that from."

I knew his words were just to make me feel better. He cared about people too much. He didn't want me knowing that he just didn't want me. Of course he didn't. No one could. Why had I fooled myself into thinking he did?

"Then what did you want me here for? I did something wrong, didn't I? I'm so sorry. I ruined it, Jasper." I was sobbing. My body shuddered. I couldn't cope with rejection, not from him. I especially couldn't handle it in the state I was in.

"Listen to me Bella. You didn't do anything wrong; honestly. I didn't bring you here for this. It never crossed my mind. I'm sorry I made you feel like this. I would never pressure you into anything and I don't want our first time to be like this."

"Like what?" I asked, defeated.

Jasper held me tighter and kissed the top of my head.

"With you feeling pressured and feeling that I expect you to do it," He explained in a softer voice. "And not to mention, you are a bit drunk," He added with a chuckle. This made me laugh too. I leant my head into his warm chest, brushing my tears away. "But seriously Bella, I'm not in a rush and I don't want it to happen without both of us being ready. I don't want you to do anything unless you are positive you are happy. All I care about is your happiness. I love you, Bella and I can't stand you being hurt."

I smiled into his chest, all my absurd feelings fading away. I was becoming myself again.

"You love me?" I asked, staring into his eyes. Jasper smiled at me and leant down to kiss my forehead.

"Yes," He whispered.

"I love you too," I promised, smiling up to him, not realising then just how deep we were diving, and how quickly.

Jasper smiled back and put his finger under my chin, lifting it and bringing my lips to his. It was a gentle, soft kiss that did not escalate. He held my lips to his for a long time.

When he pulled away I snuggled deeper into him and got a grip on everything I was feeling.

After a few minutes Jasper spoke.

"Come on," He said, helping me up. "We better get back to the party. Here, take my jacket. You're really cold."

I nodded and smiled, gratefully slipping on his warm, big jacket. I was happy to be covering up more of my skin. The arms of the jacket were far too long and it was far too baggy as well. I didn't mind though. When I wore it Jasper's smell hung in the air around me and I was in pure bliss.

Jasper threw on his t-shirt, put his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.

"I do love you, Bella," He whispered.

I smiled as we walked back along the beach. "I know."

I didn't fall once on the way back. Whenever I stumbled or started to, Jasper's arms caught me swiftly.

As we got closer to the party the roar of laughter and music hit us. Jasper gave my shoulder a re-assuring squeeze as we approached the group.

When I realised what was going on I started laughing. Everyone was standing around cheering and laughing as Emmett did body shots off Rosalie's stomach. Jasper laughed but then cringed, the thought of Rosalie being his cousin and Emmett one of his best friends jumping into his mind.

We walked up next to Alice and Edward. Edward had his hand on Alice's waist and was laughing at Emmett and Rosalie. When we got to them Alice turned to me.

"And where have _you_ been?" She whispered loudly. I blushed furiously and heard her gasp as she noticed me covered in sand. "What happened to your outfit?" She asked in a horrified tone. "And more importantly, _what_ have you been doing?"

I rolled my eyes and Jasper laughed.

"Not _that,_" I answered.

Alice scoffed. "Sure sure."

I laughed and turned back to the show. When I did Emmett stood up from Rosalie and pulled her up with him. Everyone cheered and laughed as Rosalie straightened herself up and ran to Alice, hugging her.

"That was so much fun!" She squealed. "Now it's your turn, Allie and Eddie."

Alice laughed and pointed her head towards me. Rosalie looked in my direction and her eyes widened in shock.

"Bella!" She squealed, encasing me in a hug, clearly drunk. She then let me go and turned to Jasper. "And Jasper, my little cousin!" She exclaimed, wrapping her arms around him. "You aren't a virgin anymore!"

When she said this everyone within ten feet of us seemed to freeze and stare. Jasper stiffened and my heart stopped. Emmett roared with laughter whilst Alice and Edward gawked at Rosalie.

"Holy shit!" Emmett exclaimed. "That was quick!"

"Rose, no," Alice corrected, shaking her head.

Rosalie covered her mouth immediately and started laughing.

"Oh shit, sorry," She apologised.

"Wow... awkward," Emmett chimed, withholding a smile.

Rosalie laughed, leant into him and whispered something in his ear that I didn't catch. Jasper squeezed my hand as I blushed. Eventually Edward spoke to break the silence.

"Well, I don't know about you Alice, but I want to give those body shots a go."

I looked over to Alice and she smiled a cunning smile to me.

"Only if Bella and Jasper have a go as well," She sang in a sugar sweet voice.

I looked over to Edward who was smiling down to Alice. Then his head snapped up to Jasper and I as he pleaded with us.

Rosalie and Emmett were trying to hold in their laughter and Alice smiled brightly.

I looked up at Jasper, unsure. He didn't meet my eyes. I was about to respond when Alice beat me to it.

"Don't you _dare_ say no, Bella. You're going to do it whether you like it or not."

"Um..."

"Don't even try it, Bella," Alice laughed, grabbing my hand and towing me towards the log, Rosalie taking the other. "You're doing it."

My protests were unsuccessful. As I was towed, I looked back to Jasper to see Edward with his hand over Jasper's shoulder encouraging him and pointing to me while Emmett pushed him along from behind, stumbling over his own feet. Jasper smiled weakly at me and I did the same.

"I thought you were going to go first," I told Alice as she dragged me along.

"Not a chance," She chimed. Little had I noticed that the sounds of the party were gradually increasing and people were cheering loudly. It was like they had been listening to our entire conversation.

When we reached the small log Alice and Rosalie sat me down on it. Alice then tugged Jasper's jacket off my shoulders and pushed me down on the log. Everyone was laughing and cheering as Edward and Emmett brought Jasper over. They each placed a hand on his shoulders and pushed him down to me.

Jasper smiled weakly to me as Alice instructed him to undo the buttons on my vest. I smiled weakly back and mouthed a 'Sorry'.

Jasper undid the buttons quickly and then looked to Rosalie in horror as she told him to take off my top. My whole body froze and I stared wide eyed at Alice.

She had planned it _all_. She knew why I would need the fancy underwear.

Alice just smiled happily down at me. Why didn't I watch what Rosalie and Emmett did more carefully? Had I been aware that it meant I had to take off my top I would have put up more of a fight. Jasper clearly didn't know that he would have to do this either because he shook his head at his older cousin.

"No way Rose," He said. I sat up then too.

"Oh stop being so frigid you two. You guys agreed to it," She said.

"We did not agree," I reminded her.

"And we didn't know it meant this," Jasper said in defence.

"Oh shush. Just do it. You know you want to."

"But-" He tried to argue but Alice stepped in.

"You aren't getting out of it, Jasper," Alice said strongly as she smiled at me. "We _all _have to do it."

"Get on with it Jazz!" Emmett and Edward yelled over the crowd. Jasper groaned and looked at me with uncertain eyes. I thought for a while but nodded. The crowd then erupted with cheers and cat calls.

"Excellent," Alice said. "Now take it off her, Jasper."

Silently, I cursed what was happening.

Jasper sighed and looked at me. I nodded slowly yet uncertainly. He tenderly slipped off my top. I crossed my arms over my chest and blushed fiercely as his eyes landed on my bra. The crowd's chairs rose. I narrowed my eyes at Alice and Rosalie but they just laughed. Jasper was blushing too, which made me laugh. Our eyes met and he smiled cheekily. I rolled my eyes and sighed, moving my arms to my sides.

Okay, that was when the crowd cheered the loudest it had.

"Alright!" Rosalie called, silencing the crowd. "Jasper, lick from Bella's belly button to her ribs" She said happily.

"What?" Jasper and I spat at the same time. I sat up instinctively but she just giggled.

"We need the sugar to stick. Now just do it!" She scolded, slightly annoyed.

I groaned and sank back into the log, covering my eyes with my hands.

"I can't believe this is happening," I mumbled through my hands.

"Me either," I heard Jasper sigh in reply. I then felt his tongue lick my stomach causing me in squiggle and giggle_._

I uncovered my eyes but kept my cheeks covered, knowing they were red as tomatoes.

"Okay, good," said Alice, smiling widely. "Laurent, the sugar, please."

Laurent nodded and sprinkled a thick line of sugar along my stomach. I looked to Jasper and saw him staring at the ground. Honestly, I think he had the worst job; he had to do all the stuff. I just had to lay there.

"Now Bella," Rosalie instructed. "Hold this lemon slice in your mouth."

I removed my hands reluctantly and held a piece of lemon between my teeth. I was blushing horribly. Jasper looked up at my face, only to cover his hand to stop his laugh.

"And now," Alice sang, "the vodka!"

I felt my heart jump into my throat when I saw where that glass was going.

Emmett and Edward roared with laughter and Jasper covered his face in his hands, turning around as Alice's hand edged closer and closer.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I tried to yell, but it was muffled by the lemon in my mouth. And then it was too late. Alice had lodged the vodka shot in my cleavage.

_Stupid Bella. Stupid, stupid Bella._

"Now," Rosalie announced through hysterics, tapping Jasper on the shoulder. He peaked up at her through his fingers.

"What?"

She smiled brightly and pointed to my stomach.

"The sugar first, then the vodka and then the lemon. Got it?" She said through laughter. Jasper nodded slowly. I froze.

I attempted to close my senses to the outrageous laughter. I looked around to see everyone's eyes on Jasper or me, their faces filled with amusement. I saw Peter take a swig of his beer and cheer to Jasper as Charlotte attempted to stop her laughter and frowned at me with an apologetic look. I pleaded to her with my eyes but she shrugged and giggled.

I then saw Emmett walk over to the music truck and change the song. The lyrics blared over the top of everything and I found myself blushing even more, if that's possible. The entire crowd roared with laughter when they heard it and Jasper glanced questioningly at Emmett. Emmett just shrugged with a smile.

"_I'll take you to the candy shop  
I'll let you lick the lollipop  
Go 'head girl, don't you stop  
Keep going 'til you hit the spot"_

"Emmett!" Jasper yelled. He just laughed.

"Well go on, get on with it you frigid little bugger," Emmett joked.

_Shit. That got him mad._

Jasper smiled down at me and I returned the gesture. The next second I felt the sugar being licked off my stomach and heard the crowd howling with cat calls and whistles. My stomach was buzzing and I was squirming all over the place.

Eventually I felt Jasper finish with the sugar. My heart jumped into my chest, knowing what was next. He gave me a quick, apologetic look before getting the shot. This part caused Emmett to howl even louder.

I cringed as he picked it up with his teeth and laughed as he drank it back, hands free. The crowd edged him on and I saw Jasper beam a smile as he smashed the glass on the log, causing all the boys to howl with laughter.

"Show off!" Yelled Edward and everyone laughed louder. I knew the next part would be my favourite. Jasper beamed a smile, the fire causing the moisture on his face to glow. On the left of his face some of his hair was stuck to his skin and he smiled wildly, shaking it and spraying sand everywhere. I laughed to him and crooked my finger, calling him to me.

Jasper smiled to me and I smiled back as he moved up towards me. The crowd's calls reached deafening levels. He placed each hand on either side of my head before leaning down and meeting my lips. He held his lips there for a few seconds before moving away and taking the lemon with him. He sat up and sucked it clean whilst everyone cheered him on. I sat up, blushing fiercely and Alice and Rosalie enveloped me into hugs. Edward and Emmett came and patted Jasper on the back as he threw the lemon into the fire and shook his head and blinked a few times. Emmett and Edward helped him up and tapped fists with him while Alice and Rosalie handed me my clothes and I put them on quickly.

It was then that Charlotte came and sat next to me and hugged me tightly, handing me Jaspers jacket. With eyes half watching Jasper and half walking away from the log with Charlotte, I noted him and Edward talking together away from everyone else. They weren't talking or laughing. This worried me.

"Nice show," she said. "Told you everyone got a bit wild later on."

I blushed furiously again.

"Thanks," I said, rolling my eyes. "Glad you enjoyed it."

"Oh we did," She agreed, looking over to Peter who was now talking to Jasper. I looked over there at the same time Jasper looked at me. Our eyes met and we smiled to each other.

"So are you and Peter together?" I asked, slipping on the jacket and noticing the way that Charlotte looked at Peter. There was some sort of love in her eyes.

"We sure are," she answered. "Jasper was actually the one who got us together."

"How's that?" I asked curiously. Charlotte giggled with a creeping blush.

"Well," Charlotte laughed, "actually I used to like Jasper, for a long time. But he didn't return my feelings. And don't worry, I haven't liked him since. About two years ago he informed me that Peter liked me. Then I kind of noticed that I liked Peter too. I asked him out and the rest is history."

I smiled then and looked at Jasper again. He was laughing with Peter and Garrett, totally at peace.

"That's very Jasper," I noted. She laughed in agreement.

"Sure is. And Bella," she called my attention, "we are all really glad that Jasper found you. You make him so happy. It's so great he finally has someone."

I smiled then, warmed by her kindness. "Thank you."

She smiled a brilliant smile to me and hugged me again. "No, thank you," she said before she released me as Jasper came over.

"Hey," he greeted, smiling. "Mind if I steal Bella away from you?"

"Knock yourself out," she allowed. Jasper then led me back to the log we had been sitting at earlier.

"So, how was that?" he asked, smiling when we sat down and he pulled me into his lap.

"Well, Emmett's choice of song was interesting," I said, "but it wasn't that bad."

Jasper smiled then. "I quite enjoyed it."

"You definitely had the worst job. I just had to lie there."

Jasper laughed then. "Trust me, it wasn't a bad job."

Our conversation continued for a few moments until Alice came around with a bag of marshmallows and some sticks. Jasper took one double ended stick and two marshmallows. I stuck them both on the stick and handed it to me. I sat up and leant against him as I put the marshmallows in the fire. As I looked around I noticed everyone had broken off into couples and were cooking their marshmallows. I sighed, realising what Charlotte had meant. Everyone at these parties had someone and I guessed that normally this part would hurt Jasper the most. He normally didn't have anyone to share it with.

Then my thoughts went to Jasper and Edward's apparent conversation. I decided to ask as I absentmindedly twirled the marshmallow.

"Jasper," I called.

"Mhm?"

"What were you talking about with Edward just before?" I asked apprehensively. "You two didn't look... happy. I'm worried about you."

Jasper sighed, brushing my cheek. "You shouldn't worry about us."

"But I do. What's wrong?"

Jasper took a deep breath, adjusting our seating a bit. "Edward has a hard time. That's all. He gets depressed, and he finds it hard to cope. It doesn't help that he worries about Alice twenty-four seven and he's too self-loathing for his own good. He blames himself for everything. Sometimes it's hard to get him back on the right track, and I'm trying to help him... see the light. I have to watch out for him. You never know when he is going to snap. He's a good guy, but unpredictable in that way."

I understood. "Why does he worry about Alice?"

Jasper sighed then. "Alice's family isn't exactly... reliable. Her parents are never around and Edward takes it on himself to always be there for her. It's taxing on him."

I smiled at that. "He sounds a lot like you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're always trying to help everyone. You put so much pressure on yourself. Maybe you should... take some of your own advice."

"Edward's situation is different than mine," he claimed.

"How so?" I pressed.

"Edward's a good guy. He just gets lost along the way and makes decisions that he thinks are right, even though they may not be."

"And you don't get lost sometimes?" I asked.

Jasper shook his head. "I just fuck up and I know it. Edward doesn't until it's too late."

"That's not true," I claimed. "You don't screw up."

Jasper laughed then. "Everyone screws up, Bella. It just depends whether you learn from the mistake or not."

I changed the subject. "Is Edward going to be okay?"

Jasper nodded. "He's going to be fine. At least I hope so. He just needs to get his head together. We'll build him up again."

Jasper's last sentence had me astounded. They really were a family; his group of friends. Each and every one had a messed up family, and so they banded together to make their own, accepting faults and all. It really was heart-warming. They would build each other up no matter what because they loved each other. My respect for Jasper increased tenfold.

Being too caught up in my thoughts, I forgot about my cooking duties. That was until Jasper's voice stirred me. "Bella, I prefer my marshmallows lightly toasted, not burnt to a crisp."

I snapped out of my trance then and looked at the stick. I pulled it out of the fire to see the marshmallows blackened and surrounded in flames.

"Ah! Fire," I squealed, giggling and shaking the marshmallows to get rid of the flames. As I did so one flew off and landed on Emmett's shoe. He let out a girlish scream causing Jasper to burst out laughing. I laughed but then clamped my hand over my mouth when Emmett located where the flaming sweet had come from.

"Sorry." I squeaked as Emmett stamped out the flames.

"Keep your girlfriend under control Jazz," Emmett said jokingly. "She's lethal."

Jasper laughed and took the stick out of my hands.

"Okay, you are officially fired from marshmallow cooking," Jasper said, blowing out the fire on the remaining marshmallow.

I pouted to him and he tapped my nose.

"Don't worry, Bella. It's nothing against you. It's just that flaming marshmallow missiles and you don't mix well. Although, I did like the scream you made Emmett make." His laugh was full and booming. It made me smile.

"Hey! I heard that!" Emmett called.

Jasper just laughed. "Alright, my little arsonist, do you want the charcoaled marshmallow or do I get it?"

I thought for a while and took the stick out of Jaspers hand. He tried reaching for it but I quickly picked the marshmallow off the end and stuffed it into his mouth.

Jasper smiled and leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek, smearing marshmallow all over me.

"Mmm... yummy," He mumbled, swallowing the black lump.

I laughed and rubbed the sticky substance on my cheek.

"Jasper!" I moaned. Jasper laughed and touched the sticky stuff on my cheek with his index finger and placed it on my other cheek.

"There, all better," He said, smiling at his artwork.

I smiled back and took more of the sticky substance, placing some on each of his cheeks.

"Much better," I agreed, nodding at his make-over and leaning back into his chest.

Jasper laughed and leant down, kissing my lips quickly.

We sat there for about ten minutes. Every couple was having time to themselves. Alice and Edward sat on a log and were facing each other, holding hands. Rosalie and Emmett were sitting on the sand and leaning against the log, stargazing whilst Peter and Charlotte were having a little make out session.

The music had died down to a soothing tune and I recognised it immediately.

"_The streets were filled with guilty hearts  
And here was I right from the start  
And I lost everything  
When I lost you  
So tell me why-y-y-y  
Should I let you go  
Give me 20 good reasons  
I need to know."_

I started humming along to the words, burying myself into Jasper. He stroked my hair as I lay there and the most beautiful sound filled my ears.

"And at that point, there was no pain, there was no sky, there was no rain fall, all there was was you and your sweet face."

I looked up to Jasper and saw him looking out over the waves singing to the words quietly. I smiled to him and he looked down to me and smiled back, brushing my hair. He leant down and kissed the top of my head where my cut had been and kept his eyes locked on me as he sang another part.

"So tell me baby why-y-y-y, should I let you go, give me 20 good reasons, I need to know."

I sat up then and curled my legs under me. "Don't let go," I whispered to him. Jasper's eyes roamed over my face, searching.

"Never," He promised and kissed the top of my hand.s

Soon the song ended and people started getting up. However, Jasper and I didn't break our gaze. I didn't care what was happening around me. All I cared for was Jasper.

Although, a distraction came when Emmett came bounding over to us.

"Jazz, Bells, have some beers!" He called, giving us each a bottle.

"Emmett, leave them alone!" Edward called.

"Thanks Em," I said, taking the drink kindly. Emmett smiled widely and then skipped off to annoy someone else. I watched as he disappeared around the fire and then burst out laughing.

"Ah... drunken Emmett," Jasper sighed. "What a great source of entertainment."

I kept my eyes on Emmett and watched as he skipped off to the water.

"Um... Jasper, I think our great source of entertainment is going for a wee swim," I informed him.

Jasper followed my gaze and groaned.

"Ah shit," He said, standing up. However a call from Edward stopped him.

"Don't worry Jazz, I got him this time," Edward said, running after the floating teddy bear.

"_This_ time?" I asked.

Jasper laughed then. "Ah yeah, it's not the first time Emmett's gone for a swim," He said.

I nodded and looked down to my bottle, opening it. I attempted to grasp the cap and twist but missed it completely. Jasper, who was drinking from his, stopped and had to clamp his mouth shut to keep the beer in as he watched.

"Hey there my little drunk, don't you think you've had enough," He mocked. I smirked at him and attempted to open it again, failing miserably.

"Give it here," He sighed. I obliged and Jasper opened it quickly, handing it back to me. "You're not driving home tonight," He mused, "especially not behind the wheel of Alice's sports car."

I fake laughed and took a drink.

"How is _anyone_ here going to get home? Emmett can't drive. Neither can Edward. Rosalie and Alice are gone, and I know you are just hiding it."

Jasper laughed then. "Hiding it? No. I can just handle my alcohol, unlike you."

I gasped in mock horror and Jasper laughed again.

"But seriously, generally everyone just bunks down here, and a few of the locals might walk home, but not normally. We have mattresses in Emmett's truck."

I nodded then and took another swing of beer.

"But doesn't the water come up?" I asked, suddenly worried.

Jasper shook his head. "Not this high."

I wasn't convinced and Jasper could see it.

"Chill, Bella. We have done this heap of times. You are in safe hands."

I believed that.

"So what time's the game tomorrow?" I asked after taking another drink.

"Eleven," Jasper said. "It's at the field down here so we don't have to drive far."

"And do I get to come watch?" I asked, pleading.

"Of course," Jasper said, tapping my nose.

I smiled then and put my beer down. I then stood up and reached out to Jasper.

"Get up," I said, reaching my hands towards him. Jasper put his bottle down and took them, following me.

"Where are we going?" He asked when we started walking, putting his arm around me.

"Swimming," I said.

Jasper laughed then.

"Swimming? This late? Are you serious?" He said, not believing me.

"Unbelievably serious," I said as I walked up to Alice.

"Hey Al, do you have any shorts I can borrow?" I asked. "Jasper and I are going swimming."

Alice smiled brightly and grabbed my hand.

"Yeah, they're in the car. Follow me," She said, towing me along.

We got to the car and Alice rummaged in the boot and got out a pair or black shorts. I slipped off my jeans, Jasper's jacket and my vest and slipped them on.

"Thanks Al," I said, walking away. However, Alice grabbed my wrist before I could escape.

"So..." She asked, "What happened?"

"Huh?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "When you two disappeared!"

"Oh, nothing," I said, unabashed.

"Sure sure. Tell me the truth!"

"It is the truth Al," I laughed. "But I have to go..."

"Okay wait, what about with the body shots thing? How was it?" She asked eagerly.

"Alice!" I whined, tugging on my wrist.

"Okay, fine!" She grumbled. "But you will tell me _everything_ tomorrow at the game."

I nodded reluctantly and she released my hand.

"Have fun!" She called behind me. I waved her off with my hand and went to Jasper.

I grabbed his hand and we walked out to the water. Jasper slipped off his shirt, jeans and shoes so that he was just on his black boxer shorts.

"Ready?" I asked, my heart beating irregularly.

Jasper nodded. "What are we doing?" He asked.

"See that rock over there?" I asked and Jasper nodded.

"Yeah."

"We're swimming to it."

Jasper smiled then. "Race you?" He asked.

I nodded furiously. "If you want your ass kicked."

"Oh darling, I'm a life guard here in the summer. If anyone gets their ass kicked, it'll be you," He boasted.

"Oh but little boy," I said, "I have the element of surprise on my side." With that I leaned into him kissing him passionately. He stood there, shell-shocked. "See?" I pointed out, racing into the water. Boys were so easy.

We raced out to the rock. I bet him, just, but was pretty convinced that he let me win. Jasper helped me up when we got there and we both climbed on. The water was calm that day. The waves weren't breaking over it. As we stood on the rock the sounds from the party were but a mere humming.

I grabbed Jasper's hand then and sat down. He sat along with me and encased me in his arms as we lay down. I looked up to the stars then and thought back to the story Jasper had told me about the boy who flew up to them to know for sure what they were. It was about taking risks to get what you want. That night I had taken a lot of risks and done a lot of things I wouldn't normally do. It was all because of Jasper. He made me want to take these risks because taking them meant I could get to know him more.

"Jasper," I said at a whisper.

"Yeah?" he whispered back.

"You remember that story you told me about the stars?"

Jasper nodded.

"What did they turn out being?" I asked. Jasper took in a deep breath then.

"No one knows," was his answer.

I took a deep breath in and snuggled closer to his chest.

"If you went up to the stars, what do you think would be there?" I asked.

"You," He said simply. "You, right now, in this place, at this second; just you and me."

His words made my heart flutter and I propped myself up on my elbow to look at him.

"Jasper," I said.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I love you," I answered.

Jasper smiled. "I love you too."

I smiled and leant down to kiss him then. It was a slow, peaceful kiss. I savoured every second of it, knowing nothing lasts forever.

After about half an hour I started to get cold. Jasper noticed. He convinced me that we should head back to the party and warm by the fire. I obliged when he kissed me to silence my protest.

We swam back together and were in no rush. When we got back to the beach Jasper dressed again. He then took me to the log and gave me a towel before going to Alice's car to get me his jacket.

I told him to either take the towel or the jacket but he said no, insisting that I needed them. Apparently I was freezing my ass off. It was a bit of an exaggeration. He was just being over-protective.

The music was slow once again and I recognised the lyrics. I leant against Jasper and brought my legs to my chest, closing my eyes and listening to the music.

"_It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak"_

I opened my eyes again and looked around. People were drinking, dancing, talking and laughing. It seemed only Jasper and I were mellow, but I didn't mind. It was perfect.

The song changed then and everyone cheered, some boys racing to grab the rugby ball.

"_Fallin' asleep at the wheel again baby,  
You're driftin' over the line. Yeah.  
Your hands are tight but you're losin' grip quickly  
Fix me, can you read the signs?"_

"Jasper, what's going on?" I whispered, but my attempts were overshadowed.

"Bella, Jasper, come on! The game is on!" Edward yelled as everyone moved away from the fire. "Boys versus Girls!"

"What's the game?" I asked hesitantly.

Jasper smiled down to me. "Beach football. Want to play?"

"And get a chance to kick your ass again? Of course," I agreed, throwing off the towel and hopping off the log. I stumbled, very ungracefully, but luckily was caught by Jasper.

"Steady there Evil Knievel," He laughed. I smiled and then raced off towards the group, Jasper following behind.

I reached the girls just as Jasper scooped me up by the waist and spun me around. I giggled and wriggled and eventually he placed me down gently and kissed me on the cheek as he ruffled Alice's hair. I turned around to him, flushed and frowning. Jasper just laughed.

"Show me what you got, darlin'," he joked, backing away from me with a seductive grin.

I just smiled, raised an eyebrow and swivelled around on my heels. His laughter rang out behind me. Distracted by him, it took me a while to notice the girl's eyes on me. I blushed and hid my face when I noticed.

"Looks like you two are getting along, huh?" Rosalie commented, nudging me with her elbow.

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed. "So, what's the game plan?"

Alice smiled at me. "We have a few tricks up our sleeves," She said slyly. "We play a game of distraction, and you have the toughest job; distracting their key player."

"Who?" I asked.

"Who do you think?" Rosalie asked sarcastically.

I sighed and nodded, dreading what a 'game of distraction' meant.

After a few minutes we all lined up as the music changed. I had no clue about the rules of football, to be honest. Plus, this game's rules were pretty relaxed, so I had a feeling no one would be keeping their positions. Alice stood on the other side of the field as me. Both Rosalie and Emmett were in the centre with everyone else spread out over the field.

Jasper smiled at me as we lined up and I poked my tongue out at him. He laughed and shook his head. Our team started with the ball.

Immediately, Rosalie tossed the ball back to Charlotte who tossed it to me. I stood there like a stunned mullet. I was amazed I even managed to catch it.

"Run, Bella!" Alice yelled, which stirred me out of my shock. I looked to Jasper. He was standing in front of me, his hands on his hips and a smile plastered over his ridiculously handsome face.

I started running forwards and tried to go around Jasper, but he stepped in front of me. I looked back to Rosalie and she winked at me. I smiled to Jasper and batted my eyelashes. The boys were yelling at him to get me but he didn't move. I started to run but he moved quickly, grabbing me around the waist and kissing my cheek.

"Gotcha," He whispered, swinging me around. I squealed and Rosalie took off in front of me. I tossed her the ball quickly. Emmett leaped for her but she dodged him easily.

"That was offside!" Jasper yelled, but I kissed him quickly to silence him.

"None of that, or else no more of this," I scolded. He pouted. I poked my tongue out and squirmed out of his hold to run and help Rosalie.

Then field was chaos. It appeared that every boy had taken this chance to catch his partner and immobilise them. Girls were everywhere trying to escape their boyfriend's holds and get help to the person with the ball. I looked behind me and saw Jasper closing the gap. I then looked to my left and saw Alice running diagonally as I was, with Edward close on her heels. Catching each other's eyes, we both sped up, crossing each other's paths. The boys, however, hadn't noticed each other and collided mid-run. Alice and I busted out laughing as they tried to regain themselves. We then headed for Rosalie who was running around like a headless chicken with the ball, trying to escape Emmett and find someone to pass to.

"Run to the try line, Bella!" Alice yelled and I did so, concentrating on not falling.

I reached it to see the ball being thrown towards me. Not far behind it was Jasper who was running to me, an evil grin on his face. I poked my tongue out at him and opened my arms for in the incoming ball. I closed my eyes as it landed in my arms. Then I froze. I had one step to take to get to the try line and Jasper was closing the gap.

I literally couldn't move, immobilised by nerves and fear. When Jasper reached me he didn't stop. Instead, he grabbed me, wrapping his arms around me. I clutched at the ball, unable to move it. Then I remembered our game plan.

With a small grin I tried it on. "Jasper," I whispered.

"Yeah?" He asked, smiling and calming down slowly.

I leant towards him then, touching his lips lightly. Slowly, I felt his hold release. I kept kissing him. Eventually, his grip lagged. That was when I slid out of his hold and dashed for the line, Jasper standing, stunned, where I left him.

I looked around to see everyone howling with laughter. I blushed furiously and ducked my head, dropping the ball. Rosalie, Alice and Charlotte came towards me, congratulating the win. Then I was pulled away by them to the fire. I looked back to see the boys crowding around Jasper and laughing as looked at me in disbelief. This just made me blush more.

Eventually, however, Jasper came back.

"What was that?" He asked when we settled.

"We were meant to be playing a game of distraction," I shrugged. Jasper laughed and kissed the top of my head.

"It was very distracting."

I sighed and looked around, seeing everyone retiring for the night. I looked up at Jasper and then yawned out of the blue.

"Tired?" He asked and I nodded. Jasper smiled and pulled me up. "Come on then."

We then walked over to Emmett's jeep where Edward and Emmett were unloading the mattresses and Rosalie and Alice were getting the blankets and pillows out.

"There are only three mattresses," Alice said to Jasper and I, smiling. "So you guys will have to share, but I'm sure you won't mind."

Alice smiled triumphantly. Jasper and I laughed, looked at each other and shrugged.

"Yeah, that's cool," He agreed, taking the mattress while I took the pillows and blanket.

Slowly everyone turned off their headlights and walked over to the fire and picked a spot, kicking the logs out of the way. The only light we had now were the dying embers of the fire and the shining moon. Jasper and I set ours down where our log had been and Rosalie, Emmett, Edward and Alice put theirs on either side.

I blushed as Jasper and I lay down on the mattress. Alice smiled over to me and I rolled my eyes, ignoring her and zipping up Jaspers jacket. Jasper rolled over and looked at me.

"Just don't steal all the covers, okay?" He whispered with a small smile. I nodded slowly and yawned. I then closed my eyes and drifted to sleep in Jasper's arms.

###

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry, I suck at updating, but I do have some good..._ish _reasons. I'm graduating in a few weeks so I've been pretty busy with University applications, exams, end-of-school stuff etc. So I kind of completely forgot about updating last week. It's quite sad, really; leaving school forever. But I kind of can't wait... Anyway, I was going to update yesterday, but there's a massive storm the size of Australia looming over New Zealand right now and we lost our power and just got it back a few hours ago. It's so sad. Massive swells, a very high tide and rain also threatened our house, which is right by the river and ocean, so we've been pretty busy preparing emergency stuff. Plus, we had to run around last night securing all the outside furniture etc. It's been hectic. Anyway, those are my excuses. I'm sorry. Hope this makes up for it. Please review, and I promise to update quicker next time. What did you guys think of the chapter?


	12. Chapter 11

**Let Go  
**Chapter 11

###

_Fun and Games_

###

That night I had a peaceful sleep. You may think that sleeping outside in winter would be cold, but it wasn't. It seemed like they had picked the perfect night for it. The sky was clear and the stars bright. The sea breeze was soft and the air warm. It was more like a summer night; also, being in Jasper's arms helped.

I woke up at about five in the morning and was startled by my pillow. It was moving; rising and falling at even intervals. I panicked and sat up instantly, panting. My heart pounded against my chest. I pulled away from the moving object that shouldn't have been moving and dragged my knees to my chest. I covered my face in my hands and calmed myself down before peaking through my fingers to see what had scared me. When I did I had to laugh. It was Jasper. I settled down again. I had been using his chest as a pillow as per usual. I smiled and lay back down to my new found pillow.

The fire was weak and held only a few glowing orange embers. I then looked around to my friends and laughed. Alice and Edward couldn't be further apart on the bed and their blanket was stretched to its limits. On Rosalie and Emmett's mattress Rosalie had all the blanket and lay right on the edge of the mattress. Emmett was sprawled out over the rest of the bed, his mouth hanging open and his hand falling off the side.

I giggled slightly and looked up to Jasper. His arm was around me and his expression was peaceful. There was also a small smile on his face. I sighed and rested my head back on his chest, falling asleep again.

I was awoken again hours later by the bright light of the sun shining directly into my eyes. I sighed and rubbed them, sitting up. I ran my hands through my hair and looked around. My heart missed a beat when I noticed the space on the mattress next to me was empty. I searched around the area, looking for Jasper. I was shocked to notice that no boys were I sight.

"Bella!" Alice's voice sounded. "You're awake. Finally."

I looked over to Alice's mattress to see Rosalie and her sitting cross legged on it talking. I smiled to them weakly and ran my hand through my hair again.

"Come here," Rosalie called, crooking her finger to me. I sighed and obliged, throwing my blankets off. I was immediately shocked when the cold air hit my bare legs. It wasn't as warm as I thought.

I scurried off to their mattress and wrapped my arms around my legs.

"Where are the boys?" I asked.

"Missing Jasper are we?" Alice replied with a giggle. I narrowed my eyes.

"Don't answer a question with a question," I chimed. She sighed.

"Relax, Bella. They left at nine. They have to do 'warm ups' and get the field ready and stuff. We all know it's just an excuse for them to sit around, drinking tea and talk about their feelings." Alice smiled cheekily and glanced at Rosalie. Rose stifled her giggled with her hand. Alice continued. "We will leave at 10:45 to get there on time."

I nodded, sad that Jasper hadn't been there when I woke up.

"What time is it now?"

"9:30," She answered, smiling. Her smile told me the interrogation she promised the night before was coming.

After she spoke a large jump of the mattress made my heart skip a beat. I let out a scream. The sound of beautiful laughter filled the air.

"Chill, Bella," Rosalie giggled. "It's just Charlotte."

I looked over to the source of the jump to see Charlotte stifling her laughter. She looked at me and straightened up immediately, her cheeks glowing and hair wild.

"Sorry, Bella."

"It's okay," I promised, blushing.

"So..." Alice began in a squeaky voice, edging closer to me. "What happened when you and Jasper disappeared?"

I looked at my hands and shrugged. "Nothing," I claimed. They all laughed.

"Oh come one, Bella," Rosalie laughed. "We aren't that naive. Spill!"

I looked up to them. Their eyes were all eager.

"Look, she's blushing," Charlotte giggled. "Something did happen!"

"Nothing happened," I assured them. "I swear. We just talked."

I wasn't about to tell them about my stupid actions and assumptions. That was to be kept between Jasper and I. And I wouldn't tell them what Jasper said to me and me to him. That was private and special. Apart from _those _things, we really did only talk, kind of.

"Are you sure?" Charlotte asked suspiciously.

"I'm sure," I promised. "We_ did_ kiss, but that's it. I'm sure that's not the information you guys are thinking of, but honestly, it was just a walk."

Rosalie scoffed. "Jeez, you guys are so boring."

I poked my tongue out at her. She laughed, returning the gesture.

"Well, what about the body shot?" Alice asked, eagerly looking for _anything_. "How was it?"

I blushed. Alice squealed.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," I shrugged, a small smile growing.

"I knew it!" Alice declared.

"You loved it!" Rosalie stated as she smiled to me. I kept my eyes on my hands but couldn't help the goofy grin appearing.

"And trust me Bella, Jasper enjoyed it too," Charlotte added.

"Okay!" I said, throwing my hands in the air and ending that part of the discussion. It was all too embarrassing. They all giggled. "Next question please."

"Alright, what was with swim?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I kind of just decided to... The alcohol was affecting me and it just looked fun. We swam out to the rock and then watched the stars. _Nothing _happened."

"_Nothing_?" She questioned. Rosalie and Charlotte giggled.

"Nothing," I nodded. Alice huffed.

"Alright, last question," Charlotte called. "What was with that kiss at the game? I mean you basically attacked Jasper!" She asked, laughing

"Yeah," Rosalie exclaimed. "My little cousin had no chance!"

"I hardly _attacked _him!" I claimed, blushing fiercely. "It was just a kiss. You guys saw it. Plus, you told me to play a game of distraction."

"We didn't mean attacking the opposition. Jasper was so stunned," Alice laughed.

I giggled. Eventually the conversation drifted away from Jasper and my exploits and we soon got into a free flowing conversation. About ten minutes later Alice stood up.

"Okay," She called, taking my hands and pulling me up. "Let's go get ready."

I smiled at her excitement and stumbled along as Alice pulled me to her car with Rosalie and Charlotte close behind.

"Alice, I don't really have any clothes apart from last night's ones," I reminded her.

"Oh, silly Bella, I packed you more clothes. I packed everyone more clothes. I would never let you stay in the state you're in now. Your hair is in a mess and your make-up has faded and smudged. Also, your clothes are covered in sand."

I just laughed and hugged myself in Jasper's jacket as I was taken along. I pressed my face into the shoulder, breathing in his smell deeply. My heart ached for him. I couldn't stand to be away from him.

I looked around to see all the other girls getting ready and packing everything up. I saw Emmett's truck was gone and sighed.

Alice then buried her head in the trunk of her car and threw a piece of clothing at me. I unravelled it to find a white, casual dress with spaghetti straps. I shrugged and threw my clothes off quickly, sliding the dress on before cold air stung at my skin. The dress fell above my knees. Alice then handed me Jasper's jacket and I put it on gratefully.

"Perfect," She sang, and then began searching in her bag. "Now, just a touch up on the mascara and blush and you're all done."

I nodded and Alice quickly applied the touch up of make-up. I then pulled a brush through my hair and slipped on some black converse.

"Excellent," Alice approved. She then threw a red dress to Rosalie, a dark blue one to Charlotte and slipped on her own black one.

"Wow," I said in awe when they finally put them all on. "You guys look amazing."

They all smiled at me.

"Not nearly as amazing as you," Charlotte said with a smile as she pulled the brush through her hair. "Now let's get these mattresses packed up and hit the road."

We all agreed and soon enough a convoy of cars filled with girls were driving up the beach and through the roads to the Rugby field. Charlotte rode with us in Alice's car and her and I sat in the back.

I was starting to really like Charlotte. We got along famously and she was one of the kindest people I had ever met. Her, Rosalie and Alice treated me like one of them, and I was nothing but grateful for it.

We arrived at the field and everyone piled out of the cars. The boys were dressed in random items of clothing in their schools colours. Our school colours were black, white and red and I then realised why Alice had picked out those dress colours.

Emmett's sight was hilarious. He was dressed in a red tutu with black tights and a white and black stripped shirt. On his head was a red clown wig that shot out in all directions. His site made me buckle over with laughter. He looked like Ronald McDonald crossed with a ballerina. Next to him was Edward whose site made me nearly lose control of my bladder. He was dressed in a matching outfit as Emmett and stood next to him. He was quite a few inches shorter than Emmett and more slender. They looked like Ronald McDonald.

I then looked to the right of them and Jasper was standing there, his arms crossed over his chest. I squinted and tried to see what he was wearing. I saw a pair of black shorts like the ones I had been wearing. Underneath these was a pair of white and red stripped tights. This made me laugh but I quickly clamped my hands over my mouth when he saw me. Seeing Jasper in this outfit made me feel much less nervous. I waved to him and Jasper nodded to me, still keeping his arms crossed over his chest.

Jasper started walking towards me and we met at the edge of the field. I reached up and pecked him on the lips and tried to stifle a laugh. Jasper still kept his arms crossed but smiled at me.

"What's with the outfit?" I asked.

Jasper smiled weakly. "Um... we always have to dress up for these things," He explained, embarrassed.

"Well you guys look... uh... very nice," I encouraged.

"Huh, yeah. Emmett and Edward picked out the clothes," He sighed, crossing his arms tighter. I looked down to them and frowned.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Oh come on, Jasper, show me."

Jasper shook his head furiously and stepped away.

I took a step towards him.

"You can't keep your arms crossed the whole game," I teased.

"Your dress is really pretty..." He tried to change the subject.

"Don't try to distract me. What are you wearing?"

Jasper shook his head vigorously. However, the sound of the Ronald McDonald twins reached us and caused Jasper to freeze.

Edward popped up by Jasper right shoulder and smiled at me.

"Hey Bella, do you like Jasper'soutfit?" He asked, smiling cheekily.

"Yeah, but he won't show me the top," I explained.

Suddenly, Emmett popped up by Jasper's left shoulder and beamed wickedly.

"Oh that's not very nice Jazz," He scolded, smiling. "Maybe we should help him out, Ed."

Edward nodded and looked to Jasper, smiling. Jasper looked to him and his face automatically changed to terror. He attempted to jump away from his best friends. Luckily, they caught him quickly and yanked his arms away from his chest.

My jaw dropped. I heard Alice, Rosalie and Charlotte's trilling laughter from behind me.

"Like it, Bella?" Emmett asked triumphantly. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. There was Jasper, wearing a tiny tank top like the one I wore the night before, with a bright red, lacy bra over the top, also like the one I wore last night. And it was _stuffed_.

I started to blush. Jasper shook his off friend's holds. The Ronald McDonald twins cracked up laughing and patted Jasper on the back before running to hug their girlfriends. At that moment Peter appeared next to Jasper, dressed in a deep blue mini dress and golden tights with a long, platinum blonde wig.

"Sup guys," He greeted, smiling widely at Jasper before running to Charlotte. I couldn't help but double over with laughter at the sight.

"You look amazing," He whispered to her, whisking her around in his arms.

"Not as amazing as you, _Peter-ina_," she laughed.

Peter raised a cheeky eyebrow and spun her around. Charlotte laughed and patted his arm, telling him to put her down. He did so and put his arm around her, facing Jasper and I.

"So, Bella, you like Jasper's outfit? We helped him pick it out."

"More like you held me down and forced it on me."

"Details, details, Peter chimed, brushing off Jasper's comment.

"It's great," I replied. "However, I must say, yours is pretty... uh... _awesome_, too."

Peter smiled brightly. "I agree. You agree, don't you, Jasper?"

Jasper couldn't help his amused grin. "Of course. You make such a pretty girl, Pete."

Peter laughed. "You're just jealous because I make a better one than _you._"

Jasper held his hands up in defence. "You get me there."

Peter beamed at Jasper before pecking Charlotte on the lips.

"Alright ladies, ready to get your asses kicked?" He announced to the surrounding rival team. They all laughed sarcastically.

"You wish," laughed Jasper.

"Bring it on then, Blonde-y," Peter called back.

And then it was on. The boys ran off in their crazy costumes to the field.

I stood there watching Jasper until I felt Charlotte's hand on my arm.

"Come on, Bella," She whispered. "Let's go watch with the others."

I turned to look at her and nodded, heading towards the benches where everyone was sitting.

Charlotte and I sat next to Alice and Rosalie just as the game started and cheering erupted. As the girls cheered for the boys I pulled the sleeves of Jasper's jacket over my hands and zipped it up. I leant my chin in my hand and breathed in the addictive scent that still clung to the fabric.

We watched the game in amusement. Nobody took the game seriously and there were numerous pranks pulled by the Ronald McDonald twins; mainly on their best friend and team mate. Once they held a red piece of string across the field and as Jasper ran with the ball towards line they pulled it tight, causing him to trip. They were quite pleased with themselves.

Their other targets were Laurent, Garrett and Peter on the other team. These pranks involved the help of Jasper, naturally. The boys suffered numerous blows. I must say that we had no shortage of laughter at the game.

However, no matter how weird the outfits or how crazy the pranks, the game was amazing. Nothing could take away from the astonishing team unity and organisation that shone through both teams.

Every few minutes when Jasper received the ball he would look over to me and smile, before shooting off towards the line. Every time it left me shell shocked. He was an amazing player, even in a bra and shorts.

I found myself flinching whenever one of the boys took a tackle, especially Jasper. I was on the edge of my seat every time he had the ball, knowing he would either score or be pummelled to the ground. The game was vicious, and every tackle looked like it blew the wind out of the boys.

However, the way Jasper weaved between the defenders never ceased to amaze me. They had no chance of catching him when he ran. Emmett and Edward were always there on his wings, supporting him. I always received a smile from him before he ran with the ball. It always made my heart flutter and gave me that little bit of assurance that he was okay.

It was ten minutes into the second half of the game when Jasper completely blew my mind. It all started when Emmett intercepted the ball just before our line, stopping the other team from scoring. This was amazing enough. He then ran forwards, but soon came to a block by the other team. I then saw Jasper shooting up on Emmett's left along the side line. Emmett saw this too and tossed him the ball. Jasper caught it easily and sent me a wicked grin before shooting off again. I felt Charlotte nudge my arm but I ignored it. He was nearly at the half way line when Laurent leapt at him, flying along and grasping at Jasper. Jasper, however, leapt up in the air and flew over Laurent's skidding body, landing on the ground again and shooting off again with increased speed.

My jaw flew open as I felt Charlotte nudge me again. I ignored it, my eyes locked on Jasper and my heart racing as I saw Peter flying towards him.

"You're going down, Pretty boy!" Peter yelled, running towards him from the side.

"Not a chance!" Jasper yelled back, shifting the ball to his side.

A second later Peter was right by Jasper, preparing for the tackle. He was fast – faster than Jasper – a closing the gap quickly. However, Jasper, as if it was planned, spun gracefully out of Peter's reach. Peter fell to the ground and pounded his fist on the grass as Jasper leaped over the line. The outrageous outfits didn't take away from how amazing this run had been.

Jasper sent a thrilling smile to me as cheering erupted. My mind then registered to Charlotte nudging me over and over when Jasper was surrounded by his team mates, congratulating him. Soon our gaze broke as he was called back into the game and Charlotte nudged me forcefully.

"What is it?" I asked, turning to her. Charlotte smiled brightly.

"Bloody hell girl, what does it take to get your attention?" She breathed, laughing. I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Sorry, I was just out of it. What do you want?" I asked, keeping the corner of my eye on the field. Charlotte saw this and grabbed my head, placing both her hands on each side.

"Focus, Bella. Shake Jasper out of your brain for one second," She sighed, holding my gaze on her and smiling.

"Okay, I'm here."

Charlotte dropped her hands and giggled slightly.

"Now, please tell me you noticed Jasper showing off to you!" She exclaimed.

"I thought I had to keep my mind off Jasper!" I rebutted.

Charlotte just rolled her eyes. "Don't try change the subject!"

"I didn't. The subject was Jasper and I kept it on Jasper," I said smugly.

"No," Charlotte claimed, "You changed it from whether you saw Jasper showing off to you to you having to keep you mind off him! Now, please tell me you're not oblivious to the fact that everything he has been doing in this game is to impress you."

I just rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right."

"Why do you think he has been smiling at you all the time?" She replied.

I just shrugged, but was secretly honoured.

"I don't know," I claimed, turning back to the game. Charlotte giggled and nudged my arm before turning back to the game as well and calling "Go Peter!" at the top of her lungs.

I kept my eyes glued on Jasper, but now, whenever he threw me a smile, I was unbelievably aware of what he was doing, and Charlotte's familiar nudge always reminded me.

About fifteen minutes later after Edward made an unbelievable touch-down, Charlotte took my hands and turned to me.

"Bella?" She called quietly. I managed to peal my eyes off Jasper and turned to her.

"Yeah?" I whispered. She laughed lightly and took a deep breath, preparing.

"I'm going to say something really out of the blue now," she admitted, "but please just listen and believe me, okay? It's important."

I nodded, shifting so I was focusing solely on her. "Okay, sure. What is it?"

Charlotte nodded and sucked in a deep breath before beginning. She was clearly nervous – awkward. I wanted to make her feel comfortable.

"I would just like to thank you, from all of us," she began. I frowned. She smiled weakly. "I know that's weird, and I know you and Jasper haven't been together very long, but thank you. He's so much happier with you here. It's been nice to see him so carefree again. He hasn't been like this, truly, since his Mom... _died_. When he loses something he loves, he closes up, which it what he did when she passed away. It has been a long time since he has played with this much enthusiasm and passion. We've been worried about him, but you changed him. Thank you."

I glanced quickly to the field to see Jasper looking at me, frowning slightly. I smiled to him and he smiled back, continuing with the game. Looking at him then, my heart ached. I wanted to run to him and hug him tight. I wanted to make all the clouds disappear.

I then looked back to Charlotte and smiled at her.

"Charlotte, I don't know what I have done, but thank you for what you have said. Jasper has been... _amazing_, for me, too."

Charlotte smiled to me and encased me into a hug. She then released me and smiled again before we turned back to the game. A new bond had formed between us.

I looked back to Jasper and soon found myself becoming lost in my thoughts. My eyes following him but my thoughts did not follow.

Why I had thought getting close to people was a bad idea, I didn't know. How could I ever think these people could ever let me down? How could I think they even had it in their power? I trusted these people completely, and I had only known them for a very short time. Hell, I had known Charlotte for not even a day. But I felt like I belonged with them. Sure, we were opposite, but I still loved being with them and hated being away from them. I finally felt accepted, when in Forks I hardly ever was. It was nearly perfect, the only way it would be totally perfect was if Jacob was there too.

Jacob: my freakishly tall, sarcastic, wild, crazy, brave, smart-alike of a best friend. I missed him so much, but I knew that I had other people who would be great friends like he had. I wished that one day I would see him again. I prayed that he would meet Jasper and they would get along famously too. I wanted my happy ending, but I knew they never came true. I knew that I had gotten my fair share of happiness for a lifetime, and it would soon come to an end. Fairytales are an ideal, not necessarily real. That thought was a continuous dark spot in the happiness of the day; like a little rain cloud.

However, I quickly pushed these thoughts out of my mind when the whistle blew and called an end to the game.

Immediately cheering erupted over the field. We had won the game, barely. I soon felt two hands grab my arms and pull me off my seat. I looked up to see Alice and Rosalie standing over me.

"Come on," Rosalie called, tugging me along. "We won!"

I looked around the field to see the boys all celebrating and teasing the other team. Jasper was standing by Peter and Garrett, his face glistening with sweat as he rubbed the victory in their face. I stood there watching him as he enjoyed this time and didn't intrude.

Soon enough Jasper's eyes met mine and he smiled, waving me over. I smiled back and started walking towards him. We had nearly reached each other when my heart nearly jumped out of my throat. Behind him I saw Emmett and Edward creeping up, holding the red cold water drum in their hands, holding the only source of drink in the place. Jasper hadn't noticed their approach and I froze with shock, but also amusement. Jasper only had time to frown when the buckets contents were thrown over him and the sounds of bystanders' laughter rang high in the air.

I couldn't help but laugh as Jasper froze in spot, ice cold water dripping off him. His head was bowed as water trickled off his hair.

"Edward! Emmett!" He yelled, still frozen in place. Emmett and Edward's laughter rang above all others.

"Just thought you needed a cool off, oh great and mighty captain," Emmett laughed.

"Plus, you were working pretty hard out there, Jazz. You know, showing off to your girl friend and all," Edward added.

Jasper groaned and shook his head, spraying water on those standing too close. As he did so a giggle escaped my lips. Jasper's head snapped up to me. My eyes widened as a wicked smile emerged.

Jasper took a slow step towards me, his arms spread wide.

"Want a hug, Bella?" He asked evilly. I took a step back instinctively and held my hands up in defence.

"Stay back, Jasper," I said strongly, stepping back again. Jasper's smile just grew

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you," Jasper promised, walking faster then.

"No, Jasper!" I squealed as I started to turn around to run. Annoyingly, my luck turned ugly and I stumbled in my turn and Jasper caught me instantly, his cold, wet, long arms wrapping around my waist.

Jasper lifted me off my feet and held me to his soaked clothes, kissing my cheek and pressing his cold face against it.

"Wow, Bella, don't trip now. Gotcha," He whispered. Chills ran down my spine as the cold hit my skin. I squirmed around in his arms and Jasper released me. I turned around to him and pouted, his face still covered in a huge smile. Eventually I broke and smiled back, encasing my arms around him, remembering Charlotte's words. His clothes were drenched and freezing, but I didn't care.

"You okay, Bella?" Jasper whispered, surprised by my sudden enthusiasm for his hug.

I nodded into his chest. He laughed. Eventually I let him go and Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulder, walking us towards the group.

"Enjoy the game?" He asked, trying to hide the hope in his voice.

"Sure did," I assured, deciding to feed his ego. "You were amazing, by the way."

"Thanks," He answered. "I loved having you here. And I see your still wearing my jacket."

I nodded and blushed then. "Yeah... do you need it back?" I asked, really not wanting to give it back.

Jasper shook his head. "No, it looks good on you. Keep it."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

I smiled then and we approached the group.

"Ready to go?" Alice asked me when we approached.

I nodded reluctantly. "Yeah."

"Great, you're riding with Rose and me."

I nodded and turned to Charlotte. She encased me in a hug.

"See you later Bella," She said before turning to Jasper. "Come visit soon."

Jasper nodded and hugged her lightly before turning to Peter.

Jasper smiled as Peter rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you won, but don't you dare start with that 'I told you so' shit," Peter growled before Jasper could speak.

Jasper laughed. "Don't worry, man. You put up a damn good fight. Two points in it."

Peter nodded then. "Just wait till next time. We'll kick your ass."

Jasper laughed then. "Sure sure." Then, adding at a smug whisper, "I told you so." Peter rolled his eyes and punched Jasper in the shoulder playfully.

"See you guys later", He said to everyone afterwards. "Come down again soon."

Jasper nodded and the boys all said their goodbyes to Peter and Charlotte. Alice and Rosalie then hugged Charlotte and we all walked towards the cars before waving our final goodbyes.

When we reached the car Jasper took my hand and leant down to give me a soft, slow kiss.

"See you at home," He said. I nodded, blushing and biting my bottom lip, before reluctantly getting in the car.

As soon as all the doors were shut Alice and Rosalie's chatter filled the air. Alice drove whilst Rosalie sat in the passenger seat. I watched out the back window as Jasper disappeared into the distance.

My brain faintly registered Alice and Rosalie's chatter. They were talking about every detail of the party. They attempted to get my attention a few times, but I didn't register this enough to react. I just stared out the window and watched the blur of green trees flash by. I thought of the party and all the little things Jasper and I had shared. I was more than thankful for the day with him and the others. Because of it, I had forgotten everything that troubled me.

The logical part of my mind just had to bring the events of the past day or so down to a list of lessons, although the random and thoughtless part of my brain protested. It didn't want to make sense of the past events. It just wanted to remember them with happiness. Sadly, the logical part of my brain won out, and I found myself reliving everything.

I learnt 26 things in the past day:

_1. You can't fight with Rosalie and Alice.  
2. __You don't always need to know what people are thinking and feeling, although it helps.  
3. __Meeting new people is life-changing.  
4. __Everyone gets nervous.  
5. __Boys don't like competition.  
6. __Drunken people supply an endless amount of entertainment.  
7. __Don't assume things. You may not always be right.  
8. __Love has no boundaries.  
9. __Things aren't always as bad as they look.  
10. __Nearly _everything_ is planned.  
11. __People _are_ as good as they seem.  
12. __Alcohol can be a blessing and a curse.  
__13. Never let go of those you love.  
__14. Floating Teddy Bears provide the best ideas.  
15. __Burning your food is not the worst thing in the world.  
16. __Stars are the most magnificent things in the world.  
17. __Jasper's jacket is the best accessory.  
__18. Distraction can be taken too literally.  
19. __Let people in.  
20. __Trust them. They could be the best gift you get.  
21. __There's nothing like football men in tights.  
22. __Kiss like it's the last time.  
23. __Ronald McDonald is a cunning little bastard. With a twin.  
24. __If you let them go, they will come back.  
25. __Cold isn't bad.  
26. __Letting go lets you forget._

Alice and Rosalie dropped me off soon enough. I stepped out of the car reluctantly, dreading going inside.

After a few minutes I picked up my courage and walked down my driveway. When I reached the front door I heard the rumble of Emmett's truck and turned around. Jasper ran towards me and kissed me softly and then ran off to get out of his crazy outfit.

"See you soon!" He called as he raced inside. I was shocked by his sudden arrival and departure, but shook it off, heading inside. When I did I automatically regretted it.

"Isabella Swan, get in here _now_!" Charlie's booming voice sounded. I was shaken from the happy state I had just been in. I stood at the door, frozen in place, not breathing. My mind went blank. Slowly, I made myself thaw out, knowing the consequences if I didn't. My heart started racing as I walked towards the kitchen where his voice had come from.

I walked in to see Charlie standing in the middle of the kitchen, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Where the fuck have you been!" He yelled. I sighed inwardly, not in the mood for this.

"At my friends' house," I said simply. My Dad narrowed his eyes.

"How dare you go out all night without telling me or your mother! Who the fuck do you think you are!" He screamed. I tried to numb myself to it all. He noticed.

"And who the fuck's jacket is that!" He boomed, his loud footsteps shaking me to the core_._ I knew then that I was in trouble."You dirty little slut! You were with a boy! How much did he pay you, huh? Because he had to pay you; it's not like anyone would willingly be with your ugly ass! Where the fuck have you been! And tell me the truth!"

His words were like individual pitch forks through my heart. I tried with all my might to return to the happy feeling I had just had, but it didn't come. _I don't understand either_.

"Answer me, you little slut!" Charlie yelled with the full force of his vocal cords. I ignored him and lost myself in my thoughts. _Find your happy place. _I heard loud, stomping footsteps heading for me again, but I chose to ignore them.

Suddenly I was blown back by an outrageous force colliding with my face. I clutched at my cheek, stumbling back into the counter. I reached out with one hand and attempted to steady myself, cradling the right side of my face with the other. I failed and slid down the cupboard door to the ground. The pain was excruciating. My head was spinning. Nothing was clear. It was all a blur; a messy, painful and repulsive blur.

The room was automatically silent. I attempted to steady my breath and stood up, looking up to the monster in front of me through my tears that I refused to shed. He was standing there, but the usual smirk was not on his face. No; his face was filled with horror. He knew he had screwed up. _Stupid bastard, you hit me where it's visible,_ I thought bitterly.

I turned around and stumbled towards the kitchen. I looked back to Charlie when I reached it. He was still in shock.

I dragged myself out the door and staggered up the stairs, trying to find my way with tear filled eyes and excruciating pain throbbing through me.

I reached my room eventually and sat on the edge of the bed, sobbing furiously into my hands and holding my injury.

Five minutes passed when I felt my spotlight surround me. Only this time, I was not happy that it did. My heart jolted and I snapped my face up to see Jasper standing in his room, his hands at his sides crunched into fists. _No._ I saw his face furrowed in aggravation and disgust. _No._

I stood up instantly. It was too late. Jasper was gone. I raced to the window to see him storming across his lawn and jumping the small fence. My heart stopped.

I raced out my room and to the stairs. I shut all the pain out as I raced to stop what was coming. I had only reached the top of the stairs when the door knob shook furiously. It was locked. I breathed a sigh of relief, but lost my breath when Jasper smashed his fists against the door. Once... Twice... Thrice. I heard my Dad in the kitchen cursing as he raced in anger to the door, about to confront the unwanted and obtrusive visitor. I shot down the stairs then, screaming at the top of my lungs.

This couldn't happen. It wouldn't happen. I couldn't let it happen.

"No, Dad! Don't!"

_Life is all fun and games until someone gets hurt._


	13. Chapter 12

**Let Go  
**Chapter 12

###

_Pulling and Pushing_

###

Dad stopped his hand mid-movement and looked at me with narrowing eyes.

"What the fuck do you want now, you little slut?" He snapped. Jasper smashed his fist on the door three more times and shouted some inaudible words through it.

"Just... let me deal with it. Please?" I begged.

"No. This asshole needs a good talking to," He replied in a cruel voice, turning back to continue the manoeuvre.

"Dad, let me deal with it!" I snapped. Charlie glared at me and deliberated for a few seconds.

"With your face like that? You think I'm that stupid, huh? No."

"Dad, listen to me! I _have_ to deal with this. I know who it is, and if you open that door, things will get _a lot_ worse!"

Charlie deliberated for a few seconds. Eventually, he cracked. "Whatever, like I give a fuck," he scoffed. "But if there's any trouble, I'm dealing with it."

With that Charlie stomped upstairs. Jasper pounded on the door again. I waited till I knew Charlie was long gone before I turned to the door handle.

I took a deep breath before opening it a crack and stuffing my hand out, pushing against Jasper's chest.

"Fuck'n bastard!" Jasper yelled, trying to shove my hand away and yank the door open. His yelling stopped as soon as he realised it was my hand. I held the door tight, however, and pushed him harder. I forced him back as hard as I could and squeezed myself through the gap, smashing it shut behind me and shielding the knob with both hands.

"Let me through, Bella," He growled, his anger seething as he tried to move me to the side. "I'm going to kill him!" He yelled over my head and through the door, aiming the comment at Charlie. I frowned deeply and shoved against his chest even more.

"No!" I shouted, overpowering him. I kept my eyes locked on his, keeping them stern. Jasper looked to my right cheek. His face filled with pain. He then looked back to my eyes and kept them locked on mine, never faltering.

"Let me through! Look what he did to you! I'm going to fucking _kill him_," He shouted, placing his hand on my shoulder and trying to move me out of the way. I kept my feet glued to the spot and stuffed my finger into his ribs, causing him to fall back.

A lump formed in my throat and a shot of guilt passed through me, but I wouldn't let it cloud my mind. This couldn't happen.

"Don't you dare!" I screamed at him, stepping forwards and continually shoving my finger into his chest. This caused him to walk backwards. He walked down the steps, shocked. I kept myself strong. "You are just going to make this worse. Leave, now, and let it go."

Jasper stared at me in disbelief. "What the fuck, Bella? You can't tell me you are just going to put up with this! You deserve better than this shit!"

"No, Jasper, I don't! I need you to leave, now. It will only make it worse."

I stood in front of him and stared straight into his eyes. They were not cold and stale. They were filled with emotions. They were swimming, searching for any cracks or holes in my facade. There were none. I believed every word I said.

"No fuck'n way. I will not stand around while that gutless shit does _this_ to you!" He yelled, pointing at the right side of my face. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Bella; _anyone._ That includes your father."

"You're not the boss of my life!" I shouted. "You're not the boss of me. You cannot just turn up here and start saying that! You have no_ right_!"

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I shoved Jasper back again and again. He didn't defend himself. He didn't stop me. He just stood there and took it.

My body was shuddering. I was weeping furiously. I stumbled into Jasper's chest. His hands gripped the tops of my arms. I pounded his chest, not in control of anything. _Damn it Bella. Get a back bone. Don't give into him. Control yourself and get him out._

"Leave. Leave now," I sobbed as I pounded Jasper's chest. I knew my attempts were weak. I knew I lost control. But I had to try. Persevere. Persevere. Persevere.

"This is what I deserve. Leave; leave now. I can't have you here. I got what I deserved. Leave."

I was bubbling into his chest, unable to control anything. Hands, mouth, eyes, arms, legs; they were all rogue.

My knees buckled and I fell to the ground.

Jasper caught me, lifting me onto my feet.

"Damn it Bella!" He growled, propping me up on my own feet. "Listen to me. Can't you see what you deserve? Can't you see this is _wrong_? Stop letting this bastard knock you down and stomp all over you. What happened to the girl from this morning? Stand up on your own two feet. Just leave! Take Renesme and leave. You need better. Stand up for yourself and for your little sister. I will help you, but just get out, Bella."

Jasper was holding the tops of my arms, leaning down to me. I had my eyes on my feet and was letting my tears fall. I snapped my head up and met his penetrating eyes. The emotions I met nearly made me collapse, but I stood steady. I shook him off me and took a step back.

In that moment, he reminded me of Jacob. Like Jacob, he would always try and save me. He would always try and get me out of my house. That thought stung my already pained heart. But one thought ran through my mind that had me shivering. Would I leave him like I left Jacob?

Jasper's eyebrows were furrowed in a deep frown and he was searching intently in my eyes. I knew they were cold. I knew they were hard. I knew there was no life left in them. And I also knew what he said was right; I just couldn't do it.

"No, Jasper," I said, taking another step back.

"Why not?" He demanded.

"Because I'm not you!" I yelled, not controlling my outburst. Squeezing my lips together, I regained control. "You're saying I should do all this stuff, but that's your opinion. How do I know if it's the right thing to do? They have never touched a hair on Renesme's head. Maybe the best thing for me to do is stay here and keep Renesme with her parents, no matter how much it hurts. Or maybe the best thing _is_ for me to leave. I don't know. I just can't. I don't know how to! I don't know where to go. And I don't want to leave _you_."

I also wasn't going to leave him like I left Jacob. I wouldn't make that mistake again.

I took another step back from Jasper as he took a step forward. Tears were streaming down my face and my breathing was a struggle; irregular and awkward.

"I'm not strong, Jasper. I can't just pick up my life and leave. All I can do is endure. I have been enduring all my life. A few more years won't hurt. And when I leave school I will take Renesme with me, but not now. Not when I'm so young. And not when I have just found _you_!"

I couldn't deal with the flood of emotions I was feeling. I felt like crumpling to the ground; falling to my knees and giving up. But I knew I couldn't. I had to stay on my own two feet.

"Damn it, Bella! Don't let me hold you back! I want what is best for you, even if that means letting you go. I will come with you if I can. But you _need_ to get out of this house. It's wrong, Bella. Do what's best for _you_. Don't think about me."

"_You're_ what's best for me," I shouted, "and you're _here_!"

I stumbled back then, falling into the grass. I saved myself by sticking my hand out and jumped up quickly as Jasper tried to catch me.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled as he tried to help me up. I shied away from any touch from him. It would only make me falter.

"Bella..." He whispered, his face suddenly in shock.

"I'm standing on my own," I said strongly, brushing myself off and stepping back.

"_When he loses something he loves, he closes up," _Charlotte's voice played in my head like a broken record. It triggered my guilt. I didn't know what I was doing.

"_Stand up on your own two feet,"_ Jasper's voice followed hers. My head was racing. I didn't believe that this could be it. This couldn't be the end. It wouldn't be the end. Ends were meant to be happy.

But he wanted me to stand on my _own_ two feet.

_And they lived happily ever after._ I then reminded myself that it wasn't a fairytale. Fairytale's aren't real. Prince Charming never comes. In real life, knights in shining armour are really just psycho's wrapped in tinfoil.

In your world Cinderella isn't ever saved. She's locked away forever. The prince falls for someone else. Girls like you don't get your happy ending. Stop fooling yourself into thinking you do.

_And so they lived happily _never_ after_. Better Bella. Get your head on straight.

"I didn't mean it like that, Bella," He said. His eyes radiated hurt.

"Leave me, Jasper," I whispered, stone-cold.

"Never," He swore, taking a step towards me.

"Why not?"

I wasn't good for him. I just hurt him. He had his own issues. He didn't need to deal with mine as well. We had hardly even begun our relationship, yet we were acting like we had been together for years. He didn't need that complication.

"Because I love you too much!" He answered, yelling the words to me. They hit my heart like shining silver bullets.

I looked away then. _Don't look, don't look, don't look._ Don't let him break you. Stand tall. Ignore those words. Get him out. Stop this now. It's making it worse.

"Damn it, Bella," he called, grabbing the top of my arms again. "Don't do this again. Don't you dare close up on me now! Not after everything. You can't do this."

I didn't look at him. _Keep your eyes on the ground. Count the blades of grass. Sing a song. Just Don't Look._

Jasper shook me. I didn't look. He released me. I still didn't look. He stepped back. I looked. _Damn it_.

I stood firm. I looked at him, his head buried in his hands.

"You're doing it again. You can't make a decision, can you? Please, stop mucking me around, Bella. Why are you pushing me away again?"

At that moment, I hated him. He aggravated me. He tested me. So why did I love him?

I hated you because you made me love you.

I loved you because you made me hate you.

"Because it's what I do," I answered him. "I don't make decisions. I push you away. I just _do_. You know that."

After every hit we take, why do I still love you?

_8._ Because _Love has no boundaries_.

"I do. But I still love you."

He was looking at me then. My knees crumpled. I didn't fall to him. I stayed up. I turned around and walked away.

_19._ _Let People In._

No.

It never gets you anywhere.

_13. Never let go of those you love_.

I know, but I did. I walked away.

But Jasper didn't.

I felt Jasper's hand on my arm, stopping me.

"Bella, please stop? I'm sorry."

I turned around to him. I shouldn't have, but I did. I turned around and I kissed him. I kissed him because I needed to. And I kissed him because I could.

"I love you," I whispered when I pulled away from him. Jasper looked down to me and stroked my cheek lovingly.

"Bella..."

I pulled away then and turned around. _Pull him in and then push him away. You're breaking him, Bella. Make a clear plan and stick to it. Don't hurt him any more than you have to._

"That's the problem," I explained.

_If you strike a match, you're going to feel the flame._

I struck the match of starting a relationship with him. I was going to feel the flame when it ended.

I walked away then. I walked away and Jasper let me go. I looked back when I reached the door. Jasper's expression didn't move. I knew what it meant. My heart ached as I left him, but I had to. Nothing made sense, but it didn't matter. I had to leave him.

_24. If you let them go, they will come back._

Maybe.

.:.

I ran up to my room. I tripped, but picked myself up quickly. I ran. I had to run. My breathing was unsteady. My feet were weak. But they held me.

"_Stand up on your own two feet."_

Always and forever.

For you.

"Bella!" Dad's voice boomed throughout the house. I fell up the stairs again, but grabbed the rail to steady myself. _Learn to_ _stand up on your own two feet. _"What the fuck was all that noise?"

I kept running. I reached the top of the stairs when Dad's voice sounded again.

"Bella! What the fuck was it?"

"I sorted it out!" I yelled in reply as I stumbled into my room. _Deep breathes, Bella_. "Nothing to worry about."

I almost chocked on those words.

The whole place was lit up with my spotlight. It felt like it never had before. I didn't dare look again. I kept my eyes on my feet.

I ran to the windows and yanked the curtain across, tumbling over my own feet. My knees were buckling, but I pushed them a little farther. _Last one, last one._

This was the first time I had closed the curtains. _There's a first time for everything._

I ran to that last curtain and jerked it across. The spotlight slowly disappeared, muffled and filtered by the fabric. I was about to collapse. I ran to the bed. I ran to the bed and curled up into a ball. I wrapped my arms around my legs and cried. I cried like I never had before.

It had been about ten minutes when I realised the warmth on my arms. I stopped crying and looked to my forearm. Immediately my heart jumped and tears fell faster. _Jasper's jacket._

I forced my crying to a stop and ripped the fabric off, throwing it to the corner of the room. I couldn't stand it; the smell, the feel, the look. It all made me sick.

My body shuddered as I sobbed again, rolling over on my bed, absorbing myself into the covers. The constant trilling of my phone vibrated against my pine bedside table and the sound rang in the air, stinging my ear drums. I blocked my ears, trying to control myself. I tried to distract myself.

But I couldn't. My whole body was cold and trembling with my overflowing emotions. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't calm. I also knew why.

I picked myself up slowly and walked over to the corner of the room. I couldn't stand to be away from it. No matter what happened, I had to hold on. I picked it up and brought it up to my face, breathing in its deep scent. My phone cried against the stale wood, but I didn't care. I walked slowly back over to my bed and sank into it.

I cried myself to sleep, the sound of my phone dying into the background. I kept my face buried in my saviour; _Jasper's Jacket._


	14. Chapter 13

**Let Go**  
Chapter 13

###

_Windows_

###

I slept all through Sunday. It was a restless sleep. I woke every few minutes to the trilling of my phone. I ignored it. It didn't matter. I didn't have the energy to get up. My head was throbbing and I was exhausted. A lot had been taken out of me in the last few days. I needed time to re-gather my thoughts and re-assemble them.

My bed was abnormally cold during my sleep. I was permanently curled up in a ball, my arms wrapped around my legs. I kept Jasper's jacket inside the ball at all times. I wouldn't let it go.

When I woke up on Sunday night my stomach was grumbling furiously. I thought about food, but that thought made me sick. I wouldn't be able to stomach it. I released my ball and sat up then. I brought my hand to my face and touched the injury lightly. It stung in protest and I stopped immediately. I groaned and rubbed my hands through my hair, feeling groggy and sick.

Immediately I sat up and walked over to my bathroom. I needed a shower. It had been far too long since I had had one and it would make me feel better.

As I stood under the nozzle I let the warm water flow over my skin. I was automatically relaxed, and when I got out I put on a pair of track pants, a white singlet and Jasper's jacket. I then slipped on a pair of socks, brushed my teeth and hair and got back into bed. I slipped into a more peaceful sleep.

I woke up on Monday to the abrupt shaking of my bed. I sat up instantly and cringed from the pain of my injury. When my eyes fell on the end of the bed I saw my Dad standing there, frowning.

"Bella, you're not going to school today," he said in a flat voice. "I'm taking Renesme to day care and going to work. You're not going back to school till that clears up, and if I found out you did, you will wish you were never born."

My heart jumped at the latter part of his speech and I nodded reluctantly. But honestly, I didn't want to go to school. I couldn't deal with it.

"What time is it?" I asked in a dazed manner.

"7:30. I'm going to work now and dropping off your sister."

With that he walked out the door.

That had been the first time he had spoken to me since we got to Texas in a relatively un-angered tone. I was amazed. But then again, I wasn't. He was doing it all for his own benefits. He didn't want the authorities coming down on him for abuse. It wouldn't be good for the image. He _was _the authorities.

I sighed and rolled over, but I couldn't go back to sleep. The constant vibrating of my phone had finally become too much. I rolled over and grabbed it with the intention to just turn it off. However, when I flipped it open I was shocked.

_57 missed calls._

_63 unread text messages._

_You've got to be kidding me._

I entered the text message folder and saw that they were all from Jasper. I sighed then and read the first received one.

_I'm not leaving, Bella. Please, don't do this._

I wouldn't let this get to me. I felt horrible for what I had done to him. I had hurt him too much. I didn't want to hurt him again. Was doing what I did the right thing? I had no idea. All I knew was that a part of me never wanted to hurt him again, and a selfish part of me wanted to avoid the flame for my own sake. Was one big blow like this better than dragging out a million more if we kept going? I had no idea. I was confused as hell and having an internal fight with the conservative, coward Bella and the stronger Bella who loved Jasper more than anything. All I knew was that I hurt Jasper, and I was a bad person.

I took a deep breath and carried on reading them. The second was much the same.

_I love you. I'm not leaving until you come back out. We have to talk this through. Please._

The texts carried on much like this. Eventually they shortened a little bit. They resorted to shorter sentences such as _'Please come back'._

I then moved onto the missed phone calls, clearing them all. They were all from Jasper. I wasn't surprised there. When I was done I turned my phone off and rolled over, drifting to sleep again.

I hadn't been asleep very long when a tapping on my window woke me. I opened my eyes reluctantly and sighed, before trying to drift back to sleep again. Sadly, the tapping persisted, and I groaned, pulling myself up and heading towards the window. I pulled the curtain back only slightly and peaked through the gap.

The scene I saw made me drop it instinctively and step back, before freezing. _Jasper_. He was standing on the small balcony outside the windows and waiting. I couldn't move. How the hell did he get up there? My heart beat irregularly, telling me to let him in. My head told me to ignore him and go back to bed.

My heart won.

His tapping persisted once more. I flicked the curtain back and stared straight into his eyes. Jasper didn't move. He just stared back at me, his expression strong. There was the evidence of a small frown line between his eyebrows. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What are you doing here?" I called through the glass.

"You weren't answering your phone," he called back, smirking just that little bit. I rolled my eyes.

"There was a purpose to that," I rebutted.

"Are you going to let me in?" Jasper sighed, glancing towards the lock on the sliding door. I shook my head.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly. Jasper peered intently into my eyes and searched. He found nothing.

"To talk."

"Talk now," I rebutted.

"Come on, Bella," he sighed. "Please don't be stubborn. Let me in. Let's talk about this."

I reached towards the lock. When I had released it I stepped back as Jasper stepped in. He stood close to me, looking down and frowning. I took a step back, keeping my eyes cold and my stance strong.

"You have five minutes," I informed him, taking another step back.

"Come on, Bella. Please don't act like this," He asked, stepping closer.

"Four minutes, forty seven seconds," I reminded, glancing towards the alarm clock on my bedside table.

"You're going to time me?" He asked, chuckling slightly. He took a step closer to me.

I took a step back and hit the bed.

"Stay away from me, Jasper," I said strongly. "Four minutes, thirty seconds."

"Damn it, Bella. Stop acting like a child and talk to me," he groaned, stopping his approach and changing his expression to annoyance.

Child? _Child?_

"Fine," I agreed. "No timing. What do you want?"

"To talk," he repeated, stepping closer.

"You said that," I reminded him. "And stay back. I don't want you near me. Talk from a distance."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "If you don't want me near you then why are you still wearing my jacket?" he asked. That smirk appeared again.

_Damn it._

I looked to my arms that were crossed over my chest and silently cursed myself. _Stupid Bella._

"Fine," I grumbled, yanking it off and throwing it at him. "I don't want you near me."

Jasper caught the jacket and laughed. "Liar," he mused.

"Egotistical jerk," I replied sharply.

"Are you saying I'm up myself?" he asked, stepping towards me again.

"Are you implying I'm a liar?" I snapped back, taking a step forward towards him in that same manner. We were in each other's faces then. Jasper stared down to me, his expression strong.

"Oh, I'm not implying. I know you're lying," he replied arrogantly.

I narrowed my eyes. "And how do you know that?"

"Because when you lie you press your lips together in a sour pout," he said, touching my lips. As he did so I breathed in deeply, taking in any of his scent I could. Jasper laughed then.

"See?"

I snapped out of my trance quickly. "Go away, Jasper," I snarled. I pressed my hands on his chest and pushed him back, refusing to let him touch me again. I wasn't going to get close to him again. Being apart was what we needed.

He fell back a step but grabbed my hands and peeled them off his chest.

"Bella," he whispered as I tried to struggle out of his hold.

"Let go!" I growled, trying to pull free. I didn't deserve him. I only dragged him down with me. I made his life worse. I added to the pain. _This _was adding to his pain. I had to get him away before it went too far. It had already gotten out of hand, far too quickly.

"Bella, you're crying."

I stopped then and clicked to the feeling of tears falling down my cheeks._ Damn it. Pull yourself together._

I eventually pushed this thought out of my mind and looked up to Jasper. He was still holding my wrists, but softly.

I snapped one back and pushed against his chest.

"Get out," I commanded. "Your time is up."

Tears were involuntarily running down my cheeks again. I attempted to push him away but every push stabbed my heart. It squeezed it dry and burnt it to a crisp.

My pushes were getting softer; weaker. I wouldn't let him win. I couldn't.

Sadly, he did.

I felt Jasper's strong arms around me, restraining my efforts. But that wasn't the purpose of them. They were there to comfort me. They did a pretty damn good job.

"Bella," He whispered to me as I struggled weakly in his hold. "Bella, calm down."

I stopped immediately as his smooth voice calmed me. Jasper held me there, his arms securely around me. I turned into his chest and leant into him, wrapping my own arms around him.

Slowly he led me to the bed and sat me down, sitting next to me. I dragged myself onto the bed and leant against the pillows. Jasper moved next to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said after a few minutes. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just... I got so angry..."

He attempted to explain but I put my finger in his lips, silencing him.

"Don't," I said, certain in my resolve. "You have said sorry so many times, when you shouldn't be. There's nothing for you to be sorry about. I'm the idiot here. I did this. I'm the one who should be sorry. I know I don't deserve you, and I should never have treated you how I did. I just got scared."

Jasper shook his head. "Let's not try to find someone to blame. It won't get us anywhere."

I looked down to my hands.

"Jasper," I perked after a few moments. "Why aren't you at school today?"

Jasper laughed slightly and looked towards the ceiling before looking back to me.

"I said I wasn't leaving until you came out, and seeing you didn't come out, I didn't leave, and I decided to come in."

I shook my head as guilt shot though me.

"You didn't stay out there _all_ Sunday and last night, did you?" I asked in a concerned tone.

Jasper shrugged. "Why not?"

I was shocked then. Jasper had waited out there all that time while my lazy ass was asleep. A shot of guilt rushed through me.

"Oh no, Jasper, I'm so sorry!" I started to say, but Jasper clamped his hand over my mouth.

"You didn't make me stay out there. It was my choice. Don't feel bad."

I was stunned. He had spent all that time outside for me – waiting for me – after the way I had treated him. I didn't even have the consideration to answer my damn phone. I didn't deserve him. I would never deserve him.

"You shouldn't have done that, Jasper," I said, looking straight at him. "I don't deserve it."

Jasper's finger lifted my chin to look at him. "You're right. You deserve much more." I shook my head but Jasper held it still. "You do, Bella. And that's why I can't stand you living in this house. You're worthy of so much more. That's why I got so angry. What he did is inexcusable. It's disgusting and it's wrong."

"I don't deserve more, Jasper. I deserve shit. Look at what I've done to you."

"Damn it, Bella. Don't say that," He groaned, sitting up and taking my hands. "Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?"

I pulled away from him. I had to. Then I shrugged. "It's true..."

Jasper shook his head. "No, it's not. You only believe it because it's something that's been drilled into you by your bastard of a father. It's _not_ true."

Why did I have to treat him so badly? He was such a good person. I brought him close and then pushed him away. By me pulling him closer he would only be set up for more heartache. Pushing him away did the same.

I was silent. Jasper looked down to me and frowned. I dragged my knees to my chest and hugged them

"You're beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

I looked up to him and frowned.

"It's true," he whispered. I chuckled at his comment. "But Bella, I cannot stand this happening to you so often. You need to get out. It's not healthy and it's not good. You need to learn to do things for yourself."

I looked up to him then.

"And _you_ need to learn to do things for _yourself,_" I added, staring intently into his eyes. Jasper frowned at me and I looked to my hands before meeting his eyes again.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

I took a deep breath before I continued. "You shouldn't have to put up with what you do. I mean with your Dad and everything, but you do. And why is that?"

"That's different," Jasper mumbled, turning away from me.

"How?" I asked, taking his hand in mine and making him face me. "Explain how it is any different."

"It just is, Bella."

"No, it's no different. It's just that you can't. You can't because you don't know how. You can't because you have things holding you here. I do too. It's the same, Jasper."

Jasper shook his head. "It's not the same. You have to put up with this shit all the time," he said, pointing to my injury. "I don't."

"Don't lie to me, Jasper. I saw what happened on Saturday. It is obvious."

"How is it obvious?" he rebutted sharply.

A shot of anger ran through me. I didn't ever want to bring up what was coming, but I had to. I didn't even want it to register when I saw it, but it did. I touched his arm softly and slowly pulled up the sleeve. Jasper didn't try to stop me, and eventually a large burn mark I had noticed at the party was exposed. His skin was severely scarred and it sat just above his elbow. He had them scattered oddly over his body. I knew there was another on his chest. Some were hardly noticeable by the naked eye, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

"What's this?" I asked in a softer voice. Jasper snapped his arm back and covered it up quickly.

"That's not the point," he claimed.

"Then what is?" I questioned. "You are using my injuries a lot in this conversation."

"Because me staying where I am only affects me. You have Renesme to worry about. I know you're scared but you have to do what's best for her too. I want to help you with that."

I was furious with him. He was such a hypocrite. He couldn't take his own advice on anything. And what right did he have to say what was right for _my_ little sister?

"And you know what I want to help you with? I want to help you get over this fear of yours to step foot in your Mom's old house. I want to help you get away from your jerk of a Dad and support you in doing what you want. I want to help you let go of the past. I just don't think you will let me."

"But I don't need help, Bella. You're the one who needs help," he rebutted. I scoffed at him.

"Hell, Jasper. We all need help in life, it just depends if you are willing to ask for it and use it which dictates whether you get it."

"And you're saying you are willing to get my help?" he questioned.

I looked down to my hands then.

"That's not the point," I claimed. "Stop talking about me for a second."

Jasper laughed and shook his head. "See, Bella. You're just as much of a hypocrite as I am."

"No."

"Why can't you open up to anyone?" he sighed.

"Why can't you?"

"I'm trying, you just won't let me," he claimed.

_Let him? _He wanted me to open up. I thought over that for a second, and decided if we were going to get anything sorted out, I would have to go with it.

"Fine. You want me to open up, I will. My Dad is an arrogant, stuck up cop who sleeps around, drinks and abuses my Mom and me. My Mom's an alcoholic and a drunk. When I was a baby she attempted to drown me in the bath tub. Once she tried to push me down a flight of stairs. Now she just attempts to kill herself."

I felt a lump in my throat as I spoke, but I swallowed it. With it went all my emotions.

Jasper was silent. He didn't speak. He didn't move. All he did was watch.

"You said open up," I said quietly as he searched my expression.

"Yes, I did. But I didn't mean tell me the whole past of your family. I mean, I appreciate you did, because now I know how important it is for me to get you out of here. But I wanted to know things about _you,_ as a person."

"Let's talk about you, instead," I insisted.

Jasper ignored me. "What's your favourite flower?"

I sighed, his expression telling me he wasn't going to let me change the topic. "Violet," I said simply.

Jasper nodded. "Why?"

"They used to grow in a park I used to take Renesme to back in Forks. They popped up in the strangest places. I remember once when I was little I was at the park and found a small, secluded area of grass in the middle of thick hedges. It was probably about as big as this bed, but the ground was carpeted in violets. I remember just laying in the middle of them and staring at the clouds, drifting off to sleep."

Jasper smiled. "How old were you then?"

"About seven," I answered. "I was pretending to be an adventurer tramping through the Amazon Rainforest at the time."

Jasper laughed. "So you weren't a Barbie, Disney and Princesses kind of girl then?"

"No... I was more like a G.I. Joe, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Super Spy kind of girl."

"When I was little I wanted to be a Fire Truck," Jasper commented. I couldn't help but burst into laughter at the matter-of-fact way he said that.

Jasper just smiled at me. "What?"

I stifled my laugh and straightened my face. "Oh nothing, just the thought of you dressed in a bright red suit and running around the streets making siren noises popped into my head."

Jasper smiled. "Oh yeah, and what did you want to be?"

"A Spy. Or an Astronaut"

Jasper laughed then and I poked my tongue out at him. "What's so funny?"

"The idea of your clumsiness in space," he chuckled. I laughed and playfully smacked his arm. Jasper laughed again and smiled, taking me into his arms. I realised then how he had successfully driven the conversation to one of peace. I was thankful for it.

Suddenly, my stomach growled, sounding like a ferocious bear. I heard Jasper laugh and I covered my face with my hands, shielding my blushing.

"You want some food?" Jasper asked, sitting up.

I groaned as his shift caused me to have to move.

"No..." I mumbled. Sadly, my stomach grumbled once more and Jasper got off the bed, reaching his hands out to me to pull me up.

I took them gratefully, but stumbled as my feet met the floor. Luckily Jasper caught me.

"Careful there," He laughed. I blushed more and followed him as he led me to the kitchen.

"So, what do you want to eat?" He asked, searching in the cupboards. I shrugged.

Jasper sighed and kept searching.

"You know these are like empty," He stated as he pulled out a bag of popcorn. I looked at the bag and raised my eyebrow.

"Popcorn?" I questioned. Jasper smiled and nodded.

"Yes, popcorn."

I laughed and rolled my eyes as Jasper led me back upstairs.

We sat back down on the bed. I sat against the pillows and folded my legs whilst Jasper sat opposite me.

"Catch," I said as I held up a piece of popcorn to him. Jasper frowned but smiled, opening is mouth slightly.

"Bring it," He beckoned. I tossed the popcorn lightly and Jasper caught it in his mouth swiftly.

"Beautiful!" I exclaimed as he swallowed. Jasper smiled brilliantly at me and grabbed another piece from the bag.

"You're turn," He called as he held up the popcorn. I smiled and opened my mouth. Jasper tossed the piece gently and I moved to catch it. Sadly, it rebounded off my nose and flew to the corner of the room.

I frowned and looked at Jasper as he laughed

"That was so bad," He chuckled. I pouted and poked my tongue out at him before lying against the pillows and looking at the roof, smiling to myself. Jasper stopped laughing and positioned himself next to me.

"Shit," I cursed as my memory kicked in. "Our Media Studies assignment." I was panicking. I had already had my fair share of detentions that far. I didn't need any more.

Jasper laughed quietly. "Relax, Bella. I sent a simple one in with Edward. He's dropping it off for us."

I breathed a sigh of relief then. "What did you do it on?"

"You don't even want to know," Jasper shook his head with a smile. "It was bad."

"I'm sure it will be great. If not great, memorable," I encouraged. Jasper just laughed.

We lay there for a few minutes before I felt Jasper kiss the top of my head.

"You should be at school," I whispered to him."It's not good to skip it just for me."

Jasper shook his head and breathed in deeply. "I'm not going back to school until you do. And plus, I could never live with myself if I went and you were up here alone."

"Being alone is good sometimes," I whispered.

I heard Jasper sigh and breathe deeply. "No, it's not. You will never be alone."

Alone. I had left someone in Forks. I had left them alone and upset. And I hadn't spoken to them since. Everyone ends up alone, unless you die before you get a chance.

"Everyone's alone, Jasper."

"Don't say that," He sighed, kissing the top of my head again.

"Why not?"

Jasper groaned then and sat up. "As long as I'm around, _you_ won't be alone. I will follow you wherever you go."

I didn't reply. I wished it was true. I wished people never abandoned others. I wished people stayed together forever. Truth is they don't. Couples who have been married for twenty years can break up and lose contact in a matter of months. I couldn't fool myself into thinking Jasper and I would last. We were too young and moving too fast. That thought played in my mind like a broken record.

The rest of the day passed quickly. I slept in Jasper's arms and he held me the entire time. We talked together and it was a toxic mixture of emotions. One minute we would be laughing together and chatting, then the next we would be shouting at each other and tears would be crashing down my face. He wouldn't let go of the idea that I should leave, and I wouldn't let go of my excuse that I didn't want to lose him. When Mum, Dad and Renesme got home he hid in the bathroom while they checked on me. When they were gone he came back.

He didn't leave that night. No, he stayed with me. He held me while I slept in his arms. I awoke in the morning to my Dad telling me to stay home again. When he was gone Jasper came back out and held me. I tried to convince him to go home or go to school, but it was to no avail.

We spent the day together. No matter what I did, Jasper wouldn't let me go. If I cussed and yelled at him, he would kiss me and tell me he loved me. If I was quiet, he asked me what was wrong. If I cried, he just held me and didn't utter a word. If I teased him, he teased me back and made me laugh. When I was bored, he watched Mulan with me no matter how childish it was, just because it is my favourite movie of all time. If I pulled away, he pulled me back. If I kissed his lips, he smiled and kissed my forehead gently.

No matter how much I tried to convince him to go, he wouldn't. And to be honest, I didn't want him to. I couldn't imagine being without him. I couldn't imagine watching Mulan without his secure arms around my shoulder and his deep laughter filling the room. I couldn't imagine eating popcorn without it being thrown by him. I couldn't imagine wearing another jacket but his. I couldn't imagine him not being there.

He stayed with me on Tuesday night as well. On Wednesday morning I awoke finding myself using his chest as a pillow once again. I lifted my head slowly to look at him and was met by his beautiful, blue, swimming eyes.

"Morning sunshine," He greeted, smiling. I smiled back to him and stretched my arms, rubbing my eyes.

"What's the time?" I asked, figuring it was early. I was yet to feel Jasper leave the bed whilst my Dad came to wake me up and warn me about going to school.

"10:30," He said. "Your Dad left about three hours ago. He didn't come up."

I was surprised for a second, but then smiled. Maybe he had decided to stop bugging me.

Jasper smiled to me and kissed the top of my head before brushing my hair away from my face.

We talked for a while but soon drifted into a peaceful sleep again. I was dreading having to go back to school.

It had to be about two hours later that I was awoken by a large bang on the window. I snapped up quickly and rubbed my eyes. I then felt Jasper's hand on the small of my back and I turned around to face him.

"What is it?" He asked sleepily.

I frowned slightly and turned back to the window.

"I heard a bang on the window," I said, frowning. Then, as if it was planned, the bang on the window returned twice.

Jasper groaned and sat up. "I hope you're not expecting another boy at your window today," He whispered in my ear quietly. I giggled.

"O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?"

Jasper laughed and kissed my cheek. I then dragged myself out of bed and slipped on my slippers. I walked to the window and pulled the blinds before unlocking the door and stepping onto my tiny balcony. As I did so the cold air stung at my bare shoulders and I wrapped my arms around my chest.

When I looked over the balcony I ducked quickly as a pebble came flying towards my face, its destination meaning to be the glass. I was amazed my reactions were so quick. I stood up cautiously and looked down to see Emmett looking up at me.

"What the hell, Emmett?" I growled "Are you _trying_ to break my house?"

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I was sorry. Emmett looked horribly distressed. His clothes were ruffled, miss-matched and dirty and his hair was in crazy disarray. There were large, purple circles under his eyes and his expression was worried and deathly pale.

"Where's Jasper?" Emmett said in a stern, cold voice. When he said this Jasper appeared next to me and placed his jacket on my shoulders before looking down to Emmett.

"What is it, Emmett?" Jasper asked when he saw his friend. Emmett's eyes went to Jasper and glared coldly. Jasper stiffened instantly.

"Where the fuck have you been!" He yelled, glaring at Jasper. "And why the fuck haven't you been answering your phone, you idiot!"

"Wow, hey, calm down Emmett," Jasper said defensively, holding his hands in the air.

"Don't you fuck'n tell me to calm down! Where the fuck have you been? We needed you! We have been calling you for hours! I've been looking for you everywhere! You weren't at school or the beach or the field or your own house, and then I find you _here_! I mean you guys weren't even answering the door, so I have to throw bloody rocks at the window!"

Emmett's voice was booming. I knew Jasper was worried. Hell, I was worried.

"Emmett!" He said strongly, interrupting him. "What's happened?"

My heart was pounding against my chest. I was panicking. Why was Emmett suddenly so furious and worried?

"It's Alice!" Emmett yelled, burying his head in his hands. My heart jumped into my throat. _Alice?_

"What happened?" Jasper asked, his voice terrified and urgent.

"Edward went to her house this morning to pick her up. God damn it, Jasper. She needed you there this week! You bloody well knew it too!" Emmett's words stung my heart. Alice needed him and I stole him.

"Emmett!" Jasper interrupted. "Just tell me what happened! Lecture me later!"

"She over dosed, you dipshit! She popped some strange as pills and blacked out! Edward found her and she wasn't breathing. Her pulse was barely there! Damn it, Jasper, she's at the hospital and they're pumping her damn stomach."

"Fuck," Jasper curse under his breath. I looked to him to see him sink to the ground, leaning against the balcony rail and burying his head in his hands. I was frozen in spot. I had to let everything sink in. My heart was racing. Alice.

"Damn it, Jasper. Get up you stupid fuck!" Emmett yelled.

Jasper looked out of his hands and pulled himself up quickly before grabbing my hand and racing out the door. No more words were spoken. We ran to Jasper's car, which was Edward's 'other' car, and jumped in. Jasper didn't speak as he turned the keys and the engine purred to life. He stepped on the gas and the car leapt forwards. I heard skidding behind us and saw Emmett's truck screeching onto the road.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Jasper yelled, hitting his hands on the steering wheel. He was breaking about ten driving laws at that second, but neither of us cared.

"Stop it, Jasper," I said, placing my hand on his. "This is not your fault."

Jasper looked over to me and frowned, shaking his head. "Yes, it is" He stated. "I should have been there for her. Damn it!"

"You didn't know it was going to happen!"

Jasper pounded his fist on the wheel and faced me, is face filled with anger. "I should have, Bella! I should have fuck'n thought it through!"

"But how would you ever know?"

I couldn't believe it. It wasn't his fault. It could never be his fault. He couldn't have known.

"Damn it, Bella. I should have known! It always happens when they are away, I just didn't fuck'n think!"

"When who is away?" I demanded. I couldn't believe he would blame himself. I put it down to how close he and Alice were. They had known each other longer than any of the others. I knew they had a special bond. She was like his sister. He couldn't stand her being in danger. The thought even terrified me. It chilled _him_ to the very core.

"Her parents! Damn it, it's complicated. I can't explain. It's not my job. Edward is normally with her but he had some family shit last night. I should have been there, but I wasn't. I'm meant to look after her!" Jasper's voice was loud and panicked.

_Everyone has their issues..._

_Those four words. They were cursed. They played in my head like a broken record._

Jasper's hands were crushed into fists and his face was screwed up in a furious face. He was beating himself up inside. It wasn't his fault. It was mine. If I wasn't there and if I hadn't been so stupid he would have been with Alice. He would have stopped her.

"It's not your fault," I whispered, still shocked by the news.

Alice.

Poor Alice.

"Yes it is!" Jasper yelled as we screeched to a stop at the hospital. Jasper and I jumped out simultaneously and Emmett was close behind us.

Jasper ran towards the door and had a quick exchange of words with the receptionist before racing down the hall. Emmett and I followed him as closely as we could. Jasper was racing. I knew what he must have been feeling. I remembered when Jacob was in a motorcycle accident and was rushed to hospital. I had dropped everything when I heard. I didn't care who I hurt on the way or what laws I broke, I just had to get to him as soon as possible.

When we reached the room we were met by Rosalie and Edward sitting on the floor outside. Edward was crumpled to the ground. His face was in his hands and one leg was up at his chest, while the other was out across the ground. Rosalie was next to him, her arm around his shoulder. Her hand was rubbing his upper arm and tears were flowing down her cheeks.

When the sounds of our footsteps reached them Edward and Rosalie stood up. Edward's face twisted into anger and he stormed towards Jasper.

Rosalie jumped up and Emmett rushed to her side, encasing her in a hug. She sobbed into him.

I stood at the back as Edward approached Jasper. Jasper ducked his head, beating himself up inside, and Edward's hands crumpled into fists. He couldn't blame Jasper for this. I couldn't imagine how that was possible.

"Where the fuck were you!" Edward yelled, his face scrunched into unimaginable pain. "I told you that you needed to watch her!"

Jasper eyes moved to Edwards, filled with guilt and fright.

That was when Edward snapped.


	15. Chapter 14

**Let Go**  
Chapter 14

###

_Alice._

###

Edward snapped. You could see it coming. It was written all over his face and his stance. His eyes burned with anger; a fire behind the green.

Alice's pain caused him pain. Anyone could see that. He couldn't last without her. He needed her as much as she needed him.

However, right now, Edward needed a scapegoat. He needed someone to blame for what happened. It would help him deal with the immense pain he was feeling and his worry about whether she would pull through. No doubt he blamed himself, but he had to be angry at someone. He had to take it out on someone. Jasper was easiest.

Jasper was meant to be with Alice that night, although I thoroughly disagreed that this was his fault. No one could have stopped her. Jasper loved Alice and Edward knew it. She was basically his sister. He could never stand her being hurt. He would never purposely hurt her, and would have done anything to stop her. He would never intend to put her in the line of harm. Edward didn't have a case against Jasper. Where were Rosalie and Emmett when it happened? It wasn't Jasper's job to look after Alice.

Edward and Jasper were both hurting, and they were both beating themselves up inside. Jasper would carry all the blame on his shoulders and Edward needed to deal with it. It would be the safest way for him. His other methods were out of the question.

Jasper reached to my waist and pushed me away softly as Edward screamed at him. I obeyed and moved silently to the wall. I didn't want to leave Jasper, but he needed me to. Jasper stood his ground. His expression told me he wouldn't do a single thing to stop what was about to happen.

Rosalie's sobbing droned into the background as I watched Edward and Jasper in a state of shock.

Edward suddenly crunched his hands into fists and pounded the right one into Jasper's gut, followed by the left and then the right again. I clutched at my own abdomen, feeling a stab of pain. Jasper grasped at his stomach and doubled over. I had to run to him, but I couldn't. My feet wouldn't co-operate. Edward continued to scream at him, but his words went unnoticed by me. However, the muffled clamper of a Security Guard's leather shoes on the light blue lino flooring grew louder and louder. I noticed that.

My heart pounded against my chest. I wanted to run to him, but I couldn't.

"You should have been there! Why weren't you there!" Edward screamed. He was right in Jasper's face. Jasper wasn't looking him in the eye.

All of a sudden, Emmett was there.

Emmett grabbed Edward and pulled him away from Jasper, locking Edward's arms behind his back. Emmett then turned around the pushed him away and towards the wall. Edward caught himself on it, panting and glaring daggers at Jasper. He looked crazed.

"God damn it! What the hell are you doing!"Emmett's booming voice throbbed throughout the halls. Edward didn't react. His concentration was keen on Jasper.

Emmett's voice stopped, however, when a large, brown haired security guard who matched, if not out-weighed Emmett in size, yanked him away from the other two boys. Emmett stood solidly and threateningly in front of the massive Security Guard. I watched in worry as the strangers deep, bass voice filled the area.

"What the hell is going on here?" he demanded, pulling at Emmett's arm. Emmett pulled away from the giant man.

"Nothing," Emmett answered directly. "Just a little _misunderstanding,_" he said, glancing poignantly at Jasper and Edward.

I looked to Jasper as Emmett talked to the security guard. His eyes snapped up from their earlier position, his hair draping over them. He looked at Edward. However, it was not a menacing glare. His eyes were filled with apology. I watched as they moved to the security guard, but it was clear that wasn't truly what he was looking at. He was deep in thought. He was reflecting on himself. Immediately those sky blue gems turned dark and cold. Rage flashed through them, so intense that it caused me to gasp.

Jasper heard me.

Suddenly Jasper's eyes met mine and their rage filled look stayed for a moment. I lost my breath in that second and backed into the wall, pressing myself as hard against it as I could. Jasper's eyes changed as soon as my reaction registered to him. He straightened up, his hair still chaotic and plastered over his face. It was too late. I had seen something I had never seen before in Jasper. I saw his hate, rage, despair, worry, disappointment, regret and anguish all in one glance. I was seeing him in a new light. I was seeing the true pain he felt about everything in his life; his mother's death, his father's abusive nature and his friend's troubles. I was truly seeing _him_. This allowed me to see everyone else clearly as well.

It was all in his eyes.

His world – his worlds that seemed so perfect to everyone watching from the outside – had come crashing down around him. You truly saw the troubles of him and his life. And this crash all started with the popping of a few little white pills.

_Everyone has their issues._

I glanced around, desperately trying to find some sort of refuge from the impact of his eyes. I was only met with more dismay.

I looked to Edward. He was a broken man, having just fallen to the ground. His heart had been torn out from his chest and he didn't know whether it would be returned. I had never seen him like that before. Normally, he was so sure of himself, so confident. Now he was broken; shattered. His chest heaved at uneven intervals, the evidence of falling tears. His clothes were dirty and ruffled; far from their normal pristine condition. His pain was unbearable. His spirit was gone. I hadn't seen it first hand before. Not completely. I had seen him down, but nothing like this.

I shifted my gaze to Emmett, praying to find some security in his usual cool, calm, strong demeanour. I couldn't. Emmett was watching the security guard as he walked away. His stance was attempting to be strong and his face attempted to be stern. However, you could now see the cracks. He held Rosalie close, trying to comfort her, but it was clear he needed comforting as well. His face was nothing but a mask. It was strong and stern, but when you looked in his eyes you could see his pain. He was holding back tears. He was holding back on the overflow of emotion that would cause him to crumple to the ground like Edward. He tried to be strong to keep up his usual facade, but it had cracks. Tough was an act. It was only now that you could see that.

My eyes then swiftly changed to Rosalie. I should have known better than to look, but I didn't.

Rosalie's arms clung to Emmett for dear life as she sobbed into his chest. Her emotions were parading through her, causing her to shudder uncontrollably. Her worry for Alice shone through, the toll this was taking on her nearly causing my knees to buckle.

Rosalie wasn't the beautiful, glowing girl I had seen on my first day at school. Her skin was no longer cream and roses. She was deathly pale in colouring. Her cheeks were sunken in and large bags lay under her eyes. Her hair was matted and hectic. But what shocked me most of all was the fragile, delicate state of her body. Her arms, those arms that clung to dear life around Emmett, were skin and bones. Even with my little hands, I could probably wrap my fingers around them. What happened to the beautiful, healthy body I had always though she had? Had my vision been incorrect? Had I really not taken the time to notice how truly skeletal she was? I guess so.

Whenever I had seen her and really taken notice of how she looked, she had been near Alice or Emmett. Alice's minuscule size and Emmett's enormity must have altered my perception. But now, with the new eyes I had acquired, I could see.

Her body was an extreme of thin that was not natural. Now, with the disappearance of her happy, healthy glow, I could see just that.

I looked away then, keeping my eyes on the floor and my body pressed hard against the wall. I didn't want to look at anyone. I was too terrified of what I might see.

_Damn it, curse these eyes. Bring back those happy, carefree times of the party. Bring back my loving, relaxed, happy Jasper. Just wipe the slate clean; just this once. I don't want to see the truth. Clog these eyes again._

I tried to zone out. My vision became blurred, the fluorescent lights becoming only dull gleams. The figures of the four other people in the room all but disappeared, fading into the background until they looked purely like smudges on the white wash wall. I could feel my top gathering as I slid to the ground against the wall. When I felt my rear hit the cold lino floor I pulled my knees up to my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut and lay my head in my knees. I felt tears pouring down my cheeks, but they weren't the purpose of my stance. I wanted to keep my eyes closed. Well, at least until my old vision returned.

I stayed there for a long time. I didn't count how long, but I knew it was at least two hours or more. I was pulled out of my trance by the sound of hard leather shoes walking towards us. I knew who it would be; that rhythm; that sound; that perfect echo. I had had my fair share of hospital visits – perhaps more than the normal person – and I fully recognised a doctor's footsteps when I heard them.

I saw the four other figures begin to pull themselves together and I stood up, my vision slowly clearing as I did so. We all turned to our visitor with eager, worried and expectant eyes.

When my eyes adjusted to the intense fluorescents I immediately recognised the man in the white coat who walked towards us.

Carlisle.

Emmett, Edward and Rosalie moved closer to Jasper as he approached us. I stayed next to the wall, too scared to move.

"Hey kids," Carlisle greeted, his face filled with sadness and worry. His eyebrows were furrowed in a frown as he looked from Jasper to Emmett to Rosalie and finally to Edward. I looked to Edward then too. His head was bowed and his hands firm on either side. He wasn't meeting his father's eyes.

All four of them were deadly silent for those few seconds that Carlisle looked at Edward. I don't think anyone in the room breathed.

Soon enough Carlisle let out a small sigh after not getting a response from Edward. He looked over each face once again and then saw me. He paused for a second and gave me a weak smile before turning to address everyone.

"She's stabile," he said, smiling only slightly. The entire room let out a breath of relief and I found myself starting to breathe again too. I saw Edward look up to his father, his eyes showing his relief.

"Can we see her?" Jasper asked with an alert, eager voice, filled with worry.

"Please, Dad?" Edward begged, his eyes still radiating grief and guilt.

Carlisle thought for a few minutes before he answered. He let out a sigh before he replied.

"Sure," he agreed. "But you must be quiet. She's resting."

Immediately everyone smiled and headed quickly into Alice's room. I stayed pressed against the wall and concentrated on steadying my breathing. My heart was pounding because of my lack of oxygen. Carlisle turned to me as I was stabilising the rising and falls of my chest. I was facing straight towards the cream door. When I noticed Carlisle's gaze on me in the corner of my eye I turned to him.

"You may go in too, Bella," Carlisle said, frowning and looking over my face. I nodded slowly and turned back to the door, not moving. I didn't feel it was my place.

"Bella, what happened to your face?" Carlisle asked, stepping towards me and peering intently at my right cheek.

I shied away from him. "Nothing, I just tripped down the stairs."

I figured that excuse was probable. It was a Bella thing to do.

"No, Bella. That's not a fall down the stairs," Carlisle said, shaking his head. He reached up to my face and touched it lightly. "Does that hurt?" He asked. As he did so I winced away from the pain. Carlisle sighed and shook his head.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about, Bella?" He asked in a gentle voice. He put on that doctor attitude. It scared me. He wasn't the father of my friend I normally saw him as. "Because you know you can talk to me anytime. And if you are more comfortable talking to a female we have a great choice of counsellors and female nurses at the hospital. Or there is always Esme. Please don't feel as though you –"

"No, I'm fine," I said quickly as I ducked away from him. "I'm going to see Alice." I then hurried through that cream door as Carlisle called my name behind me.

I stopped as soon as I entered the threshold to the room. I saw Rosalie on the right side of Alice's bed, holding Alice's hand. Emmett was next to her, his right arm draped over her shoulder while his left sat on Alice's knee. Edward was on Alice's left side and held her hand in both of his. Jasper sat next to Edward and was leaning his elbows on Alice's bed, his head in them.

I looked to Alice then. She was absolutely pale and her dark, spiky hair was pointed in all directions on her pillow. Her eyes were open fully and her mouth was moving. When the door closed behind me all five of them looked towards me.

Edwards glance was quick and he was soon looking back to Alice. He couldn't let her out of his sight for too long. She might disappear otherwise. Rosalie looked at me for a second longer and acknowledged me with a quick, tiny smile. Emmett looked to me, then Jasper and then back to me. His face didn't change but I could feel him judging me. His attention was then back on Alice. Jasper, however, kept his eyes on me for longer. His eyes were swimming in a bed of tears, ready and waiting to spill over. His expression radiated guilt and pain. I smiled weakly to him and he acknowledged me, before returning back to his original position.

I then looked to Alice. As usual, she was smiling at me.

"Bella," she whispered, her voice quiet and rusty.

"Hey Alice," I answered quietly. "How are you feeling?"

I stayed in my spot near the door. I didn't want to be in there with them. I only needed to know that Alice was okay and then I would leave. They all needed time on their own.

"How the hell do you _think_ she is feeling?" Edward hissed at me, his head snapping up and his glare meeting my eyes.

My heart jumped into my throat, but I accepted his anger. I knew I deserved a lot more. I was happy to accept whatever he threw at me. However, it turns out Alice wasn't.

I watched as her little hand lifted from the mattress and landed on the back of Edward's head in a small thump.

Edward turned his head to Alice, his face flashing with worry and apology. Emmett and Rosalie, through it all, stifled chuckles. Alice hadn't lost her spark.

"Don't talk to her like that," she hissed in a quiet voice. Edward bowed his head in defeat. Alice touched his cheek lovingly. "This is no one's fault but my own."

Edward's head snapped up to Alice. He was about to protest when she put her finger on his lips, stopping him.

"Don't," she whispered. She then turned to me and smiled. "Come sit down, Bella," she said, nodding to a chair next to Emmett. I looked to it but shook my head.

"Oh... no... I will just go," I said, turning for the door.

"No," Alice whispered. I turned back to her and she looked at me, frowning. _Typical Alice, _I thought,_ always trying to include me, no matter what predicament she is in._

Alice then turned to her friends.

"Do you guys think I could talk to Bella for a minute please?" She asked in a whisper. Edward looked up to her and shook his head, but she just nodded. "Just for a minute," she encouraged. He sighed as Rosalie and Emmett stood up. He then rose from his seat and followed them out, banging into Jasper's seat as he went. Jasper looked up and received Edward's glare. Jasper sighed and rose slowly before heading out the door. I kept myself pressed to the wall as they all departed.

When the door closed behind Jasper, Alice turned to me.

"Sit," she instructed, nodding to Rosalie's previous seat. I nodded quietly and walked over, slinking into the white cushioned chair with light blue, metal framework.

I lay my hands on my lap and stared down at them, picking at my fingernails. It was my nervous habit; one of many.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I whispered, still staring at my hands.

"For what?" Alice asked quietly. I looked up at her to see her frowning at me. I felt a tear tumble involuntarily down my cheek.

I was quiet for a moment, trying to ensure my words didn't just come out in a load of verbal vomit.

"If it wasn't for me then Jasper would have been with you and none of this would have happened. If I wasn't here then Jasper wouldn't have been distracted and-" I tried to explain, but Alice stopped me.

"Stop, Bella. Seriously. You are all too self-blaming for your own good. None of this is your fault, and it's certainly not Jasper's, _or_ Edward's," she said in a louder voice. She stopped then to calm herself and gather her breath. "It's mine. _No one_ can be blamed apart from me. I cannot stand anyone trying to carry that guilt but me." She shook her head then, and I saw the tears ebbing in her eyes. She blinked, and let them fall. "Edward does it too much. So does Jasper." She chuckled sadly then. "Those boys just care and worry too much. They mean the best, but none of it is their fault. I just want them to understand that and stop beating themselves up. I'm the one who should be sorry."

I couldn't refuse to agree because I too believed that it wasn't their fault. I just nodded solemnly.

"They just worry about you. They love you," I explained. "Jasper feels like he should have protected you. If I wasn't with him, he would have been able to."

Alice shook her head and sighed. "Bella, I have three other best friends and, not to mention, Jasper is your boy friend. Plus, it is not Jasper's responsibility to take care of me. That's my job, and I'm doing crap at it."

I just shook my head. I wasn't blaming Jasper for what happened. I knew it wasn't his fault. I was blaming myself. They all said that I worked miracles with Jasper, but the truth was, I broke his heart too many times to count. I pulled him in and then pushed him away, and no matter what, he still came back. I crushed his spirit every day. No matter how much I said I loved Jasper, I couldn't open up to him; to anyone. But every time he accepted me back too easily, and I only then screwed up his life more because my mucking him around hurt his friends. I knew I was destructive, and that's why he shouldn't have been with me. Just look at the consequences. I distracted him with my horrible actions. If I hadn't, he would have been there. I was selfish.

It was then that Alice sat up straighter in her bed and stared directly at me.

"How much do you know of what's going on?" she asked.

I was stumped for a minute and shrugged. "Well... I gathered that it was an accidental overdose and something about your parents. Jasper didn't say what."

Alice laughed slightly and shook her head. She then took three deep, rough breaths and cleared her throat.

"You don't know, do you?" she asked. I was shocked for a moment. Alice got the message. She breathed a laugh. "It's just like Jasper to not spread someone else's demons. He's the epiphany of trustworthy." Alice shook her head. "Well, for one, it wasn't accidental."

My heart jumped into my throat and I am sure my eyes widened. Alice just nodded at me.

"I guess I'd better tell you the whole story," she thought aloud, before shifting around in her bed and getting comfortable. "Well, firstly, it does have something to do with my parents. We... we aren't exactly a typical happy family."Alice shrugged. I knew exactly what she meant_._ "My parents travel a lot, but separately. They are practically divorced. Just not officially, as it would have some bad effect on their company. They'd have to split ownership and there are all these legal complications and... ugh... anyway, it's complicated. So, they are never home. I stay in that big house on my own most of the time. When they are home, I never see them. I'm lucky if I see their faces once every six months."

Alice coughed a little then and took a sip of water. Her pale cheeks were damp with tears. Seeing her pain, I reached for her hand in support. She let me hold it as she spoke, standing tall through the pain. I understood then why her friends meant just so much to her.

"I used to have a sister," she explained. "Her name was Cynthia. When she was around, _I_ was fine, but _she_ wasn't. She died; committed suicide with a drug overdose when my parents had been away so long she hadn't seen them in over a year. She was seventeen. I was twelve. I always knew she had a problem with them being away and she would pop pills, but I never understood it. I never felt lonely; she was always there. She was basically my mother, in a way. I never missed anyone. She did though. I was the one who found her. After that, I understood." She opened her mouth to speak again, but the words wouldn't come out. She choked them back through tears, pulling through it to continue. "My parents got me analysed by a psychiatrist afterwards. He labelled me manic depressive and put me on a round of pills, like my sister had been on. I have never gotten off. I still go to a psychiatrist once a week. I never really understood why my sister resorted to pills, but I started to follow suit after her death. I understand the severe feelings of loneliness and abandonment she felt. I got addicted. My friends – the others – try to convince me I don't need them, but I do. They don't understand what it's like." Alice stopped then, choking back her tears again. The next sentence was strained; forced. The pain in her voice as she spoke nearly had me collapsing. "If I _don't_ have them, you won't like me as much."

Alice took in a deep breath before continuing, wiping away tears with the back of her hand. I handed her a tissue.

"When my parents are away for long periods, I get uncontrollable. I'm like my sister. Then I decide that doing what she did is the best thing. I pop any old pills to feel better. I felt like that last night. Normally, someone stays with me when I get like that; but no one did last night. It's my fault, Bella. Don't think I'm trying to blame someone else. It's just, last night I tried to take advantage of the situation. I usually have no desire to OD. I just want to numb the pain, you know? But last night, the pain wouldn't go away. I was in the state of mind my sister was in when she committed suicide. I know what I did was wrong. I can always use hindsight and see how stupid I was, but at the time I thought it was the only way. I _couldn't _see a way out. You see, I know it's wrong. I just _can't stop_."

Alice didn't speak for a few moments. I was shocked and didn't speak either. The fact that she had come clean about all of it, and so quickly, amazed me. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help it. She knew it was hurting her and that she needed to stop, but she just couldn't. The fact that she admitted that had me amazed. Also, the fact that Alice felt this way had my heart aching for her.

I reached towards her hand again and took it in both of mine.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Alice sobbed. I smiled weakly and brought her hand up to my lips and kissed it gently.

"Don't be," I whispered. I saw the tears streaming down Alice's little, pixie-like face. "I'm _so _proud of you. You are so _brave_. And the fact you are so open about this is the first step, and a big one. The fact that you realise it is wrong is a step on the way to recovery." Alice nodded, clutching at my words with ebbing tears and an open heart. "I know what it feels like to be lonely. Trust me, I know. But what you need to remember is that you have friends who _love_ you and would do anything to help you. They don't want to lose you. We love you, Alice. If you ever need any of us, call us. Whenever you feel like that, no matter the time, always tell us. You don't have to do it alone." I didn't know whether it was my place to say those things, but even though I hadn't known her for long, I loved Alice like a sister, so I needed to say it to her.

Alice nodded as I spoke. Tears fell. Her hand squeezed mine. "I know, Bella. Thank you."

I felt like staying there and continuing our talk, but I also knew she was exhausted. There was plenty of time to help her through it all. At that moment, she needed to sleep. "Now, you better get some sleep," I told her. "We can talk more later." I was just grateful to have her still there. Everything else could be sorted out in due time.

"But wait," She called, suddenly amazingly alert. "What happened to your face, Bella? Are you okay? I mean... what happened?"

My heart skipped a beat. I had completely forgotten. "Um... nothing," I stuttered. "I just fell down the stairs. Two left feet, remember?"

Alice frowned at me then. "That's no injury from a fall down the stairs."

"Yes it is," I insisted. "Trust me. I'm clumsy as hell. I trip over thin air. I'm fine. Now, get some sleep. Please. You look exhausted."

Alice frowned at me, but I kept my expression strong and certain. She eventually sighed and nodded. I could see her eyelids drooping. It was only a matter of time before she fell asleep. Like Carlisle had said, she has been through a lot and needed rest.

Alice nodded slowly as her delicate eyelids began to shut. I kept her hand in mine and listened as the heart monitor's beeps slowly spread out in longer intervals.

Sleep well.

###

It had been about ten minutes when I knew that Alice was deep in sleep. When I was positive, I lay her hand back on the mattress gently. I then stood up quietly from the chair and walked to the door.

When I entered the chilly hall way I was met by the gaze of five different pairs of eyes. To my right were Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett had his arm over Rosalie and their backs were to me as they talked to Carlisle. I received one quick glance from each of them.

In front of me was Edward. He was pacing nervously along the wall, his eyes on the ground and his black hood over his head. When he heard my approach his eyes snapped up to me, filled with coldness. Suddenly they switched to the right side of my face and softened. He stopped pacing and straightened up then_._ I looked away from him quickly.

To my left was Jasper. He was leaning against the wall, his eyes focused on a spot on the opposite wall. He looked to me then, but I glanced away quickly, looking towards everyone else.

"She's asleep," I mumbled. Edward's cold eyes stayed on me as Carlisle spoke.

"Good," he said. "She needs her rest."

I nodded reluctantly to him, but saw in the corner of my eye that Edward's eyes snapped to his father, the coldness not leaving them. Suddenly, Edward started storming towards me. I shuffled quickly out of the way. Edward forced his way through the door, his eyes meeting mine with severe ferocity.

"Edward," Carlisle called behind him.

"I'm staying with her," Edward snapped back in response.

I heard Carlisle sigh as more footsteps came towards the door. I looked up from the floor to see Rosalie standing in front of me. She slowly reached her hand up to me and gave me a quick hug. When she pulled away she locked her eyes on my bruise. They filled with sadness immediately. '_Carlisle said something_' I thought to myself. It was written all over her face. I looked away then and she smiled slightly and ducked her head before heading inside. Emmett was behind her. He approached me, giving me a quick, slight smile. He was less conspicuous with his glance to my injury, but it was still obvious. His eyes were washed with regret. _He did say something._ He placed his huge, heavy hand on my shoulder and whispered, "It's okay," before heading inside behind Rosalie.

I watched as the door shut behind Emmett and Carlisle excused himself to go work on his other patients. I looked to the ground and took a deep breath in before I looked to Jasper. When I did I found his eyes already on me. His eyebrows were in a slight frown and his mouth was in his slight pout. He always had that expression when he was thinking or worried.

His eyes pierced mine, but neither pairs faltered. Of course, after a few minutes, it became too much for me. Everything did those days. The emotion his eyes held left me breathless. My vision still remained unclogged.

I looked at my own spot on the white wash wall, focusing on a curved line of black where a leather shoe had scuffed the surface.

"Aren't you going to go in?" I asked him in a mumble.

"No," he said firmly.

"But she will want to see you. You should go," I encouraged.

"No," Jasper repeated, in an even firmer voice. He kept his eyes on his spot on the wall.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because it's better if I don't," he answered in a flat tone. The lack of interest of emotion in his voice was peeving me off.

"Jasper, please don't tell me that you are still blaming yourself," I whispered. He couldn't blame himself. It wasn't his fault.

"Shut up, Bella. You don't know what's happening," he growled back. He was angry, and I could deal with that. I couldn't, however, deal with him blaming himself.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't know everything. But, from what Alice told me, I do know enough to realise that this was not your fault."

"Don't even try to convince me of that, Bella, because it won't work," he snapped, his eyes still on the wall.

"Jasper," I called him, my tone stern, turning to him. Jasper's eyes met mine. "It wasn't your fault. No one could have stopped her and it would have happened anyway. Even if you were there, she would have just found another time to do it. Even Alice said it's not your fault. She doesn't want you taking the blame. You_ shouldn't_ take the blame. You don't have to protect everyone. You cannot carry the blame for everything or else it will damage you too much."

Jasper just shook his head and turned towards the wall again. "They need time alone. Edward still blames me, and I agree with him. They need time without me."

I shook my head and took a few steps closer to Jasper. I took his face in both of my hands and made him look at me. His eyes were reeling in emotion.

"Edward is hurting, Jasper. He needs someone to blame because he can't deal with the pain otherwise. He loves Alice, and needs a scapegoat. He doesn't truly blame you. He blames himself more. He just needs an outlet for his anger. Neither of you should take the blame. He is only taking it out on you as you are easiest, and you care about people too much, and are therefore _willing_ to carry this heavy, weary weight on your shoulders."

Jasper's eyes softened and he frowned slightly, reaching his hand to my cheek and stroking it. I smiled and closed my eyes as his skin touched mine lovingly. My heart had been aching for contact in that manner from him. My hands moved instinctively around the back of his neck, and my right hand held my left's wrist. Jasper laughed slightly and I leant my forehead on his chest. I felt him stroke the back of my hair as he spoke.

"We are never going to agree on this, are we?" he whispered.

I just smiled and shook my head. "Not unless you are willing to change your mind," I said, raising my head and meeting his eyes.

"I'm not," he promised, looking at me intently.

I pulled away from him, but kept my arms around his neck, frowning. "Why not?"

"Bella, honey, please, can't we just agree to disagree? Alice is okay and that's all that matters."

I shook my head and held my expression firm. "No," I said, "because I can't have you believing this is your fault and being troubled by that thought. It is bad for you and you deserve far, _far_ better than that. I don't want you being taunted and haunted by the thought this is your fault when it's not. It's not _fair_."

Jasper sighed and leant down to peck my lips. I pulled away, however, and tapped the back of his head.

"Don't try to distract me, Jasper. You can't shut me up just like that," I said strongly, pushing away his kiss.

Jasper smiled and leant down to me, whispering in my ear. "Well then, what will it take to distract you?" he asked, his hot breath tickling my neck. Every path his breath traced was left evident by the emergence of small goose bumps along my skin. I closed my eyes lightly and sighed, capturing his alluring aroma.

I heard Jasper chuckle from above me and I snapped out of my trance quickly, looking up at him.

"I think I just succeeded," he gloated.

I shook my head then and stepped away from him. "No," I said firmly. "Don't use those cheap shots. You_ have_ to believe this isn't your fault. You have to let it go."

Suddenly, Jasper's expression turned angry. My heart jumped into my throat as he swivelled around on his heels and pounded his fist into the wall. The sound made me jump back further. Jasper then spun around to face me.

"Damn it, Bella! You don't know anything about it. Just stop with this martyr shit."

I stepped back at the ferocity of his voice, my heart racing. I buried myself into the opposite wall. Jasper's fists were crunched together and he fell back into the wall, stiffening his body and hammering his hands to his sides. He was breathing heavily and trying to keep it even.

"Distract me," he demanded in a breath.

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"Just talk to me, about anything. Just talk some shit, please," he begged, struggling to control his breathing and his rage.

I was confused by his request, but his intense, shocking state had me starting talking easily. "Did you know I get motion sickness? Like, really bad. I can't even look down in a car without my gag reflexes reacting. And the other night I was wondering, do astronauts get motion sickness? I mean they are like shooting up into space at a million miles per hour in this pointy white machine. I mean, I would probably be hurling everywhere... but I guess they train them up to withstand the hurling... You know what else makes me want to hurl? Steak. I don't know why. I just can't stand it. The other day I found out that in Sweden it's illegal to be drunk in possession of a cow. I thought that was quite weird. I mean, who would be in possession of a cow when they are drunk anyway? I mean, doesn't the government have anything better to do than make up silly laws like that? Then I figured that it was some sort of conspiracy to stop people drinking because I also heard that in Sweden there are a lot of cows... and a lot of drunken people... but that might be bull shit. I wonder if Swedish people like steak... I don't, but everyone has different opinions."

I knew I was rambling, but my mouth wouldn't stop. It was verbal vomit. But, Jasper asked for me to distract him, and random topics came easily to me.

When I heard Jasper's quiet laugh I stopped. I looked up to him and saw he had relaxed a bit, but was still breathing heavily.

I shook myself out of my ramble, although the conversation was still flowing in my mind.

"Better?" I asked.

Jasper smiled slightly at me. "Yeah," He said and then he laughed slightly. "You know you talk a lot of shit, right?"

"You told me to," I reminded him.

"Oh no, I'm not complaining. It was entertaining, don't get me wrong."

"Well, are you okay now?"

Jasper nodded slowly and took one last, long, deep breath.

"Good," I said, looking down at each end of the corridor. As I did so a nurse walked into Alice's room after nodding to us. We waited for a few minutes and then Rosalie, Edward and Emmett walked out.

Everyone was quiet as we stood in the empty hallway. After a few seconds Rosalie spoke.

"Alice is still sleeping," She explained. I looked up to her and nodded slowly.

It was silent for another few minutes until Emmett spoke.

"Well, I don't know about you guys but I want to go into that rest room down the end," He stated, looking to the left end of the hallway. "There's a TV and some comfortable chairs."

Everyone was quiet again, not wanting to put in their opinions. Occasionally someone would look at someone else, but nothing was spoken. Edward kept his eyes on the ground.

Finally, Emmett got sick of the lack of reply.

"Oh, come on," He groaned. He looked at Edward who was still staring at the ground, a cold, dark look in his eyes. He then looked to Jasper, who was staring at a spot on the opposite wall again. "Edward. Jasper. Stop moping. Alice is going to be fine, and she definitely wouldn't want you two treating each other like _this_. Now quit trying to blame each other. This was _no one's_ fault. Jasper, it's not your fault. Stop trying to take the role as scapegoat. I know I took it out on you when I came to get you, but I was just angry, and not thinking, and _wrong._ And Edward, stop blaming yourself and drowning in guilt. And quit taking it out on Jasper. Neither of you could stop it. And Bella, this is in no way your fault either."

Emmett's voice was stern and strong, but also understanding. Edward looked up to him then, is eyes finally soft. Emmett kept his gaze on him, and eventually Edward nodded.

"Okay," He agreed. Then he glanced to Jasper. "I'm sorry, Jasper. Really. I'm sorry."

Jasper nodded, accepting the apology. "So am I."

Emmett breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped his arm over Rosalie's shoulder. Rosalie then led Emmett to Edward and took his hand. Edward accepted it gratefully and walked with them. Jasper looked over to me and I looked to him. We both began walking forwards and Jasper took my hand in his. Everyone was finally united again. It was the only way to face what was happening.

When we reached the room it was empty. The edges were framed with off white, soft, over stuffed arm chairs. In the far right corner there was a small children play area. A television hung on the wall, playing a middle of the day soap opera. Every three chairs or so there was a small table stacked with old magazines, newspapers and children's picture books.

Rosalie and Emmett went and sat down on two arm chairs. Emmett sat on his chair and faced Rosalie. Rosalie sat next to Emmett, crossed legged. Edward sat next to her, facing her. All three then got into a quiet conversation. Jasper and I stopped at the door. Rosalie looked up to me and smiled, and I smiled back weakly. Jasper then led me to two seats separated from Emmett's by a small table. Jasper sat on the closest one to Emmett and I sat next to him. I sat crossed legged and faced Jasper, while he sat facing me.

The room was oddly quiet, apart from the nearly inaudible sounds of occasional conversation. No one really wanted to talk, and were mainly left to their own devices. Jasper continued to hold my hands in his the entire time. I know that sometime during the day I fell asleep, but I don't remember when.

I was awoken a few hours later by a slight shaking of my shoulder.

"Bella," Jasper's voice whispered. I breathed in deeply and rubbed my eyes.

"Yeah?" I mumbled groggily.

"Carlisle's coming."

My eyes snapped open then and they soon rested on Carlisle walking through the door.

"Hey kids," He greeted, smiling politely but reluctantly. Everyone mumbled various 'hellos' and Carlisle nodded before taking a seat across the room.

"Okay, well Alice is doing well, but we would like to keep her here under observation for a few days. So, I recommend that you guys go home and get some rest."

"I don't want to go," Edward stated. Carlisle frowned at him.

"Edward, it's best. Alice needs her rest and I can't have any of you in there with her. You can come and see her tomorrow."

After a few minutes of debating, Carlisle eventually won out, realising what was best for Alice's recovery. We all found ourselves walking out of the hospital doors – after saying our final goodbye's to Alice – and into the cold winter air. It was about 4:30, and I knew I had to be home soon.

Emmett was driving Edward home, insisting that he shouldn't drive himself. Edward's Mom would be at his house when he got there. Rosalie took Emmett's truck and drove it to his house. Emmett would be there after dropping Edward off. Jasper was taking me home.

The drive back was silent for a few minutes, but not very long. Jasper eventually broke it.

"Carlisle was asking me about the bruise on your face," He stated as we were stopped at a roundabout. _I bet he was telling Rosalie and Emmett about it too._ I immediately looked to him, my eyes widening in horror. I couldn't breathe then. Jasper looked to me and shook his head. "I didn't tell him. I just said you fell down the stairs. He said that's what you said happened. I even told him I witnessed everything, and that's why I've been away the last few days; looking after you. He believed me, but reluctantly. I hate lying to him."

"Thank you," I whispered, meeting his eyes in gratitude. "Really, thank you, Jasper. I'm sorry you had to lie, but thank you."

Jasper shook his head then. "It's not a good thing, Bella. I seriously think you should talk to someone or –"

I interrupted him. He wasn't going to try that again. I wouldn't talk to anyone unless he did. All I would do was endure.

"No," I said simply. Jasper sighed.

"Are you always this stubborn?" He asked.

"It's one of my many genetic gifts."

He sighed. "Can't you at least accept that what is happening to you is not acceptable?"

I could have, but if I did, it was only a few steps away from the actual _getting_ help part. That couldn't happen. I just shook my head.

"Don't you get it that people just want to help you, Bella? I love you. We all love you. Just try to open up."

I knew that he cared for me. I knew that was why he was constantly bugging me to get help. But I had answered this same question so many times. This is what opening up to people gets you. They try to help you when you don't want help.

"Yeah, I get it," I admitted. I turned to the window then and lay my hands on either thigh, squeezing them into fists. I was fighting back another overflow of emotions I had kept bottled up. I saw we were only a few minutes from home, so I vowed to keep them locked away.

It was then that I felt Jasper's hand reach for mine and cover it. The feeling of his skin on mine caused me to relax instantly. My body unwound easily. I released both my fists and turned my hand up, accepting Jasper's action. He wound his fingers in mine.

It was a few minutes later that we pulled up at our houses. Jasper spoke to me as I reached for the door.

"I'm not happy about you going in there alone," he admitted. I turned around to him and frowned.

"I will be fine," I encouraged. "You can't protect me every minute of the day. I have to go. They will be home soon."

Jasper sighed. "I'm going back to see Alice and then I will be home at about ten. If you need me, that's where I will be."

I didn't offer for him to come over that night, and Jasper didn't mention it. We had been through a lot that day and both needed our space. Jasper had a lot to deal with. I had a lot to think about. We needed some time alone.

Jasper smiled weakly and I opened the door, hurrying inside. I didn't sleep very well that night.

###

**Author's Note:** Sorry the update was a bit slow. Life has been hectic right now. I'm graduating in a week and starting exams in two... so I'm pretty stressed. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter. I'd love to hear your thoughts on... well... everything. Thanks! :-]


	16. Chapter 15

**Let Go**  
Chapter 15

###

_Time_

###

Nobody went to school for the next few days. Nobody cared to. All that mattered was Alice.

Thursday morning I woke up with questions thundering through my mind. I knew I was bad for Jasper, and that I could never give him what he deserved. The problem was that I loved him. It was selfish to choose to stay with him; to keep the vicious cycle going, but I did. I could have ended it, but that would hurt us both. Jasper wouldn't let me go and I wouldn't let him go. I also knew that our problems stemmed from my rejection of any help. I wouldn't run away and I wouldn't seek support. But neither would he. It was a two way street. Both of us were hypocritical. We wanted what was best for the other, but would not take that option ourselves. We were both stubborn, but we also both had our reasons for our choices. I wouldn't back down on encouraging him to get help. I offered that if he did, I would. But, he wouldn't. He told me to do what was best for me and forget about him. But I couldn't.

He had the chemicals that made me fall in love with him, and I would never, ever look back, no matter how much staying hurt me.

We spent Thursday at the hospital. Alice was a bit better; perkier. Consequently, so was Edward. It had finally settled with him that Alice would be okay, so he dropped any accusations on Jasper. Jasper, however, wouldn't. His pain and self-doubt was clear. But, through it all, it was a happier time than the previous day. Edward and Jasper talked quietly together for about an hour in the morning. After that they were more comfortable together, sitting by Alice's bedside, laughing with her and with each other. I only guessed that they talked it through, but I wasn't sure nor would I ask. It was their business, not mine. Edward also talked to me shortly, apologising for his actions towards me. I apologised too, insisting that what he did was okay. We agreed to let bygones be bygones.

Every so often I would catch someone looking at me with sad eyes. They noticed my injury, but wouldn't say anything. I hated that feeling of being watched. I hated it even more because people watched me with pity.

I wasn't sure whether after this episode Alice would go straight, but I had a horrible feeling she wouldn't. I prayed that we would be able to help her. That was all we could do really – help her. The real work was up to her.

Charlotte, Laurent and Peter also arrived at the hospital at about mid day. Emmett had called them the night before, informing them of the incident. They spent time at Alice's bedside. None of us left Alice's room unless instructed to. Charlotte did take me aside during the day, asking me about how I was and also my injury. I didn't tell her, although I wanted to. I felt I could confide in her, but it wasn't right to trouble someone else with my issues. I simply gave her the same excuse Carlisle got; the one Jasper helped me make plausible. She had frowned at me, not believing. However, she decided not to pry and let it slide, instead deciding to inform me of how she was always there for me to talk.

Jasper and I talked more happily as well. Alice's improvement clearly had a good effect on everyone. Of course, there was the occasional tougher conversation, but nothing worse than the previous day.

Friday passed much the same as Thursday, only Alice had significantly improved. Carlisle said he just wanted to keep her overnight on observation and then she could go home. Her recovery was amazingly fast and we were all thrilled for it.

Friday also passed with much more enjoyment due to her improvement. Everyone was in a much better mood, and Edward and Emmett were back to teasing Jasper, along with a little help from Peter and Laurent. It went all ways, each boy on the receiving end at _some _point. Emmett also thought it was funny to hit on every nurse in the hospital, much to Rosalie's dismay. He made the mistake, in fact, of hitting on an older, grumpy nurse named Sulpicia. It also turns out that her husband was a doctor called Aro. We will just say Emmett got a bit of a telling off. He actually ended up practically verbally abusing Aro, saying it was a joke, and nearly got us escorted off the premises. Luckily, Carlisle pulled some strings and got Emmett excused by making him apologise.

The boys also found it fun to play football all throughout the hospital. It didn't last very long when Carlisle found out though.

Alice was much happier on Friday, and, as the boys mucked around, her, Rosalie and Charlotte found fun in talking to me about clothes I should be wearing. She was disappointed in the way I was dressed, in a baggy blue t-shirt and jeans ripped at the knee. She said, and I quote:

"Just because this is a hospital doesn't mean you have permission to dress like an old granny."

I let them talk, instead taking the time to watch Jasper. I watched him as he laughed with Emmett, who had blown up a surgical glove so much that it had burst in his face. As he laughed he looked to me, his blue eyes filled with happiness. It was a relieving sight. I smiled to him and he smiled back, sending me a little wink.

Friday ended and we all parted ways. Jasper stayed with me that night. It was peaceful, and there was slight hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

###

Saturday passed quickly. The boys had a game which Rosalie and I went to. They won. After that we went and picked up Alice from the hospital. We then all went to her house and settled in. The weather was dreary and cold, rain side swiping the car as we drove. However, inside my truck it was warm. Jasper sat in the driver's seat and I in the passenger seat. We drove behind Rosalie and Emmett in the jeep and Alice and Edward in the Volvo.

As we drove I sunk back in my seat, placing my feet on the dashboard. Jasper looked over to me and laughed. I just smiled back. It was then that a familiar sound came from the radio. I recognised the lyrics when they started.

"_Looking for desert rain, in the corners of my mind... feeling so far away, from the source of love divine."_

I smiled to myself and readied myself quickly for the next verse, turning up the volume as this one played. Jasper looked over to me, slightly frowning, but smiling.

"Two travellers' on the road, just a book of secrets, and trouble on every side, keep holding my hand tonight, as we face this furnace, something tells me... that we can run from these flames, or we can stand together in faith," I sung under my breath, enjoying the moment.

I was surprised then to hear Jasper's voice sing the next verse; low and strong and muted as he spoke under his breath.

"Forever and ever, the dark of the night, the bright of the dawn, forever and ever, I'll stay here with you 'til the end of the storm... 'Til the end of the storm."

I looked over to him then, my eyes wide in admiration. Jasper peeled his eyes from the road and smiled, winking to me.

"Hey look where we've come from, look what we've been through... remember the times we were spared, didn't know what to do, didn't know what to do," I continued, looking back to the road and still singing in a hushed voice.

"The enemy's at the door, and here we are again, déjà vu, now we can _run_ from this place, or we can stand together in faith," he sang. He was still looking at me, his eyes questioning, talking and debating. I could see it in the corner of my eyes. I looked over to him then. The words had meaning. Run, or stand together in faith?

"Forever and ever, the dark of the night, the bright of the dawn, forever and ever, I'll stay here with you 'til the end of the storm," I repeated, the verse answering his question for me. It answered everything. Endure it. Stand together in faith.

"Troubled times... they will... come, with vengeance and spite in their eyes, lords will... be gone," Jasper sang with passion. _Are you sure? It will be hard. It will hurt. We will suffer._

I knew the true meaning of the words. I answered with the next verse; the final verse.

"Forever and ever, the dark of the night, the bright of the dawn... forever and ever, I'll stay here with you 'til the end of the storm, forever and ever... forever and ever."

We stayed quiet as the instrumental finished.When it did Jasper reached over and turned down the volume as the next song blared out. No song could be as perfect as that one.

We were quiet for the rest of the drive. Jasper's hand stayed curled over mine mine. Was that the end of the debate? Was that it? Was it done? I didn't think so, but I hoped so.

_Stand together through the storm._ We wouldn't give in.

###

When we pulled up to Alice's house I lost my breath. It was a beautiful, brown, three storied house with numerous white panelled windows and a large front lawn, and a driveway lined with gorgeous red rose bushes.

We parked next to Emmett's truck and walked inside slowly just as Emmett was tearing down the stairs with two mattresses. Behind him came Edward, holding one mattress and a bunch of blankets. I looked over to Rosalie and Alice sitting on the couch. They were both laughing together.

"Ha, I won!" Emmett yelled when he plonked himself in front of the TV.

"You cheated," Edward grumbled as he dropped his things and sat down next to Alice in a huff. Alice was still deathly pale, but was smiling. That was a plus.

"Shut up, old man," Emmett countered. Edward rolled his eyes.

"I'm younger than you, moron," Edward rebutted.

"Details, details," Emmett replied, waving off his comment.

Emmett then turned to face us, smiling widely.

"Bella, Jasper, get over here! We are watching a movie."

Jasper and I both smiled at their happiness.

"A movie?" Jasper questioned. "It's the middle of the day."

"Jasper mother-fucking Whitlock, you're watching the damn movie," Emmett ordered with a stern expression. Rosalie sighed and hit Emmett on the back of the head.

"They don't _have_ to watch the movie, Em," she growled.

"And who are you, their mom?"

"No," Rosalie disagreed. "I'm the girl who is going to shove her foot up your ass if you don't leave them_ alone_."

I giggled at this and Jasper squeezed my hand, walking me over and sitting down on a single mattress while Rosalie and Emmett continued to bicker. I sat in front of him and leant into him. Jasper wrapped his arms around me.

Emmett grabbed the controls and sat on a mattress with Rosalie that was to the left of ours, while Edward helped Alice onto a mattress that was in the middle of them both.

"So what are we watching?" Alice asked.

"It's a surprise," Emmett sung.

We all sighed. Emmett turned on the TV to only have an ear pitching scream filled the room. I jumped slightly in Jasper's hold. His arms tightened around me in shock. As I regained composure he chuckled above me and kissed the top of my head. I remembered the first time I had watched and movie with them and the way I completely embarrassed myself. It made me giggle.

I felt myself starting to blush and buried my head in my hands. Jasper laughed and placed his index finger under my chin, coaxing my head to turn to the side. He then leant over and kissed me delicately on the lips.

It was then that I heard the odd click and sliding sound of a Polaroid camera. I pulled away from Jasper and looked at Alice. My heart jumped into my throat when I saw her pull a piece of photo paper out of her old style camera and shake it. I heard Jasper groan behind me also.

"Alice," I moaned. Alice looked up from the picture and smiled at me.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Why did you take a picture?"

"Oh don't moan, Bella. It was just a Kodak moment. Here," she said, handing me the picture, "keep it."

I leant forward and took the picture from Alice's tiny hand. She then turned to take a picture of Rosalie and Emmett. I sank back into Jasper and peered at the picture. When I saw the picture I couldn't help but smile. I loved it, and silently thanked Alice for it.

I turned to Jasper and he gave me a quick peck on the lips. I smiled then and turned back to the movie, keeping the picture in my hands the whole time.

The movie lasted for longer than I expected. It was one of those epic movies. You know the ones that take up two DVD disks? However, unlike others of its kind, it was not boring. It was too scary to be boring.

When the movie was done I think everyone was too scared to move. Well, everyone but Emmett. He immediately pulled out the X-box and soon coaxed the Edward and Jasper into a long game that included a lot of yelling, arguments and the use of profanities. Alice, Rosalie and I sat on the couch, trying to escape the random pieces of furniture, such as pillows, that flew across the room when someone died. We only stayed to keep the peace. Alice didn't want her house destroyed.

After that Edward called up for pizza. I was grateful when it arrived, suddenly realising how hungry I was. After pizza Jasper took me home. They tried to convince us to stay the night, but we couldn't. Well, I couldn't. Jasper no doubt could. I had to get home. I couldn't aggravate my Dad any more. I didn't need more reason to stay off school. My injury had finally started to fade. None of the group said anything about it, but occasionally I would catch someone looking at me with sad eyes. No doubt Jasper probably warned them not to bring it up. I knew they noticed.

Jasper stayed with me that night too. I left the sliding door unlocked and he climbed up on my balcony. I slept better when he was there. I still wasn't sure how he managed the climb. I would have to ask him.

I put the picture of us in a shoe box under my bed. It's where I held my money I saved and a few pieces of the past. I knew it would be safe there. Only I would see it. It would always be close to my heart.

Our Sunday passed at Alice's house once again. It was a peaceful day, and the time was spent with movies, games and talking. Only the occasional awkward silence or uncomfortable comment was exchanged. Not all wounds had healed just yet.

Jasper and I went home on Sunday night as well. He stayed with me that night also. I wasn't sure whether I would be banned from school on Monday. Sure, my face had started to heal, but it was still obvious what injuries had been inflicted.

I was lucky that weekend that I got away with leaving the house. Dad was busy taking extra shifts while Mom looked after Renesmee at home. She didn't mind me going out. Charlie would have, had he been home.

When I woke up in the morning, however, they were home. How did I know? Well, I was met by my Charlie's booming voice yet again. _Yeah, nice to see you too._ Jerk.

What he said didn't really register to me. I got the jist of them. "Stay home today" would be the basic idea, with a few threats thrown in for good measure. When the noise stopped I nodded slowly and sank back into the covers. However, I was immediately shocked by the feeling of a little body tugging on a strand of my hair. I opened my eyes to see Renesmee sitting next to me, her face covered in little red dots. She smiled at me and tugged lightly on my hair again.

"I've got the chicken spots," she chimed happily. I giggled slightly and sat up.

"You mean the chicken pocks?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

I smiled to her and rubbed my hands over my face. Her energy amazed me. It was still early and she was already acting like it was the middle of the day.

"Want something to eat?" I asked her eventually. Renesmee smiled and parted her lips to respond when a voice sounded from the bathroom.

"Yes please," it sounded. I looked to the bathroom door to see Jasper's face peak out. His hair was wet and various strands stuck to his face. His gorgeous eyes were glistening as he looked at us. Renesmee twisted around and let out a little squeal.

"Jasper!" she called. Jasper gave her a huge smile and stepped out from behind the door. I gasped when I noticed the towel wrapped around his hips and his bare chest. My heart leaped into my throat in response.

I looked away immediately to the window, blood pooling in my cheeks. I heard Jasper stifle a laugh as he sat down by Renesmee.

"Sorry, Bella. I just was having a quick shower when I heard your Dad coming up."

I nodded slowly, still facing the window. I heard Jasper laugh again and rise from the bed.

"Relax," he chuckled. "You can look. It's not like we haven't seen each other shirtless before."

Suddenly flashbacks of that bonfire night came back to me. It seemed so long ago, but really it was little over a week.

I turned to face him then as he was heading to the bathroom. My eyes landed on his chiselled muscles on his back and broad shoulders. It was perfect.

"Where are you going?" I called as he rounded the door. Jasper head appeared next to the frame again.

"I'm putting some clothes on," he laughed. "As much as I enjoy walking around in the cold in a towel, it gets a bit chilly."

I laughed slightly and Jasper's head disappeared again. I turned to Renesmee who was still sitting next to me and talked to her until Jasper appeared again.

When he did he walked out of the bathroom as he was slipping on a blue t-shirt. When it was pulled over his head he shook his hair, spraying small droplets of water around the room.

I stood up then and headed to the bathroom.

"Where are _you_ going?" Jasper asked as I walked past him.

"Taking a shower," I called, smiling back to him. When I was done I slipped on a pair of track pants and black tank top. I then went and scooped Renesmee from the bed.

"Ready for food?" I asked her, touching her nose lightly. Renesmee giggled and fidgeted around, trying to scratch at her arms as I walked down the steps.

"Ah! Don't scratch," I told her. "It will make them worse."

Renesmee groaned and held her hands together, stopping them from moving. As she did so I felt Jasper come up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my head. I turned around to him then and he kissed me on the forehead.

"Do I get some food too?" he pouted.

I smiled wickedly to him. "Of course you do. I won't starve you."

Jasper smiled brightly and hurried downstairs to the cupboard doors. I sighed and placed Renesmee in her high chair when we got downstairs.

Jasper grabbed two bowls and the cereal box while I gave Renesmee her food. We then sat down at the table.

Long after we had finished our breakfast we were still there, talking. We were probably there for the good part of two hours. Renesmee was happy there, adding to the conversation with odd remarks and giggles. However, I soon noticed Renesmee scratching her arms and turned to her.

"Ness, don't scratch," I scolded, heading to the cupboard and getting some Calamine lotion. I put it over her spots. "There, that will make it better. Just try not to scratch, okay?"

Renesmee smiled and nodded. "Can I get out now?" she asked. I nodded and smiled, letting her out and setting her down on the floor. Renesmee smiled and wandered over to a pile of toys. I sat down again then.

I turned to Jasper who was sitting opposite me. I smiled cheekily and lay my chin on my hand.

"Yes?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Have you ever had chicken pocks?" I asked. Jasper smiled at me then.

"Yeah."

"How'd you get it?" I asked quickly.

Jasper frowned at me slightly, but his amused expression did not falter.

He took a deep breath and spoke. "Um... Edward got it first. His birthday was coming up and Esme was going to cancel the party but Carlisle said it was better if we all got it from him when we were young, seeing it is really bad if you get it when you're older. So they threw this kind of... chicken themed birthday party for Edward. We all dressed up in chicken suits. It really was odd. But it worked, and we all got it. We then camped out at his place for a week after. It was like a giant party."

I laughed then and cocked my head to the right. "A chicken suit?" I giggled, imagining what that would look like.

Jasper bowed his head then and nodded. "Yeah... they were Emmett's idea. He had always wanted to dress as one. It was then Alice's idea to colour code them, so everyone's suit was their favourite colour. Or that was the theory."

"What colours were they?" I asked curiously.

"Well..." Jasper started, narrowing his eyes and trying to remember. "Alice was pink, naturally. Edward was green and I was blue. They weren't our favourite colours, but Alice said we had to wear them as they matched our eyes. Alice was all about fashion, even at the tender age of seven. Rosalie and her actually fought over the pink suit. As with all little girls, they both loved pink. Rosalie actually ended up being red. And Emmett..." Jasper stopped to laugh. "Em was purple. He said he wanted to be like _Barney_ and _Big Bird_ crossed together."

I blinked twice at Jasper before doubling over with laughter. Emmett in a purple chicken suit; I _had_ to see that. Jasper soon joined my laughter.

Eventually we pulled ourselves together when Jasper started quizzing me.

"So... what about you?" He asked."When did you get it? Surely you got it, or else you wouldn't be near Ness right now."

I nodded then, digging deep into the memories of my childhood. As I have said once before, there was not one important memory of my childhood that didn't have Jacob in it in some way. That includes all the happy ones. As I searched for the right memory Jacob's face kept flashing up to me, holding different expressions at various ages. Eventually I found that specific memory.

"I was four when I got it. My best friend Jacob actually got it first. His Dad called my parents, asking if they wanted me to go over to catch it off him. They jumped at the chance to get me out of the house. So I went over and caught it off him. I stayed at his house for four days. Like yours, it was like a giant party, only minus the chicken suits."

Jasper smiled to me and took my hand in his. "No chicken suits? Damn, I'll tell you now, you sure missed out on something _awesome _there."

I laughed then. "Nope. No chicken suits, but I'm sure they _were_ awesome."

Jasper laughed then and stood up, taking my hand and leading me to the TV room. The rest of the day passed quickly. We spent time watching some day time soap operas. They were actually quite interesting if you got over the bad acting and over the top story lines. And, when all else failed, they supplied us with plenty of laughter due to those two factors. We also spent the day playing with Renesmee. She decided to do Jasper's hair. At the end of it all he was left with multicolour ribbons and bows holding locks of his hair and also a few butterfly clips sitting delicately in multiple golden ponytails. What amazed me most was that he kept them in the whole day without one complaint. Every time Renesmee looked at him she was sent into fits of giggles.

Renesmee was away Tuesday and Wednesday as well and I was allocated as the baby sitter. My Mom had resorted to spending her days at the casino, therefore leaving me with the household duties. Tuesday passed much the same as Monday, although we were visited by Alice, Edward, Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett and Renesmee got on like peas and carrots. She was practically glued to him the whole time, either staring at him in marvel or laughing at his antics. Emmett was just as amused with her as she was with him, which helped. He couldn't imagine how a human could be so small. Once I even saw Renesmee glancing from her teddy to Emmett, to the teddy and then back to Emmett. She was clearly seeing those similarities.

On Wednesday I finally convinced Jasper to go to school. I was still locked up at home on baby-sitting duty, and, no matter how many times he swore he loved spending time with me, I couldn't let him miss out on any more school. He swore it didn't matter to him, but I couldn't have him getting in more trouble because of me.

Furthermore, it gave me a chance to gather my thoughts. Sure, the last few days had been lacking the drama of earlier in the week, but that didn't mean it had gone. Every so often you could catch a glimpse of the hard ships we had just faced in someone's eyes. It might be a flash of guilt in Jaspers or a look of anger in Edwards. It could be anyone at anytime. I knew I needed a day to think before heading back to school. My injury was quite faded then, and I figured I could cover the rest up with make-up. Although it was still a bit swollen, it was nothing _too_ noticeable.

I spent the day in my window seat, curled up in my fluffy duvet. I questioned whether what I was doing was truly right for Jasper. I had been over this thought so many times, and no matter whether I decided it was bad or good, I couldn't leave. I needed him too much. It was selfish and it was stupid, but I still saw some benefits for Jasper. No matter how much I didn't understand it, he somehow felt he loved me. I couldn't explain it, and I severely pondered whether he was truly thinking and feeling clearly. But, what I knew for sure was that I loved him.

What I was most worried about, however, was Alice. It scared me that she could seem so happy, carefree and perfect, but was really being torn up inside. She was fighting every day with feeling of loneliness and abandonment. It scared me to think that someone who could seem so happy and at peace could be so severely depressed. I understood how much it must have scared her friends; to know that any day she could snap. I also understood why they kept such a close eye on her and each other. You could never truly tell what people were feeling, no matter if you had known them for ten years. They all had their problems, and could all snap at any moment. They needed each other more than anything. They needed that support. They needed to be looked after. At least they had that.

I spent my whole day on the window seat looking over Jasper's bedroom. Renesmee spent the day on my bed, playing with her toys and curling up in my covers, sleeping soundly.

I fell asleep eventually, as I watched the sun disappear behind the roof of Jasper's house. I slept deeply in those soft cushions, but was awoken a few hours later by a familiar perking of my instincts. I opened my eyes slowly and looked around my dark room. I saw Renesmee sleeping in my bed, her little chest rising and falling. I smiled to myself and rubbed my eyes again. I then looked out the window, recognising what this feeling was; my spotlight.

My eyes then landed on Jasper's bedroom and I saw him sitting on the end of his bed, looking over to me. I smiled to him and waved lightly. Jasper smiled back and waved weakly. A moment later we both retired to our separate beds.

On Thursday Renesmee was better, which meant she went to day care. I also decided to follow her example and drag my lazy ass out of bed. I went through the normal routine, but added a stage of applying some cover up makeup to my face. Sure, it had faded a lot, but the occasional visible bruising and yellow colour still held reminders.

Thursday passed without _too_ much trouble. Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were also back at school but Alice and Edward were still away. Alice needed her rest and Edward refused to leave her side.

One thing that was bad on Thursday was how much I had fallen behind. I was completely confused in all my lessons. It didn't help my mood at all. Furthermore, James saw a good opportunity to bug me as I walked from Physics to Design. It started as soon as I got out the door from first period.

"Hey," he greeted, walking up beside me, his voice sending shivers down my spine. I knew I didn't have much against the guy, but he just gave me a creepy feeling; you know?

"I missed you. Where have you been?" he asked in a sarcastic tone when I picked up my speed and ducked my head.

"Sick," I answered simply as I weaved between the people. James laughed. A moment later I felt his hand on my arms. Immediately the spot went cold. His grip was forceful and threatening; nothing like Jasper's. It felt wrong even being near James. I flashed my eyes to him and he smiled.

"Catch something from Whitlock, did we?" he scoffed. My eyes immediately narrowed at him, shooting daggers.

"Get your filthy hands off," I snarled, trying to yank my arm away. James laughed lightly again then.

"Wow, feisty," he chuckled, tightening his hold. I opened my mouth to speak when I heard the most beautiful sound yet. I then felt myself pulled from James' grasp and wrapped in familiar, warm arms. I relaxed immediately.

"Fuck off, James," that voice ripped. I felt his chest rumble as he held me; Jasper.

I then heard James' menacing laugh fill the halls.

"Oh, I think you already did that to her," he laughed. Immediately I felt Jasper stiffen. I looked up to him. His eyes were filled with a deep, dark hatred, as well as disgust in the boy standing in front of me.

"You better watch your mouth," Jasper snarled, his protective nature in hyper-drive. I could feel his hands smashing into fists. "I'll smash your face in if you touch her again."

James laughed out his next sentence. "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, Whitlock?" He asked sarcastically. Oh no. Immediately I was filled with absolute rage. That was a low blow. It was wrong. "Oh, I forgot... you don't."

James sent Jasper a wicked, bring-it-on grin. He thought he was clever.

I felt Jasper start to release me and push me aside. His body was tense and his hatred was radiating off him.

He stepped forwards, ready to beat James. I would enjoy the show.

"You bastard," Jasper growled. The entire hallway went quiet. He started storming towards James.

"Oh wow, I'm scared," James laughed, holding his hands up in mock horror. I knew Jasper would kill him if he got the chance, but I decided to stop him. James would get what he deserved, but Jasper didn't need to sink to his level to deliver it.

I grabbed is arm. "Jasper, he's not worth it."

Jasper looked back to me, questioning. He peered deeply into my eyes and turned back to James. He then turned back to me again, with that same questioning look. I saw James cross his arms over his chest.

"_Don't_ give into him. It's just what he wants. He wants to get to you," I encouraged.

Jasper sighed, but nodded and turned back to James. "Stay away from her, you bastard, or your voice is going to raise a couple of octaves."

James laughed then. "Don't worry, Whitlock. _She'_s safe," he spat, glancing at me. I didn't think it was possible, but Jasper stiffened even more. I felt there was a hidden meaning behind those words by seeing the sudden over flow of guilt and disgust hitting Jasper. I was suddenly suspicious of the reasons why the group hated James so passionately and what caused it all. "I don't want your seconds."

Suddenly I felt Jasper stress even more and try to move me aside. He was fuming. However, I stopped him, and made him look into my eyes.

"Don't," I ordered. "He's _not_ worth it."

Jasper looked down to me, his hatred for James still prominent.

"You're right, he's not _worth_ it. But he _deserves_ to get what's coming to him."

I was taken aback for a second but decided to let that revenge filled comment slide. I pulled Jasper away then, despite his reluctance.

"Let it _go_," I ordered as we walked off.

Jasper kept his penetrating, hateful stare on James as we departed, but didn't say a word. When I knew we were far enough away I gave Jasper a quick kiss. He was distant, and only sent me a quick glance before heading off to class. It worried me.

The rest of Thursday passed well. Lunch time passed happily. We were all fully comfortable together. Jasper and I sat in our usual spot on the table. I had missed it lately, and was glad to be back in his arms in the fresh air. Emmett and Rosalie were in their spot too, smiling and laughing.

Friday passed much the same, although I needed less makeup. I was still confused to hell, and I still enjoyed every moment I spent with Jasper. Alice and Edward were away again, but that was understandable. I caught Jasper and James exchanging glares occasionally, and often Emmett was included. However, Rosalie tried to ignore him, and I attempted to follow suit. Her eyes told me she hated him, but something else was in them too. Whenever she saw him they swam in disgust and regret. She would always duck her head, and I saw for a brief moment all her confidence disappear.

I wasn't sure what caused all the animosity and hatred between these groups, but I felt it. I was definitely not a fan of James and I trusted Jasper's judgement fully. The fact that it was backed up by Emmett, Edward, Alice and Rosalie only helped.

On Friday night Mom and Dad went out for dinner – a celebratory function for a long serving cop – so Jasper and I baby sat Renesmee. We watched movies, ate popcorn and talked about anything and everything. It was a light hearted night; one of the best yet. I felt my heart flutter every time Jasper smiled at me or his laughed. To see him completely at peace filled my heart with joy. He got along thrillingly with Renesmee as well, and she found him very amusing. I couldn't imagine a life without him, and if I ever had to live one, I was sure my heart would stutter to a stop.

I loved him more than anything. I loved his charisma, his caring nature, his confidence, his sense of humour, the depth of his eyes and the profoundness of his thoughts. You could talk to him about anything, be that the most childish thought or the most academic slice of wisdom. He never ceased to amaze me. He had a glow about him that no one else had. Even his faults made me love him more. His protective nature, his sudden changes in emotions, his nervous approaches and his deep troubles. It all made him Jasper. He had a power over people that just made them listen to what he had to say, although truly he was a hidden, shy person. Not many people saw the true Jasper underneath face value. I was one of the lucky few who did. There was only one Jasper in the world, and I loved him. He would hold my heart for eternity. It would _never_ belong to anyone else.

He was just so intoxicating. So frustrating. So exhilarating. Sometimes he won't make any sense at all, and sometimes he makes all the sense in the world. I was so in love with him that half the time nothing I did made any sense at all. One minute we were so deeply drawn into each other and the next we were screaming and fighting. We challenged each other every day and hardly agreed on anything. He was wild and crazy, yet peaceful and understanding. When I cried he held me tight and brushed away my tears. We broke down and came undone, yet somehow built each other up again. He had seen me at my absolute worst, and yet was still able to honestly say I was beautiful. If I walked away angry, he followed. If I was scared, he protected me. If I told him a secret, he kept it safe and untold. One minute I would be cursing his name and the next I would be wrapped in his arms. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't breathe without him. I needed him.

He challenged me to the brink. I never knew I could feel so much until I met him.

And we had all the time in the world to be together.

###

**Author's Note:** Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and alerts for the last chapter! It really was great. We broke 100 reviews! Yay! Anyway, today was my official last day of school ever. No more high school _ever again_. It's such a surreal thought... and after spending nine years in that school it's also really sad... wow. Anyway, I'm kind of buzzing out tonight due to that whole "last day of school ever" thing, so sorry if this chapter isn't good. Now I have to start studying for exams... but in less than a month I am _free_. Yay! Anyway, please review and tell me your thoughts.


	17. Chapter 16

**Let Go  
**Chapter 16

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_Truths_

###

I was awoken on Saturday morning by a tugging on my hair again. I groaned and rolled over, burying my face in the bed and wishing for the annoyance to go away. Sadly, there was no such luck. Eventually I sighed and rolled over to see Jasper standing next to my bed, beaming down at me as he held Renesmee in front of him and let her tug on a strand of my hair. I looked up at them and scoffed, covering my face in a pillow. I heard Renesmee giggle from Jasper's arms as he laughed light heartedly.

"Rise and shine," Jasper sang.

I sighed and peeked over the pillow.

"Don't you have a game to go to or something?" I moaned. Jasper smiled smugly and laughed.

"Sorry darlin' but you aren't getting rid of me that easy. There's no game today, and I'm spending the day with you," he claimed, smiling like a two year old. I looked from him, to Renesmee, and then back to him, which caused me to giggle slightly.

"Get up Bella!" Renesmee squealed, squiggling around in Jasper's arms. Jasper laughed at her and lifted her up, whispering something in her ear. Renesmee replied with a huge smile and then turned back to me. "_Please?_" she begged, giving me the puppy dog eyes. My heart melted. I was putty in her little hands. I turned to Jasper, narrowing my eyes.

"Getting two year olds to do our dirty work, are we?"

"Only if it's working," he assured. I groaned and threw the covers off.

"Fine," I grumbled. "I'm up." I heard Jasper chuckle as he stepped back to let me out of the bed. He knew my resistance was all an act. A day that was just Jasper and me? I would kill for that.

It was when I was slipping on my slippers that I heard my Mom's voice yelling for me.

"Bella!" she called, walking up the stairs. "Where's Renesmee? We need her."

I froze, cursing under my breath. I turned to Jasper who was listening intently to my Mother's footsteps. I ran my hands through my hair with stress as I whispered to him.

"When did they get _home_?"

"Really late. You were asleep."

"Shit," I muttered again, swivelling around on my heels and looking around desperately, still tangling my hands in my hair. My eyes then snapped up to him.

"Give her to me," I whispered. Jasper nodded and gave me Renesmee. She was dead silent. As he did so I whispered to him again."Bathroom. Now."

Jasper quietly darted into the bathroom and disappeared around the door just as my Mom appeared at the threshold.

"Bella!" she called. "Can I please have Renesmee?"

I nodded reluctantly and headed towards her, handing her over. Renesmee tried to hold onto me but I nodded to her in an attempt at reassurance and peeled her hands off me. Silent but reluctant, she was eventually in my mother's arms.

"Your father and I are going to lunch with his boss. You can stay here," she added coldly before exiting silently.

When her footsteps had faded into the distance and we heard the car depart, Jasper appeared at the bathroom door. He leant against it calmly and sent me a wicked grin.

"That was close," he commented calmly. My head snapped up to him and leant to the right.

"You think?" I replied. Jasper laughed as I headed into the bathroom and took a shower.

When I was done I threw on jeans and a white, long sleeved shirt. Then I put on my jacket, brushed my teeth and hair and went back into my room. Jasper and I then went downstairs. He went into the TV room and made himself at home while I got some breakfast. He had already had some. I cooked two pieces of toast and then headed over to the TV room to join Jasper.

When I arrived a football game was flashing over the screen and Jasper was laying over the couch, taking up all the room. I stood there, looking at him with one hand on my hip for a few minutes before he noticed me.

"Yes?" he asked, half distracted by the game.

"Football, seriously?" I scoffed. Jasper smiled and nodded once.

"Yes."

I sighed and bent down, hitting his feet away from my seat.

"Scoot over," I scolded. Jasper laughed and obliged. I smiled to him and sat crossed legged on the couch.

Just as I settled down I saw Jasper's hand trying to move swiftly to one of my pieces of toast. I whacked it away quickly.

I turned to him and stuck my index finger at him playfully. "No," I scowled. "You've already eaten."

Jasper pouted and cradled his food-snatching hand against his chest. I just stuck my tongue out at him and took a bite.

A few minutes later I saw Jasper look at me in the corner of his eye and smile wickedly. He then carefully placed one foot on the coffee table and lay the other on his knee so his foot was right in my face. He was smiling wickedly when I turned towards him.

"Jasper, could you please get your _hooves_ away from my face while I'm trying to eat?" I asked. Jasper laughed and put his foot down, satisfied with his bit of annoyance.

He turned to me then and put his hand at the back of my head, leaning in to kiss my forehead. I kept a sour expression when he pulled away. He just laughed again and touched my lips lightly with his index finger.

"You are so cute when you are annoyed," he chuckled. I grinned sarcastically before turning back to the game. He laughed again.

Eventually I finished eating breakfast and Jasper and I raced outside to my truck. Both of us wanted to drive, so we decided on the winner takes all policy. Sadly, Jasper's football skills meant he was the winner and he was soon driving us to the beach. I was glad my injury had healed by then. It meant there was no more need for cover-up.

The ride to the beach was peaceful and filled with useless chatter. Jasper held my hand the entire time, only letting go when the truck groaned for him to change gears.

When we pulled up to the beach I grabbed _Wuthering Heights_ from the seat and lodged it into the pocket of my jacket whilst Jasper grabbed a blanket from the back. We then raced down to the beach. As we ran I started to stumble, but luckily Jasper's arms were there to catch me instantly as I started to fall face first to the ground. Before I knew it he slung me onto his back. I giggled and fused but Jasper just laughed and walked down the beach as if I weighed nothing. Eventually I calmed down and leant my chin on his shoulder, giving him a peck on the cheek. Jasper leant into my lips and squeezed my legs gently in reply. I leant my head against his the rest of the journey. He didn't let me down until we reached that rock that we had to climb up. I started immediately, confident that I could do it. I had had plenty of practice.

We reached the top eventually and were met by a gorgeous sight. The seals were there, playing together. The little one was flopping around whilst the mother and father watched on in admiration. My heart warmed instantly. The bright blue sky was reflecting off the gorgeous, calm sea, giving it the same beautiful colouring.

I stood, marvelling at the sight as Jasper lay out the blanket. I turned around to him as he sat down and smiled, sitting down between his legs and leaning into him. Jasper took me gratefully and wrapped his arms around me. After a few moments I opened the book and became absorbed in the story as Jasper read over my shoulder.

It was a few minutes later that Jasper spoke. I was completely absorbed in the middle of a paragraph when he did.

"Did you know you smell like strawberries?" he asked in a whisper.

I giggled and turned my head to towards him. "Did you know you smell like apples?" I replied. Jasper chuckled then.

"Ah, the forbidden fruit," he mused, his eyes watching the ocean.

"Yeah, but you're not forbidden," I added.

"That's what you think," he replied quietly.

I turned my head to the side, looking at him. "What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

Jasper just shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

I sat up straighter, making him look at me. "It _does _matter," I encouraged with a smile. "Come on, tell me."

He just shook his head again. "It's nothing, really. I'm just being stupid."

"You're not stupid," I assured.

With that, we fell silent again.

It was a few minutes before I broke the silence again. When questions that had been plaguing my mind for days became too much I had to talk to him. I was concerned.

"Jasper?" I asked quietly.

"Mmm?"

"Um... can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," he responded.

I thought for a few seconds, searching for the correct phrasing.

"Well... you know how you once told me that your Dad only notices you when it's to do with football; how he wants you to be some sort of perfect player?"

My voice was quiet and hesitant. I knew Jasper noticed, and his response was confident in an attempt to encourage me to ask. He clearly wanted to be open.

"Yeah," he answered.

I stalled for a few seconds again, thinking.

"Well... I was just wondering... what do _you_ want to do? I mean, I know your Dad wants you to be a football star, but what do _you_ want with your life?"

Jasper was silent for a few moments, looking out over the water.

"Well..." he began, his voice reluctant. "I love football, don't get me wrong. It's just my Dad wants me to be like... a professional. He wants me to be this amazing player when I just want to play because I like it. In all honestly, when I leave school, I have always wanted to join the army. Or possibly the air force..."His voice trailed off, as though he was unsure whether it was okay to want this. "But I don't know."

I turned around to face Jasper, laying _Wuthering Heights_ on the blanket. I then took his hands in mine.

"You should," I encouraged, smiling at him. The thought of Jasper in the army and in harm's way scared me, but I also wanted to encourage him with whatever he wanted. That fact won out over my selfish protectiveness. "You would be good in the army."

It was true. He had the type of personality that people looked up to. He was a natural born leader; so empathetic and confident. People listened to him. He would excel well in the army. Also, the fact he was so athletic would be a great help.

"Yeah," he agreed quietly, glancing away. "Anyway, what do _you_ want to do?"

That question stumped me. I didn't honestly know.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I love English, and I always had a thought of going into teaching. But then I like design, too. I don't know what I want to do. There's plenty of time to work it out, I guess."

Jasper nodded then. "I think you would be a good teacher," he encouraged. "You're good with children. How you look after Renesmee is just... beautiful."

I rolled my eyes at the cheesiness of it all. Jasper laughed at my expression.

It was then that his words reminded me of something I wanted to ask: _'Beautiful.'_

"Jasper..." I called his attention reluctantly.

"Yes?" he replied.

I stuttered for a second, unsure of how to approach the question. However, as I looked into Jasper's eyes, I just decided to blurt it out. He was waiting and open.

"I noticed Rosalie at the hospital... and how... skinny she is," I whispered. "I was just... worried about her..." Immediately Jasper's expression changed to one of understanding and pain. I bit the inside of my bottom lip and looked to the ground, regretting even mentioning it.

It was then that Jasper placed his index finger under my chin and lifted my head lightly. He smiled weakly at me and peered into my eyes encouragingly.

"It's okay," he promised. "It's okay to ask."

I frowned slightly to him, but he nodded solemnly. I doubted his willingness to answer then. I hated prying, but my worry for Rosalie got the better of me. I knew he felt it wasn't his place to say, but he didn't want to turn me down.

Jasper was about to start talking when I interrupted.

"You don't have to tell me," I said quickly. "I didn't mean to pry. I..."

I was interrupted then by Jasper's finger on my lips.

"Bella, it's okay. You should know. Rosalie keeps telling me to tell you the truth about us."

It was then that the memories of my talk with Rosalie popped into my head.

_Everyone has their issues._

Jasper took a deep breath before beginning. It was hard enough for him to face his own demons and the demons of Alice, let alone his beloved cousin's.

"Well, you've probably guessed that none of us have had very... _pleasant_ lives. But... Rosalie... Rose has probably had the worst..." Jasper stopped. He seemed to gulp down his emotions. I questioned him with my eyes then, but he nodded.

"Rosalie is incredibly beautiful, and anyone can see that, even despite her thinness. She just has this glow. But there's just something that... it's like... Rosalie doesn't see herself that way. What she sees is the complete opposite. She sees an ugly, fat, disliked girl who is on the outside of everything. You know Rosalie is my cousin, right?" he asked, ducking his head slightly to meet my eyes that were fixed on the ground. I looked up to him and nodded in response.

"Well... her Dad is my Dad's brother. Asshole runs in the family on that side," he explained, gulping down tears once again. I was staring into his eyes then, seeing the depth of horror in them.

"Like my father, he's... _abusive_," he explained, his expression twisting unnaturally. "But..." he stumbled over his words, "...sexually."

My heart stopped. It was ripping in two, and I could see that Jasper's was doing the same. He was staring at the ground too, his hands balled into fists. His anger was shooting from every pore.

"Jasper," I whispered and then bit the inside of my lip. Jasper held his hand up strongly, silencing me.

"Sexual Harassment," he hissed through clenched teeth. "Not rape. Not _him_. But harassment, yes. She thinks she's ugly. She thinks she's worthless. It's just her and her Dad in that house. Her Mom left years ago. He calls her ugly and fat, and she believes him. She hasn't held down a meal in two years at least."

I was shocked. My heart was having a fit in my chest. I had thought I had it bad, but at that moment, I knew I was lucky.

"Emmett has had more than his fair share of fights with her Dad, as have I. That's why Rose is at his house most of the time. He can't have her in that house. Emmett even broke one of her Dad's ribs once. Her father eased off of her a bit after that. I mean, Emmett's damn scary, especially when he's mad and Rosalie is getting hurt. I didn't have nearly the same effect. Being his nephew, I just got more shit at my place. He wasn't afraid to retaliate in return for disobedience. We have tried to get her help, but she refuses and just closes up on us."

Jasper stopped then, searching my eyes. I was traumatized. I couldn't move.

"Jasper," I whispered, nearly inaudibly. I was taken aback, and had to take a few minutes to gather my thoughts. "Jasper, what do you mean not _him_?" I asked in a whisper. I wasn't sure whether he heard me until I saw his fists tighten, his white knuckles protruding through his skin. He had said "not _him_". _He_ didn't rape her. It made me question who _did._

It took a few minutes for him to answer then. I couldn't believe I was hearing this. It couldn't be real. Rosalie? It couldn't be true.

Jasper looked up to me then, his eyes filled with outrage

"I don't think you want to hear this, darling," he said, looking straight into my eyes.

"I do," I swore. _Because then I can kill whoever did_.

Jasper sighed and took a few moments to pull himself together. "Two years ago," he gulped, "when we were fourteen..." Jasper paused then, taking a deep breath. "We were at a party; our first party. Rosalie..." I saw it tearing him up, and couldn't stand it. Jasper shook his head with closed eyes, as if to wipe the memory clear.

"Jasper, you don't need to explain it," I whispered, but he held up his hand again.

"Wait, you should understand," he interrupted as he quietly battled his demons. I watched his fists that were still crushed together.

It was a few minutes before he began again. "Rosalie was tipsy... we all were. We were all around Edward, watching him and Laurent doing funnels. Rosalie..." He took a deep breath again, and shook his head. "Rosalie went to the bathroom on her own. We weren't paying attention. I... I should have been with her. I.. I should have-"

I knew what road this was going down. He was going to blame himself. I stopped him.

"Jasper," I called. "Whatever it was, it wasn't your fault."

Jasper shook his head. "It was. I should have gone with her. I didn't. But _he_ followed. I saw him leave a minute after her and did nothing. I should have stopped him."

"Who followed her, Jasper?"

Immediately Jasper's hate filled eyes flashed to the raging sea. He was burning inside, the thought of his beloved cousin's pain destroying him.

"James," he growled. "James followed her."

It was then that I froze solid, my own rage boiling over. I wasn't breathing. I wasn't moving. I knew then what was going on between them.

"Bastard," I snarled, snapping my head to the sea again. Jasper looked over to me and frowned. "Why is he still walking free?" I ripped. I hated him. I despised him. I wanted to kill him.

"Rose never admitted it," Jasper sighed. "Not even to us. She won't say what he did. She has never said it out loud. And without her testimony, we can't do a thing. But he did do it. You see it in his eyes and his actions towards her. You see it in her actions towards him. Emmett snaps his head off for just looking at her, but the amount of shit he gets in every time will ruin his chances to get into college on a scholarship. We all know she was... raped..." he stumbled over the word. "I saw it in her diary two days after. When I talked to her about it she kicked me out and burned the pages. She can't even look at the guy without tears forming in her eyes! But she won't say he did it. She won't say he didn't, but she doesn't say he did. We have tried to get her to talk to someone but she won't. She's too ashamed of herself to admit what happened. That's why he's walking free. Our words mean nothing." He sighed then, shaking his head with an expression of torture. It was killing him. "Rosalie lost all hope after it. That was when she started vomiting. She was so low then. No one could get through to her; not even Emmett."

"First her Dad's abuse... then that _bastard_... she couldn't deal. We told her to go to the police, but she wouldn't. We said she didn't have to tell us, but she had to tell someone. She refused completely and didn't talk to anyone for days. No one would convict him anyway. He's untouchable. His Dad's this property developer with huge investments in the school and town. If they lose that then the town will basically collapse."

That's wrong. That's sick. That's inexcusable.

Jasper's anger had reached boiling point. Years of oppressed emotions were showing their faces. What I didn't understand was how he could stand being in James's presence.

"Emmett, Edward and I have retaliated against James many times over the years, but as you can imagine, we have gotten in too much shit. Eventually the threat of expulsion stopped us. James still thinks he's won though. He has one up on us. He took Rosalie and hasn't suffered like he should for it. It's basically impossible to stand being in the same _school_ as him. _That's _why I cannot have you anywhere _near_ him, Bella. _That's _why I blew up so much that first day when he..." Jasper shook his head then, as if to wipe the memory clear. "I can't stand him looking at you. I can't stand him being within one hundred miles of you, let alone you, Ally and Rose! If I had my way, he would be castrated and then hung, drawn and quartered."

Jasper was fuming then, as was I. Just the thought of James made me want to vomit. He disgusted me more than ever imaginable. I hated him.

It was about twenty minutes later that I noticed Jasper calming down. I took his hand and he looked back to me, his eyes sympathetic.

"I'm sorry to dump all this on you, Bella," he almost whispered. I frowned apologetically and leant forward to him, encasing him as much as possible in my arms.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Jasper," I said. I wanted him to tell me. It was good for him to let it out. Letting all those problems bubble up inside him would do more harm than good. I couldn't understand how one person could keep all that inside. "I love you, okay? Remember that."

Jasper spread out his hand as mine was enclosed in it. They unfolded together and lay against each other between us.

"Your hands are so small," he joked quietly, rubbing each finger down the length of my opposite one. I giggled at this soft touch.

"No... Yours are just big," I rebutted. Jasper chuckled then, and I felt a weight on my chest release itself.

"You want to see big hands? Look at Emmett's. They're like bear paws," he laughed. I laughed along with him then, but stopped when memories of Emmett's face that day at the hospital sparked through my mind. I instinctively moved my eyes to the ground. I knew my face wiped of my smile, and Jasper spotted immediately.

"What is it?" he asked, noticing my change in mood. I peeked up at him through my lashes and saw his worried face.

"Nothing," I said quickly, snapping my head back up and plastering on my best fake smile. "I was just... imagining how much bigger Emmett's are... It was amusing..."

"Bella," Jasper sighed, leaning his head to the right. "What is it really?"

"Nothing!" I enthused. Jasper wouldn't look away from me, but I had to. He let out a small laugh at this.

"Come on, darlin'. You suck at lying. Now what is it?"

His tone was joking and I most certainly didn't want to upset him again. However, I also knew he wouldn't drop it any time soon. I looked back up to his eyes through my lashes again, and he smiled lightly to me, nodding. I sighed then and raised my head to look straight at him.

"It's just..." I started, looking to his eyes and then away again. He nodded slowly, encouraging me to continue. "At the hospital... It's just... I... I noticed Emmett... He just... I don't know... he wasn't the same Emmett anymore... I mean, I know it was this whole thing with Alice but it's kind of like since then I am seeing him differently. I always thought he was this carefree, joking, easy going guy with a good life. Now it doesn't seem that way."

Jasper kept his eyes focused on me, nodding along in understanding.

"You're right," he said, still keeping his gaze locked on mine. "And it's amazing me with how perceptive you have been. Emmett has his story, just like everyone else. And you're right. I'm just amazed you are noticing so much in such a short space of time."

I nodded and looked down to my hands then, picking at my nails. I could feel my cheeks heating up, and was not sure whether bringing any more of this up with Jasper was right.

"Bella, darlin'," he said, placing his hand softly on mine. I peeked up at him again then, and he smiled in encouragement. "It's okay."

I smiled weakly to him, and looked to my hands again. He squeezed my hand and lifted my chin.

"Bella, you deserve to know the truth with what is going on, and what will go on. I don't want you confused and you need to know what you are getting into," he said, taking a deep breath. "You can't be confused again. It was bad enough with Alice, and you blaming yourself. Now, I will make this as brief as I can, okay?"

I nodded then, Jasper still holding my chin up. He smiled to me and dropped his hand.

"Emmett's Dad is a real bloke. You know; the whole manly, military-like regime. His home is like boot camp. His mother died when he was really young, and then it was just him, his Dad and his older brother. His Dad never showed them any emotion what so ever. He says emotion is for girls. It's the reason why Emmett acts so tough; he has been raised to think Men _have_ to be tough and hold everyone together. He has real trouble opening up, even to Rosalie. His Dad had drilled that message into him since he was very young with his strict regime and emotional bullying. Emmett was closest to his older brother, but he died in a hunting accident a few years ago, when Emmett was about ten. Now Em and his Dad are very distant from each other. His older brother was the favourite, and when he died his Father turned to drinking. He drills this shit into Emmett, as well as reminding him every day how he wish Emmett had died instead. His Dad gets pissed every day, around the clock. Emmett has to deal with this emotional bullying and these stupid ideals, and it gets to him. His Dad is always disappointed in him. It's why he acts the way he does. He thinks it's the way he has to act. It's all he has ever been taught."

I kept my eyes on his as I watched the different emotions play over his face.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered.

Jasper then snapped out of his thoughts to focus on me. "Everyone has their issues, right?"

I was silent then and looked to my hands. _That's what Rosalie had said_.

It was a few minutes until Jasper spoke.

"Come here," he said, holding his arms out. I looked up to him and smiled. He winked at me and I turned around, leaning into him again. Jasper wrapped his arms around me and took my hands in his, playing with my fingers.

"Bella," he said after a few minutes. "I know you don't want to talk about this but... don't you have any other family you could go to? I mean... your house isn't healthy and..."

"No," I said quickly. "I don't."

Jasper took a deep breath then. "No one at all?"

"No one," I insisted again. "My parent's families basically disowned them when my Mom got pregnant. They all hate me. My Dads parents blame my Mom and me for my Father not being able to go to college. My Mom's parents blame me and my father for destroying her future."

"I'm sorry, darlin'," he apologised, kissing the top of my head. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's okay," I assured him, reaching my hand up to cup is cheek. "You have a right to ask about me, too."

I sighed then and lay my head against his chest, absorbing myself in my own little day dream. I closed my eyes softly and breathed in his scent. I could feel Jasper delicately playing with the ends of my hair and a small sigh escaped my lips. I heard Jasper laugh lightly and I smiled to myself, my eyes still closed.

I felt Jasper reach around me and pick up _Wuthering Heights_ from its spot on the rock. He then held it in front of him and his melodious voice started reciting the pages. He was in a spot in Chapter Nine, and reading aloud a conversation between Nelly and Catherine.

"_And so do I. __I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind,"_ he read. His voice was slow and hung on the end of every word, echoing in my mind.

I opened my eyes and looked up to him.

"Jasper," I said in a whisper. "Do you ever wish that when you have a dream that it will never end? That it is just so perfect and wonderful that your heart would surely crush if it finished?"

Jasper dropped the book slightly then and played with the ends of my hair.

"I used to," he answered, twirling it around his fingers, "but not anymore."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because now I have you. And if I never woke up then I wouldn't be able to be like this with you ever again."

I smiled to myself then. "You're such a sentimentalist," I giggled. "But it's the same for me."

I watched over the sand as the small diamonds in it glittered in the sun. I watched as a crab scurried over the soft surface and disappeared into its little hole in the sand; its home.

I was jealous of the crabs. I wished I could just disappear like they did; scurry away into my own little home with the ones I loved and stay there forever, only coming out when I wanted. Nothing could hurt me in there. And if someone tried, they had a hard skin to protect them. They were safe and warm there. I wished Jasper and I could be like crabs. I wished all of us could be like crabs; Jasper, Rose, Alice, Emmett, Edward, Renesmee and I. We could scurry off and be safe together.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper asked then, peering down at me. I kept my eyes locked on the crabs' home as I answered.

"Crabs," I whispered softly as my eyes still watched that little hole. Jasper laughed lightly above me and brushed my hair, before kissing it softly.

"Bella, you are like a riddle wrapped up in a mystery."

I sighed then and turned my head up to kiss the bottom of Jasper's jaw, holding my lips there as long as I could, cherishing the feeling of our skin touching.

When I pulled away from Jasper a little sigh escaped his lips. I giggled.

"Bella, do you ever get the craving to do something completely stupid and dangerous? Something that doesn't make sense at all, just because you can?"

"Why?" I asked.

Jasper shrugged lightly then. "You see that cliff over there?" he said. "Well I have always - ever since I was a little boy - wanted to go paragliding off it."

"To soar over everything?" I asked quietly. He nodded.

"To soar over everything I have grown up knowing. It would just be so... surreal."

"But aren't you afraid of the risk? I mean... what happens if something goes wrong?"

"I die," he stated blankly. I looked at him in wonder. "But I don't care. I'm not afraid of dying, especially if you can fulfil your life doing it. It's the best way to go."

I sighed then and took one of Jasper's hands in mine, drawing little circles on his palm.

"Is that all you wish to do before you die?" I asked.

Jasper laughed then and shook his head. "No."

"What else do you want to do?" I asked.

Jasper took a deep breath and kissed my forehead. "Nothing," he claimed, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it."

I frowned to him then. "Come on, Jasper. You can tell me anything."

He shook his head again. "I can't."

I smiled weakly and nodded then, bringing his hand to my lips and kissing it. He didn't have to tell me. He had a right to keep it to himself.

Jasper was quiet for a few minutes then, but eventually spoke.

"What I want to do, Bella, is spend the rest of my life with you," he swore.

I squeezed his hand then, my heart fluttering in my chest. I brought his hand to my lips again and kissed it slowly. I then whispered into it.

"That's what I want, too."

I didn't realise then just how fast we were going, nor how much the speed picked up in that moment.

Jasper let out a small breath as I laid back into his chest. I felt him searching around in his pocket, and he pulled out his fist with something inside.

"Bella... I... I was wondering whether you would accept this," he asked, unsure.

I looked into his eyes as he slowly unravelled his fingers. I looked down to his palm to see what he held when the light from the sun reflected off it. In his hand was one plain, silver, shining ring, with two small over-lapping hearts etched into the outside band. Next to it lay a thin silver chain.

"It's not an engagement ring," Jasper laughed. "It's... it's just a ring; a gift, I guess." His voice trailed off as he lifted the ring and allowed me to see the word 'Forever' carved into the inside of the band in flowing italics. The word fit perfectly. I thought back to that song we shared in the truck. "It's... it's like that song... it's promising I will love you forever... and if you accept... that you will love me forever. I know it's cheesy and in no way do you have to accept it..."

Jasper's voice was unsure as he spoke, and I knew it was hard for him to ask. The thing was, there was no question in my mind how I would answer. I loved him more than anything, and I would for my entire life. There was no way I was turning him down.

"I... I have one too," he added quietly, pulling a chain from around his neck. On it hung a plain silver ring just like mine, only lacking the feminine touch of the hearts on the outside. However, the inside still held the word 'Forever'.

I looked up to him then, smiling brilliantly. I saw the uncertainty in his expression. He couldn't doubt whether I would say yes, could he?

"Jasper," I breathed, "it's beautiful. Of course I will accept it."

I smiled to him then, seeing the change of emotion in his eyes. I couldn't believe it myself. Someone as perfect as Jasper wanted to make a promise to _me_ of Forever.

Jasper smiled to me and reached for the simple, gorgeous ring. He then took my right hand gently and slipped it on my ring finger. It fit snugly.

"You can also have this chain with it," he said, dropping it into my hand. "In case you ever want to wear it around your neck or anything. I don't know. The shop assistant gave it to me."

My eyes dropped to the chain in my hand and I slid it into my pocket for safe keeping. I then looked back into Jasper's gorgeous eyes.

"I love you, Bella," he said softly. I smiled to him then.

"I love you, too."

Jasper took me back into his arms then and I leant against him, playing with the ring that sat perfectly on my finger. It was my new most precious possession. Slowly Jasper brought the book back up in front of us and his beautiful voice filled the air.

Jasper continued reading for what could have been forever. I lost all ideas of time as I listened to his beautiful voice and submerged in my own thoughts.

I was shaken out of this trance however, by the feeling of a small drop of water hitting my cheek. I opened my eyes and looked to the sky, only to see another plummeting towards me. I smiled to myself then and looked over to the horizon. The sun was on the home stretch, starting to set. It cast a gorgeous pink and orange glow over the skies. I felt more water starting to fall and looked to the skies again. My face was met by a fountain of droplets, and I laughed, standing upright. Jasper did the same and I smiled to him. He was still holding _Wuthering Heights_ in his hand and his hair was dripping wet, golden locks falling over his face and eyes. He smiled brightly at me, his worn blue jeans soaked to the bone. I smiled back to him and looked at myself. My jeans were soaked. My grey converse had turned dark and my white shirt was turning see through and was sticking to my skin.

I laughed then and opened my arms wide, looking up to the falling sky. Jacob once told me, when we were little, that rain drops were God's tears. All I knew was that I loved the rain.

I opened up to the downpour and laughed to myself, closing my eyes. I spun then, absorbing the thrills it gave me. I had no care for the cold or wet. Life is too short to worry about the small things.

As I was spinning I started to fall. It was a slow fall, and one that I was grateful for with all my heart. I knew it would hurt to hit the rock at the bottom, but I didn't care. The rain was one of the most magnificent things in the world, even if it could bring destruction. Spinning in the rain was worth the pain of the possible fall at the end.

I was ready for the hit. I was ready to lose that thrilling sensation of tumbling through the air. But I didn't. Two strong arms caught me. I opened my eyes to see Jasper smiling strikingly down at me. He held me there, above the rock, and I knew I was where I was meant to be.

I laughed as he held me and threw my arms around the back of his neck. I pulled him to me, needing to meet those lips. Jasper lost balance then, and we fell to the rock together. I landed there, my arms still around his neck. I didn't feel pain. I smiled up to him as he stared intensely down to him. He had landed with his hands on either side of my face. He was kneeling next to me, his torso outstretched and hanging over mine. His gorgeous golden hair was falling around his face as his eyes gazed intensely into mine.

Our eyes had their own conversation then, mine pleading and his teasing. Eventually mine won out and Jasper leant down and gave me a soft, long and tender kiss. When he pulled away I bit my bottom lip, watching his as he smiled. He then winked at me and collapsed next to me, laughing as the rain fell on us.

Jasper eventually perched himself up on his elbow as I lay on the ground, clutching my stomach because of the laughter. I looked up at him but rolled away from him as he peered at me, unable to control my crazy giggling. I buried my face in my hands as I faced away from him, knowing my face would be bright red.

As I faced away I heard Jasper burst into laughter. I rolled over, covering my cheeks with my hands and looking at him as he lay flat on the rock, attempting to control his laughter. He looked over to me as I lay on my side looking at him and he attempted to hold in his laugh, however having it escape in a few short bursts.

He rolled over on his side then. I relaxed my hands, leaning my head on one and reaching the other towards him. Jasper returned the gesture and they met in the middle. I smiled to him as our fingers fitted together like a puzzle.

A few moments later the rain stopped and. The sun was falling behind the horizon, only a slither of it left. I could see the stars starting to emerge for the night. They would be very bright that night.

I then looked back to Jasper's eyes. He smiled weakly at me. I wished then to be able to freeze time; to be able to rewind time. Anything.

"I better get you home," he whispered. I sighed, but nodded.

Jasper got up then and stuck his hands out to me. I took them gratefully and he pulled me up. I then headed over and grabbed _Wuthering Heights_ – which was now soaked –and he grabbed the blanket. We then started on our way back to the car, hand in hand the entire time.

When we reached the truck Jasper opened my door for me before running to his side and getting in, roaring it to life and putting the heater on full blast.

Jasper then reversed us out and started driving along the main road out. As we were driving out we passed Peter, Laurent, Garrett and Charlotte walking along the road to the football field. Jasper beeped at them and waved as we drove past. Laurent, Garrett and Charlotte all waved, and as they did Peter swung Charlotte onto his back, before waving to us. I saw Jasper smiling at them in the mirror as we drove away.

We were passing a few old batches near the end of the tiny town when I saw Jaspers happy expression immediately wipe from his face. He glanced through his mirror continuously, as though he was debating with himself. He would glance out, then look back to the road and then glance through it again. I looked to where he was looking to see a small, light blue, old house sitting on a large piece of land, with a small garage on the side. I watched as he stared at the old house in the rear view mirror. I kept quiet, although I could see him debating with himself.

We drove for a few more seconds and then, suddenly, Jasper spun the wheel of the truck around, doing a 'U' turn and heading back the way we came.

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously.

"I want to show you something," Jasper replied. He then hit the brakes of the truck and put it in park. I looked out the window to see that little blue house again. We were parked directly outside of it.

When we were stopped I noticed how cute the house really was. It wasn't the rundown shack I originally thought.

The paint was fresh, and a beautiful sky blue. There were crisp, white panelled windows on the front and a little white and blue porch leading to the front door. On either side of the porch were full lavender bushes growing under the windows. To the left of the house was a small, white garage with a sky blue, corrugated iron roof. There was a small, paved pathway leading to the porch and a white fence surrounding the area. It looked clean and well kept.

Jasper stayed in the car as I took in these observations.

"Is this...?" I started to ask, but Jasper answered quickly.

"Yes. It's my Mom's old house."

"It's beautiful," I whispered in shock.

"Yeah," he agreed, his eyes locked on it. I could see the pain in his eyes then. I could see how much he craved to go in. How much he missed his Mom, and how much she meant to him.

"How is it so... well kept?" I asked, knowing he hadn't entered for years.

"I get cleaners and gardeners in every two weeks," he answered, his eyes still locked on the little, perfect house. It didn't give me the feeling that my house did. It didn't have that cold, dark and stale feeling. No, it felt like a real _home_.

"Jasper," I whispered, not knowing how to say what I was about to. "Why don't you go in?"

Jasper's eyes then moved to me. "I can't," he said sharply. "I can't go in without my Mom. It's just not the same without her. It should be preserved how she left it."

I understood what he felt. I understood why he said it. I understood what he thought. I just wasn't sure whether it was what she would have wanted.

"Jasper, I understand how you feel about that, but are you sure that's what she wanted?" I started, in a soft voice. "I mean, she left the house to you, knowing you were stuck in your Father's house. Is it possible that she meant it to be a home for you, and to keep being your escape; like her last gift to you? Would she really have wanted it to stay here for years, unused and stale when it had meant so much to both of you and had been your home?"

I didn't want to hurt Jasper's feelings, and I knew that I hadn't known his Mom. I had hardly known him for any long amount of time but... I just thought that he _deserved_ to enter that place that was so special to him. He needed to enjoy it.

"Maybe," he said. "But I can't. Not without her."

Jasper then roared the truck back into life and drove forwards. I may have pushed the issue, had I not known Jasper very well. But I did know him. He was torn up over that place and he loved it, but it was hard. He loved his Mom very much and he needed time, even if it was years and years. He had lost someone very special to him, and no matter how passionately I thought he should go in and enjoy it and bring himself back to those good times, he couldn't. I wasn't about to push it on him. I would only support him in his healing.

The only other thoughts that ran through my mind were ones of what Charlotte had said at the party. He had changed when his Mom died. He was never the same. He had lost his spirit. Perhaps when he locked that door to that little house and closed away all those good times, that's when he truly lost his old self.

I reached over to Jasper's hand then and took it in mine.

"Thank you for showing me, Jasper. It's beautiful," I said, rubbing small circles on his palm. Jasper looked over to me and smiled then.

"No, thank you."

###

When we got home I walked to my room and Jasper climbed in the window. I had a quick shower, brushed my teeth and hair, and then slipped on a pair of loose, worn blue jeans, a white tank top and a black, warm cardigan. I then put the chain Jasper had given me in a small, white box on my bathroom counter top. I then slipped on my slippers and left the bathroom for Jasper.

When he was done we lay on my bed together. Jasper wrapped me securely in his arms and played with the ends of my hair as we talked endless chatter.

About ten minutes later my parents came home and checked on me. Jasper hid while they handed Renesmee over. I then got her ready for bed and tucked her into her cot, before hurrying back to Jasper. We soon resumed over previous stances.

We talked about numerous things as we lay there and it lasted well into the night. Jasper told me many stories about his childhood and I told him stories about mine. I remember one where he told me of the time when he turned thirteen. Emmett and Edward were a few months older and took it upon themselves to teach him to drive a stick shift on his thirteenth birthday, although it was illegal for any of them to drive at that age. They ended up "borrowing" Carlisle's prize car and tearing up and down Emmett's road.

"Now Jasper, I think that is called committing a crime, and therefore criminal," I joked.

"Now see, that's where you have it wrong," he claimed. "I didn't 'commit a crime' as such. What I did was fail to comply with the law."

"And how is that any different?" I challenged.

"Well," Jasper started matter-of-factly. "A crime is normally considered an 'evil act' and what we did was in no way evil. It was fun," he claimed, smiling brightly. "We just failed to comply with the age law. We stayed under the speed limit. Plus, it was Emmett and Edward's fault. They made me, so I call the peer pressure card." Jasper smiled brilliantly then, believing he had won the debate.

I giggled then. "That would so _not_ hold up in court."

"And how would you know, Miss 'steal a girls pen in primary school because she said your top was too boyish'?" he joked. I laughed then and hit him playfully in the arm.

"Jeez, Bella. You hit like a girl," he joked.

"Yes, and you could too, if you hit a little bit harder," I rebutted, poking my tongue out at him. Jasper just laughed.

Another time, when it was quite late, and we had calmed down we were laying in bed and talking about Jasper's friends down at the beach. He was telling me about them and how they all met.

"I met Charlotte and Peter when I was in diapers. Our mothers were friends. I've known them for as long as I've known Alice and Rose. They are like my brother and sister, and I love them like that. Peter is a good guy, but has gotten me into a lot of trouble over the years from his crazy schemes," he laughed at these past memories. "Char is just this really amazing, fun-loving girl. They are perfect for each other. Peter treats her so well and they love each other like mad. They have supported me so much through the years." I could hear the utter admiration and love in his voice for these two people. I knew they meant a lot to him, but I never knew it was this much. They were his family.

"Peter lives a few houses down from my Mom's old place. I met Laurent in football when I was six. Our team versed the team down there and Peter introduced us. He was new down there back then and it was his first game. Football is really important for everyone, including Alice, Rose, Ed and Emmett. It's where they all met Peter, Charlotte, Laurent and Garrett. We were all really young. They met Peter and Charlotte at our first ever game when we were five and Laurent when we were six, like I said. Everyone goes to all the games to watch. They never miss them if they can help it."

As he talked about his friends there was a large smile plastered over his face and his eyes showed happiness as he remembered past memories. I then realised another reason why Jasper was deeply important to all of them. He was the link between the two groups. He introduced Emmett, Edward, Rosalie and Alice to Peter, Charlotte and Laurent, and they were all best friends. They were family.

"What about Garrett?" I asked, remembering he hadn't explained him.

"Ah yeah..." he said, laughing. "Peter, Charlotte and me met him at the beach when we were eight. He was a funny character, and scared us at first. But he is awesome. We then got him into football and introduced him to the others. The guy's a bloody legend in sports, but he writes like freaking Yoda."

He laughed then at some hidden memory. I was happy to hear these old stories.

Our banter carried on like this deep into the night. However, I eventually fell asleep on Jasper's chest, exhausted from the day.

Sunday passed peacefully. The day was pouring down with rain and thunder storms. We voted to stay inside. Our constant chatter continued, however my parents were home so we had to be extra careful not to make any loud noises. Renesmee spent most of the day with us. She found a lot of enjoyment in Jasper being there and would often be poking him, laughing at him or staring up at him in amazement. Occasionally he would pull a funny face at her, which caused her to giggle and crawl into my lap, burying her face in my shirt.

That weekend I was letting myself think that things were starting to settle down. I was starting to think that maybe my life had finally reached its peak. I didn't think it could get much better than what it was. I had Jasper. I had friends. I had a family. Sure, times had been tough, but I held onto the hope that it was starting to improve. We were honest with each other.

No doubt I still got the verbal harassment as per usual that weekend, but nothing physical. I had had nothing less than the perfect weekend. Things were more open. I could talk to Jasper about anything and not be afraid to bring it up or truly say what I felt. We had complete honesty and trust in each other. Even though I had found out some horrific things, I couldn't wish for a better couple of days. The truths shared hinted to the possibility of a better future.

We also had a promise. As long as we wore those rings, we would love each other. That was all that mattered.

**###**

**Author's Note: **Wow. That was very Cheesy-McCheesington. I almost felt like vomiting up fluff after reading that again. But hey, who doesn't need some fluffy-ness every now and again? Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! I'd really like to hear what you guys think about this chapter and all the new information. Leave it in a review and I'll be sure to get back to you!


	18. Chapter 17

**Let Go  
**Chapter 17

###

_Invite_

###

My next two weeks of school that were pretty damn good. Alice and Edward were back from their absence and she was far, far better. The new things I had found out on the weekend strangely made my interactions with Emmett and Rosalie better, even though that may sound strange. I understood them more so I could talk and bond with them properly. I felt closer to them then; a _real_ part of the group. However, I was also seeing them in a new light. Every little thing they did made more sense to me.

However, there was one negative of being back at school. It was having to be near James. Now, whenever he looked at me, chills shot up my spin and my skin felt like it was burning under his gaze like bad sunburn. It was worse when Jasper wasn't near me. I felt vulnerable and in danger. In Study Hall my stomach continuously churned. I hated being in the same class as that horrible monster. I hated being in the same town as him.

That weekend Jasper and I returned to the beach and spent the day there. We star gazed on Saturday night, pointing out different shapes and objects. The time we spent together was now completely peaceful. Everything we had to hide had been told. We could spend our time enjoying each other. We kept no secrets from each other. If one of us asked a question, it was answered truthfully and openly. Sure, there were the occasionally tiny arguments, but nothing that wasn't forgotten in a second. I felt that my life had finally become perfect, or at least close to it. I didn't think it could get any better. That's why I also kept in the back of my mind the idea of a coming crash. I always had the reminder that nothing good ever lasted, and that when your life peaked it couldn't get any better, and nothing stayed the same. Something would bring it down. The Boom always led to the Crash. Booms aren't sustainable.

My Dad was also away a lot those two weeks. He was working from sunrise to sunset, so I hardly saw any of him. It was good.

That weekend I was mostly free from my Father's terror. He yelled at me. It wouldn't be my life if he didn't. But I suffered no pain. He raised his hand to back-hand me once, but surprisingly restrained himself. He was staring at me menacingly, debating with himself about the consequences. Luckily, he decided against it. It was a good thing. He had never stopped before, and I saw my luck concerning the future looking up.

However, Jasper never let up on the idea of me leaving. Every day it was brought up, and every day I said no. He still couldn't stand me living where I did, and he wanted the best for me. But I wasn't going to leave him and he knew that. Whenever I was yelled at he would be hiding in the bathroom. I knew how hard it was for him to stay in there and stay quiet. When he came out he would always bring it up again. I knew he didn't want to let me go, but he also wanted what was best for me. However, I had decided long ago that what was best for me was being near him.

That next week was much the same as the last, only I felt even closer to Rosalie, Alice, Edward and Emmett. Days at school consisted of nothing but laughter and joking. Jasper was always next to me unless we were in different classes and he wouldn't let my hand go when we were together.

Jasper and I spent every waking minute together that we could. He spent nearly every night he could at my house, and we went to the beach as much as possible.

It was that next Friday that anything memorable happened. It wasn't until lunchtime that Jasper received that scheduled text from Laurent. The bonfire for the month was on that night.

After Study Hall Jasper and I walked home. Alice and Rosalie didn't feel the need to force any clothes on me. Jasper and I were already together. However, Alice did swear that if I wore something her Grandma would, I would suffer. I didn't really know what this suffering entailed, but I decided to avoid it.

I had a shower when I got home and put on denim shorts, a white tank top and a black, long sleeved top with a hood. Then I put on my black converse and Jasper's jacket. It was hanging on the headboard of my bed and kept me company on the nights Jasper was away. He liked me wearing it. I don't know why, but never-the-less, I was thrilled to have it.

Jasper arrived through my sliding door just as I slipped his jacket on. He was wearing dark jeans, a blue t-shirt and black hoodie. He smiled at me as he walked in and grabbed my phone from the arm chair and handed it to me.

"Ready to go?" he asked. I smiled to him brightly and nodded. Jasper smiled back then and wrapped his arm over my shoulder, walking me out the door. I left a note to my parents on the bench, telling them I was staying the night at Alice's to do a school project. They wouldn't care. Or at least I hoped so.

Jasper and I drove to the beach on his motorcycle. I had ridden on it a few times in the last fortnight, but this was my first long ride. I loved the thrill of flying along the road, weaving in between traffic whilst the wind blew in my hair and my arms were tightly wrapped around Jasper's waist. I loved the shot of adrenalin that pulsed through my veins. Most of all, I loved holding Jasper so tight.

We arrived at the beach soon enough and Jasper parked next to Emmett's truck in the circle, leaving his headlight on. The music was again blaring from the cars and the fire was raging. I jumped off the bike and put my helmet down quickly before leaning against the truck whilst Jasper turned it off and removed his leather jacket and helmet. I smiled to him brightly when he turned to me and bit my bottom lip, staring at his intensely. Jasper smiled back vibrantly and laughed, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

He kissed the top of my head when we started walking. "Come on then, darlin'," He laughed.

As we walked into the circle around the raging fire we were met by Charlotte's smile. She ran up to us, her hair in disarray and her face flustered, smiling madly. She was wearing a flowing, deep blue dress and bare feet.

"Jasper!" she squealed, throwing herself at him with her arms around his neck. He stumbled back slightly as she hugged him fiercely and laughed. She then released him and swivelled to me. "Bella!" she screamed, before encasing me in a hug like Jaspers. It was then that Peter came up behind her.

"Do I get any of that?" he asked cheekily, grabbing Charlotte's waist. She turned around to him and he leant in to kiss her. She turned her cheek away from him then, however, and pouted.

"Nope," she laughed with a pop.

Peter's mouth dropped then and he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his chin on her head, turning her towards us.

"You're mine now," he claimed. His eyes then landed on us.

"Sup Jasper, Bella!" he greeted, smiling. Charlotte smiled to us then from below him.

We both greeted them.

Charlotte looked up to Jasper then and pouted. "Jasper," she huffed. "Could you please tell Peter to let me go?"

Peter let out a deep, chesty laugh and Charlotte poked her tongue out at him.

"Peter, please stop man-handling your girlfriend," Jasper laughed. Charlotte's gaze then snapped to Jasper and she poked out her tongue.

"Not like that!" she moaned. Jasper just laughed slightly and shrugged.

"Sorry," ge shrugged before wrapping his arm over my shoulder and to walking me away. Just as we started walking he leant down and kissed the top of my head, chuckling in my ear.

When we reached the group I was encased in hugs from Alice and Rosalie. When they released me I turned back around and spotted Jasper in the same place I left him. I stepped towards him slowly and stood on my tip-toes to peck him on the lips again. I then grabbed his hand and towed him towards his friends. Rosalie and Emmett were wrapped up together on a log, Emmett arms encasing her. Edward was facing them on the log next to theirs, and smiled widely, opening his arms greatly to accept Alice onto his lap when she danced over to him.

Jasper and I walked over to them and were greeted excitedly. Jasper then walked off to get us a few drinks while I plonked myself on the sand in front of the two occupied logs. I folded my legs tightly and smiled up at them. After a few minutes I felt Jasper sit down behind me and hand me a drink. He then pulled me so I leant into him, resting my arms on his knees.

We all talked and chatted for a long time while the music blasted in the background. Eventually Laurent, Garrett, Peter and Charlotte came over, squeezing themselves onto the logs. Charlotte sat on the ground near Jasper and I while leaning on Peter's legs. They were soon absorbed into the conversation.

It was about an hour later that a song I recognised started blasting through the speakers. I bent my neck up to Jasper then and smiled weakly at him as the lyrics played.

'_Looking for desert rain, in the corners of my mind... feeling so far away, from the source of love divine.'_

Jasper looked down to me and smiled weakly in response, memories of that car ride flooding back. He they leant forwards to me and his lips met mine softly. He lingered there for a long time, not progressing at all. I was half listening to those gorgeous lyrics and half absorbed in the soft kiss.

"Hey, Blondie!" Peter yelled then, shaking his beer bottle at us. We pulled away from each other then. "Could you quit sucking face for like _two_ seconds?" He laughed.

Charlotte whacked Peter in the leg then and Jasper groaned above me, while I giggled. Peter then started wobbling in place and fell backwards off the log, his legs flying up in the air and his half drunken beer bottle spilling over Rosalie and Laurent. Laughter filled the area. I could feel Jasper's chest rumbling behind me as he tightened his arms around me, unable to hold it in. Charlotte was burying her head in her hands, shaking it in embarrassment. You could also see her body shaking with laughter. I nudged her with my foot while laughing and she looked up to me, trying to hold back her smile and giggles. It was then that Peter appeared from behind the log, covered in sand and his hair in shaggy disarray around his face.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed. "You guys should try that sometime. It's like a bloody _rollercoaster_!"

At this everyone continued to howl with laughter as he struggled back into his spot. Jasper tightened his grip around me and pulled me to him, rocking me slowly with laughter and kissing the top of my head.

It was then that Peter sat bolt upright again.

"To the Drinks!" he yelled, running to the drinks truck. He then started throwing cans to each person in the area.

"Peter!" Charlotte moaned as hers flew over her head and hit the ground behind the log, fizzing everywhere.

"Sorry babe!" he called, tossing her another one.

When our drinks came towards us I curled myself into a little ball, ready for the hit. I couldn't catch for peanuts. Luckily, however, Jasper caught them both before they collided with my head.

"Don't worry. You're safe, Crash," he whispered in my ear. I smiled then and unravelled my ball to kiss him softly on the cheek.

"Thanks," I said, taking the drink happily.

The group was then absorbed into more talking and laughing for about twenty minutes. This party was much more relaxed than the first. I felt much freer. It was less awkward than the first. I could be with Jasper openly, no awkward moments or situations forced on us.

It was twenty minutes later that a song came on that I fell in love with instantly. Have you ever had that feeling that you just want to run; run far away? It was what I felt like in that moment. But I wasn't running _from_ anything. I was running _to_ something; for my own pleasure and fulfilment.

I pecked Jasper's lips then before taking off. I weaved through the cars and ran down the beach. My feet sunk into the soft sand as I sprinted.

I had been running for a little while, loving the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair, when I heard muffled yells from behind me. I stopped then, spinning around in the sand to meet the person behind me. My cheeks were flustered and my hair was blowing around my face from the oncoming wind. As I spun my feet became buried in the sand and I stumbled over, reaching towards the ground to catch myself. Just before I did, two strong arms caught me and pulled me up.

I looked up, smiling brightly through my wild hair to see Jasper standing before me. He had a thrilled smile over his gorgeous face, but was also frowning slightly. His hair was being blown around his face from the wind behind him.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked nervously as he held me up.

I smiled brightly to him and tried to adjust my twisted feet. As I did so I lost my footing and tumbled to the ground, Jasper falling with me. Sand rose above us as we crashed into a laughing pile. I gigged furiously and rolled over to lean on Jasper's chest, catching my breath.

"Unpredictable," he sighed.

"Wow. Déjà vu," I sighed back in mimic of him.

Jasper laughed again then and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to him. I sighed in playful annoyance and Jasper laughed again, kissing the top of my head. I then snuggled into him, gazing towards the stars. The loud bass sounds of the party drowned into the background then. All I could hear was the steady sound of Jasper's breathing, his regular heartbeat and the waves crashing against the shore.

"What do you think it's like to fly?" I asked through the silence as I watched a bird soar in the darkness overhead.

He shrugged, cracking a smile that made my heart melt. "It depends why you're doing it and where you're going."

It was about ten minutes later that Jasper spoke.

"Hey, Bella," he whispered quietly.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, my eyes closed as I soaked in the serene sounds.

Jasper paused then and I opened my eyes.

"What is it?" I asked.

Jasper looked to me then, and back to the sky for a few seconds. His eyes then met mine again. He was nervous for some reason. It was clear.

"I was just thinking... the sophomore and junior prom is coming up... I was just wondering if you wanted to go. I mean, everyone else is. It's no big deal. It will probably be really cheesy and terrible, but it could be a good laugh. Would you like to go with me?" he asked.

I smiled to him then. "The prom?" I questioned.

Jasper nodded then. "Yeah... It's not the _real _prom. It's one for juniors and sophomores, and not actually even close to the _real_ prom date that the seniors go to... they just call it sophomore and junior prom."

Understanding then dawned on me.

"But that involves dancing," I said, suddenly worried. Suddenly Jasper's face went blank and my heart tore in two. _Good one, Bella. Put your foot in your mouth._

"Yeah... I mean... you don't have too. I just thought since Alice, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett are going that..." He thought for a second. "Never mind," he said quickly, shaking his head. "It's okay. Forget it."

"No!" I said quickly. "Of course I want to go! I just... might have to withstand from the dancing," I said, smiling. Jasper's face lit up then.

"I think that can be done," he agreed.

"When is it?" I asked then. I also knew what prom's meant: formal dresses. They were tight, they were glittery and they were long. This equalled an accident. It wasn't my style. It also meant I had to go shopping. Oh lord; two things that weren't on my to-do list.

"Um..." Jasper said, scratching the back of his head. "Next Saturday," he muttered.

My mouth dropped to the floor then. It was a _week_ away. That meant the shopping trip was suddenly very close.

I stuttered for a second. "Saturday..." I whispered so quietly that Jasper couldn't hear. "Sounds good," I encouraged, louder, a few seconds later. Jasper smiled then.

A few minutes passed till I spoke again.

"So..." I began, nudging Jasper's elbow. "Does this mean I get to see you in a tux?"

"Does this mean I get to see you in a formal dress and high heels?" he laughed.

"Shit," I whispered, biting my lip. Jasper laughed again then and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close.

"You will look beautiful," he soothed, kissing the top of my head. I smiled then and turned to him.

"I just can't _wait_ to see you in a shirt and tie," I smiled. "Oh! Or you could wear a bow tie and top hat! Now that's cool."

"Imagine Emmett and Edward in bow ties and top hats," he volunteered. The thought nearly had me in hysterics.

After a few minutes of chatting we started walking back towards the bonfire. We were met by a familiar scene, only this time it wasn't Rosalie and Emmett in the hot seat.

"Bella!" Alice screamed, jumping up from that cursed log and pulling her shirt down. Jasper and I couldn't help but burst into laughter as we saw Edward's shocked and disappointed expression as his girlfriend hurried away from him after he had finished with the shot.

Alice jumped at me and wrapped her arm through mine.

"Bella, you are missing all the fun!" she exclaimed, trying to tow me towards the log.

"Oh no, no, no Alice. Not again," I refused, pulling away from her. Alice turned to me, putting on the puppy eyes. I just shook my head. Jasper laughed from behind me.

"Fine!" she huffed, swivelling around on her heels. She spotted Charlotte and was off. "Charlotte!"

Jasper laughed lightly and hung his arm over my shoulders. We then walked to the log next to where Emmett and Rosalie sat. Jasper sat down, facing our friends and straddling the log. I sat in front of him and leant into him. Jasper wrapped his arms around me.

Emmett and Rosalie turned to us and we soon got into an easy conversation about the prom. When I told Rosalie we were going she couldn't stop the goofy grin. She also caught me with a shopping trip with her and Alice on Wednesday. Alice was still dancing around, greeting everyone and anyone with giant hugs and attempting to coax them to the log. Edward hurried along behind her, trying to contain his girlfriend.

It was about twenty minutes later that Charlotte came around to visit us, Peter trailing behind with a cheeky smile on his face. I heard Jasper sigh from behind me, noticing they both had those same cheeky smiles.

"Hey guys," Charlotte smiled as she stood in front of us. We all greeted them. Charlotte sat on the log Jasper and I were on whilst Peter sat on Rosalie and Emmett's.

It was about five minutes later that Jasper leant down to whisper something in my ear. I then heard the familiar click of a camera and shot open my eyes. Charlotte was there and beaming at me.

"You guys are just so cute!" she squealed, showing me the photo on her digital camera. I laughed at it. Jasper did, too.

Charlotte smiled and took the camera back, snapping a photo of Emmett, Rosalie and Peter making silly faces. Eventually Edward managed to drag Alice back to the logs and Charlotte snapped a picture of them.

The rest of the night was filled with chatting, laughter and music. It was a much more relaxed party than the first. Marshmallows were passed around once again and it took Jasper and I about six goes to get the cooking part right. We weren't too skilled in that department. The problem was that Jasper kept distracting me. We all got a bit camera happy that night. The camera was passed from hand to hand, capturing hundreds of Kodak moments. There was a mix of silly photos with random poses, as well as perfect, romantic pictures of couples. Everyone got pictures with everyone else. There were plenty of pictures with the boys mucking around with each other, as well as snaps of us girls. Charlotte said she was going to get copies of the photos for everyone, and I hoped she would. I wanted to always remember those times.

Of course, when that song came on everyone rushed for another game of beach football. It was a game of distraction again, only this time my clumsiness got the better of me. I was tripping over my feet most of the time, so Jasper basically became my protector, shadowing me and rushing to catch me whenever I was about to hit the ground. He caught me most of the time, and when he didn't he fell with me. The boys won that game. They had gotten to know our tricks and weren't as easy to fool.

After the game everyone went back to the fire and the party lasted way into the night. There was enough drinking, picture taking, talking and laughing to last a life time. Eventually, however, people started to get tired and mattresses started emerging from the cars, taking their spots on the sand. I fell asleep in Jaspers arms and dreamt of the bonfire.

We woke up in the morning and packed up before driving to the football field. The boys were there again in crazy outfits, although different ones than before. The game was extremely intense with everyone jumping out of their seats every few seconds. There were just too many twists and turns in the game to sit still. Jasper and Peter were focused on blocking each other from getting the ball. They were just too funny together. What I loved with the game was watching Jasper so happy and free. I kept his jacket wrapped around my shoulders the whole time and found myself smiling constantly. When he was happy, I was happy.

When it finished we said goodbye to our friends after chatting with Peter and Charlotte for about half an hour after the game. Jasper drove us home on the motorcycle. When I got home I managed to creep in past my Mom in the kitchen and Renesmee in the TV room. I figured Charlie was at work. It was normally the case. When I reached the top of the staircase I glanced down again to make sure the coast was clear. When I knew it was I ran off to my room, eager to be wrapped in Jasper's waiting arms again.

When I arrived he was waiting patiently on the porch, smiling at me. I ran to the glass, stumbling over my feet as I went. I caught myself on the glass and unlocked it, standing back to let Jasper in.

"Calm down there, Bella," Jasper laughed as he saw me panting and smiling brightly at him.

I laughed then and twirled around, falling onto the bed.

"I _love_ riding on that bike!" I exclaimed as I collapsed on the bed.

Jasper laughed and lay down next to me.

"Adrenalin junkie," he mused.

"It's your fault," I pouted.

"How?" he challenged, his face stern yet joking.

"Well if you hadn't made me ride on it – and you _did _make me ride on it, because I was reluctant at first – I never would have gotten hooked," I pointed out, smiling.

Jasper laughed then. "You are such an addict."

I smiled cheekily to him and hopped off the bed, grabbing _Wuthering Heights_ from my bedside table. I then went to the window seat and sat down, pulling my knees to my chest.

"What are you doing?" Jasper sulked, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"Reading," I smiled.

"But I miss you," Jasper moaned, patting a spot next to him. I looked over to him and he pouted slightly. It sent me into giggles.

When I stopped laughing I stood up and walked over to Jasper. I stood in front of him, knocking is knees apart with my legs and standing between them. I then leant down slowly and pecked him on the lips. As I did so I grabbed his hand.

"Come on," I coaxed as I tried to stand up. Jasper smiled then.

"Nope," he shook his head as he locked his feet around the back of my legs. "You're mine now."

He tightened his hold then and I lost my balance, falling forwards onto him. My hands landed on either side of his head and my hair hung in chaos around my face and tickled his cheeks.

I was panting as I held myself above Jasper, having lost my breath. He just smiled wickedly. I started laughing then and my arms buckled. I collapsed onto him. Jasper let out a huff as I hit him and lay on his chest in a fit of giggles. Jasper wrapped his arms around me and turned on his side, letting me down gently. He let go of me and propped himself up on his elbow, brushing my hair from my face gently and smiling at me. My giggles didn't subside then as I clutched at my stomach with my eyes crammed shut with laughter.

Eventually I peeked through my lashes at Jasper when my laughter lessened a bit. Jasper was looking down at me with an amused expression.

"Are you okay?" he laughed, brushing another ringlet from my eyes. I grasped at the fabric of my shirt on my stomach and took deep breaths, calming myself. I then nodded slowly to him.

After a few seconds I stopped laughing and looked up at Jasper again. His eyes shone through with happiness, but his eyebrows were squeezed together in a frown. A little crease had formed between his eyebrows and it annoyed me. I ached to know what he was feeling.

Slowly I reached my finger to the frown line and stroked it gently, smoothing it out. As I did so I spoke to him in a low whisper. "What's wrong?"

Jasper smiled weakly at me then. "It's just good to see you so happy."

I frowned then and withdrew my finger, sitting up on the bed. "What else?"

Jasper sat up too then. "Nothing," he said quickly.

I frowned deeper then and raised my eyebrow. "Jasper, come on. What's wrong?"

Jasper took a deep breath then. "Carlisle was cross-questioning me the other day."

My heart jumped into my throat. "On...?"

Jasper took a deep breath. "What he saw at the hospital," he said, glancing at my face. My hand moved there instinctively.

Jasper sighed then and lost eye contact, shaking his head. "See? I shouldn't have said anything. There's nothing to worry about. I took care of it."

"What did you say?" I whispered almost inaudibly.

"You fell down the stairs. You tripped. Then you blacked out because you hit your face on the edge of a step, so you took a few days off school to recover. It's the same story as ever. Apparently I even witnessed it."

I nodded slowly then.

"I don't like lying to him," hsaid quietly. "But he accepted it. I don't know if he believed it, but he accepted it. Like the first time."

I nodded then. "I'm sorry you had to lie again, Jasper."

He looked at me then, his eyes penetrating mine. "I still think you should leave this house."

I groaned then and threw my head back, staring at the ceiling. I never got a day off.

"Do you really have to bring this up _now_, Jasper? Really?" I complained. "Dad hasn't touched me in ages. Things are finally getting better and I'm not changing it now. And I'm not leaving you. We have had this discussion before."

"But it's not healthy, Bella."

"Neither is your house," I rebutted quickly. Jasper's face went stern then.

"Could you stop closing up to this idea so quickly? Think of the consequences if you stay and he snaps again! Consider the benefits of leaving, please? I can't stand you being in this house. It does my head in. I'm going _insane _here. I can't be completely happy with everything because you're _not safe. _It takes all of my self control not to snap your Dad's head off," he growled.

"Please, Jasper. Can we just not do this now?" I pleaded.

"Well then when can we do this?" he challenged. "Because _every single time _it's brought up, you close up like a clam. We go round and round in a circle. It never ends. I want to talk about it and sort it out. I can't think straight if we don't."

I groaned then and stood up from the bed. "I don't see how you get any say in whether I leave or not. I've made my decision. I'm staying. I'm _not_ leaving. You just have to _accept _that. Quit bringing it up and we won't keep going around in circles!"

"Why can't you leave?" he demanded.

"Because it means I have you leave you! It means I will lose you!"

"No you won't!" he declared, fuming and looking at me with desperate eyes.

"How will I not?" I challenged.

Jasper quietened then. "We'll keep in touch."

"Bullshit," I claimed. "With you here and me god knows where else? Bullshit."

"Damn it, Bella, stop thinking about me all the time. Do what's best for _you._ I won't have you being held back by me."

"Hypocrite," I growled under my breath. "You're telling me to do what's best for me but you won't do what's best for yourself. You say I need to leave, yet you won't do the same. You have things holding you here, as do I."

"There's a difference," he rebutted.

"Oh, and what's that?"

"You don't have as much holding you here. If you put down any more roots it will be harder to leave. _You_ have someone to go back to. And _you_ have a little sister to worry about," He stated. "Bella, I don't want to lose you, but I want you to do what is best for your safety. And if that means you have to leave then we can make this work some other way."

"I don't want to leave you," I reiterated. I knew my excuse was losing its power.

"And if you stay any longer there will be more people like me holding you here!"

"There already are!" I rebutted.

He sighed then. "You can't live like this, Bella."

I sighed and sat down on the bed again. "And we can't keep living like _this_; going round and round in circles over an argument that neither of us is willing to budge over."

Jasper let out a deep breath, defeated. "You know what I think."

I nodded. "And you know what _my _decision in. I'm not leaving. I love you. Nothing else matters. Now can we please just drop this?"

I was willing to sacrifice anything to stay with Jasper. If he left, then I would. I just knew he wouldn't.

Jasper was about to speak then but stopped himself, thought for a second and sighed.

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I said quickly, squeezing Jasper's hand. He took mine to his lips and kissed it gently. How could I stay mad at him?

We sat there next to each other then, both lost in thoughts. It was a few minutes before I spoke again.

"Come on then," I said, standing up and pulling his hand towards the window seat.

"What?" he asked as he stood up.

"_Wuthering Heights_ Time," I explained.

Jasper and I then relaxed into the window seat. We took turns reading pages from the book. When he read, half my mind was on Jasper and the present, while half was on Jasper and the future. The prom became a focus point for my mind. I knew it was a special night, and suddenly my stomach was churning with nerves. I couldn't wait for it to come, but then I prayed for time to stop it coming. Mixed emotions are a bitch. But when I fully listened to Jasper, the sound of his voice calmed the nerves. Then my mind ran to our future after the prom and I pondered what was in store for us. The idea of leaving _with_ Jasper was the most tempting, but I just didn't know if it was possible. What you wish for and what you get can be completely different sometimes.


	19. Chapter 18

**Let Go**  
Chapter 18

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_Dress_

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The next three days passed quickly. Jasper and I spent the first half of Sunday in my room and then headed to the beach in the afternoon. We took Renesmee with us that time and she loved it. She spent her time either being entertained by Jasper or marvelling at the seals. The only challenge was getting her up onto the rock, but we got there when Jasper put her in one of those baby backpack things.

Monday and Tuesday passed easily. School was basically uneventful and that was something I was extremely thankful for. The only problem was being near James. He made me want to vomit whenever he was near. I avoided him as much as possible. I couldn't imagine how Rosalie could stand being in the same school as him.

Charlotte gave us all copies of pictures from the bonfire on Tuesday. I locked them away in the secret box below my bed.

I talked to Angela and Jessica a few times again in Study Hall. They were psyched about the upcoming prom and had gotten their dresses a month ago. They were really nice and I hoped I would get the chance to get to know them better.

It had also gotten around the school that Jasper and I were going to the prom together, not that it surprised many people. We had been together for a while. Jessica and Angela brought it up quite a lot, however.

There was also a lot of gossip about who would be crowned King and Queen. The favourites were Rosalie and Emmett as well as Alice and Edward. There were also a few other couples, but I didn't know them very well. I was happy to note that Mike and Jessica were also favourites though. They were so cute together.

I would say, though, that those three days passed too quickly. Wednesday rolled around soon enough and with that came that dreaded shopping trip. I disliked shopping enough, but shopping for prom dresses would be worse. They were harder to put on and just ultimately more awkward. Thoughts of extreme frills and glitter haunted me all day.

As soon as the bell rang calling Study Hall to a close Alice and Rosalie were at my sides. Jasper was smiling opposite me with Edward and Emmett laughing next to him as I packed up as slowly as I could. I wanted to smack that amused expression right off his amazingly handsome face.

"Oh lord, hurry up Bella!" Alice moaned after a few seconds of waiting. She then proceeded to grab at my books, packing them up for me. "We have to hurry up and get to the mall. We will be _lucky_ to find _any_ good dresses this late in the season."

Jasper, Edward and Emmett chuckled as Rosalie and Alice towed me away. I looked over my shoulder to them and smirked at Jasper. He was covering his mouth with laughter as he watched me, Edward and Emmett leaning on either of his shoulders and teasing him as they too laughed. Inside my head, I was laughing at him. Little did Jasper know that Rosalie and Alice had black mailed Edward and Emmett into forcing him to go tux shopping that day, too. Poor guy.

We all got into Rosalie's convertible and sped away. Rosalie drove while I sat in the front seat and Alice sat in the middle at the back.

"Remind me again why you guys haven't got your dresses yet?" I asked when we pulled out of the school parking lot. Rosalie turned down the pop music that was blaring out of the radio to look at me like I was one cucumber sandwich short of a picnic. Alice sighed from behind us and gave me that same look.

"Because," Rosalie began, all matter-of-factly, "we want options. We already have our dresses but we might change our minds on the night. Therefore we need another for a back-up. Plus, you can't expect _Alice_ to walk into a shop filled with gorgeous clothes _without_ buying anything."

Rosalie glanced at Alice with a cheeky grin on her face. Alice smirked at her.

"Yeah, and plus, the dress I have already is blue. And _so_ many people have blue dresses it's not funny. I want to stand out," Alice added. I just laughed and shook my head, sinking down into the seat more and lifting my foot to put it on the dash.

"Ah, ah," Rosalie scolded as we sped through the streets, raising a finger at me. "No feet on my dashboard _thank you_."

We arrived at the mall eventually and Alice and Rosalie dragged me to the prom dress shop. When we walked in I froze immediately. There were rows and rows of dresses, all different colours, shapes and sizes, sitting patiently and waiting for me to try them on. They were threatening, they were shiny and they looked painful to put on.

I then felt Alice's little hands on my back and her encouraging voice in my ear. "Come on, Bella. You will be okay. Rosalie and I will pick out some dresses. All you need to do is try them on."

I nodded slowly as Alice hurried me to a changing room. She shoved me into one and I stood there, frozen solid with shock and worry. A few seconds later Alice's head popped through the curtain.

"Strip!" she ordered before hurrying off to the racks.

I took a deep breath and obliged slowly. A few minutes later, as I stood in the little stall in my underwear, Rosalie's head popped through. I covered my chest instinctively and pressed myself against the wall.

"What are you doing?" I whispered breathlessly. Rosalie rolled her eyes and stepped inside, a bundle of dresses in her arms.

"Relax, Bella," she laughed. "We are all girls here. I'm not interested in seeing you naked."

I sighed and rolled my eyes as she hung up the armful of colourful dresses and started undoing a hot pink one.

"Hot pink, really?" I questioned, raising my eye brow when she turned around. Rosalie just rolled her eyes.

"Yes. Now step in," she instructed, holding it down for me. I obliged and she slid it up before turning me around to do up the corset at the back. The skirt stuck out around me like an umbrella. I felt like an idiot.

Rosalie stood back from me when she was done and opened the curtain. I started blushing, glancing back at her to beg her not to make me step outside in that thing.

"It's just Alice," she encouraged. "And you look stunning."

I winced at the thought of what I really looked like, expecting the reality to be a cross between a fairy and a pastry, and walked out. Alice's expression when she saw me didn't provide any alternative either. All she did was pout and come up behind me at the mirror. She then started fiddling with my hair, putting it in different positions. I just blushed more.

"What do you think?" Rosalie asked.

Alice frowned and squeezed her lips together as she looked at me.

"It's nice, but..." she began.

"I look like a pastry," I finished the sentence for her.

Alice nodded then and sent me back to the stall. Rosalie then helped me try on four more dresses. The first was a red, strappy one with a slit up the thigh. It was a more Rosalie type dress, and I felt naked wearing it. Not to mention I looked like an idiot. I did not do sexy. The second was a purple, strapless dress with a tight bodice and a full skirt that went to my knee. I liked it, but I couldn't breathe in it, and they didn't have the next size up. The third was yellow... and frilly... with an orange bodice. It most _certainly_ wasn't me. The fourth was a deep blue, floor length halter neck. It was probably the best of them all, but I didn't feel right in it. It was too showy for me with a lot of detailing and beading. Plus, the whole halter neck thing required more cleavage then I was able to produce.

As I was putting on the blue dress, Rosalie came in and slipped on a red, halter neck dress with a strappy, plunging back. As she was getting it on I couldn't help but stare. She was so thin. I looked at us both in the mirror. I was slim, but nothing like her. The tops of her arms were tiny, and her shoulder blades stuck out like sore thumbs. You could even see her ribs on her back, due to the revealing dress. It was frightening.

Rosalie turned to me then. I was taken off guard and stared at her like a stunned mullet.

"Could you do this up for me, Bella?" she asked. I nodded slowly, but I knew my eyes still held that shocked expression. "Bella, what's wrong?" she asked, frowning at me when she finally noticed.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I just shook my head. Rosalie clicked.

"I'm fine. I'm not unhealthy, Bella," she claimed.

I looked at her is absolute shock then.

"But Rose... you're just... how can you believe that?" I whispered in shock. "It... it's not..."

"Oh, don't!" Rosalie snapped, turning around to tie up her dress on her own. "Don't you dare tell_ me _what's unhealthy."

My heart jumped into my throat. "What do you mean?" I asked nonchalantly, looking back to the mirror and zipping up my dress.

"I saw the bruise, Bella."

I was quiet then, and I shook my head, walking out to show Alice the dress. Rosalie followed.

Alice peered at me intently, thinking. She was wearing a hot pink, strapless, floor length dress that she wanted to buy.

"Come on," Rosalie groaned, leaning against the wall by the stall. "Don't ignore it, Bella. We all noticed. Jasper just warned that he would shove his foot up our asses if we said anything."

I glanced to Rosalie and she gave me a challenging look. I quickly looked back to the mirror and started fiddling with the dress. I had suspected Jasper had done that and wasn't the bit surprised. I wasn't even really that shocked by Rosalie's outburst. She was a blunt sort of person.

Alice had stopped adjusting the dress and was now staring at us in confusion.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Nothing," I whispered.

Rosalie scoffed. "Why can't you just open up, Bella? My cousin's worried about you. We are all worried about you."

_I hear that enough _from _your cousin_, I thought bitterly.

I ignored her. Alice put her hands on her hips and looked from Rosalie to me and back to Rosalie.

"What in the world is going on?" Alice demanded.

Rosalie's eyes left me and she looked at Alice.

"Bella is being hypocritical."

_What? _"How?" I challenged back.

"That's a stupid question. You are smarter than that," Rosalie replied. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the mirror.

"Someone please explain!" Alice exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

Rosalie sighed and looked to her friend. "Bella is saying what I'm doing is not healthy," she explained directly. Alice's face dawned with understanding. "I said she can't judge that. It's hypocritical."

Alice sighed. "Rose, please, not now."

"Why not?"

"Because you know what he said!"

My heart jumped into my throat.

"What who said?" I demanded, turning around to face them. Alice sighed and bent her head towards me apologetically.

"Jasper," Rosalie answered plainly.

"Rosalie!" Alice hissed under her breath.

"She already knows," Rosalie said nonchalantly to her friend. Alice just shook her head and narrowed her eyes. Rosalie then turned to me, her face filled with sorrow and understanding, but also caring and honesty.

"Don't blame Jasper, okay? He didn't do anything. Jasper warned us about the injury thing at the hospital. He tried to tell us the stairs story but after a lifetime with the guy, we can tell easily when he's lying. He warned us not to bring it up. We know that your parents are abusive, Bella. After a lot of pestering on our part, he talked to us about it. He told us how worried he is. Then he told us how he can't get you to see sense. He really cares for you, Bella. _And_, he also said not to tell you this, but I don't care. I'm sick of pretending."

My heart was beating furiously as I tried to distract myself. I kept looking in the big mirror, but I could see Rosalie behind me still. I was still randomly fiddling with the dress, but it was a weak attempt and I wasn't really sure what I was doing.

"Please don't be angry at Jasper. It's not his fault. He tried to keep the secret. We just know him too well." Rosalie stepped forward then, her expression softening. "You shouldn't have to put up with what you do, Bella. I don't expect you to tell me your story. I just want you to be safe, Bella. You mean a lot to my cousin. You make him happy. I'll do anything to ensure he keeps that. I'll also do anything to protect _you._"

I wasn't angry at Jasper. I wasn't angry at Rosalie either. I wasn't angry at any of them. In fact, I was only really angry at myself. Jasper was a secretive person. Him explaining all this to them meant he was really hurt by it – by me. I realised then what pain I was putting him through, and also that Rosalie – blunt, protective, honest Rosalie – wanted nothing but to protect her cousin and quit the shit.

I took three deeps breaths before turning around and heading towards the stall.

"I don't like this dress."

"Bella..." Rosalie called.

I heard everything that Rosalie said. I was thankful for everything she said. I also understood everything she said. But, my stubborn nature, as always, didn't allow me to reveal anything.

Turning back to her, I nodded. "Thank you, Rosalie," I said genuinely. "I'm sorry."

Rosalie watched me with worried and apologetic eyes. She was reading me – much like Jasper had always done. I think she understood. She understood that although I couldn't reveal to her that everything she knew was true, I understood it, was thankful for it and loved her for it. She understood that, like her, I loved Jasper too. She wanted to do the best by him. I would _always _respect that. In some ways, she felt like my sister.

Rosalie stepped forwards and wrapped me in a warm hug. I took it gratefully, her warmth and kindness completely unbelievable. Whispering in my ear, she promised me something I had always wanted to hear.

"We love you too, you know."

When we pulled away Rosalie smiled kindly and brushed away a ringlet of my hair. With a beautiful smile and swimming eyes, she brightened my day. "Next dress," she chirped happily. I mouthed another thank you before heading inside.

I leant against the wall for a few breaths to calm myself. I needed to take control of my emotions. I was confused – thoroughly confused. When I had taken relative control I moved to the next dress. It was a white, short, strapless dress with black beading around the top of the bust. It fell above my knees and had a tight bodice with a flowing skirt. I loved it immediately.

When I stepped out of the stall Alice and Rosalie were talking quietly. As I came out they turned around to face me, bright smiles on their faces. It was easy to see the cracks in these smiles though. I could only guess what they had been talking about.

"That's it," Alice smiled, nodding to Rosalie. "That's _the _dress."

I smiled brightly to them and moved to the mirror.

"Are you guys sure?" I asked. I did love it. It was simple but beautiful. The beading was filled with intricate detail that you wouldn't notice unless you really took the time to notice. Yet, it was perfect.

They both moved to either side of me and nodded. "It's perfect, Bella," Rosalie encouraged, squeezing my shoulders gently. "Jasper is one lucky guy."

I smiled then and blushed furiously. "Okay, okay," I agreed. "So are we ready to go?"

"Yes. Let's get changed," Alice said.

After a few minutes we were at the cash register, dresses in hand. Alice and Rosalie were both buying their dresses. They both looked absolutely stunning in them. I then bought mine and we headed out. Rosalie and Alice then bought their shoes. They tried to convince me to wear some high heels but I wanted to keep my accidents to a minimum. After much debating I got them to agree to let me wear some flat shoes I had in my wardrobe. Little did they know that they would be converse.

On our way out Alice and Rosalie decided that we should get a drink at Starbucks. We went up to the counter to place our orders and pay and then went to sit down at one of the tables.

"So... Bella..." Alice said, edging closer to me. "On Saturday you're coming to Edward's house before the prom, right?"

"Um... I am?" I asked, confused.

"Yes," Alice informed. "We are all getting ready there. It's the pre–prom; dressing and drinks. Plus, Rosalie and I want to do your hair and make-up." She smiled brightly and Rosalie nodded.

"And," Rosalie trilled, "the after prom is at Edward's house too. You and Jasper are coming."

"We are?" I asked hesitantly. It seemed all this had been planned long ago.

"Yes," Alice smiled. "It's going to be so great!"

"So what exactly is an after prom?" I asked hesitantly. Alice looked up to Rosalie as she drank from her frappe and smiled, covering her mouth to stop herself from laughing.

"It's only the best party of the year!" Alice exclaimed. "And this year will be the best _ever_. Everyone goes."

I nodded slowly then and drank some of my drink. "So when you say everyone's going you really mean _everyone_?"

Rosalie nodded. "All the sophomores and juniors are. Then a few people from other schools are coming too."

I nodded slowly again, my heart pounding against my chest.

"Relax, Bella," Alice giggled. "It's only a party."

Yeah... only a party. I knew I shouldn't have been panicking, but I was. I knew what a lot of people did at after prom parties. That's what made me nervous.

"Yeah..." I whispered under my breath as I stared at my drink.

"Will your parents let you go?" Rosalie asked quietly. I looked up to her then. She was questioning me. I looked back to my.

"Probably," I mumbled, stirring my frappe with the straw. They both nodded.

"Well, we better get going," Alice said, smiling brightly. We all agreed.

The drive home was filled with chatter. I pushed all disturbing thoughts out of my mind as we drove and put on a happy, easy-going face. I wanted to avoid any awkward subjects again. I felt close to Rosalie; too close. She knew me too well already. When she looked at you she was reading you. She was always bluntly honest. I admired that in her, but it scared me to death as well.

Rosalie and Alice dropped me off and then drove home. When the car had disappeared down the road I buried my head in my hands, my dress hanging over my arm. I took deep breaths and pulled myself together before heading inside.

When I got to my room I hung my dress up, curled up on the window seat and started reading _Wuthering Heights _again, although my mind wandered over many things.

I couldn't figure out what I should do. I was hurting Jasper. I had known that since day one. I had even made him attempt to lie to his best friends. That was just wrong. But, I didn't want to leave. I wouldn't leave. But I didn't know how else to soothe his worry _other _than leave. It was mind boggling. I just hoped that maybe Jasper would accept my decision. What confused me further was that _no one_ asked for help. _Everyone_ refused to save themselves. Jasper refused to leave as well. Rosalie refused to talk about her rape. Alice continued to pop pills. Edward still drank. Emmett still lived with his father. None would change, but all expected me to. Maybe it was down to what else they had. They all had each other – a sturdy family that would always be there for them. I hadn't been with them nearly as long. Thusly, I had less. As well as this, I had Renesmee. I had to look after her. Maybe that was it.

About half an hour later Jasper came over.

"Hey," he greeted, stepping into my room and encasing me in a hug. "How was dress shopping? I got a tux. Thanks for warning me about the ambush, by the way." He chuckled, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and walking me towards the bed. We sat down.

Jasper wrapped his hand around mine as I stared at them. He turned my palm over, drawing circles in it. The gesture made me smile.

I had been so cruel to him. I had made him lie. I had put him through hell and back. I had pulled him in and pushed him away. I had worried him and kept him awake at night. I had distressed him. I had caused him pain.

Yet, he was always there for me. He was always trying to look after me. He was _always _protecting me.

He was such a good person. He was a good person who had been dealt a bad hand in life. He was a good person who cared for everyone far too much. And he was a good person who I was putting through hell and back.

I was going to change that.

Smiling, I lifted Jasper's chin and made him look at me straight in the eyes. When he did, I leant in and kissed him softly, memorising the way his lips brushed against mine. I never wanted to hurt him again. I _would never_ hurt her again. I loved him more than anything. He deserved the best.

"I love you, you know that?"

Jasper smiled then, nodding solemnly. "I do. I love you too, darlin'."

His rich southern accent made me smile. Kissing him again, I swore to change.

"I can't wait to see you in a tux," I giggled. "You're going to look so handsome."

He laughed then. "I look like a douche in that monkey suit. What colour's your dress?"

"White," I answered simply.

I wasn't going to hurt him anymore.


	20. Chapter 19

**Let Go**  
Chapter 19

###

_The Prom and Little Metal Containers_

###

Thursday and Friday passed in a cloud of excitement. It was all for the Prom. It was the number one thing on everyone's lips and that was really starting to play on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I was looking forward to the Prom. I just didn't care who was taking who or what colour dress everyone was wearing. I just wanted to spend it with Jasper and the others. I didn't mind if someone was going to wear the same dress as me or whether or not Rosalie and Emmett would get King and Queen. What I wanted to do the most, however, was ensure the carrying out of my promise to Jasper. I wouldn't hurt him anymore. I wouldn't make him lie. I wouldn't push him away. Complete honesty was my goal, and I was going to achieve it. For that I was certain.

Friday afternoon rolled around soon enough and as Jasper and I walked out of Study Hall, hand-in-hand, the whole school was buzzing.

Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Edward all raced off to their cars. Jasper and I were walking home, picking up our stuff and then heading over to Edward's place. Alice had planned this whole movies/sleepover/pre-prom party. I wasn't entirely sure what it would entail, but I knew the majority of Saturday would be spent getting ready.

As we were walking towards the gate I suddenly felt a cold hand on my shoulder and a coarse, freezing hand stroking the top of my bare arm. I froze instantly and a feeling of danger washed over me. My mind screamed at me to run into Jasper's arms; too bad my feet wouldn't co-operate.

Jasper kept walking a few steps but when he noticed our hands outstretched between us he stopped and turned around. His face had a smile on it, but that soon wiped with rage when he saw what was going on. As he turned around a harsh, menacing, cold voice rang in my air and shots of threatening breath ran down my neck.

"I cannot _wait_ to see you at the Prom, Bella."

_James._

I recognised that voice instantly and turned my head slowly to face him. He smiled a disgusting, wicked smile at me. Suddenly I felt myself flung back and I then landed safe and warm in two big, strong arms; Jasper's arms. I was instantly at ease.

I was then moved behind Jasper's sturdy frame as harsh, deserved words ripped through his clenched teeth.

"Don't you dare touch her," he growled, his hand holding me behind him.

James's menacing cackle filled the area and he took a testing step forwards.

"Wow, calm down there, Whitlock. I was just making friendly conversation," he laughed, winking at me. I shuddered in response.

Jasper took a step forward. I wasn't going to hold him back this time. The guy needed to learn his lesson. Jasper still kept his hand outstretched towards me, keeping me back.

"Friendly conversation my ass. I know what your 'friendly conversation' is like." The absolute rage and disgust in Jasper's voice was predominant.

James laughed again and took another step forward. "You think you can take me, Whitlock?" James spat.

Jasper's head bent to the right slightly. "Oh, you know I can, James," he challenged.

I then became alert to the sudden attention these two were getting. People who had previously been walking out of school were now crowding around these two boys in suspense. I looked around at the familiar faces. Their eyes were eager. I knew soon the chanting would start.

As I looked around I noticed Jasper and James were barely a foot away from each other and still exchanging harsh, anger filled words. I took another glance over the crowd. It was then that my eyes locked on something we didn't need right then. I could see the Principle storming over from the office. Jasper had told me during one of our talks that the guy had it out for him. He was looking for any opportunity to suspend him. I knew that this could be his chance.

I looked back to Jasper and his stance was ready. He was about to lay one on James. Now, it wasn't that the jerk didn't deserve it. Hell, I would have been happy to watch Jasper fight him. It's just I didn't want Jasper getting in deep trouble with the Principle over it. Suspension wasn't on the plan.

I ran to him then and squeezed myself in between Jasper and James. Jasper's rage filled eyes switched to me then and washed with confusion. His hands were at his sides and crushed into fists. I grabbed them.

"Don't, Jasper," I ordered, staring into his eyes with fierce determination.

"No, Bella. You're not stopping me this time," he refused, trying to move me away.

I held myself firm on the ground as James complained from behind me. "Fucking hell Whitlock, get the bloody girl out of the way."

I ignored him, my anger towards him boiling over, and narrowed my eyes at Jasper, my face stern. "If I don't stop you the Principle bloody well will," I warned, nodding my head in his direction.

Jasper looked where I indicated and cursed under his breath. "Shit."

"Just forget him, Jasper. He's not worth it."

"Fuck."

Jasper looked back to James and then to the direction where the Principle was coming from. He was now squeezing through the crowd.

He was battling with himself, but eventually gave out with another curse. He put his hand on the small of my back, pushing me out before following me, his eyes always on James.

James laughed from his spot. "You have got to be kidding me! Will you always bow to the little woman, Whitlock?"

I squeezed Jasper's hand in reassurance as we walked out the gate. I could feel him tensing; aching to go back and face James. I could hear the Principle's calls but they were nearly drowned out by the student body's chatter. Eventually, as he calmed down, Jasper then moved his hand over my shoulder protectively. I didn't speak for a few minutes. His hands were still crushed into fists and he was breathing deeply, controlling himself. Eventually he relaxed.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I would have killed that guy, and then I would have gotten expelled."

I smiled then and squeezed his hand that was still in a fist. "You can kill him, just not in public. Hell, I will even help you hide the body."

Jasper laughed. The weight on my chest released. I leant closer into his warm body. Bonding over the idea of killing someone was odd, but then again, it was James.

We got home soon enough. Jasper and I each went into our houses and got our things. On the way out I explained to my Mom exactly what was happening. I was staying at a friends' house and then going to the Prom and wouldn't be home until Sunday. I decided it was best to be open with her. Lately everything had started to settle down and I wanted to keep it that way. Mom had been better the last few weeks or so. She had no turns or troubles and was trying to be good for Renesmee. I wanted to help that. She agreed and let me go. She didn't care about knowing anymore details.

I met Jasper out front and we drove to Edward's house. On the way my mind wandered over James. I needed an outlet for my anger. My eyes then landed on a little insect on the window screen.

I watched it as it danced dangerously along the line where the window wipers couldn't reach and I thought of the numerous ways to obliterate it. I was waiting for it to make the wrong move, ready to set the wipers on him. It was one of those annoying bugs that wouldn't go away. I narrowed my eyes at him and pouted, ready. When he put one foot out, I pounced. I turned the wipers on, scaring Jasper out of his driving daze with a jump.

_I missed. Damn it._

Jasper laughed then. "You look funny, Bella. What are you thinking about?" He chuckled. _How to kill this pest._

"Insects," I answered. _Rotten, dirty, annoying insects._

Jasper laughed again then. "What about insects?"

I narrowed my eyes at the bug, watching it carefully. _Wrong move, buddy_. I turned the wipers on again but to no avail. _Missed, damn_.

"How sneaky they are." _Why you can never touch them._

Jasper laughed then and continued driving. When we got there we parked in the garage and were met by a familiar sight. Spread out in front of the TV were those familiar mattresses and blankets. Next to the TV was a stack of about four movies and bowls of popcorn and chips for everyone.

I walked in first and was met by a bear hug from Emmett. He lifted me up, squeezed me and only let me go when I choked out, "Can't breathe, Em."

Jasper came up behind me as I recovered and kissed me on the cheek before playfully punching Emmett on the shoulder.

I heard Rosalie and Alice laugh from the couch and I looked up at them. Alice crooked a finger at me and I obliged, ducking my head and walking to them as Emmett and Jasper talked. Edward was glued to a popcorn bowl. He had his arms wrapped around it, sitting it between his legs as he intensely watched a football game on the TV.

Emmett laughed. "Dude, I heard that you were about to break James's face after school today! Word gets around fast, man."

His laughed wasn't mirrored throughout the room. Rosalie stiffened slightly in her seat and I saw Alice move her hand to pat Rosalie's lightly. Everything was suddenly deadly quiet. Even Edward's football game seemed to lose its sound. Emmett hadn't thought before he spoke.

Jasper gave Emmett a 'shut it' look and Emmett's face washed with understanding. He turned desperately to Rosalie with an apologetic look on his face that could have gotten a serial killer off. However, Rosalie was now narrowing her eyes at her cousin.

"You didn't," she whispered, her face twisted by hidden emotions. Jasper shook his head then, his face soft with guilt. He walked over to his cousin and sat next to her, taking her hand in his.

"No, Rose. He was harassing Bella. I'm so sorry."

I had never seen Jasper and Rosalie like that before. The bond between them was so strong it was like you could see the rope that held them so close.

Rosalie's eyes then flashed to me, filled with sadness. I couldn't read what she was thinking that second but she was searching and questioning. Rosalie then turned back to Jasper and gave him a plastered on smile. He could see through it, but wouldn't tell her that.

"No problem, Jazz. Now are we going to start this movie or what?" she asked, turning to everyone. Jasper looked deeply into her eyes, questioning her. After a few seconds he nodded slightly and turned to everyone with a smile on his face.

It was all forgotten as quickly as it had started.

Soon everyone decided on a comedy and we all settled down. I lay in Jasper's arms while Edward and Alice sat next to each other, Edward still hogging the popcorn. The look on Alice's face said she didn't like this. Emmett and Rosalie were sitting together, Emmett's arms encasing her; protecting her. They talked quietly together and the guilt Emmett felt was clear. He would never mean to hurt her. Not ever.

We watched all four movies that night before going to sleep. No one was going to have a late night. That was tomorrow. And Alice had _assured_ me we had _no_ chance to sleep in. Tomorrow was about getting ready from early in the morning. This was one thing I didn't understand. Wouldn't just slipping on the dress, brushing my hair and putting on a little bit of make-up suffice? I asked Alice this and she shot me down straight away, denying it all.

###

I was woken in the morning by a bright light filling the room. I felt Jasper move around next to me and his arm wriggled around under my head.

"Ah! What the hell, Alice?" Emmett moaned, covering his face in his pillow.

"Get your lazy asses out of bed!" she scowled. "We have a lot to do today and it's already 10:30!"

I peeked through my lashes at Jasper and he was rubbing his face with his palm. He looked down to me then and smiled. "Good morning Sunshine."

I smiled to him. "Good morning," I mumbled.

In the corner of my eye I saw Edward sit straight up in his bed. "Is that bacon I smell?" he chirped, raising his eyebrow at Alice.

Alice sighed then. "Yes. Esme cooked us all breakfast."

"Mmmm..." Edward mused, jumping up from his mattress. "I do love my Mommy. She makes some good breakfast."

Emmett was up and at it then too, raising his eyebrows in a teasing manner to Edward. "Oh mate, we all _love _yourMommy."

Rosalie giggled then as Edward punched Emmett playfully in the arm and grabbed some plates.

"Where are Esme and Carlisle?" Rosalie asked, dragging herself out of bed.

"Esme went into town to do run some errands. Carlisle got called into work. They will be back to see us off," Alice answered, grabbing a bowl out of the cupboard along with soy milk and mixed grain cereal. "Rose, want some?" Alice then asked, pointing to her chosen breakfast. Rosalie glanced to the huge selection of delicious food Esme had cooked, then to Alice's option, and back to Esme's cooking. She then sighed and looked back to Alice, nodding reluctantly. Her choice confused me.

I started to stand up then, dragging a moaning Jasper along with me. The food smelled good and my stomach was telling me it was very hungry.

"How can you eat that shit?" Emmett spat, holding a plate piled with bacon, eggs, sausages and toast and looking at Rosalie and Alice getting their cereal.

"Well," Alice started, all matter-of-factly. "_We_ want to be able to fit into our dresses."

I started blushing then and looked towards the unused bowl. _Damn_.

Alice glanced at me then and raised one eyebrow. _You can't be serious._

"Oh come on!" Edward exclaimed. "The dresses will still fit after eating one breakfast. You girls have no worries."

I heard Jasper laugh in amusement from behind me, his hand holding mine. I started to reluctantly move to the bowl and cereal but he squeezed my hand, telling me I didn't have to eat that if I didn't want to.

"For your information, that food there will leave us feeling bloated. Then, even if our dresses _do_ fit, they will be tight and uncomfortable. We would never want to dance in _that_. So it's best to be on the safe side. Plus, it's healthy," Alice explained, smiling to herself and turning back to the soy milk. _Soy milk?_

Edward and Emmett brushed them off and sat down with their helpings. "Whatever."

I sighed quietly then and walked towards the cereal, shaking Jasper's hand off mine. He sighed, but finally released me.

Eventually we were all sitting around the table. The boys were soon digging into their food and Rosalie and Alice started too, although a bit more reluctantly. I just sat there and played with the mush in my bowl, scooping it up and then dropping it. The bacon looked so much nicer.

Jasper looked up from his food then and frowned at me. I smiled weakly to him and scooped up a spoonful of cereal, sticking it in front of his face.

"Do _you_ want to eat it?" I offered.

Jasper looked at the stuff in the spoon, then back to his fork that held a bit of egg and shook his head, popping his food into his mouth.

"I'm good, thanks," he smiled. I sighed and took a deep breath, eating the spoonful of cereal. It wasn't _that_ bad.

Soon enough everyone finished and we cleared away the dishes.

"Alright!" Alice exclaimed, practically bouncing off the walls as she looked at the clock. "It's 11:15! Time to get ready!"

The boys looked on in amusement then as Alice and Rosalie dragged me upstairs and into a large bedroom. They then plonked me on the bed as they hurried to the wardrobe and pulled our dresses out. They were then spread out on the bed and both girls smiled wickedly at me.

"Yes?" I asked reluctantly. Their smiles grew.

Alice then crooked a finger at me and backed into the huge adjoining bathroom. "Come," she called. I sighed, took a few deep breaths and nodded before following them in.

The black granite counter tops had every spare inch of surface covered with different toiletries; many that were unrecognisable to me. Alice and Rosalie then continued to smile at me.

"So... What do we do now?" I sighed.

"Oh, you have no idea," Rosalie smiled. I knew that was the end.

Then began the torturous cycle of buffing, waxing, scrubbing and moisturising every inch of our bodies; within reason of course. Legs were waxed, bodies were scrubbed, nails were buffed and painted and skin was moisturised. Occasionally you could hear the boys' ruckus downstairs. I knew they were already getting into the booze. Those lucky bastards only had to throw on tux's and style their hair if they saw fit.

Alice and Rosalie painted my nails black. Rosalie got a French manicure while Alice got a light pink colour. They gave me this body butter that smelled like strawberries and made my skin feel like a cloud. It was quite amazing.

After that we did the hair. Alice gave Rosalie a beautiful hair-do filled with intricate detailing of small daisies in a twirling bun. It took her about an hour of hard labour, but was worth it. Rosalie then worked on Alice's short, spiky hair, straightening and styling it to look magnificent. After that they both worked on me. What they did was simple. They left it natural but defined the curls with product and hot rollers. When they were done it had a shine I had never seen before.

When we were done that they moved onto make-up. Sadly, I was the first victim, although I managed to convince them – after much pleading – to go with the natural look. An hour of powder, blusher, mascara, lip gloss and light eye-shadow later I was done. I didn't have the guts to look in the mirror though.

Alice was next and she went for a more dramatic natural look. It was really beautiful. Then was Rosalie, who received dramatic red lips and natural eyes. It was stunning.

When we were done this I knew we were on the home stretch. Rosalie and Alice skipped back into the bedroom with huge smiles on their faces and started stripping immediately. I just leant against the door frame and took deep, calming breaths and closed my eyes. As Alice was doing up her silver shoes with pink diamantes and Rosalie put on her silver, strappy heels they looked at me. They both looked absolutely amazing in their dresses.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Rosalie asked. I nodded slowly, biting my lip and looking at the ceiling. Alice stood up then and danced over to me. With her heels on she was a few inches taller.

"Relax, Bella. You look amazing and tonight will be great."

I nodded slowly again and took a few more calming breaths before looking at her.

"Alright then, where's my dress?" I asked, plastering on a smile. Alice beamed back at me, grabbing my wrist and towing me to the bed.

"That's the enthusiasm I was looking for!"

I stripped quickly and slipped on my dress. I then sat down to put on my black converse. Alice looked at me with a deep frown then.

"Converse? Oh hell no," she claimed, shaking her head and reaching to get them off my feet.

I stopped her quickly. "I am _not_ wearing heels."

The certainty in my voice made Alice sigh. She looked into my eyes, trying to beat me in a stare down contest. She failed.

"Fine," she grumbled and I smiled at my victory.

When I was done I slipped on a few black, plain, thin bracelets that Alice handed me. Rosalie and Alice then continued putting on their jewellery. A few minutes later we all stood in the big room, smiling happily.

"Here," Alice said, handing me a black clutch. "This is your bag."

I smiled gratefully to her and heard Rosalie stifle a giggle.

"What?" I asked, frowning. Rosalie giggled again and raised her eyebrows at Alice. They had their own conversation then. Alice sighed.

"Fine!" she exclaimed at Rosalie before turning to me. "Alright Bella, sit please," She instructed, patting a space on the bed beside her. I obeyed.

"Now," she began, taking the clutch that was in my hands. "This is your prom survival pack. First we have mints. Very important for any..." She cleared her throat and smiled, "Kissing you may be doing." I started to blush then. "We also have your phone, money, lip gloss, plasters, 'Feminine supplies'...for just in case... and _this,_" she said, holding up a small, square metal container that wouldn't have been bigger than half of my phone.

When she held this little thing between her fingers Rosalie burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"What's in it?" I asked wearily. Alice's smile beamed then.

"It's a precaution, just remember that," she explained, opening the case. When she showed it to me my mouth dropped open.

"Alice!" I growled. "A condom? _Really? _We won't need _that_!"

Alice just shrugged, closing the lid on the little rubber package. "We don't care what you say now. Please just carry it around with you. If you don't use it, that's fine, but hell, we don't want a little Jasper or Bella running around anytime soon."

I tried to protest. Alice held her hand up.

"I know you're going to fight it, but please don't. Just take it," she said, placing it in my bag, "and ignore it. But if the need _does ever_ arise, use the damn thing, _please_; if only for your health?"

I couldn't refuse that request. Nodding, I accepted it and Alice and I stood up.

"Thanks," I said. Alice and Rosalie smiled again.

"Don't mention it. Now let's go down and face those boys," Alice said proudly, looking me over once more. "And might I say, you look beautiful, Bella."

I took a deep breath then as we walked out the door and down the hallway to the stairs. My heart pounded irregularly against my chest and I let the contents of that little metal container slip my mind. My nerves got the better of me.

We reached the top of the stairs after what felt like an eternity. The three guys were standing around, talking to one another. Jasper leant against the end of the handrail, his back towards us. Emmett and Edward were facing him, chatting away. Across from them stood Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle was still in his work clothes, so I guessed he hadn't been home for long. Esme was there too, holding a camera in her hands and directing a few people who were there to set up for the after party.

Alice cleared her throat then and all eyes landed on her. Rosalie and I still stood out of sight. A humming of admiration started then as Alice floated with heart stopping elegance down the stairs. My eyes were on Edward, however. His tux was fully black, with a tie the same pink colour as Alice's dress. I then looked to his shoes and saw hot pink laces. This made me smile. It was different from what people would usually wear.

As Alice walked towards him his face lit up like the sun and his eyes glistened as he watched her. He walked towards her slowly then and encased her in his arms, his mother snapping photos of them the entire time with a bright smile plastered over her face.

It was then Rosalie's turn.

She sashayed down the staircase beautifully into the waiting arms of Emmett. He was dressed in the traditional tux with a red vest and tie. Esme continued taking pictures as the couple gazed into each other's eyes lovingly. Emmett then leant down and kissed Rosalie lightly on her lips before slipping a simple, red rose corsage onto her tiny wrist.

My eyes then went to Jasper. He was watching the two happy couples with a polite smile. It was then that he turned around to face the stairs, his eyes searching for any sign of my entrance. My heart pounded against my chest.

He was wearing simple black and white tux: white shirt, black tie, black pants and a black blazer. Although, it wasn't the usual crisp tux everyone would wear. His top button was undone, his tie was skinny and loose, the shirt was un-ironed and he wore worn, black converse shoes. It was his completely his style. His hair was shaggy and natural and he stood there with his hands in his pockets, leaning his weight on one leg and waiting for me. He looked gorgeous. Tux's definitely suited him.

I took a few deep breaths and steadied myself, before stepping gingerly into view. I stumbled slightly as I took the step, but caught myself on the handrail. I heard stifled laughter from downstairs and started to blush, peeking through my lashes at the people standing before me. Emmett and Edward were trying to stifle their laughter, with Rosalie, Alice and Esme scowling at them. Carlisle smiled politely at me and conversed with Esme a bit, who was then brought back to taking photos. I then looked to Jasper and at that moment the power of my spotlight was the greatest I had ever felt. I had grown so used to being in its space that it was like my shadow. But in that instance it was different; more powerful than ever.

My eyes met his and they locked, never faltering. He seemed oblivious to any happenings around him, and when I was absorbed in his gaze, I became oblivious too.

I started walking down the steps then, my body warming from the feeling of his gaze. Everything disappeared around us as I met him at the bottom. I had only stumbled once on the way down, and was very glad I hadn't worn heels. The sounds of everyone's words and the flashes of the camera faded into the distance.

"You look beautiful," he admired, leaning down and whispering in my ear. His breath tickled against my skin and flowed down my arm, sending shots of ecstasy through my body. Jasper laughed then as he noticed the bumps forming on my skin and heard me take a deep, broken breath as I closed my eyes and absorbed his scent.

I then felt him kiss my cheek and I cautiously opened my eyes. "And you look handsome," I replied. Jasper smiled to me then and wrapped his arm over my shoulder.

Esme then approached us with her camera and smiled widely. "Time for more photos!"

###

A limo was organised for our travel. When we were inside Emmett was nearly bursting out of his skin with excitement.

"Guess what!" he exclaimed.

"What?" Edward asked with the same enthusiasm, clearly in on whatever it was.

Emmett smiled wildly. "I got a top hat!" he yelled, pulling out a black top hat from behind his back.

Jasper and I immediately started laughing then as we took in Rosalie's distressed expression.

Rosalie groaned. "You can't be serious. You're going to wear that?"

"Hell yes," Emmett said, plonking it on his head. "It's stylish."

We couldn't help it then. Our laughter filled the area as Alice and Rosalie rolled their eyes.

We arrived at the school soon enough and the limo parked up at the entrance to the gym. When we stepped out I was struck dumb by everything. Music was already blaring through the doors and people I could barely recognise were entering them. Everyone looked so different, but I saw someone enter who looked like Jessica hanging onto Mike's arm and I knew we were at the right place.

When we walked inside the gym was completely transformed from a sweaty torture chamber to a formal heaven. Tables decorated in white outlined the room. In the middle sat a large dance floor, complete with strobe lights, smoke machines and a DJ. From the ceiling hung multi-coloured balloons and ribbons. The lights glistened on the sliver ware and glasses, giving the area an ominous glow. The room was filling up quickly and many people were already dancing the night away.

Alice and Edward led us over to a table perfectly situated near the dance floor. It gave us a full view of the room. In the corner of the room was where the photographer was situated, taking formal photos of everyone. Rosalie and Alice dragged Edward and Emmett over there as soon as they put their things down. Behind the professional photographer was a photo booth that took black and white photos.

"What do you think?" Jasper whispered in my ear as I gawked at the room. The music was booming through the speakers so he had to talk fairly loudly to hear each other.

I turned to him and stumbled over my words. "It's... loud," I said.

Jasper smiled then at me. "Don't worry, it won't be loud forever."

I smiled back to him and stood up on my tip-toes to peck him on the lips. When I did so, Jasper brought his hands to my waist and pulled me closer to him in a passionate kiss.

When we pulled away I started blushing and lay my head against Jaspers chest.

"Sorry," he laughed. "You just look beautiful tonight."

I blushed even more then and covered my face with my hands, still laying my head on his chest.

"Is anyone looking at us?" I mumbled, embarrassed by our moment of passion.

Jasper laughed again then and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close and kissing the top of my head. He then pulled me away slightly and turned me around, still holding me against his chest.

"Only because you look absolutely stunning," he claimed.

"You are such a suck up," I teased.

"For sure. Now, how about a dance, darlin'?" Jasper asked sweetly, taking my hand and standing in front of me, blocking others from view. "The others are still at the photos and this may be the one chance we get for alone time."

I peeked past him to the dance floor for a few seconds and then looked back into his eyes. His expression made me cave in quickly.

"Alright," I sighed, skipping in front of Jasper and pulling him to the middle of the Gym. "But if I hurt myself, I blame you."

We walked to the floor and I then turned around to face Jasper. He smiled widely down at me and moved my hands around his neck. He then placed his hands on my waist and we started moving slowly with the music. It didn't matter what the beat was, and I didn't actually notice. We just moved naturally together.

I kept my eyes locked on my feet and bit my bottom lip as we moved, ensuring they didn't get tangled in themselves. I then felt Jasper's right hand move from my waist to lift up my chin.

"Relax, Bella," he said. "I've got you."

I looked into his eyes and felt a feeling of safety wash over me. I sighed in relief and lay my head against his chest. Jasper held me close to him then and we drifted with the slow song that was now playing.

Eventually I pulled away from Jasper and took a look around. The dance floor was quite empty, with only a few couples dancing to the slow beat. Everyone else was sitting at their tables, eating dinner. I saw Rosalie with Emmett and Alice with Edward. They were all in their own little worlds in their own tiny spaces on the wide dance floor. I looked back into Jasper's eyes then and smiled. Jasper smiled back to me and tightened his hold on my waist, pulling me closer to him.

Eventually the floor emptied and everyone retired for food. We stayed there for a little while longer before retiring as well. Jasper left to get us some a plate while I was left with Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward.

"So... having fun?" Rosalie asked, raising her eyebrow at me.

I started blushing then and turned my head to the table, drawing circles on the white, soft table cloth.

"...because it looks like you were," Alice added, smiling. My blushing increased.

"Jasper looked like he was having fun too," Edward added.

"Loads of fun," Emmett chipped in through laughter. I didn't look up.

"Yeah... so what are you guys doing after this?" Rosalie asked. I looked up to her then, which made Edward and Emmett exchange meaningful glances.

"Isn't there some... after prom party of something?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Yeah... something like that," Edward laughed.

I was saved then by Jasper returning. Immediately, Edward straightened up and stopped laughing. All their expressions went blank.

"What is it?" Jasper asked hesitantly as he sat down next to me, putting a plate between us and taking in the look on his friends faces.

"Oh nothing," Emmett choked out, still attempting unsuccessfully to hold in his laughter.

"We were just chatting," Alice chirped, glancing at Emmett meaningfully.

Jasper then looked at each one of our faces before settling on mine. He was suspicious. So was I.

"You okay?" he asked, lifting up my chin. I nodded and smiled.

"Oh, she will be," Edward whispered. This sent Alice into giggles next to him. Rosalie then hit Edward in the arm and he shut his trap quickly. A few moments of awkward silence proceeded.

"Yeah, anyway... so Jasper, how do you like Bella's dress?" Rosalie asked, changing the subject quickly before Jasper could pry any further.

Jasper smiled then and looked at me. "She looks beautiful," He answered, his eyes locked on mine. "You all do," He added, breaking our gaze for a second to acknowledge Rosalie and Alice.

They all smiled politely to him.

"But seriously," Alice huffed. "How _much_ do you like it?"

Jasper was a bit confused then. "Um... a lot..."

Alice giggled then and whispered something in Edward's ear, which caused him to laugh.

"Mhm..." she said, turning to Jasper. "Um... We are all going to dance now. See you later."

Alice then took Edwards hand, dragging him up from the table and to the floor. Emmett smiled a huge goofy smile at us before following Rosalie as she followed Alice and Edward. He ran up to her and put his hat on her head, wrapping his arms around her waist.

We didn't speak for a few seconds as we watched them leave.

"Well that was weird," I said, still watching them walk away.

"You have no idea," Jasper replied. He then turned to me. "I'm going to the bathroom. I will be back before you know it," he said, pecking my lips and sliding out of his seat.

"Don't be long."

I sighed as I watched him disappear out the doors. I then turned my head to my drink and started aimlessly twirling the straw, watching the dark liquid turn into a whirlpool. Sounds of laughter and music flooded my ears as the feeling of loneliness washed over me. I missed Jasper. His attention was the only one I sought.

I took a sip of my drink then and looked to our untouched food. Bread, ham and salad. Simple enough. No cucumber. I saw them on the others plates though. Jasper knew I hated them. He loved them though. He always made sacrifices for me.

It was then that I was distracted by a movement beside me and someone taking Jasper's seat. I looked up with a huge smile on my face, expecting to meet his gorgeous eyes. I should have known better. It wasn't Jasper's presence I felt.

I looked up to meet James's cold, stale eyes smiling at me. I shied away immediately, my heart pounding against my chest. _Leave, leave now._

"Hi Bella," he greeted. "You look hot tonight."

I turned my head away to the dance floor. "You better go. Jasper will be back soon," I warned coldly. I was aware that his attentions for me were based around the plan of aggravating Jasper.

James's sarcastic laughter filled the area. "Oh, I'm counting on it," he said. "But boy am I thirsty. Mind if I have a sip?" he asked, taking my drink in his hands and sipping through the straw.

I glanced at him. My gag reflexes started playing up.

"Strawberry lip balm," He laughed, setting the drink down. "I love strawberries."

_And I hate you._

I ignored him and turned to the direction of the men's room. _Jasper, please come back._

"Oh come on, Bella," James's voice moaned. I then felt his cold hand on my arm and I froze instantly. He started drawing little circles on my skin. "Don't be so angry. It's fake prom night! I just want to talk."

"Let me go," I said quietly, turning to him.

James smiled then. It was a cocky, cynical smile. "There we go. Now I have your attention," he said, bringing his hand to my chin and holding it strongly. "You are a little gem, aren't you? No wonder Whitlock snagged you so quickly." I tried to pull away but he held it hard and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip. The touch stung my skin.

"Get off me," I growled, pulling away from him and pushing against his chest, standing up. He still had my arm.

James just laughed and pulled me closer to him, pecking me on the cheek as I tried with all my might to pull away.

"Come on, stop struggling Bella. I just want to talk," he soothed cruelly, his hand tightening its grip around my arm.

I tried to yank my arm away from him then but he strengthened his grip, digging his fingers into my skin.

"Feisty, huh?" he laughed. "I like feisty."

I tried desperately to yank my arm away but was unsuccessful. It was then that a heavenly voice sounded behind me and warm arms encased me once again.

But there was still that cold grip hanging desperately on my arm.

All of a sudden the grip disappeared and I was out of the warm arms. I then felt two small hands holding mine softly and another on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see Alice holding my hands and looking at me desperately. Next to me stood Rosalie who had her hand on my shoulder and was brushing my hair from my eyes.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked in a worry filled voice. I nodded slowly, trying to calm myself. I then thought of Jasper.

I spun around on my heels to see his back shielding me from the horror that stood in front of us. Emmett and Edward stood around him too. Emmett's body was positioned near Rosalie in a position that supported Jasper but also shielded her from James's view. Edward did the same for Alice.

"Oh come on, Whitlock," James sighed. "We were just talking. Quite a catch you have there, by the way." He smiled to Jasper and then looked around him and sent a wicked wink to me. Jasper stepped in its way.

"You slimy little rat!" Emmett boomed, his anger overflowing as he stepped towards James. Jasper's hand went to his shoulder and he stopped in place. A few words were spoken that I didn't catch and then Jasper's glare shot back to James.

"Outside, now," Jasper ordered strongly. "I don't want to make a scene in here, but I sure as hell want to kick your ass."

James smiled then and laughed. "Finally going to man up, eh Whitlock? It's about time."

Jasper didn't respond, but I could only imagine the ferocity in his eyes. He bent his head to the right, indicating to James to go first. James sent another cruel smile to him before trotting out the door. With James's back turned Jasper looked at me and then to Rosalie and Alice.

"Keep her here," he instructed with authority. Alice nodded slowly. My heart jumped into my throat then. There was no way in hell I was staying there.

I was about to protest when Jasper's eyes met mine. I stopped in my tracks as I watched his emotions play out. My mouth hung open but no words came. He then turned and walked out, Emmett and Edward following closely behind.

I watched them walk and then turned back to Alice and Rosalie. Their eyes were still on the doors, but soon met mine.

"Don't worry, Bella," Rosalie whispered. I nodded slowly. _Escape, escape, escape._

Alice still hadn't let go of my hands. I looked at them then and she understood, releasing her grasp. I sighed then and ran my hands through my hair. _Three... Two... One_.

I ran out the door then. I heard Rosalie and Alice's calls behind me but I ignored them.

I skidded to a stop in the wet floor of the parking lot and lost my breath. It was dark and the street lamps reflected off the puddles on the ground, giving it an ominous glow. The area was empty and cold and the only sounds I heard were the boys' angry voices and the hum of booming music from inside.

My eyes then landed on Jasper's back. I could hear his booming voice filling the lot as he shouted at James, Emmett and Edward at is flanks but not partaking. This was his fight.

He pushed James's chest strongly and James stumbled back, falling onto the wet pavement and failing to catch himself. Jasper continued walking towards him in a threatening manner. James only laughed cruelly and his eyes landed on me. He sent me a conspicuous wink that Jasper didn't catch before standing up again.

"That all you got, Whitlock?" he taunted.

Jasper just laughed and shook his head. "Don't worry; this is just the warm up."

Jasper then stormed forwards and landed a bone breaking punch into James's cheek. James stumbled back again, clutching at the area of impact. I was left standing in my place, my feet frozen in shock as Jasper stalked forward to James. He was on the ground, stumbling around and trying to pick himself up. That cocky grin still wasn't gone from his face. It was then that I felt a hand on each of my shoulders.

"Bella," I heard Rosalie whisper, before she froze, watching Jasper stalk towards James.

"I have told you so many times to keep your sick ass away from us," Jasper yelled, kicking James in the shin as he tried to stand. "But you, trying to be a tough guy, never fucking listen." He landed a punch in James's gut. "You're such a worthless piece of shit. It's about time you get taught _another_ lesson."

The ferocity in Jasper's voice scared me then, but as I thought over the reasons for his hatred, it was perfectly understandable.

James laughed and pulled himself off the ground. "Ha! You really think I give a shit about your '_lessons_'?" he laughed again and flexed his jaw, stiff from where Jasper had landed his blow. "I don't give a fucking _shit_ about _this_, Whitlock. It's all worth it. The fun I have by making you and your _posy_ so pissed is all I need. That satisfaction –and getting to spend some time with the lovely Bella over there – is all worth it."

James then shot an obvious wink to me. Jasper caught it this time and turned to face me. The anger on his face wiped clean with shock and my name was a whisper on his lips.

James laughed again. "What? You don't want sweet little Bella to see you mad? Give me a break! Continue what you started, Whitlock. 'Protect your own'."

Jasper's face shot back to James then and he took a step forward. "Oh, I plan to," he smiled.

James took a step forward too and went in for a punch. He hit Jasper square jaw. I winced away as I watched the impact and my head screamed for me to run to his aid. Damn feet wouldn't budge though.

But Jasper didn't cradle the spot. His quickly grabbed James's wrist and pulled it to the ground, immobilising him. He then landed four swift hard punches into James's gut. I didn't wince away at that.

I looked over to Rosalie then and I was met by nothing. Her face showed no emotion. She could have been hiding it, but I didn't think anyone could hide that well. She could have made herself numb to it all, but I didn't think that possible. I just didn't know.

My gaze then went back to James. He was lying on the floor, clutching at his stomach as Jasper landed one more bone shattering kick into him.

"How about you listen next time I tell you to stay the _fuck_ away?" Jasper spat to the shattered James. He then looked at him for a few more seconds before turning around to face me. When he did worry washed over me. He had a split, bloodied lip. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as James's injuries, but it still stung to know he was hurt because of me.

He walked towards me then, his face playing a mixture of emotions; hurt, confusion, anger, sorrow, fulfilment and most of all, guilt.

When he reached me he pulled me into a warm, loving, desperate hug.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered, running his hands through my hair. "I didn't want you to see that."

Then I realised I had been oblivious to the tears flowing down my cheeks. I snuggled into Jasper then.

"You're hurt," I whispered. "I didn't want you to get hurt because of me."

"It wasn't because of you. It was for you. And Rose."

I didn't say anything. How could I? It was true. If anything else, he needed to do it for Rosalie. I accepted this and nodded, just glad to have him back relatively unharmed. I took a deep breath in.

We pulled away then and turned to look around. Edward was holding Alice's hands, having a quiet conversation. I then turned to Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett held one of her hands and was brushing her hair aside with the other. He then proceeded to wipe her tears away.

It was then that she shocked me, and probably everyone else too. She walked away from Emmett and towards James, who was now pulling himself into a sitting position. She stood only inches from him, glaring ferociously down. James looked up to her then and that same cocky smile appeared. I wanted to wipe it right off again. I could feel Jasper frozen stiff by me and I could see the stress in Emmett's stance. Neither wanted her near him.

"Come back for more, honey?" James drawled in a sick, menacing voice.

Rosalie's expression didn't change. "You deserved what you got. You are worthless. You're not even worth my breath, so I will make this quick. What you did to me was sick, disgusting and wrong. But I'm not letting it rule my life anymore. I hope you rot in hell for what you did. People like you aren't worth the dirt they stand on, or in your case, crumple over in pain on. Maybe one day you will regret what happened, but until then, I hope you crawl under a rock and die, because if I ever see you near Bella or any of us again, Jasper's fists won't be the only ones meeting your face."

Rosalie then spat on him. It landed squarely on his cheek. She then turned around and walked towards Emmett, being enveloped in his safe and secure arms. I thought it a fitting finish. Her strength never ceased to amaze me.

That was the conformation I needed to know Jasper's story was absolutely, positively true, however I had never doubted it. But I understood the predicament; Rosalie never directly admitted what happened. But now I knew she wouldn't let it get to her anymore.

After a few seconds Emmett spoke. "Come on. Let's get back in there. We are missing the bloody party."

We all went inside then and soon settled into a night of dancing, laughter and fun. It truly was an amazing night. Everyone was calm after the James episode. We were lucky that we had not attracted the attention of any teachers. We don't know what happened to James either. The guy probably made it home somehow, or took Rosalie's advice and crawled under a rock to die. I don't know, and I don't care.

The best part of the night, however, was being in Jasper's arms most of the time. He didn't let me out of his sight after the episode, and when I went to the bathroom I was always accompanied by Rosalie and Alice. We danced the night away together, and half the time we were oblivious to the actual beat. When the bass was thumping, we were slowly moving together. When the beat was slow and calm, we were jumping around crazily. But we didn't care. All I cared for was spending the time with Jasper. All other worries could wait.

Alice and Rosalie also eventually dragged us away from the dance floor to take some formal photos. However, it took longer than usual. Neither of us could keep a straight face long enough for the guy to take the photo and whenever we were even partly close Jasper would decide it was time to make me laugh. He would tickle me in the side and I would laugh and struggle, obscuring the photo. Eventually the guy gave up. After about eleven tries he couldn't get a straight photo out of us. He decided it wasn't worth it. Jasper and I couldn't care less.

The rest of the night seemed to fly by. I lost all thoughts of time or space. My world centred on Jasper. It was the most magical night of my life.

About half way through the night the King and Queen were crowned. Surprise, surprise, it was Emmett and Rosalie who took the crowns. It truly was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. They complimented each other perfectly. As we watched them accept their sashes Jasper wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him, kissing the top of my head.

"You look more beautiful," he whispered.

I smacked his shoulder lightly. "That's your cousin, Jasper. Be nice," I laughed. "And plus, you're biased."

Jasper laughed then. "Yes, and I'm proud to admit it. For good reason, too."

I just laughed then and shoved his shoulder playfully and kept watching Rosalie and Emmett. They were having their King and Queen Dance. Rosalie looked stunning. Emmett looked at her like she was his entire world.

It was then that Jasper stood up and I felt him take my hand in his. "How about a dance?" he asked.

I blushed then and nodded slowly, noticing the couples emerging to support Rosalie and Emmett.

We walked slowly to the dance floor and Jasper then pulled me softly to him. We then started flowing slowly to the music, turning in a slow circle. I became oblivious to everything around me. All I noticed was Jasper's eyes and the body attached to them.

When the song ended Jasper leant down to kiss me softly. It was broken by the feeling of a hat landing on the top of my head. I turned around to see Emmett and Rosalie standing behind us, wide eyed and smiling madly.

"Prom King, baby!" Emmett yelled, taking me from Jasper's arms and pulling me into a straight, reformed waltz position. The hat flopped over my eyes a bit then and Emmett laughed, lifting it back up to sit on my head properly.

"May I have this dance?" he asked in a proper English accent. I laughed then and nodded, blushing slightly. Emmett then started twirling me around freely in a happy dance.

As we spun my eyes landed on Jasper. He was dancing with Rosalie, a large smile plastered over his ridiculous face. I had to laugh then as I watched them prance around the dance floor, Rosalie laughing along with him. I then turned back to Emmett and smiled wildly, laughing and trying my best to dance and not trip.

The rest of the night flew by quickly. After Emmett I shared a dance with Edward before being returned to Jasper. I couldn't have asked for a better time.

Eventually, however, we had to leave. We all piled into the limo Alice and Rosalie hired and drove back to Edward's house. We knew more people would be coming in about half an hour and Alice wanted us to get ready. She said, "Now the _real_ party is going to start."

When we got inside everything was set up. Five tables filled to the brink with alcohol lined one wall. There was also a large DJ area and dance floor set up. There were streamers hanging from the ceiling and a table of snacks.

Alice and Rosalie dragged me up to that same room we had got ready in. Alice then rushed into the closet and pulled out clothes for us all. She handed Rosalie a little black, skin tight, short dress with a plunging neck line. I secretly prayed mine was _not _like that. Rosalie slipped it on and then went to touch up her make-up and change her shoes to extreme, black leather heels. I just stood there dumbfounded, questioning what type of party it was exactly.

I then turned to Alice and she had slipped on her own outfit. She had on a pair of tiny, black shorts and a skin tight, pink, sleeveless top with a plunging neckline. She finished changing her shoes and then turned to me with a huge smile on her face. Rosalie then appeared from the bathroom and handed me a pile of clothes; a denim mini skirt, white tank top and black cardigan. I slipped them all on without protest.

When I was done Alice handed me my clutch.

"Keep this with you at all times," she said. I nodded slowly then, remembering its _specific_ contents.

We then walked down stairs to face the boys. When we got there they had all changed. Emmett wore jeans and a blue shirt. Edward had dark blue jeans and a green shirt that matched his eyes. Jasper then had dark jeans, a white t-shirt and a crisp, unbuttoned black shirt, all adorned with his signature converse shoes.

I walked up to him and he hugged me tight.

"Do you want to go to the beach?" he asked as he held me in his arms.

My mood picked up immediately and I grinned at him. "Yes _please._"

Jasper smiled and nodded, taking my hand and leading me to the car after explaining to everyone where we were going. I was happy to go. No matter how much I enjoyed being with all my friends, I wanted any excuse to be with Jasper at the beach.

###

On the way to the beach we sat in a comfortable silence. Jasper held my hand the entire trip and didn't let go. When we got there he raced around to open my door for me and then got a picnic basket out from the back.

We walked down the beach hand in hand, talking quietly and absorbing the sounds of the crashing waves and sighing wind. We reached that cliff soon enough, climbing to the top with ease. The view took my breath away. The water was calm and the seals were sleeping soundly at the water's edge. The sea was pale blue in colour and was reflecting the moons full face so clearly it was as though the moon lay beneath the waves.

Jasper walked over to a flat surface on the rock and spread out a large blanket for us to sit on. He then proceeded to empty the contents of his basket. From it came two plastic champagne glasses, lemonade, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and popcorn.

I giggled lightly then as I took in the spread. It was the most perfect meal in the world. He then pulled out a vase full of violets. I was in absolute, binding, unfaltering love.

Jasper turned to me then. "You may think this is pitiful, but let me assure you, I make the _best_ peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you have _ever_ tasted. Be prepared for a party on your taste buds," he said, shaking one of the sandwiches at me.

I laughed louder then and skipped over to him, taking his hands in mine and hopping up on my tip-toes to kiss him lightly on the lips. "I'm looking forward to it. It's perfect."

And it was. The plastic champagne glasses, the lemonade in a bottle that looked like champagne, the sandwiches wrapped in the best tinfoil money could buy, the hand-picked violets in a beautiful, antique looking vase and the popcorn in a plastic container. It was perfect.

We sat down on the blanket then. Jasper poured us each a glass of lemonade and then clicked his glass to mine.

I raised an eyebrow at him, giggling. "I do hope you are not trying to get me drunk," I joked.

Jasper laughed then. "Well, I do regret to inform you that this drink has a zero percent alcohol level."

I laughed then and took a sip. "Good to know."

Jasper then handed me a sandwich. "Are you ready for the taste bud rave?" he teased.

I laughed then and snatched the food from his hands. "I think I am," I smiled.

Jasper laughed then and took the other sandwich. I took a bite of mine.

"Holy crap. This is the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich _ever_," I claimed.

A giant smile then formed on Jasper's face. "Well... I hate to say I told you so but... I told you so," he smiled.

I laughed sarcastically then and took another bite, leaning into him.

When we had finished our sandwiches Jasper opened the popcorn and we got into an easy conversation together.

"When I was little Jacob had this tree house at his place. Every day we would go up there and just spend hours being whatever we wanted. It even had a pirate wheel. It was one of those places that I can never forget, no matter what happens. There we could be whatever we wanted. I had such big dreams for my life back then, but they were little kids dreams." I popped a piece of popcorn into my mouth then as Jasper held me closer.

"What did you dream to do?" he asked.

I laughed lightly then. "Half the stuff I can't even remember. I wanted to do everything. Save the whales, beat world poverty, explore space, and cure cancer. You know, all the crazy, impossible things little kids dream of."

"Nothing's impossible," he claimed.

I laughed again. "That's what everyone says."

Jasper placed his finger under my chin then, lifting it to make me look at him. "It's true," he promised. "I thought it was impossible to feel so comfortable with someone – to care about someone so much. Then I found you."

"I guess you bet the odds," I joked.

Jasper smiled then, but not in a joking way. He was utterly serious. "I did."

"You're such a sentimentalist," I laughed.

Jasper still wasn't joking. "It's true, Bella. I'm not joking."

I didn't know what to say then. His eyes stayed locked on mine. The intensity and the depth protruding through them seemed to draw me closer. I felt an urge for him; an insatiable, dominating urge.

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you too," he replied without missing a beat.

Something changed as I stared into his eyes at that moment. Something shifted inside me. I felt a pull to him – one that couldn't be satisfied by a simple kiss. There was something more.

He kissed me, and in that kiss, all my worries vanished. I felt my heart hammering. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. He stared into my eyes. I stared into his. His hands held my waist. Mine touched his chest. He removed my shirt. I kissed his neck. He kissed my collar bone. I tried to pull off his t-shirt. The t-shirt stuck around his head. I had to tug it off. He laughed at my struggles. I kissed him again. His hands slid along my back. We connected, him inside of me. It was a bit uncomfortable and painful, in all honesty, but somehow I felt completed. It felt right; good. The stars shone, bright and glittering. The waves crashed soothingly. The night whispered our names. So did the ocean.

###

**Author's Note: Naaaaw. They finally had sex. Ohhh, the cheesiness of it all is too much. So, what did you all think about the Prom; about James, Rosalie, Jasper, Bella and all the others? I would love to hear your thoughts!**

**On a side note, I just posted a new story. It's Twilight fandom and Ed/B, R/Em and J/A shipping. It's also OOC/AH/AU, like this one. I assure you that it won't interfere with my updating of this story though. It's called **_**Freshmeat**_**, and based in college. Please check it out if you feel so inclined. **

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


	21. Chapter 20

**Let Go**  
Chapter Twenty

###

_Just a Kiss_

###

Jasper and I didn't go back to Edward's house for the party. We just stayed at the beach, laying on the blanket and watching the stars. Jasper's arm was looped under me and I wore his back shirt, which was more like a dress on me with too long arms and a length almost at my knees. Watching the stars was peaceful; right. Jasper didn't miss out on the opportunity to tease me about the condom though.

Jasper held the empty plastic wrapper between his fingers and chuckled. I could feel a creeping blush and went to cover my face. Upon noticing Jasper hugged me tighter and flicked the plastic to the side of us.

"I can't believe you were actually prepared," he laughed. "It's pretty impressive."

"I can't take credit for it," I admitted. "Alice and Rosalie basically forced it on me. I'll have to thank them for that one day."

Jasper sighed and ran a hand through his hair with an awkward laugh. "Of course they did," he laughed nervously. "Those two sure are hard cases."

"Hey," I laughed, nudging his arm and pushing myself up on my elbow so I was looking down on him, "at least they were being prepared. Neither of us thought about it."

Jasper laughed nervously again. "Heh, yeah, _we_ sure didn't... but..." Jasper reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a strip of shiny gold plastic. My mouth fell open as I laid eyes on at least six other condoms. "Emmett and Edward sure did."

I stared at the golden squares in absolute embarrassment. "You're kidding."

"Nope," Jasper popped. "They made sure I was prepared when we were getting ready."

"How much sex did they think we were going to _have_?" I blurted out.

Jasper laughed again. I still hadn't looked away from the condoms. "I asked them that. Emmett answered with the usual vague 'better safe than sorry' shit."

I could feel my cheeks burning bright red. Instinctively I buried myself into Jasper's bare chest, leaning my face against my hands.

"Oh God, they probably worked together in it," I mumbled in complete embarrassment.

Jasper chuckled again. I could feel the vibrations in his chest. I then felt his arms wrap around me.

"Don't worry," he assured me. "They don't need to know."

I peeked up at him and raised an eyebrow. "You and I both know they will find out."

Jasper nodded apprehensively. "Yeah, true," he agreed.

"Jasper," I growled, pouting.

Jasper chuckled at my expression. "_But_," he continued, "it won't matter. It won't change anything."

I smiled at that and Jasper leant down to kiss my lightly on the lips. "Right," I agreed with a smile. "It won't matter."

It was another hour before we left the beach and headed back to Edward's. We snuck to Edward's house when the party was dying down and spent the last hour or so with everyone before retiring to our assigned bedrooms. I shared the one I had gotten ready in with Rosalie and Alice. As we got ready for bed Alice and Rosalie were smiling suspiciously at me, waiting for an answer. I just laughed and rolled my eyes at their absurdity. Rosalie decided to break the ice and mouth a "Did you?" Apprehensively, I nodded. Neither made a noise, not wanting to upset me, but they _did_ smile the biggest smiles I had ever seen. Okay, Alice did let out a little celebratory scream. I covered my head with a pillow, blushing furiously, and told them I was going to sleep.

On Sunday Jasper and I went home. I admitted that Rosalie and Alice figured it out, but were good about it, not mentioning it afterwards. He admitted Edward and Emmett knew too, and unlike Alice and Rosalie, he was given hell for the rest of the night.

When we got back Jasper headed to his house to have a shower and get changed. I went inside and was met by Mom and Charlie having yet another fight, only this time, it was about me.

Charlie was pissed that I went to the Prom without his consent. Mom was surprisingly defending me. I knew she had been trying to be better lately. She hadn't drunk or had a dose in a few weeks and had tried her best to be there for Renesmee and me. Things were looking up, and now, in this argument, she refused to let Charlie take his anger out on me. She stood in front of me, defending me the whole time. Eventually Charlie gave up and stormed out to his car. I just stood there in shock. My Mom looked to me and smiled weakly before walking away. Not a word was spoken about it.

It took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I then took a few deep breaths before heading upstairs. I took a shower, got dressed and waited for Jasper to come.

He stayed with me the whole day and Mom didn't leave the house. She looked after Renesmee the whole time. Charlie didn't come back till late at night.

###

After that weekend – that perfect weekend – time flew by like I never had imagined before. Two months passed – two wonderful months of summer. It may seem like a long time to skim over with little attention, but after that weekend, my life moved on with unbelievable calm and happiness. The few weeks we had till the end of school were taken up with exams and the football team winning state. Following that, Jasper and I only grew closer to each other. I knew him better than I knew the back of my hand. The time we spent together after the Prom only brought us closer. There were things about Jasper I found out; amazing things, interesting things, and things that many people would think unimportant.

We spent every hour we could at the beach together. It was our home, and during summer it was at its peak. Jasper was on lifeguard duty in the weekends, along with Peter, Laurent and Garrett. On those days I spent the day on the beach with all our friends and Renesmee. Occasionally as we drove to the beach the conversation of Jasper's mother's house would come up. No matter what, he refused to even consider going in. I wouldn't push him.

Over those two months my Dad was present less and less and my Mom was recovering more and more. I grew closer to her. Of course, it wasn't very close, but occasionally we talked together freely. She made an obvious attempt to improve herself, and I did all I could to help. My Dad still abused us, but not to the same extent. Luckily Jasper wasn't there when it happened and I was able to hold him back afterwards, showing him it was getting easier; better.

Jasper also helped me get back in touch with Jacob. He set me up with an e-mail account and organised my computer for me. It had lay dormant and unused in my time there so far. He then found Jacob on a social networking site and got us in touch. He had even started chatting to Jacob occasionally. They got on well. I couldn't be happier for that.

We weren't troubled by James at school over those months and very rarely saw him. It was a great relief. Edward had one episode in that time, but only one. It came when Jasper and I were visiting Charlotte and Peter. We all went to him then. He recovered well.

Esme also gave us some of the photos from the Prom. I locked them away in the box under my bed.

Also, in those two months my relationships with Emmett, Edward, Rosalie and Alice only grew. I loved them like family. I got to spend some quality time with each of them. Alice was sober those few months – or, at least to my knowledge, she was.

When I spent time with Rosalie, it was a lot like spending time with Jasper. She got me to open up to her. When I did, a weight lifted from my shoulders. I told her what was going on, and she listened. She knew some of it, but when I actually cleared the air with her and told her everything, she finally understood better. She didn't judge me. She didn't interrupt me. When I was done she hugged me tight and told me her story. Rosalie was like an older sister to me over those two months. When I came to that school I never would have thought I would become best friends with her, but I did. She told me stories of when Jasper and her were little. I told her stories of Forks. We grew closer. I didn't shut her out anymore. I couldn't shut her out anymore. If I was to be her friend we had to be open together. She was Jasper's only real family. I was with Jasper. It only made sense that we got along. There were no more secrets between us.

Emmett was another person who I grew closer to over those months. I had never truly tried to understand his relationship with Jasper, but over those two months, I did. Rosalie and him were both older than Jasper and I. Rosalie was Jasper's cousin. They looked out for him. In a way, he was their little brother, although he wasn't that much younger. Rosalie and Emmett would be together for a long time. They had the strongest bond I had ever seen. Everyone knew that. Everyone also knew that Jasper was very important to Rosalie. Emmett and him were best friends, but their relationship held something else that I can never fully understand or explain. There was a sort of awareness and closeness between them. Emmett was Jasper's older brother; his mentor; his father. He was protective of him, but he knocked him into line and cleaned him up when he needed to. They were best friends and joked around, but they knew each other better than anything. Emmett was one of the few people who could control Jasper. And then, when it came to it, Emmett wanted to look after Jasper and I. He wanted to protect us. He kind of adopted both Jasper and I as his younger siblings. I was extremely grateful for it. I had always wanted an older brother. Now I had one.

Much like with Rosalie, I felt like I could open up to Emmett. I did, and I felt better for it.

However, the two month period stopped on my birthday. It was just a week away from school starting again. It was a Saturday.

All I knew was that Alice had, yet again, organised a party. And I also knew it was a large party. Half the school was coming. It was also a party for the end of summer.

I was standing in the middle of my closet in my underwear, trying to find something to wear. I had a few things I _would_ wear, but the chance of Alice approving them was few and far between. My wardrobe was scarce – it always had been – and now I was having trouble.

I flicked through the selection on the rack for the sixth time and grabbed my best pair of jeans. They were black skinny jeans that I had brought during a shopping trip with Rosalie, Charlotte and Alice a month ago. I put them on and sighed as I searched for a top to go along with it.

Eventually I settled on a white baby doll top with spaghetti straps. It was a top Alice had given to me to use when Jasper and I went to the movies one night. I had worn it that once and only once.

I then put on black converse and brushed my hair, before heading out the door. I sat down on the porch of my house to wait for Jasper. As I did I played with the promise ring still on my finger. I had never taken it off since the day he gave it to me all those months ago. Sometimes it was around my neck, but the majority of the time it was on my finger.

When Jasper came over he took my hand and led me to the truck. We drove to Edward's house in silence, hand-in-hand, with the radio playing quietly in the background.

When we arrived at Edward's house you could hear music blaring out the open doors and windows. Jasper parked the truck further away from the house than usual due to the numerous cars already taking up a lot of the space. Jasper got out of the car then and opened my door for me, helping me out.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. "Happy sweet sixteen," he whispered. "It's about time." He stopped us walking a moment later and looked up at me apprehensively. "Before we go in there I want to give you this," he said, pulling a white box about the size of his palm with a red ribbon wrapped around it from his pocket.

"What is it?" I asked, looking to the small item in his hands.

"Your birthday present."

"Oh, Jasper, you didn't have to-"

"No, but I wanted to," he replied quickly. "Open it."

He placed the small box in my hand and I took it gratefully with a smile. "Thank you."

I gently undid the ribbon and lifted the lid of the box. Inside lay an item I fell in love with immediately. There sat a little teddy bear, just smaller than my palm. It was light brown in colour with amazingly soft fur and the cutest face I had ever seen. Around its neck was a little golden bow and in one of its paws was a small heart.

I looked up to Jasper and smiled. "It's beautiful. Thank you so much."

Jasper smiled then and bowed his head, scratching the back of his neck, nervous again. "Yeah... I don't know... I just remembered how you told me that you never got a teddy bear when you were little and I thought... better late than never."

I grabbed Jasper's hand and lifted his chin up, pecking his lips. "I love it," I said.

Jasper smiled then and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, leading me towards the party. I put the teddy in his box and his box in my bag.

When we got inside the house we were met by a loud, crazy and thumping party. People were packed into the dance floor together and the music was pounding through the halls. People were everywhere, and half of them I didn't even recognise. I then saw Angela and Jessica in the corner of my eye and threw them a quick wave.

I scanned the dance floor and soon found Alice and Rosalie. They were there, dancing away with their Emmett and Edward, who each held a beer in their hands. I laughed and continued scanning. I found Garrett and Peter standing and talking with other people I vaguely recognised. I couldn't locate Charlotte or Laurent though.

"Want to go get a drink?" Jasper asked, leaning down to whisper in my ear. I nodded to him then and he started leading us through the crowd to the kitchen.

When we reached it the music was drowned out slightly and we could talk at a lower volume. My eyes soon landed on Charlotte and Laurent. They were leaning up against the counter, talking and laughing with drinks in their hands.

We walked over to them and Charlotte greeted me with a hug while Laurent bumped Jasper's fist in their traditional greeting. I jumped up to sit on the counter top opposite them while Jasper grabbed us a drink each. I took mine gratefully and took a sip before turning to Charlotte and Laurent.

"So Bella, Happy sweet sixteen," Charlotte said with a huge smile. "It's about time you got here. Our present for you is in the room we're staying in. I will give it to you later."

"You guys didn't have to get me anything. I don't want anything. Your brilliant company is all I need," I replied with a cheeky grin.

"Well you could have told us earlier," Charlotte teased. "It's non-refundable."

I smiled at her and pocked out my tongue. Charlotte just laughed and returned the gesture.

"Can I have a clue to what it is?" I asked.

"See, you do want it," Laurent claimed.

"No... I just want to find out what it is," I swore.

"Liar," Charlotte popped.

I turned to her and laughed. "Hardly."

"Fine, so you don't mind if I keep the present for my own enjoyment?" she asked suspiciously.

"You can't do that!" I exclaimed without thinking. Charlotte, Jasper and Laurent laughed at my outburst.

I groaned and turned to Jasper, pleading with him.

"Hey," he cautioned, holding up his hands in defence. "Don't bring me into this."

I sighed again. "Well you're no help."

Jasper laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist. "Oh come on, you know you love me really."

I laughed sarcastically. "In your dreams, Blondie," I teased.

"Fine," he said. "Then you're not getting your other present."

My ears perked up then as those words sunk in. "_Other_ present?" I asked eagerly, hoping off the bench.

Jasper just laughed and turned his head away from me. "Nope, too late now."

I let out a little squeal, skipping in front of him and grabbing his wrists. "Please, please, please? Tell me what it is!"

Jasper laughed and pecked my lips. "It's a surprise. I will show you later."

I sighed, turning around to lean into him as we continued our conversation with Laurent and Charlotte. After about ten minutes Peter came in.

"Where's Garrett?" Charlotte asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her.

Peter scoffed then. "Hooking up with some random chick. The guy ditched me for a _girl_! Although she _was_ pretty hot, so I don't blame him." Charlotte hit Peter on the arm playfully. He just laughed. "Don't worry, I have the only girl I will ever need right here."

Charlotte smiled and snuggled into Peter's arm with a large smile on her face.

"Who's the chick?" Jasper asked as Peter grabbed a drink and leant against the counter, wrapping his arm over Charlotte's shoulder.

"Some blond chick... Kate I think... or Katie... One of the two," Peter shrugged, throwing back some beer. "What surprised me, though, was that she is completely _sober_ and _still_ chose him." Laurent and Jasper both laughed at that. Charlotte looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Nah, I'm kidding," Peter claimed, "But seriously, they are going at it. They make a cute couple, I just don't want to stick around to watch," he continued. "So what have you and Pretty Boy been up to lately, Bella?" Peter asked, throwing his head in Jasper's direction. "Has he been good to you on your birthday? Because if he hasn't, just tell Laurent and me and we'll boot him into line." Peter sent Jasper a teasing smile then.

Jasper laughed. "You have no chance."

Peter held up his index finger to Jasper then. "Shush, you, I'm talking to the lady." He winked at me and turned towards Jasper. "And I will take you up on that later," he added.

"No, he's been good. But if he steps out of line, I will be sure to call on you two," I assured him.

"You better!" Peter warned, pointing his index finger at me and smiling. He then turned to Charlotte. "So babe, want to go dance?

Charlotte smiled and grabbed his hand. "It's about time you asked."

Charlotte then walked off then, pulling Peter behind her.

"Well okay then," Laurent shrugged.

"We won't be seeing them for a while," Jasper laughed.

Laurent laughed too and turned to me. "So how does it feel to be sixteen, Bella?"

"Not much different," I noted.

It was then that Emmett burst into the kitchen, waving his beer around the place, spilling it everywhere. His booming voice filled the room as he ran to me and scooped me into a bear hug.

"Bella! Little Bella is sixteen! You've grown up so much! I mean you're sixteen, you've got a boyfriend and you and Jasper had se-"

Jasper clamped his hand over Emmett's mouth as I struggled out of his arms, stopping the rant right then. Emmett laughed and pulled away from Jasper's hand, smiling widely at us. It was then that the entire room burst into laughter. Emmett just took another swig of his beer and patted Jasper on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, buddy. I will keep your little secret quiet," he promised before skipping – yes, skipping – from the room.

After two months, the teasing about the Prom still hadn't subsided, although it didn't have much effect. It wasn't like sex was a onetime thing for us and Emmett just liked to make fun of everyone. You couldn't take it to heart. He didn't mean any harm.

"I don't think we will be seeing him any time soon," I sighed as the sounds of a slamming door and Rosalie's yelling reached us.

Jasper laughed then. "He's Rosalie's problem now."

"Hey, that's not very nice to your cousin. He's your friend too," I teased. "You're meant to look after your friends in need."

Jasper laughed and shook his head. "See, that is where you are mistaken. Emmett-sitting is divided equally between us all. Edward gets Sundays and Mondays. Rosalie gets Saturdays and shares Wednesdays with Alice. I get Thursdays and Fridays, where Alice gets Tuesdays and shares Wednesdays. It's quite a sturdy system."

I laughed at that. "So we only need to worry about caring for drunken Emmett two nights a week?"

"Exactly," Jasper popped as he reached for more drinks. As I took mine my mind remembered the person we were talking to previously. I turned to face Laurent and froze in spot, covering my mouth in my hand to choke back my laugh.

When Jasper heard me he turned around and started howling with laughter. Laurent was lip-locked with a girl who I didn't know.

"Who's that?" I whispered through my hand.

Jasper just continued laughing.

"Irina," he choked out. "Let's get out of this place and give these two some space," he laughed, grabbing four more beers for later.

"Who is she?" I asked as we tried to squeeze past the couple.

Jasper just laughed. "A girl from down the beach. Laurent's been crushing on her for ages. It's about time he made a move... or two," Jasper laughed then and patted Laurent on the back. "Nice one."

Jasper laughed and dodge Laurent's hand as he removed it from Irina and tried to smack Jasper away. Jasper continued to laugh as Laurent then flipped his middle finger at him. Once away from the two we started walking out the kitchen to the back door, but before we got there I felt myself enveloped in two tiny arms.

"Bella!" Alice yelled. "Happy Birthday!"

I laughed as she continued to lock her arms around my neck. "Thanks Alice."

I heard Jasper laugh next to me as I tried to pry Alice's arms from my neck. I was unsuccessful. She may have been tiny, but she had one strong grip.

"Um... Alice...?"

Alice just smiled and continued hugging me. Jasper laughed harder.

"Alice, can you let go please?" I asked, trying to struggle free. She shook her head. "Jasper...?" I asked nervously as Alice slumped into me and I stumbled back. She then started humming to herself. _And here's_ _drunken person number two_.

Jasper grabbed Alice's arms, taking her weight off me and letting her arms wrap lazily around his neck. It was then that Edward came squeezing through the crowds.

"Cullen!" Jasper called, still holding Alice gently. Alice hummed into Jasper's chest and smiled, breaking into song.

"You are my _sunshine_, my only _sunshine_!" she started.

Edward reached us then, his face flushed as he caught his breath. "Sorry," he breathed. "She escaped."

"It's alright," Jasper assured him. "We caught her... or more,_ she_ caught _Bella_."

Edward's face lit up with remembrance and he turned to me. "Oh hey Bella, happy birthday."

"Thanks," I laughed.

It was then that Alice's song became louder and our attention went back to her. "You make me HAPPY when skies are GREY!"

Edward laughed as Alice's arms wrapped around Jasper's waist and she continued humming. "I love you, Jasper. Do you know that? But not how Bella loves you because that would be sick since you are Jasper and I'm Alice. I love you like I love my pet fish 'cause like, if you got flushed down the toilet, I would cry a lot."

Jasper brushed her hair from her face as Edward and I stifled our laughter. "Yeah, I love you too, Ally. Is it okay if I give you to Edward now? He loves you as well."

Alice smiled then and turned her head towards Edward. "But he doesn't love me like a fish. He loves me like Bella loves you."

"Yes... and isn't that good... now here's Edward," he said, removing her hands.

Alice sighed then. "I do like fish, but I like Bella more than fish because sometimes fish smell gross. Bella always smells nice."

Jasper nodded then, trying to hold back his laughter as he handed Alice over. Alice then latched onto Edward and looked up to him.

"Edward, I'm thirsty," she moaned.

Edward laughed then. "Okay, let's go get you some water."

"But water is yucky!"

"Sorry, honey. We can only get water for you now." Edward then looked at us. "Thanks for catching her for me."

"It's okay man, just look after Ally," Jasper answered.

"Yeah, no more alcohol for you," Edward laughed. "See you guys later."

Edward and Alice then walked away and Jasper turned to me, taking my hand.

"Let's go for a walk, birthday girl."

I nodded and Jasper led us out the back door. We then started walking across the large open space towards the woods.

"How far are we going?" I asked.

"Not far," Jasper said, still carrying the drinks.

We walked hand-in-hand for a few more minutes until we came to a tall oak tree standing about thirty feet from the edge of the forest. Underneath it hung a simple tyre swing blowing slightly in the breeze.

I smiled brightly as we got closer and let go of Jasper's hand, running to the swing. Jasper laughed and set down the drinks before running after me.

We raced to reach the tyre swing. I got there first, barely (probably because Jasper let me win), and grabbed the rope, pulling it with me. I then turned around to jump onto it. I landed safely with my feet planted on the bottom rim as I swung back towards Jasper, smiling and laughing.

Jasper smiled as I swung back towards him. He grabbed the rope too and leaped nimbly onto the tyre, standing up on the other side as it swung back towards me.

I smiled brightly to him as we swung back and forth, the wind blowing my hair back and then whipping it around my face with each change in direction.

Jasper was smiling to me as well, his eyes filled with pure happiness. I let my head fall back as we swung in the calm night breeze. I looked up through the thick branches of the trees to see the stars glimmering lightly through them. Suddenly I was resentful of how quickly the summer was ending.

We stayed on that swing for a long time, just letting it sway. Every so often Jasper gave it an extra push and it set off again. It started raining, and we still stayed. Yelling eroded from the party that was calling our names, and we still stayed. It was only when a quick flash of lightning and booming of thunder came that we broke. Jasper slipped from the wet tyre and fell to the ground.

The abrupt change and shock from this made me fall back off the tyre too. We both fell into the mud. It splattered over us both.

We both lay in that mud together, laughing and clutching at our stomachs. It was all over us; coating our clothes, our face and our hair.

Jasper sat up then and leant over me, smiling calmly. He went to brush ringlets of mud-clogged hair from my cheek. As he was absorbed in the movement, I clenched my right hand around a handful of mud. As his fingers trailed along my cheek I smiled mischievously and squished the handful of mud onto the back of his head, giggling.

Jasper was taken by surprise. With a cheeky smile he felt the back of his head. When he realised what it was, he smiled brighter, narrowing his eyes at me in planning. I squirmed away, standing up and taking off around the tree, laughing freely. Jasper was up and after me in a few seconds.

"Bella!" he called. "Come on, Bella. Come here. I won't hurt you."

I couldn't help the overriding laughter that came as I ran. "No way!" I yelled back. "Nuh-uh."

As I ran my foot caught on a root from the tree. I prepared myself for impact as I started to fall. However, just before I hit the ground, two arms grabbed me and pulled me to them. I was then pressed against Jasper's chest as we continued falling to the ground. We landed with a thump, but I didn't feel any pain. I landed on Jasper.

I heard him lose his breath and held myself off him quickly. "Jasper, are you okay?" I asked eagerly.

Jasper just clutched his stomach then and laughed. "I'm good," he choked out. "Just need a drink."

He reached over to the four bottles he had brought and grabbed one, undoing it and taking a large drink before looking back at me.

"I'm good now," he smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief before collapsing next to him.

Jasper pulled me to him and wrapped his arm around my shoulder before handing me a bottle.

"That was great," I exclaimed after taking a long drink. "I love tyre swings."

Jasper laughed then. "They are so much more complicated with two people on them."

I laughed then and nudged him playfully on the shoulder.

Jasper caught my hand and stopped it, rubbing his circles in my palm. "I didn't say I didn't like it," he reminded me.

I blushed and turned my head away from him, my cheeks burning. "It was pretty fun, wasn't it?" I mumbled.

Jasper took a deep breath in and squeezed my hand softly in agreement. We were quiet then, not speaking or moving. We just lay there in the cool grass; a contrast to the humid air.

After a few minutes Jasper spoke. "When Emmett, Edward and I were nine we made that tyre swing together. It was summer and we found that old tyre washed up on the beach."

"That's so sweet."

"It was a good summer, just like this one," he agreed. "In fact, this was probably the best summer I've had in a long time. I can't wait for our next summer together. It's sad that this one is ending."

I nodded. "I agree."

Jasper took a deep breath then. "Edward and Alice had their first kiss on that swing when they were thirteen."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Yup. Rosalie and Emmett did too."

"Wow," I mused. "Well then what first thing do we get to do here?"

Jasper thought for a while before jumping up and pulling me along with him. He then proceeded to jog towards the old oak.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"This is going to be the first time we climb a tree together," he claimed.

I laughed at his eagerness as he headed to the trunk, pulling me with him. "Um... Jasper... I can't get up there," I said wearily, looking up to the first branch and how far away it was.

Jasper turned around then and locked his eyes to mine. "Trust me."

Memories from that first time we climbed the rock at the beach came back. Remembering the beauty of the other side, I nodded. With a happier heart he then turned me towards the tree and put his hands on my waist.

"Ready?" he whispered in my ear.

I nodded slightly and before I knew it Jasper had lifted me off the ground towards the first branch. "Grab it," he said in encouragement. I stumbled trying to get hold of it at first, but eventually managed. "Now pull yourself up," he instructed.

I obliged quickly and pulled myself up as Jasper pushed my foot up. I clambered to sit safely on the branch and looked back down to Jasper who was smiling at me.

"Wow... this is high..." I stuttered.

Jasper just laughed then and jumped high off the ground, grabbing the branch with his hands and swinging on it. I stood up quickly and pushed myself against the trunk as he pulled his body up.

"Show off," I laughed as he got up, a huge smile on his face

"Phew," he breathed when he was up. "I haven't done that since I was thirteen." He then turned to me as I stayed pressed against the trunk. "Are you okay?"

I smiled and nodded to him. "It's just high."

Jasper smiled wearily. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"I know."

Jasper kissed me then. I wasn't expecting it, but that didn't matter. I still loved it, and accepted eagerly.

When we finally pulled away Jasper smiled to me. "We just had our first kiss in a tree," he chuckled.

"Does that fit the requirements?" I asked.

"I think it does," he agreed

"Well come on then, are we going up or what?" I asked, reaching for the next branch.

Jasper laughed in agreement. "Let's do this."

The climb to the top was hard, but when we reached it Jasper and I stood on one of the few sturdy branches and peered through the leaves to look at the night sky. When I saw it my breath caught. The stars were so bright – the dark clouds of rain having dispersed and thinned.

Soon enough we started heading down again. When we got to the last branch Jasper got down first and then opened his arms to me.

"Jump," he said, opening them wide and smiling to me.

My heart started racing from nerves. I was scared to jump from so high up, but Jasper's arms told me it was safe. He wouldn't let anything happen to me. I would be fine.

Eventually I jumped into his arms and he caught me safely. When he set me down I was breathless, my heart still racing from the thrill.

"Do you want to sit down?" he asked. I nodded in agreement and we sat down in the long grass, me leaning into him.

It was a few minutes later that we sat up and started talking. Jasper and I both had beers in our hands and our legs crossed as we faced each other.

"Alright," Jasper said. "I want to know, if you had to choose between living without music or living without books, what would you choose?"

"Music," I answered quickly. "I'd live without music."

"Why?"

"Because books are an escape. You can be anything; imagine anything. It's free."

Jasper nodded in understanding. "I thought you'd say that."

I nodded, smiled and took a drink. "Okay then, my turn. What is your favourite quote?"

Jasper took a deep breath then. "Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it," he said simply.

"Winston Churchill."

Jasper nodded and smiled to me slightly. I just think it sums up life pretty well."

"You have to fight to fly," I agreed.

Jasper nodded and smiled. "So anyway..." he said, shaking himself out of his dream. "If you could pick only three colours that you could paint the world with, what would they be? And you have to give me a reason for it."

"Hmm..." I thought for a second. "Sky Blue because I have always loved the sky. It is endless, empowering, mysterious and free,"_ And it's the colour of your eyes_.

"What else?"

"Violet, because it is the most beautiful colour I have seen in a flower. And then... white. It represents purity, innocence and happiness. It's light and free."

Jasper nodded and watched me silently for a few moments. A second later, he spoke. "Your question."

"When you were young, what was the best present you ever got?"

Jasper laughed and threw a mouthful of his drink back, finishing the bottle.

"Here, you can have my other one," I said to him, tossing him my other bottle. "I don't think I can even finish this one."

"You sure?"

"Definitely," I said. "Now answer."

Jasper opened the bottle and took a drink. "My first football. Rosalie gave it to me after my first ever game. On one side of it she had written 'World's Best Cousin' in permanent marker. I thought it was the best present in the world. I still do."

I smiled as I watched Jasper remember that time. I second later he stood up. "Well, I don't know about you, but I want another go on that swing," he said, jumping up from the ground. When he did so he stumbled over and caught himself with his hand.

"Are you okay?" I asked, standing up to help him.

Jasper laughed then and ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah, but I think that alcohol is going to my head," he laughed.

I laughed then too. "Right, well are you sure you want to still have a go on that swing without your sea legs?"

Jasper smiled wickedly. "Hell yes. Live a little. And when we are done we can go get out of these muddy clothes before we get in trouble with Alice."

I laughed at the thought of Alice as we walked over to the swing. "Jasper, I don't think Alice will be conscious enough to worry."

"You're probably right," he agreed.

Jasper and I then had another calm, perfect turn on the tyre swing. My hair flew in the breeze as we swung back and forth. I closed my eyes this time, soaking in the feeling of flying through the air. It was a perfect night and I needed to absorb it, feel it and appreciate it.

Eventually, however, Jasper and I had to stop. It was very late and getting cold. Also, Jasper was getting a tiny bit tipsy, and with the river at the edge of the Cullen's property so nearby, I didn't really trust what shenanigans he might get up to.

Before we left Jasper pulled me into one last kiss. It was slow, soft and flawless. Sparks flew as his lips met mine and his hands pulled me to him. I buried mine in his hair, never wanting to let go.

When we pulled away Jasper rested his forehead to mine. "Darlin', you are like completely buzzing me out now," he laughed. His accent always came out the most when he was drinking. "The mixture of alcohol and your touch is mad."

I laughed and grabbed his hand. "Well come on then, you little addict. Let's get back."

Jasper nodded and we started off. When we got inside the party was still going hard, but I could spot more people pairing off and a few passed out, or close to passing out on the couches. Luckily Alice had hired some security guards guarding the hallways to the bedrooms, bathrooms and any doors. No one could get hurt that way and no one could drive home intoxicated.

I walked up to Rosalie and tapped her on the shoulder as she talked to a group of people. She turned around with a huge smile on her face, about to hug me when she spotted the mud.

"Holy crap, Bella, what happened?" she asked, but when her eyes then landed on Jasper she put her hands on her hips. "What did you two do?" she growled.

Jasper started chuckling behind me, his intoxication taking hold. "Um... we fell," I claimed. "Do you have any clothes I could borrow; that _we_ could borrow?"

Rosalie sighed and grabbed my hand. I grabbed Jasper's. He stumbled along behind us as we walked, still laughing.

"Come to Alice and Edward's room. There will be something there you two can wear," Rosalie instructed.

When we got there Rosalie started digging in the closet as Jasper and I stood in the middle of the room looking like idiotic, guilty children. Jasper had a goofy smile plastered on his face and his arm around my shoulder, clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol. I was blushing madly with an awkward smile.

"Here you go, Jasper," Rosalie said, handing Jasper a pair of jeans and a blue shirt. "Go to the bathroom down the hall and get cleaned up."

"Yes ma'am," Jasper laughed, kissing me on the cheek before walking out.

Rosalie then turned to me and gave me a pile of clothes. "Here you go," she said, raising an eyebrow at me in reference to my state and blush. She definitely was assuming _something_ happened. "They'll fit. You can use their bathroom."

I nodded and smiled to her. "Thanks Rose."

Rosalie smiled then. "Don't mention it. Oh, and Bella, Happy Birthday."

Rosalie then gave me a light hug, avoiding getting dirty, before heading back downstairs.

I took a deep breath and went to turn the water on. I then stripped off, put my clothes in a plastic bag, and stepped under the stream of warm water. Immediately I relaxed as the mud started to come off and I washed my hair clean. It felt good to be standing under that warm flow of water after being in the cold air.

When I was done I brushed my hair out and dried it with Alice's hair dryer as best I could. I then went to the pile of clothes Rosalie gave me and slipped on the pair of skinny jeans and the purple tank top. I then went back out to the room and sat down on the bed for a few minutes. The thumping of the party was a mere murmur. Taking a deep, relaxing breath and brought my knee to my chest and looked out through Edward's windows, over the open space to the shadow of the tree and tyre swing that I missed so much already. For what felt like the tenth time that night, I was washed with regret that the end of summer was looming.

After a few minutes I stood up and walked to the door, looking back at that swing once again as flashing images of our amazing time there flickered through my mind. It had only been about half an hour ago, yet my heart ached for it again.

I walked slowly towards the stairs and descended them with an even slower pace. The full sounds and lights of the raging party came flooding back to me too quickly. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I searched the room curiously for Jasper. There was no sign of him. I turned around to look back up the stairs, yet there was nothing.

I thought something was wrong. I should have gone with that instinct. Normally, he would have been wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the top of my head by that stage. There was no sign of this. All I saw were hundreds of strange faces. People were dancing, talking and laughing, but there was no Jasper. I then spotted Rosalie, Emmett, Peter and Charlotte through a gap in the crowd. They were on the dance floor, totally oblivious to everyone. I couldn't see anyone else though.

I was worried a bit then. I stepped forward and took another look around the room. I searched keenly for Jasper, thinking maybe he wasn't finished changing yet.

Looking around again was the worst decision of my life.

I squeezed through a large group in front of me and looked around again. To the right were more people, dancing, laughing and talking. To the left it was much the same. But when I looked directly in front of me to the far wall I saw that familiar flash or bright red, threatening hair. _Victoria_.

My first thoughts questioned why she was there. Alice certainly wouldn't have invited her. But those thoughts flew out the door as soon as I took in her stance and who was with her. When she turned around I swear my heart stopped for at least three seconds before stuttering to restart. It then slowly tore into tiny, miniscule pieces which then shattered into tiny, unobtainable fragments. My entire world stopped. There was no music. There was no laughter. There was no talking. There was no happiness.

All there was were Jasper and Victoria.

Jasper - my Jasper.

He was with her.

She was pressed against the wall, her claws caressing Jasper's back as they were locked in a heated kiss.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't function.

I was gone.

My Jasper was gone.

###

**Author's Note: *arms self with flame resistant body armour* Okay, I know some people might hate me right about now, but please just let this play out. The next few chapters are going to be pretty bad, but don't fret. I'd love to hear what you all think though. What's going through your minds right now? Don't hesitate to get angry about what just happened. I'd love to hear what you think. But... just... don't ditch the story right now. Let it play out. Please?**

**On a side note, I'm going on a road trip with my brother for a week which is why I am updating a bit earlier. That means I might not be able to reply to reviews for a few days because I won't have internet access. But I will do it eventually!**


	22. Chapter 21

**Let Go**  
Chapter 21

###

_The Flame_

###

I was betrayed. I was hurt.

I hated him.

But I didn't. That was the problem.

My heart was broken. My rage was boiling over.

I couldn't move.

It hurt _so much_. Everything was destroyed.

_Run_.

I had to get out of there. I had to numb myself to what I was feeling. I had to close my eyes. I had to pull away. I had to break him off. I had to hold back the scream and tears bubbling in my throat. I had to forget him.

No. Let it go.

It was just a kiss.

It didn't mean anything.

_Bullshit_.

It was not just a kiss.

It _did_ mean something.

Our kisses _always_ meant _everything_.

His lips were mine.

_Not anymore._

How could he do that? He had always hated her. We had both hated her. I thought he loved me. He said he loved me. You don't do that to someone you love.

My feet wouldn't listen to my head. They wouldn't budge. My eyes wouldn't shift either. I was stuck watching the sick sight; Victoria all over him. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to wash myself clean. I wanted to rewind time. I wanted to disappear.

I had been with him. I had given everything I had to him. I gave it all to be close to him. He had probably been doing this all along. My heart was turned to stone at the thought.

Everything we had been through – everything we had worked towards – it was all gone. I couldn't pull my eyes away as I watched the love of my life kiss away everything we had ever known.

I could never look in those eyes again. I could never touch him again. It was all a lie. I knew it was all a lie. I had bought into the lie.

_It's not over_.

Yes, it is.

He had promised 'forever'. I had promised 'forever'. Immediately that ring felt like it weighed a million pounds. My eyes caught a glimmer of light shining off Jasper's ring. The bastard was still wearing it as he kissed her. They meant nothing.

I kept the promise. He didn't.

_Just pretend you didn't see. Go back to normal. It doesn't hurt if you don't know._

I couldn't do that. I did know. I did see. Nothing would be normal again. I couldn't stop the hurting.

There is no such thing as fairytales. I'm not the girl you will sweep off her feet. No such thing as happy endings. Not for girls like me. Why would he ever want me?

_He didn't_.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

_No you don't._

Run.

Run.

_Run._

I can't explain the feeling of losing the most important thing to you. Old wounds only opened up. Ten steps forward, one hundred steps back.

I should never have trusted anyone. It never amounts to anything except for heartbreak.

A jerking movement was made. Victoria was pushed aside. His eyes met mine. My heart didn't flutter as usual. I watched his emotions play out. I stood there, cold and stale. I didn't show him anything. I was numb. I didn't feel the tears streaming down my face and my knees buckling. I didn't feel anything.

He jumped away from her and started towards me. I scoffed. _Don't be so dramatic. Just go screw her. You know you want to._

I shouldn't say that. He said he loved me.

_Look at what just happened and then tell yourself that he still loves you._

He came towards me, but before I knew it I was running to the door and digging into my pockets for the keys. I didn't notice the sounds around me. I pushed it all out. I forced my way through the crowds of people.

_Escape._

_Escape._

Do it now.

As I ran for the door I collided with something. Two huge hands reached my shoulders and held me. I looked through my blurred eyes to see Emmett. His face was twisted with something unexplainable.

I could see his lips moving, but I didn't hear anything. I didn't care to. I didn't try to. I begged and screamed for him to move. Eventually I forced my way past him, tears rolling down my cheeks, slipping out of his iron grasp. I had to leave before Jasper reached me. I didn't trust anyone anymore. As I ran down the porch steps I heard anger; yelling and cursing. Emmett was yelling at Jasper. Jasper was yelling at Emmett. I picked up my pace.

As I ran my chest burned with hot searing flames, like I had swallowed down a bitter poison. It ate me alive, excruciatingly slowly.

My feet dragged like heavy, solid lead, trying to pin me to the grimy grass. My stomach ached. Hot, salty tears stung my eyes; blinded me; tried to stop me.

I pushed further, crashing through the puddles soaking the ground. My jeans weighed me down; dragged me to hell. The icy water from the previous rain crashed around my ankles. I wouldn't let it pull me down. I couldn't. I wouldn't stop. Not again.

I was running. I was running from _him. _I was running from everything he did.

I was running from _him _kissing _her._

My bare feet slammed into the mud with every footfall. My lungs collapsed in on themselves.

_Keep pushing, _I told myself. _Keep running. Keep going._

Why did I ever trust him? Why did I ever let myself fall that deep?

The old Bella – the Bella who shrunk away from closeness and trusting people – laughed in my face. _I told you so. You shouldn't have trusted anyone._

Heavy bass faded into obscurity behind me. I sobbed and screamed and scraped for a breath of air in my laboured lungs. My feet lagged. I fell hard to the cold earth.

My hands scratched against gravel as I went to catch myself. My knees skidded, grass staining my jeans. My arm scratched against the gravel, slicing my elbow. I felt a stinging, searing, putrid pain as blood pumped towards my injuries; heavy, glugging blood. It stained my clothes and trickled down my freezing skin, leaving a trail of sordid heat in its wake.

I clutched at my wound and the wounds you couldn't see. They were the wounds that wouldn't heal. They were cut by _him_.

Blood was everywhere. Blood made me queasy. The pain was just too real.

_In your world Cinderella isn't ever saved. She's locked away forever. The prince falls for someone else._

He hurt me.

My heart ached. My body shuddered with the overflow of emotions I tried ever so desperately to block out. Tears streamed down my face. Blood seeped through my fingers.

I'm alone.

_Ashes to ashes, we all fall down._

I heard that chant in my mind, replaying like a broken record; raspy, harsh and callous. It was an evil whisper in my thumping ears. I was being pulled down. I was being dragged into the oblivion below.

_If you strike a match, you're going to feel the flame_.

_His_ words from all those weeks ago repeated themselves as I lay, pained and aching on the hard earth. I had struck the match – I had gotten close. I had told him everything. Now I was feeling the flame.

You'd think I would have listened.

My hands, doused in my own blood, clambered along the wet grass and gravel as I scrambled to my feet. Blood coated the damp. It would soon be washed away by the rain; the wet; the storm.

_Wash it clean, _I begged, turning my face to the crying clouds as a thunder clap sounded overhead. The storm that was brewing had come. _Wash everything away_.

I was broken and beaten on the cold, hard earth. Darkness flooded me; surrounded me; boxed me in. I had always hated the darkness. It woke me up.

I was shattered beyond repair. I felt mutilated and twisted, like my soul and my heart had been ripped from my body. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut with a big metal boot.

He had destroyed _everything_.

I was running. I would run. I wouldn't do it anymore. I _couldn't _do it anymore.

I pushed my legs further; faster. I wouldn't stop moving. I pushed myself through the pain; the blood; the emptiness. I wouldn't stop running. I had to flee. I had to get away.

I had to take flight.

Fly away, I told myself. Fly away from him. Fly away from it all.

"_What do you think it's like to fly?"_

Memories of that day at the beach came back to me, tearing and teasing my broken body.

_He shrugged, cracking a small smile that made my heart melt. "It depends why you're doing it and where you're going."_

_I didn't want it anymore._

Follow the moon, I told myself. She will take you home.

_Maybe, _I thought in a whim of hope. _From these ashes something beautiful will rise._

It would.

I picked my speed up as I ran. I felt like falling over and curling up into a sobbing messy ball. But I wouldn't. I wouldn't stop. I wouldn't give up. I was closing in on my truck – my beautiful truck. It would take me away. It would stop the flame – the flame I had struck that had brought me the truth all those months ago.

I reached my arm out towards my truck, releasing my wound. Blood ran. I fell. Hard. I clutched at my bleeding arm as I sat, pressed up against the truck, sobbing.

A second later I heard someone skid to a stop next to me and fall to my side. They grabbed the tops of my arms and clung to me, shaking me. _Jasper_.

His voice was desperate. It was full of pain. He was yelling to me. He was apologising. He was trying to get through to me.

I didn't listen.

His face was twisted with pain. He was desperate. His eyes were swimming in powerful emotions; desperation, guilt, horror, sadness and regret.

My eyes shot to his then. I blocked out the power of his stare. I stayed cold and firm.

_Stand on your own two feet._

I let go of my bleeding arm and shook him off me. Tears streamed down my face but I held firm and unchanged. I could see his lips moving, his body shuddering, his eyes swimming. I blocked it all out. I suppressed all my senses. My heart didn't feel anymore. It was gone.

I had to hate him. He hurt me. After everything we had been through he did _that_.

I raised my injured arm and with as much power as I could manage, I landed an ear splitting slap into his face. His eyes didn't change as he lay his hand on the area of impact.

_He deserved it._

"It's _over_!"

The scream coupled with the slap silenced his attempts.

I didn't say anything after that. I didn't look at him after that. I just picked myself up and latched onto the truck.

I fumbled with the lock as he hurried to me. I held all my emotions down as I jumped into the driver's seat and slammed the door in his face. He tried to grab it. I locked all the doors quickly. He pounded on the glass. I ignored him. I wasn't hearing anything. I blocked it out. I was numb.

I roared the ignition to life and let my cries fill the cab, drowned out by the over powering sounds of the engine.

I didn't look at him as I drove away.

_Was she worth it? Was she worth this?_

I screamed and whacked the dash board as I drove. Tears were still streaming down my face. My chest felt like it was about to explode. My heart was ripped to shreds. This is what getting close to people does.

I ran to my room. I closed all the blinds. I locked all the doors and windows. I turned off my phone. He couldn't get in or see me. I screamed at his jacket and tossed it into a dirty, musty corner. I then took that ring and threw it at the window overlooking his bedroom as hard as I could. My heart ached ever so slightly. I blocked it out immediately. The ring clanged against the glass and was lost forever. I didn't care.

I ran to my bathroom and turned on the shower. I had to wash it all clean. I had to wash him away. I stepped in and sunk to the ground, the water flowing over me. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my head in them, sobbing. I didn't care to take off my clothes. They needed to be washed too. I had to wash it all away.

You can never imagine how it felt to be betrayed by the one person in the world who you think understands you. He was the one person in the world who I thought I could count on. He was the one person in the world who I had let in and trusted whole-heartedly. It was all a mistake.

The promise was broken. He broke it first.

But I took off the ring first.

_6. Drunken people supply an endless amount of entertainment._

It's not good entertainment. They destroy _everything_.

_8. Love has no boundaries._

It wasn't love for him.

_9. Things aren't always as bad as they look._

Yes they are.

_11. People are as good as they seem._

No, they are just really good actors.

_12. Alcohol can be a blessing and a curse._

Nope, only a curse.

_13. Never let go of those you love._

Don't love them in the first place. That solves everything.

_17. Jasper's jacket is the best accessory._

Wrong.

_19. Let people in._

Worst decision of my life.

_22. Kiss like it's the last time._

We did, in a tree.

_26. Letting go lets you forget._

Help me forget.

Please.

.:.

**Author's Note:** Yeah...so I'm not back from my trip yet but managed to find internet. Yay! So...I'm updating. I don't really like this chapter personally. It feels more like a filler chapter. But I'd really like to hear what you guys think. Do you think the same or different? Do you hate me yet? All I can say is that this was planned from the start...but...I'm sorry. Anyway, please review! The response to last chapter was great. The most so far, I think. You guys are so awesome :D


	23. Chapter 20 & 21: Jasper POV

**Let Go  
**Chapter 20/21

###

_Jasper POV_

I was completely buzzing out by the time Bella and I left the tyre swing. My head was swirling like a whirlpool and my vision was blurry as fuck. I was turning into a stumbling mess of beer. The only thing holding me up was Bella, making sure I was okay. Rosalie's scolding upon noticing our mud-covered state didn't help. In fact, that just made everything that much funnier.

In the shower I tried as hard as I could to wash away the drunkenness and freshen myself up. Bella didn't need to have to deal with that shit. It worked. For a minute. Until I found Edward's stash of vodka in the guest bathroom. The boy stashed it everywhere.

_Everywhere_.

I was digging around in the drawers looking for a hairbrush when I found it; that shiny metal flask with Cullen Crest etched into the side. I remembered that flask. It had belonged to Edward's great, great, great grandfather or something; passed down through generation after generation of Cullen men. Edward hated it. Why? Because he wasn't a Cullen – not by blood – and he believed he was only given it because his father had no other choice; he and Esme couldn't have their _own_ children. To Edward, that flask was a constant reminder of how fucked up he felt. And in it, he held the shit that helped him cope. It was poetic, really.

And I, being the super-duper friend that I was, decided to drink it for him. I tried to justify that drinking it meant Edward _wouldn't_, and that was better for everyone.

But that, like most of my life, was a lie.

I didn't drink it to stop Edward from getting fucked again. I drank it because I was a selfish asshole and I needed a break. Getting drunk gave me that, and I knew Edward had a specific taste for the premium, hard liquor. Bella was taking longer in the shower than expected. This, teamed with the prime view of the tyre swing that the guest room provided, tipped me over the edge.

To say I was frightened of commitment is a jackass' way out. I wasn't. Hell, Bella and I had been together for long enough and I hadn't done a runner yet. I had, however, lied to her, and at the time I was still lying to her. I was making the others go along with it, too. _That_ is what ate me up inside. She told me everything about her family, yet I sugar coated mine and smoothed out the edges because I was an ass hole. The fact that I pulled the truth from her and demanded it without a fault yet refused my own was nothing but wrong.

She didn't know the full truth of my family, and I had no intent of breaking the news; the news that my mother never died of cancer. That was Rosalie's mother. Rosalie's mother never left. Mine did. Rosalie's mother was the one who died. My mother was, in fact, still alive, and left because she had been having an affair and fell pregnant. I had a mother somewhere out there; a mother who didn't want me. I also had a little brother or sister who never knew me. That was the truth of my family, and Bella never knew that, because I wanted her to love my mother. Out of my parents my mother was the good one. Jeopardising her memory by telling the truth of what she really did was not something I could do. Why? Because I loved her, and even though she left me, I wanted to be able to at least _claim_ she was the perfect mother. To someone. Anyone.

It was something that I eagerly wished to be true. I didn't want to remember that everyone in my life that I cared about left me without a second glance. I wanted to at least fool myself into thinking that my mother didn't have any other choice in the matter.

The fact that I did that, and also that Bella and I had made our mark on the tyre swing – a place _very_ important to all of my friends; something that symbolised trust and whole-hearted honesty in relationships to all of us – had me _needing_ to drink the demons away.

I sat on the plush white duvet of the guest room bed and downed the entire flask. The liquor stung at my throat and lit a fire in my stomach, but eventually settled to a subtle warming. It was calming, in an odd way. Eventually, as the alcohol ran into my bloodstream, my vision grew blurry and I could no longer see that tyre swing. Therefore, there were no more visual reminders of just what I was doing.

After ten minutes I had polished off the last drops and was stumbling my way downstairs.

Fairy lights. Alice had decorated the place with motherfucking _fairy lights_. There were also strobe lights, strap lights, neon lights...hell, every single light in existence. This didn't help one tiny bit. In fact, it made everything worse. Much worse.

What happened next wasn't Alice's fault, though. It was mine. _All mine_.

I was stumbling around downstairs like an idiot, grabbing at random people to try and find one I recognised. Eventually I landed on Laurent. Too bad he was still lip-locked with Irina. I was shoved away with a heap of curses. I laughed. He didn't. Next I stumbled onto Garrett, and unsurprisingly, I was pushed right away again. Kate was there, and Garrett didn't like Drunk Jasper. Hell, Garrett didn't like drunk anyone. This only made me laugh again, grab at a beer bottle sitting on the kitchen bench, and stumble my way through the rest of the house.

I couldn't see for shit. The thumping music wasn't helping my cause. The amount of _people_ crammed into such a small space had my head spinning. I couldn't see a single face. I felt like I was trapped in one of those mirror mazes. You know; the ones where you can see odd shapes and shit but everything is just so distorted that you don't know what the hell is going on? Yeah, those ones. Suddenly I was more than regretting drinking that liquor. I was more than regretting being a brooding asshole and hating myself; putting my needs above Bella's. I had no right to – especially after continuously lying to her.

All I wanted to do was find Bella. My girl. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and make that damn pain _go away_. She always made me feel better. _Always. _I wanted to forget that I was a dick for the rest of the night. Being with Bella made that happen. I loved Bella for that, and so much more.

Sadly, I didn't find Bella.

Someone _else_ found me, though.

"Jasper!"

When the voice hit me, I couldn't recognise it. It was _familiar_. I knew that. But hell, I didn't know who it was, and I honestly didn't care. I just wanted to find _Bella_. That _wasn't_ Bella's voice.

"Jasper, wait!"

The voice hit me again. Hands landed on my shoulders. I spun around, blurry eyed, and tried to make some sense in the hell that Edward's house had become. Suddenly I felt arms wrap around the back of my neck. Strange. Maybe it was Bella.

"Jasper, I'm so glad I found you. I've been looking all over for you!"

The voice was high pitched; too high pitched for Bella's. But the way it was touching me...it had to be Bella. Who else would do that?

I didn't have time to answer that question. Hell, I didn't even have time to attempt to gather my thoughts, because in the next second there was a pair of lips smashed against mine. I didn't even have time to fucking _breathe_.

Forceful. Bella wasn't forceful in her kisses. Never. Not Bella.

Strawberry lip balm. Bella wore strawberry lip balm. Maybe it was Bella.

Long hair. The same length as Bella's. Maybe it was Bella.

Knotty hair. Bella's hair was hardly ever _that_ knotty. I could normally run my hands through it. Not Bella.

Taste. Wine. _Wine_. Bella hated wine. Not Bella. Not Bella.

Waist. Thin. Too thin. Bones. Too small. Not Bella. Bella was soft – thin, but soft.

Height. Too tall. Too tall.

Not Bella. Not Bella.

_Not Bella_.

That epiphany was the most sobering thing _ever_.

Not fucking Bella.

Oh shit.

I tried to push the strange body off me. It wasn't having any of it. I tried to pull away. It stuck on me like glue. I didn't want to hurt the damn girl, but I surely didn't want to spend any more time in her presence.

I tried to push her off. Her claws dug into my back. Strong. Violent. Forceful.

_Not Bella_.

Fuck.

The girl spun me around. My eyes shot open in fright. She sure had a strong grip.

That was when I saw it.

My Bella.

She was watching me; staring at me. Pain tore through her; unexplainable, gut-wrenching, kick-you-in-the-stomach-with-a-big-metal-boot pain. I stopped in my tracks as I saw her heart break.

Then, I watched as she went cold; emotionless.

My entire world stopped.

I had broken Bella – my Bella; the girl who always spoke with her eyes.

That was all I needed to sober the hell up.

I shoved the girl away with as much force as I could muster. I didn't care who she was. I didn't care if she was hurt. At that moment, all I cared about was Bella.

However, a momentary flash of red hair told me exactly who it was. Victoria.

_Fuck_.

Bella was frozen in spot. Her expression was cold; bland. She wouldn't change it. But her eyes – oh man, her eyes. Below the attempted hard exterior a flame grew, screaming pain and suffering. I swear I could see her heart breaking.

Instinctively I took a step towards her. I had to fix it. I _had _to.

And, at that moment, she was gone.

"Bella!"

Immediately I took off after her, calling her name through the heavy bass and thumping crowd.

"Bella, wait!"

I had to fix it.

She didn't listen. All I could see were flashes of brown hair forcing its way through the crowd. I could barely keep up with her. She was running so fast. She was desperate.

For what felt like the millionth time in our relationship, I broke her, and I made her run. Only this time, I didn't know if it could ever be fixed.

All of a sudden I saw Bella crash into Emmett.

_Thank God_.

He was speaking to her forcefully. Bella was struggling out of his grasp. He was trying to calm her down. Bella wasn't having any of it. A part of me admired this. Good. Fight. Stay strong. Don't let anyone hurt you.

Still, I kept calling after her, my desperation overshadowing any noise in the room.

"Bella, wait, please!"

At the sound Emmett's eyes shot up to me. In the next second they flicked down to Bella. I knew what was coming before it happened.

He let her go.

He fucking _let her go_.

I picked up my pace. Too bad I smashed right into him.

Emmett just shoved me right back again.

"Emmett! Let me through!" I roared.

Emmet stayed strong and in my way. His protective nature took over. He was no longer drunk and falling over his own feet.

"What the _fuck_ did you do?" he demanded, his voice rising above mine.

"Move, Emmett! Now!" I ordered, not looking at him. I had to keep my eyes on Bella as I watched her sprint across the front yard. I had to get to her.

I tried to force myself past again. Emmett wasn't having a bar of it.

"What the_ hell_ did you _do to her_?" he reiterated.

I refused to answer. Instead, I glared at him. "You better fucking move, Emmett. I'm not dealing with you right now."

"Too bad, Jasper," Emmett spat. "What are you going to do; hit me? Go ahead. Try it."

"I'm not going to hit you," I told him. "But you're going to move."

"You're not getting your way this time, Jasper. What the _fuck_ did you do to Bella?" he insisted.

Strong. Loyal. Protective. Blunt. Not taking my shit. Knocking me into line. That was Emmett. He was like Bella's big brother, and also my big brother; a big brother who pissed me _off_, but who I was also grateful to have there to stand up for Bella when I couldn't.

"Wow, wow, wow. Guys. What the hell? Calm the _fuck_ down."

In the next moment a body appeared in front of me, forcing himself in between Emmett and I and holding up defensive hands.

Peter.

"Back _off_, guys. Take a breath. What happened?"

Peace maker. Authoritative. Protective.

Peter.

"Why don't _you_ explain, Jasper, because I'd _really_ like to hear this, too?" Emmett growled. Peter turned to me expectantly. That was it.

I wasn't having any more of it. Sending momentary glances to Emmett and Peter I back-tracked, ran to the right and took off through one of the open ranch sliders leading out onto the Cullen's deck. Yells from both of them followed me. I didn't care about at all. My eyes only focused on Bella.

What I found, however, knocked my breath away.

Bella. My Bella. My girl. She was running; sprinting; pulling herself up from the mud and heading straight towards her truck. The rain fell hard from gunmetal clouds. It wasn't the calming type of rain; the rain that you could fall asleep to as it pattered against the window. It was heavy, glugging rain; rain that attacked you from the side in hard sleets, stinging your skin and eyes.

My Bella was running through the rain – the storm – just to get away from me.

I had to go after her.

I picked up as much speed as I could as I went after her. I screamed her name and asked her to wait; _begged _her to wait. I had to help her. I had to explain myself. I had to save her. I had to _fix_ her.

I had to fix _us_.

Bella was quick, but I was quicker. I ran faster than I had ever done before; faster than any of my sprints on the sports field had _ever_ been. Still, it felt like I wasn't going fast enough. The space between Bella and the house seemed ten miles long, and I didn't get there in time to catch her as she fell.

She was barely ten feet from her truck when she hit the ground. I dove after her in a mere moment. The thought of her being hurt – and hurt because of me – was unbearable. I had to save her. I had to fix it.

I had to fix _us_.

Blood. Rain. Mud. That was what coated Bella. Thick, red, glugging blood was pumping from a gash in her arm. Mud coated her clothes; her torn clothes. Rain soaked her to the bone; soaked us _both _to the bone.

I couldn't stand the sight.

I had to awaken her. I had to fix her. I had to save her. I had to warm her.

I had to get her to look at me.

I grabbed the tops of her arms, desperately trying to shake some sort of life into her. She was broken and beaten. _I _had done that.

Me.

I was yelling at her. I was begging for forgiveness. I was apologising like I never had before. I was begging for something; anything; a mere _sign_ of life.

Then her eyes shot to mine.

My heart stopped.

I saw those dark chocolate brown eyes in all their carnations over the months; in happiness, joy, worry, fright, sadness, pain and ecstasy. Then, in that moment, I saw what they had become; cold, hard and numb. The fire was gone. All that was left was hate. Hate and tears and blood from her arm. All of it mixed and mingled with the flood of rain pouring down on us.

I couldn't bare to look at it. I had done that.

All of a sudden, I felt a stinging slap land on my cheek.

Bella was screaming at me. She screamed the words I had begged her not to. She screamed the words that ended it all and told me that I could never fix us. Not really.

"It's _over_!"

I felt like my heart had been violently ripped from my chest. Then it was trampled on, poked with an iron rod and lit up in flames.

I had destroyed _everything_.

For a moment, as Bella clambered up from the ground and yanked the door of her truck open, I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't do _anything_. But then, when I saw her leaping inside the cab, adamant on getting away from me, I knew I had to. I couldn't let her leave. I had to help her. I had to save her. I had to make it better.

I had to fix us.

I shot towards the door of Bella's truck. At that moment, she bolted the lock and shut me out. Good on her. Be strong. Run. Don't let me get to you. Fight. Keep your head above water.

_No_. No. Wait. Let me explain.

I wanted her to be strong. I wanted her to fight and tell me to fuck off for hurting her. But also a selfish part of me wanted her to not fight at all. A selfish part of me wanted her to be putty in my hands. It didn't want her to refuse me.

That part was a dickhead.

I thumped and pounded on the windows of her truck. I yanked at the door handle, begging for it to just click open for me; give in under my tugs. It didn't, and as Bella roared the engine to life and shoved it into reverse, I tried to chase after her. I then watched as the truck skidded through the mud and tore down the Cullen's driveway with the pedal shoved to the floor. Like everything else that night, I failed.

As soon as the truck disappeared from my view I collapsed to my knees on the muddy earth, rain still shooting down in stinging sleets.

I couldn't fix us.

###

I felt a tug on my arm. It was a rough tug; like someone was attempting to pull my arm from its socket. Then there was another, only on the other arm. That had me confused. Who the fuck?

"Get up, Jasper, for fuck sake. Do you want us to drag you?" Emmett growled at me.

Ah, _that's _who.

"Come on, Emmett. You're not _pulling enough_," Peter complained as I felt another strong yank on my arm. "_Pull_!"

I shot up then, anger filling me. The two were pissing me off.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" I spat, standing up and shaking them off me. I took in my surroundings. It was dark, still raining – only lighter now – and thick black clouds clogged the sky. "Don't fucking touch me."

"He lives!" Peter exclaimed with a sarcastic bite. Following this I felt a thump around the back of my head. It was hard, too. "Don't do that again," Peter added after hitting me.

Anger shot through me. I looked to Peter. He wasn't happy. He wasn't smiling or laughing at the joke of it all. No, he was giving me that rare concerned look he held only at the worst of times. It was that look that said 'you screwed up, big time.' I didn't even have the guts to look at Emmett to see what he was thinking.

So, in the usual fashion, I started to run away from them. It wasn't because I was scared or didn't want to face them. It was actually because I was fixed on going straight after Bella. Thus, Edward's garage was my destination. In there was my bike.

Too bad Emmett had different ideas. His iron grip around my arm was crippling and I was yanked back in an instant.

"You're not going anywhere," Emmett told me authoritatively.

"Like hell I'm not. I have to go after her!" I growled in reply, pulling my arm away from him. Emmett lost his grip. "You're not stopping me."

Emmett took a step toward me. Clearly, he wanted to punch me. I was pissing him off more than I ever had before. I deserved it, too, but that didn't mean I was going to let him stop me from getting to Bella.

"I don't give a shit what you _want_ to do, Whitlock. What you're _going_ to do is get your ass inside and explain to us what the fuck happened! You're going to leave Bella alone because you _clearly _fucked up."

My eyes locked on Emmett. I didn't want to back down to him. He wouldn't lose eye contact with me, either.

"Butt out of it. It's nothing to do with you."

"Like hell it's not," Emmett spat. "Quit the selfish reserved act, Jasper. We know you better than this, and you know we're not letting you near Bella till you tell us what you did."

"What are you going to do; lead me inside like a child? Fuck off. I don't have time for this."

All that mattered was going after Bella. So, I started walking off again. Too bad I was grabbed again. Only this time, Peter was the culprit.

He took a step forward to me, getting right in my face, and refused to back down as he drilled into me.

"If you take one more step I swear I will start throwing punches," he spat, his voice filled with suppressed ferocity. "No one's letting you leave, so quit the shit and get inside."

"Back off, Peter," I replied. "I don't want to fight you."

Peter's grip loosened as those words fell. His next movement, however, had me shocked. Without warning I was hit with a jaw shattering punch, harder than any I had received before.

Stumbling over, Emmett caught one of my arms and yanked me up. My head was throbbing. My lips was split and spewing blood. Everything was blurry and blackening. I felt like my head was going to explode. All I noticed were Emmett and Peter's voices.

"What the fuck, Peter?" Emmett demanded. "Why'd you _punch_ him?"

"Shut up," Peter growled. "Do you have any better ideas? You want him inside, and now you have him. Let's go!"

I dully remember being pushed and shoved through the crowd of people still at Edward's place. I vaguely remember the continuously thumping music and Emmett's disjointed attempts at blaming my current state on drinking too much. In honestly, he wasn't far wrong. What I remember most, however, was being shoved through the door of the guest room I had just been in and thrown onto the bed. Still, I was pretty out of it, and it took Peter tossing a glass of water over my face for me to shoot up and take in my surroundings.

I had been thrown onto the edge of the king sized bed, blood dripping from my busted lip and onto the collar of my t-shirt. The lights in the room glared off the cream wall colour and stung my eyes. Emmett was standing by the closed door, his arms crossed and his eyes locked on me. He was not a happy chap. Peter was standing in front of me, glass poised in hand, as he gave me that signature disappointed look of his. It took me a moment to realise what had just happened. When I did, I brought my hand up to the right side of my face, right where his fist had landed.

"That was completely unnecessary, you know," I pointed out.

Emmett took a step forward, away from the door and towards me. He was furious.

"You deserve a whole lot more for doing what you just did," he spat. "You're lucky Peter didn't _break _your fucking jaw."

At the mention of jaw I stretched mine out, feeling the ache of the impact, and listened as the bones cracked and adjusted back into place.

"You don't have a fucking _clue_ what happened, Emmett," I growled, "so back off."

Emmett took a testing step forward. Peter had taken a step to the side. Testosterone levels were peaking. Again.

"It's not hard to piece together," he pointed out, his hands crushing into fists at his side.

"Try it," I challenged, glancing at them. "C'mon. Show me what you got."

Emmett was fuming at me. Through everything, I wanted him to fight me. If I could, I would have begged him for it. Peter's punch wasn't enough – far from it, in fact. I deserved to be beaten to a pulp, and I wanted Emmett to give me that – _Man_, did I want him to give me that. Too bad he wouldn't. Emmett may have been angry, but he was still _Emmett_; sensible, protective, loyal Emmett. If I wanted a fight I had to pin Peter or Edward for it. They were the hottest heads of the bunch. Maybe even James would be a good bet. Then I wouldn't feel guilty for hitting the ass back. Emmett would never fight me – _especially _not seeing as though he dated my cousin. He may have been angry, but he wasn't that person.

We didn't even get a chance to see what Emmett was going to do, because in the next moment the door was thrown open and Rosalie's voice hit us. At the sound, Emmett cooled down instinctively. I lay my head in my hand, a strong feeling of vertigo hitting me.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Rosalie demanded as she walked in and stood in front of the three of us, hands on hips. As soon as her eyes hit me she gaped. I kept trying to control my spinning head. "Jasper! What _happened_ to you? You're muddy and wet and...oh God, you're lip is split. What _happened_?"

At the last sentence she sent poignant glances to both Emmett and Peter. Both looked like sheepish, guilty imbeciles. Too bad they didn't get to answer. Turns out Charlotte, Edward and Alice were also with her. That made me groan. Loudly.

Charlotte was wide eyed – shocked – and stayed back behind Rosalie. Alice, as interventionist as ever, jumped straight into the middle of it. At that moment, as she took in my appearance, she was wordless – or as wordless as _Alice_ could be.

Her expression was horrified yet disappointed. _Very_ disappointed. That look hurt to see.

"Jasper..." she breathed. "W-w...what happened?"

Seeing her like that broke my heart and made me feel even more like shit. I had broken Bella's heart. Not only that, but I was also tearing my friends – my family – apart from the seams.

All of us were sobered in an instant. Even Alice – who had been completely hammered earlier in the night – had pulled herself back together.

I couldn't speak. I honestly wished for a big black hole to open up and swallow me. Having my friends – the people I would die for – line up and watch me like that was stomach-churning.

Edward was up and at Alice's side in an instant, wrapping a protective arm around her. He was a good boyfriend. He would always be there for her. He was the boyfriend I should have been.

Alice leant into him as he spoke, demanding answers.

"What the hell happened to you, Jasper? Seriously. You look like shit. And who the _hell_ made him _bleed_?"

"Fucking _hell_," I sighed. "Just leave me _alone_."

Charlotte figured out who it was without missing a beat. "Peter, you punched him, didn't you?"

"He deserved it," Peter claimed.

_Oh, for fuck sake, shut up._ My head was pounding. Their voices were annoying me. I wanted to go to Bella. I had to explain myself.

"No one deserves to be knocked out and made to bleed! I can't believe you did that!"

I couldn't understand Charlotte's utter shock at Peter's actions. I deserved it, and it certainly wasn't the first time Peter and I had gotten into a fist fight. Sure, it wasn't a _common _occurrence, but it wasn't rare either.

"He did deserve it," Rosalie answered before Peter could even get a word out. That shocked me and everyone else. Sure, it was true, but hearing her say that stopped my self-loathing for a moment and had me looking to her in surprise. Sure enough, she was already looking at me, and glaring. "You're a right asshole, Jasper. You deserve far more than just a punch in the face."

"Rosie..." I breathed. It wasn't the fact that she called me out on my shit that had me worried. She did that _all the time_. She was good like that. It was the look she gave me. That look scared me because it told me that I was losing her. Very quickly. And I couldn't lose her. Not her _and_ Bella.

"Okay," Alice exclaimed, holding her hands up, "somebody _please_ tell me what's going on. What did I _miss_?"

Apprehensive and unbeknownst glances were thrown around the room. I had a feeling only I knew the full story. No doubt they would spend the next ten minutes piecing together what they knew. I couldn't stand it. I just wanted to _leave_.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you going to explain, or should I?"

I threw my head back with an aggravated sigh. "For fuck sake. Enough of this. I have to go!"

I shot up from the bed. Emmett's hand on my chest pushed me back down instantly. "Sit the fuck down. You're not going anywhere."

"I guess I'm explaining then," Rosalie sighed, not taking her eyes off me. I begged her not to. She didn't listen. "Jasper got drunk and hooked up with Victoria. Bella saw them and ran. You guys can piece together the rest."

"You _what_?" Alice demanded. "What the _hell_ made you do that? _Why _would you do that? Jasper!"

I thought Alice was going to slap me. It would have been a good thing. Sadly, she didn't, because Rosalie interrupted with another revelation.

"Here, Edward," Rosalie explained, tossing the empty Cullen Crest flask to him. "He used your flask to get shitfaced. He found it in the guest bathroom and emptied it."

Edward caught the flask, shocked. Alice glanced from it to me with nothing but disappointment coating her features. I bowed my head, ashamed, and wiped at the blood trickling down my chin.

"How do you even know that's true?" I tested.

Rosalie sighed and gave me that look that said 'that's a stupid question. You're smarter than that.'

"I found it on the bed in the guest room when I went to look for you – the guest room _I _sent you to. Then I came out and saw the whole scene play out from the top of the stairs. Start explaining, because from what I saw, you are nothing but an asshole."

"You cheated on Bella?" Charlotte asked, her voice weak, seemingly on the edge of crying. "Oh, Jasper..."

Everyone was sad and moping and angry as fuck at me. Fair enough. Too bad they weren't letting me go to _fix it_.

"Yes! Fine. I cheated on Bella. But I never meant to. I...I...I was drunk. I never...I have to find her. I have to explain myself. I have to _fix _it."

"_Fix _it?" Emmett roared. "_Fix it_? You can't _fix it_, Jasper. Why would she _ever_ want you back?"

Emmett. Ever protective Emmett. He loved Bella like a sister. At that moment, I was his enemy.

"Emmett," Alice cautioned.

"I don't think it's a very good idea for you to go chasing after her," Charlotte explained. "Not yet."

"What do you mean? Of course it's a good idea. I have to talk to her."

Rosalie decided to speak up then. "Do you _think_ she wantsto talk to you right now, though? Seriously, Jasper, why do you think she ran? If you try to go to her, I _will _stop you. I won't let you go until you get your head together. Not until you let _her_ get her head together. If you guys don't, things will only get worse. You will act in anger and hurt and _nothing_ will be fixed."

I knew what Rosalie said was right. I knew it made perfect sense. But the thought of leaving Bella by herself after what happened made my heart ache and my stomach churn sickly. I couldn't stay away from her. Not after what I did.

My head was throbbing. The bass downstairs was making it worse. Everyone watching me was making me feel sick. I felt like my head was going to explode. In stress, I ran my hands over my face and groaned.

"You know I can't stay away from her," I reminded them. "I have to go to her."

"But right now, that's not what _she_ would want," Edward pointed out. "If you go and beg for her forgiveness right now you will hurt her even more. There's only so much a person can handle in one night."

I threw my head back with a groan. I literally felt in physical pain due to being torn from her. Forget the chill from the wet and the mud or the throbbing of my jaw and lip. There was something else constraining my breathing and making my blood boil. Stress? Maybe. The thought that I hurt Bella? Definitely.

"Someone has to go to her though," Alice reminded us. "We can't just leave her alone."

Wow. Wait. _What?_

"No," I insisted. "No way."

I didn't want anyone else going to her. That was _my _job. It was my job to protect her. It was my job to fix us. Not theirs. I dug that hole. I had to clean it up. If they went and I didn't it would just look like I didn't care. And I did care. Oh God, did I care...

"What? Why not?" Edward blurted out. "I don't get it."

"No one's going to see her. _No one_."

"Jasper, don't be ridiculous," Charlotte sighed. "What's gotten into you?"

I shot up from the bed then, forcing my way past Emmett's attempts of restraining, to stand away from the group. All of them looked shocked; all of them apart from Rosalie. She was watching my curiously; knowingly. She saw something no one else could.

She knew me far too well.

"Everyone has to leave Bella alone. _Everyone_. You guys can't go and see her. Leave her alone. I don't care what you say. _Leave Bella alone_."

They were all confused and shocked. Emmett was still fuming.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Just because_ you_ fucked up doesn'tmean _we_ are going to leave Bella alone," he claimed.

"We aren't taking sides in this, Jasper," Peter continued. "Quit being so damn selfish."

_No. No. No_. They didn't get it at all. I didn't want them to take my side. They didn't _get it. _They also wouldn't listen to the real reason. I had to lie.

"Bella doesn't want anything to do with _any_ of you," I told them. "_Nothing._"

"You're lying," Edward claimed.

"We know Bella. She would never say that. _You_ screwed up, Jasper. Don't take it out on us. Bella deserves to have someone with her, and that someone can't be _you_," Alice said.

She was right. They were right. I was being a selfish asshole. But I also wouldn't risk anything else damaging my chances with Bella. Them going would. I had to fix us. It was the only way.

"You guys have no fucking idea," I growled. "If you go to her it will just make it worse!"

That set Emmett off. "Us helping her will not make it any worse than what _you_ have done," he roared. "You've lied to her. You've broken her heart. Hell, does Bella even know the _truth_ about your mother? Does she even know that you have a fucking _sibling_? Have you even told her the _truth_? No. You haven't. You lied and you are _still_ lying and _hurting her. _Yet you demand the truth in _everything _to do with anyone else. Huh. You're such a hypocrite. And you say we will make it worse! Sometimes you can be a selfish asshole, Jasper. You're the one who screwed it up, not us. Quit playing these games."

Immediately I was nothing but angry. He had no right to say that about the situation with my mother. He had _no clue_. At all. His mother died when he was young. He didn't know what it was like. He couldn't.

That was it. I couldn't take being in the same room as them anymore. I had to get out.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," I spat before walking out the door and leaving them all behind. My destination: the rarely used third floor of the Cullen house, and the rarely used bedroom up there. It was one place Bella hadn't seen. Maybe that would make everything easier.

###

"Jasper."

Rosalie's call hit me as I sat on the bed, my head in my hands, as I tried to control myself. She sounded concerned, yet distant. I wouldn't look up to her.

"Jasper," she called again as I heard the click of the door shut and the shifting of the bed as she sat down next to me.

"What do you want, Rose?" I grumbled.

"To check on you," she answered simply. "You're pretty torn up, and I want to make sure you don't do anything stupid."

She was always so caring and protective. I didn't deserve to have her as my cousin.

"What other stupid things are there _left _for me to do?" I spat. "I've ruined everything."

Rosalie chuckled. "Trust me, there's a lot."

I didn't answer her. I didn't want to continue the conversation. I just groaned and ran a hand through my hair, resisting the temptation to scream.

"What made you do it?" she asked apprehensively after a few moments. "What made you drink?"

"Guilt," I admitted sheepishly.

"For..." She nodded to exaggerate what she meant. She didn't have to finish the sentence.

"Yes. Like always," I answered. "And _please_ don't start with that I told you so shit. I _know_."

"I wasn't going to," she admitted quietly.

I looked up, avoiding looking at Rosalie, and instead staring out across the Cullen's dark back yard. I couldn't make out the tyre swing. I couldn't even locate in what general direction it would have been in.

"I wonder what she's doing now..." I whispered, speaking my thoughts more than making conversation.

"She'll be fine," Rosalie answered for me. "She's strong."

"You didn't see what I saw..." I whispered. "She was so...broken..."

I felt Rosalie's arm droop over my shoulder. She cared, and that helped, even though I couldn't understand why. I had hurt Bella. I had hurt Rosalie's friend. How could Rosalie even stand to be near me?

Oh yeah, because she was my cousin. We were there for each other no matter what.

"But she will piece herself back together," Rosalie assured me. "She's _strong_, Jasper. Don't doubt that. She will be safe."

"She's never safe," I growled. "Not in that house."

Rosalie sighed then. She couldn't deny that fact. "But it's _her_ choice to not do anything about it. The way her father treats her is not your fault."

"But I just made it even harder for her," I rebutted.

"Everyone makes mistakes," Rosalie tried.

"And I make a whole lot more than the average person."

"You're so self-loathing," Rosalie sighed. "You need to stop being so hard on yourself."

"Only when I deserve it," I retorted.

"True. You do deserve it," she admitted. She wouldn't sugar-coat a thing for me. "And we're all still pretty angry at you. What happened tonight was crap. But, remember, we still love you, no matter what. You can't lose us."

_Like I lost Bella?_ I thought bitterly.

"Speaking of everyone else, where are they?" I asked.

"Not going after Bella," Rosalie answered, knowing what information I wanted. "Emmett and Peter are doing a drive by to make sure she got home okay, but that's it. They are just looking for her car."

"Right," I nodded. I didn't have the energy to fight it, and what they were doing was the right thing.

Rosalie dragged in a deep breath. I knew something confrontational was coming.

"What Emmett said about the whole thing with your mother..." she began, "I'm sorry."

"He was right," I replied darkly.

"Jasper..." she breathed.

I just shook my head. "Don't worry about it."

"Jasper, I understand why you lied to Bella; why you lie to others about it. It's hard."

I chuckled darkly at that. "No, Rosie, you don't understand. No one does."

Rosalie didn't take my rudeness to heart. "Edward and Alice do, at least. Their mothers left them, too."

"Their mothers didn't abandon them in favour of their other child. Their mothers didn't leave them with an asshole of a father. We're all different. They don't get it."

"It's not that hard to sympathise," Rosalie pointed out.

"Sympathising isn't the same as understanding."

"Alright then," Rosalie popped, turning around on the bed and crossing her legs, "make me understand. Make me understand why you lie to Bella about your mother and why you hooked up with Victoria."

"I've already told you," I growled, taking a deep breath. "Alcohol. Guilt. That's it. I was buzzing out. I couldn't see anything. Victoria just..._thrust _herself on me."

"...and you drank because you felt guilty for lying to Bella?" Rosalie pressed.

I shrugged. "Happens sometimes."

"Then why don't you just tell her the truth to _stop _it from happening?" she challenged.

"Because then she will hate my mother, and I don't want her to," I explained.

"What is that?" Rosalie pressed.

"My mother was the good parent. Bella loves her, even though she's never met her. I can't crush that."

"So it's better to have Bella hate you and have your relationship with her destroyed than tell her the _truth_ about who your mother really was?"

_Shit_.

"When you put it like that..." My sentence trailed off.

"I'm right, Jasper," Rosalie continued. "You need to break the news to Bella."

"And you think that is just going to fix everything that happened; that by telling her about my mother she will magically forgive me and everything will be perfect again?"

"No," Rosalie answered bluntly. "Of course not. But it _will_ help explain to her what you were feeling and what made you drink. You never meant to hurt her, and right now she thinks you did. It will help her come to terms with it and know that you didn't kiss Victoria because you _wanted _to. It might even help her to forgive you _eventually_. And if she _does_, it will stop you from doing anything like that again. You just have to stay _honest_, Jasper. I can't say that she will _ever_ forgive you for what you did, but you have to try. Bella loves you. You love her. If you let this break you then...well, I won't know what to believe anymore. Telling her the truth might just help ease her pain."

I felt like a light-bulb flicked on above my head.

"You're right," I agreed. "I'll go to her now."

I went to jump off the bed. To my surprise, Rosalie pulled me straight back down.

"No, Jasper, wait. Not right now. Are you dumb?"

"What? Why?" I demanded. "I have to see her."

Rosalie sighed. "I _know_, Jasper. Man, do I know. But you have to give her _time_. The last person she wants to talk to right now is you. You can't force yourself on her, and you can't tell her something like _this_ tonight. It's too much."

"Then when _do _I do it?" I pressed.

"You do it when she has calmed down enough to talk to you. You wait, you be _considerate_, you let her breathe, you let her get her thoughts _together_ and you be the good guy that you are meant to be. You wait to catch her when she falls and you rebuild from the ground up. It's going to take time, Jasper, but that's something you are going to have to give her. When the time is right, you will be able to talk to her, and then you can tell her the absolute_ truth_."

Rosalie was right. Rosalie was always right.

"Time," I repeated. "I don't know if I can do that."

Rosalie chuckled. "I know it's hard, Jasper. I know you will want to see her and fix it as fast as you can, but you are going to have to _try_."

I nodded, mouthing the word with my bleeding lip.

"_Try_."

It was easier said than done.

###

**Author's Note: **So...sorry that it took me longer than expected to update, but life has been a little bit hectic lately. There was quite a bit revealed in this chapter. I'd really like to hear what you guys think of it all, actually. Did you expect it at all? What do you think about seeing these different sides of the characters? Was it good, bad, indifferent? Review, please?

On a side note, the response to the last chapter was seriously A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Way better than I expected, in fact, and it received the most reviews of any chapter so far. I seriously love you guys. Like...like...you are all so awesome. I can't even put into words how awesome you are.

On a double-side note, the next chapter might take a little longer to get out. That's because I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in less than two days, and I've heard that after that you are a bit loopy on pain killers for about a week. I'm actually really freaking out about it...mainly because I'm deathly afraid of needles, hospitals and doctors. I don't know why. Have any of you guys had your wisdom teeth out? If you have, what is it like? Everyone keeps telling me it's nothing to worry about...but I can't help but worry. Do you guys have any tips for before, during or after the surgery? If you do, leave them in a review :D


	24. Chapter 22

**Let Go  
**Chapter 22

###

_Should have said no_

###

"Bella!"

That familiar voice hit me as I slowly came to. Although familiar, I couldn't pinpoint it. I felt groggy. My throat hurt. My head was pounding and my vision was blurred. Slowly I sat up, noticing my surroundings. I was lying in my bed in wet clothes, freezing my ass off. And I couldn't figure out why.

"Bella, darling!"

It was my Mom.

I groaned and tried to drag myself out of bed. That was when I noticed a bandage wrapped tightly around my arm, shielding the wound dug by my fall to the gravel. That was also when I felt a tearing in my chest, like someone had reached in and ripped out my heart, leaving the wound open; bare; subject to the elements. That was also when all memories from the previous night came crashing down around me.

I felt myself losing strength. I could barely breathe, feeling like I had just run ten miles through hail and sleet, and tried to drag fresh air into laboured lungs. It didn't seem to work. My elbows buckled and I fell back onto my bed. Reaching over to my pillow, I grabbed it and hugged it tight to my chest, trying to seal the gaping wound I swore was there. All I could do was let the sobbing overtake me.

He couldn't have done that. It was all a bad dream. I had imagined it. The night hadn't gone that far south.

_Don't kid yourself. Of course it did. Who the hell would want you?_

My body shuddered. Tears gushed into the pillow. My finger felt empty. The ring was gone. It had happened. Of course it did. I had lost everything. I hated him.

_No you don't_.

The storm that was looming had come, worse than imaginable. I didn't want any of it. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to hear about it. I just wanted to become numb to it all.

I peeked to my bed side table. My phone was off. _Keep it off_.

I felt empty – gutted like a fish. It was gone; all gone. Those good times had come to an end. They had no future. They were merely memories; memories that would fade with time; memories that suddenly felt tainted, like muddy footprints in driven snow.

I couldn't help the onslaught that came; a dull trickle opening into a gushing river after a heavy downpour.

_FLASH! The first time I saw Jasper so long ago – the clouds escaping his lips, his spotlight, his eyes. FLASH! The first time he spoke to me – that dazzling smile, that smooth voice, me falling onto his desk. FLASH! "__Hey," he greeted in his deep, southern, charming accent, "my name's Jasper Whitlock." "Hi," I stuttered, "I'm Bella Swan." FLASH! The first time we went to the beach. My first glimpse of a new home. FLASH! Our first kiss. He told me I was beautiful. FLASH! The first time he said he loved me. FLASH! The rings. Reading Wuthering Heights at the beach. Jasper catching me in the rain. FLASH! The Prom. Our dance. That one magical night together. FLASH! Kissing in the tree. FLASH! Victoria hanging off his lips._

Tears only continued to flood the pillow as that last image stuck in my mind; the muddy footprint overshadowing everything else. It was a stain in my memory. I would do anything to wipe it clean. I would do anything to have time rewound. _Anything._

"Bella," my Mom's voice called from the doorway. "Honey, there's a phone call for you. Wake up."

I heard her enter my room. I then heard her gasp and rush to my bed. _My Mom – I had lost Jasper, but I still had my Mom. She was trying to be there for me. I had a new Mom_.

"Bella darling, what's wrong? What happened to your arm?" she asked desperately, rubbing the top of my arm. _Jasper had touched me there_.

"I fell. Who's on the phone?" I asked quietly.

My mom sent an apprehensive glance to the phone before picking it up and placing it to her ear. She wouldn't take her concerned eyes off me.

"May I ask who is calling?"

As she spoke I buried my head back into the pillow, biting back my sobs.

Mom pulled the phone away from her ear, her confusion clear. "Um... someone called Jasper." The sound of that name rolling off her lips made my chest feel like fire, charring what was left of me. "He's says he needs to talk to you _urgently_."

My eyes shot to the curtains. I could feel that spotlight trying to seep in. I turned to the phone. I don't know what my Mom saw in my expression, but it made her gasp.

"I'm not here," I told her.

Mom frowned but brought the phone back to her ear, rubbing my back in an attempt of comfort. "She's busy at the moment. May I take a-" she was cut off as he growled at her. Peeling the phone from her ear with a shocked expression, she covered the mouth piece and spoke to me. "He says he _has_ to speak to you _now_," she reiterated.

I groaned loudly. I could feel an overwhelming rush of anger filling me. He just wouldn't give up. In that moment of anger I took the phone from Mom and threw it against the wall. It smashed. Good.

I watched as the pieces clattered over the floor and settled. My mom was quiet. I hoped he heard that ear-splitting sound before the call cut out. I hoped he got the message to _go away_. I wasn't going to talk to him. I wasn't going to forgive him.

I got up from the bed and rushed out the door. My mom followed me, demanding that I stop and talk to her.

"Bella, what are you doing!"

I ignored her and ran to the three different phone lines in the house, unplugging them all. My mom continued to watch me. I then ran back into my room and curled up on the arm chair, wrapping my arms around my knees. I was shielding that gaping hole in my chest. It ached and burned with every move I made. But even with the pain, I refused to cry. Tears welled up but I forced them back with a determined breath.

I heard my mother approach me and sit down on the armrest. "Bella, what's wrong? Tell me what's going on."

I peeked up to her, but the look on her face shattered my fragile heart. I buried my head and squeezed my eyes shut._ This is just a bad dream. It will all be back to normal soon. Jasper will be holding me and we will be at the beach. You're dreaming._

I opened my eyes again. Nothing changed. I blinked, giving it another shot. Nothing. I was wrong. I wasn't dreaming. It was all too real.

My mom was still looking at me, her face twisted in worry. The pictures of last night were still flooding my mind. I couldn't get them out.

"Darling, please tell me."

I shook my head. I wasn't refusing to tell her. I was telling myself that none of this was real. I was shaking the pictures out. It wasn't meant to happen this way. It wasn't meant to happen so quickly. I loved him.

"Please Bella. I'm worried about you." She brought a hand to my shoulder and started drawing soothing little circles on my skin.

They were Jasper's circles.

I leaped up from my seat and shied away from her, cradling my arms. The feeling of any human touch burned at my skin. I couldn't stand it. None of it was Jasper. It was all wrong. He should have been there. He should have been soothing me. He wasn't.

I was alone.

The look of fright on my Mom's face nearly killed me.

"Don't, mom, please," I begged. "I can't."

Mom was resolute. She wasn't going to leave me alone till she was assured I was okay; till she knew what was going on. "Bella, honey, you can't talk to me about anything. Please tell me."

"I...I can't," I refused, closing in on myself. "I just...I just...I can't...I...I lost him."

Mom stood up and walked over to me. "Who, honey? What happened?"

"Jasper," I sobbed, the sound of his name causing my body to shudder, shots of pain shooting up my spine. "I loved him and I lost him."

A sigh escaped my mother's lips. She understood. A second later her hands went to my back. "Was that Jasper on the phone?"

I nodded solemnly.

My mom sighed and led me over to the bed. I went willingly and she sat me down, pulling me to her. Her arms wrapped around me. I went cold. It wasn't Jasper. It wasn't right. Still I ignored the stinging of my skin. She was trying to be there for me.

"Oh baby, in High School everything seems like the end of the world, but in reality, it's not. There will be other boys. This is what being a teenager is about. You are just learning how to be in a relationship. Everything will be fine. Five years from now Jasper will be nothing but a distant, fuzzy, unimportant memory. You will get through this. I'm here for you."

She was trying to soothe me. It didn't work. I didn't want him to become a distant, fuzzy, unimportant memory. Our relationship was more than just a High School fling. It was much more. It _had_ to be more. I would never find another like him. It couldn't be over.

But another part of my mind said it was over.

It was.

I loved him, but I hated him.

Confusion is a bitch.

I needed time on my own. I had to get my Mom out. I loved her, but this was something she would never understand. She had never had a chance to love someone. My father had come along too soon. Also, I still wasn't close enough to her to open up. We hadn't broken that wall yet, no matter how much better it all was. I plastered on a smile and looked at her.

"Really?" I asked, sniffing and wiping tears away.

"Really," she nodded. "Trust me. I was your age once. It will all be okay. I'm here for you, and so are all your other friends."

That was where she was wrong. My friends were his friends – his _family_. If it came down to a choice, they would always choose him, and I knew that very well. I didn't blame them, either.

I smiled in an effort to convince her of my act and nodded. "Thanks mom," I said. In truth, I _was_ thankful. Her attempts at helping me meant a lot. "I feel much better."

My mom smiled, satisfied with her work. She leant forward and kissed my forehead. It felt wrong. That was Jasper's kiss.

"You're beautiful and kind, baby girl. Don't let anyone tell you different."

The hole in my chest grew. My body tried to shudder. I held it back with all my might.

"Okay darling," she sighed, standing up. "I will give you some space. I love you, and don't worry – it will all be fine."

I nodded to her and continued to smile.

"But we will keep the phone unplugged for a while for you," she added with a smirk as she walked out the door.

I had to paint on one more fake smile as she left. "Bye Mom. Thanks. I love you too."

When I heard her footsteps fade out I collapsed into a pile of sobs again, the whole in my chest growing, threatening to spill out. I clutched at it, sobbing, my eyes red and puffy, looking like I had washed them with chlorine, desperate to hold together what little I had left.

###

Sometimes life is a strange thing – a horrible thing. It's unpredictable and full of surprises. You might think you know everything – you may think everything is perfect – and then one day everything changes_._ One thing leads to another, and you end up being in a situation you would have never have thought possible.

Six months ago I was in a tiny, rainy town called Forks. I had nothing but my little sister and my best friend. I was empty. I was boring. I was responsible. I was plain. I was never one for parties. I didn't know who I truly was. Then one promotion in my Dad's job changed everything. I had to leave everything behind that I had ever loved. I hated it. But from the ashes something beautiful rose. I moved to a different state. I met that one special person people spend their lives searching for. I shared everything with him. I dove head first into the unknown with him. I let down all my guards for him. And then it all came crashing down because of one stupid party and a mistake. I was left questioning whether it was all real. Was it all just an act? Did anything that was said actually mean anything? Was anything the truth?

Life changes too quickly. It leaves you dizzy, disoriented and wondering what truly happened. It beats you down and then expects you to pick up the pieces. For some people, life gives a good hand. You're lucky. You get everything you ever wished for. And then for some, the good things are few and far between. They come quickly, whisk you away and blow your mind, and then crash as swiftly as they had come to be. Only, they leave a greater mess. Some people naturally attract danger. Some people are always clumsy. Some people – some things – always fall. I was one of those people.

Sunday passed in a world of nothing. Time passed me by, but I didn't recognise it. I just curled up on that arm chair and numbed myself to everything. My mom went out with Renesmee. Someone pounded on the front door for hours. It then moved to my window. I ignored it. I was just a shell wandering aimlessly in a sea of obscurity. I lay awake that night. I only drifted into a restless sleep occasionally. I was waiting for something. What that was, I'm not sure. Pictures flashed through my mind. Memories came and went. They weren't the good ones.

I was woken on Monday by the trilling sounds of the phone. My head was throbbing. My body was shivering uncontrollably. My throat was dry. I was still in those clothes from Saturday.

I started to pull myself off the arm chair, ignoring the chatter of the phone. It was plugged back in. I wasn't going to answer it. It didn't matter.

I stood from the armchair and something ripped. The hole in my chest swallowed more of me. I clutched at it desperately and stumbled to the bathroom.

I dragged off my clothes, still clutching my chest as the phone cackled. The water was on. I stood under it lazily. I didn't move. I just waited for the hot water to warm me through. It didn't.

I got out after twenty minutes. I dried myself lazily and put on dry clothes. I brushed my hair and walked back to my bed.

_Jasper slept in that bed._

I had to wash the sheets. They were dirty. I ran to the bed and yanked them off, tossing them to the corner of my room. I curled up on the bare mattress and hugged my knees to my chest.

The phone stopped ringing. I held my breath. Thirty seconds later, it started again. I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it, tears streaming down my face. I didn't care about the outside world. None of that mattered anymore.

The phone continued ringing. With every sound the hole in my chest grew and grew. I was tired. I would never get to sleep with that sound.

_Ear plugs._

You have ear plugs in your handbag.

I scrambled off the bed and ripped my black bag open. Immediately I threw it to the corner of the room where Jasper's jacket lay dormant. That white box was in there; my birthday present. _Fuck the ear plugs_.

He had had another present for me. He said it was a surprise. He said he would show me later. I knew what it was. _Bastard._

The phone's volume increased. It took over everything. My eyes shot to the machine on my bedside table. It was white. It was cordless. It was clattering against my table.

I watched it as it drummed against the wooden top. Its sound was overbearing. It wouldn't be quiet. It cut out, but started again a few seconds later. _Give it a rest_.

I reached over to grab it, tears still plummeting down my cheeks.

I took a deep, broken breath before bringing the cold object to my ear. I was silent, refusing to offer a greeting. The other end was silent for a few seconds, too.

But that silence broke, like all the ones before it.

"Bella?" the voice was desperate. It was worried. It was sorry. It was filled with pain.

It was good acting.

I didn't speak. I didn't want to run back into his arms without a second thought. I didn't want to be weak; spineless. I didn't want to need him. I didn't want to forgive.

"Bella?" his voice was less panicked now. I hadn't hung up yet. It was only filled with unexplainable pain. "Bella, listen to me, please. I'm so sorry. It...It didn't mean anything. I was drunk. I didn't mean it! She forced herself on me. I'm so sorry. It didn't mean anything."

They were the oldest excuses in the book.

_You should have said no._

I didn't speak. His breathing was heavy and raspy.

_Everything is gone. Get over it._

"Bella, please? It didn't mean anything. I know I hurt you but please, can't we talk this out? I need you, Bella. I'm sorry. It _didn't _mean _anything_! I would never hurt you like that! It didn't mean anything! Please? I...I just need to talk to you."

_It meant something to me. Kisses mean something. You should have said no. Is that so hard?_

His voice was suddenly soft. It hurt to hear it. I had to become numb again. I built up those old, ruined walls again; one second to build up, months to knock down. All his work was gone. I didn't want to feel for him, but somehow he always seeped through my cracks.

"Please, Bella. I need to hear your voice again. I love _you_."

My breath caught and hitched at those words. A small scream escaped my lips before I clamped them shut and bit my tongue. I hung up the phone and slammed it on the bed, covering my mouth with both hands and pulling my knees to my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut and let the tears fall.

I had to stop letting him get to me. His voice, his eyes, his words – they all hurt me. Those last three words, though...they hurt me the most. I still didn't believe them. I couldn't. I couldn't let him get to me in such a way.

But part of me wanted them to be true. Why? Because once, in the past, I believed they _were_ true.

But that changed, and I had to let go. If he loved me, why would he kiss Victoria?

The phone didn't ring again, and if it did, I didn't hear it. I blocked out everything from the outside world. I curled up in my own little ball and let sleep take me. I screamed in my sleep as the memories flashed through my mind. They were of everything; happiness, sadness, desperation and ecstasy. I felt haunted.

Tuesday and Wednesday passed slowly. There were more phone calls. More people knocked on the door and tried to force their way in. I ignored it though. I heard Emmett's voice, and Peter's, and Charlotte's. But most of all, I heard Jasper's, and that hurt the most. On Thursday I woke up after everyone was gone. I was tired and cold. I didn't want to feel anything. I didn't want to know anything. I just wanted to fade away.

I knew one sure fire way to drown everything out. I had seen it done too many times to count.

I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed the hard bottle with a shaking hand. In it held the liquid that caused this. I stared at it through blood shot, hazy eyes. It would do. The liquid swam around the rim as I dragged myself back upstairs. The bottle was the opposite thing to Jasper. He was warm, gentle and safe. I loved that bottle.

Maybe Dad, Mom, Edward and Alice had it right. In their own little ways, they had learnt to drown out their sorrows instead of feel them. Maybe they had it right. It made them feel better. They forgot everything. They numbed themselves. Why did Alice and Edward want to stop? Did it really matter if they hurt anyone else in the process?

As I looked to that bottle my eyes blurred with tears. It was whiskey. I shrugged, tears still falling. It would do. I then unscrewed the top and drank. I didn't notice the taste, but soon my head was spinning. It would numb me. That's all that mattered.

Maybe they had it right after all.

I slept my way through Thursday too. My mind became foggy as the alcohol pumped through my blood stream. It felt...good. Friday had mom and I head out to shop for school supplies for the next week. I got her to agree to shop in the next town over. The facade was hard to keep up when I was near her. Saturday and Sunday consisted of nothingness. The pictures didn't stop. Neither did the drinking. Neither did the rain. I don't know about anything else.

###

On Monday morning – the first Monday of my junior year – I woke up and decided to pull myself together. A determined stride filled me. I downed some aspirin, took a shower, threw on some clothes and brushed my teeth. I was not to let what happened with Jasper ruin the year. New year, new start. I had already wasted a week – my last week of summer. The bar stopped there. Even glancing at the empty whiskey bottle on my bedside table made me feel sick. I was sick of being weak and drowning in my own sorrow. I was sick of moping over a boy, no matter who he was. I was sick of doing the exact thing I resented my parents for doing. That wasn't who I was. I was going to get on with my life. The brooding would stop.

I went to Renesme's room and got her ready. I tried my best to be good for her. She was abnormally quiet though. To try and coax something out of her I put on a smile and tickled her.

"Hey Nessie, is mommy taking you to day care today?"

Her dazzling smile returned as she watched me. "Yeah!"

"What do you think you are going to do today?" I pressed.

"Drawing and painting and playing with the blocks!" she answered enthusiastically. "Megan said she would play with me today!"

"That's so nice, Ness. What are you going to draw?"

"Me and mommy and you," she answered. "Because I love you."

Hearing that brought tears to my eyes. She was such a beautiful, open hearted child. If nothing else, I had to be strong for her.

Quickly, I wiped the tears away. I could hear Mom coming up the stairs.

"That's so nice, Nessie. I love you too. I will see you after school, okay?" Renesmee smiled and nodded. I rushed out of the door.

I stood on my porch as I debated over walking or taking my truck. My truck gave me a fast escape route, but it also meant everyone knew I was there. Walking meant he could see me on the way, but it gave me more opportunity to blend in.

I chose running.

I ran to school and to my first class. Picking up my timetable on the way I realised I had the same timetable – only a grade up. That was the only stop I made. I didn't look at anything else. Did it really matter? No. The only thing I cared about was getting to class, doing my work and getting home. I just wanted to finish out my last few years of school. I just wanted to move on. Moping around wouldn't do anything. I just had to keep myself numb till I could escape.

I arrived at class early and took my seat, bowing my head and letting my hair fall around my face as people filed in.

I knew this class was going to be rough and I did all I could to blend into the back ground. This was because, number one, Victoria and Lauren were in it. I didn't want to deal with Victoria's shit that day, and I was pretty sure that if the bitch looked at me I would snap her head off. Number two was that Rosalie and Emmett were in the class. It wasn't that I didn't like them. It's just that there was no doubt they knew what had happened at the party. They would have noticed something, or at least guessed. Also, Emmett saw me running from the place after... He would have demanded an explanation, and I knew Jasper wouldn't be able to keep it from him, not matter how hard he tried.

I just kept up the hope that I wouldn't be noticed as they came in. When I saw Mark – who sat in front of me – sit down I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe he would block their view. I sunk lower towards the desk as I saw Rosalie enter. My breath caught.

I peeked past Mark as they entered. Rosalie had Emmett's arm and was pulling him behind her. They were talking. But then they stopped. They both started searching the room.

_Shit_, I thought as I pulled myself back behind Mark.

When I heard Rosalie's whisper I knew my luck had run out.

"Bella."

My heart froze as Emmett's words followed. "Bella..." his voice trailed off as the teacher spoke.

"Please hurry up and take your seats, folks."

I locked my eyes on the wooden desk as they tried to get my attention. The clattering sound of familiar heels then announced the arrival of my two arch enemies.

I could hear her trilling voice as she entered the room. "Oh hell yes, you can't even imagine what a great kisser he is," she giggled.

I gritted my teeth and latched onto the end of my desk, clinging to it in support, trying to hold back my attack. _Shut it, bitch_.

"I mean, I do feel sorry for him. It's not like that Swan chick would have satisfied his _needs_ very well. It's only understandable that he wanted someone else."

Her laughter rang through the door as she entered it. My knuckles went white as I held myself back.

_Numb, Bella, numb._

She continued chattering away as she headed towards her seat. Lauren clung to her every word. She _ensured _the whole room could hear her too.

"So how was he... you know?" Lauren egged on.

Victoria filled the room with her trilling laugh. "Oh, he's _incredible_."

I had to grip the wood even harder as my heart screamed at me to go for her throat.

_Numb yourself, Bella. It doesn't matter anymore._

But I couldn't.

Victoria's breath caught as she sat down. "Oh hi, Bella. I didn't see you there," she claimed with a cruel smile. I wanted to wipe it right off again. I took a deep breath and stiffened my body.

She turned back to Lauren and her voice changed to a whisper, although she still made damn sure I could hear every word.

"After _she_ left, Jasper came back to me and we went up to one of the bedrooms. And trust me, he _is_ as good as he looks."

The hole in my chest sparked and seared me. Pain shot through me. I forced myself to hold it all in, biting my lip and holding my breath. I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it. He had ruined it. Everything.

I heard Lauren's gasps and giggles as Victoria filled her in on the details. I blocked them all out. I forced them out. I wouldn't let myself feel that pain. I held the hole closed.

It was then that I heard Rosalie's cruel, ripping voice as she hounded Victoria.

"Hey V," she hissed. "I have one question for you: do you find satisfaction in making yourself sound like a stupid, home-wrecking slut for the enjoyment of a blond bimbo, or do you honestly think anyone here cares to hear about your _lies_?"

I heard Victoria gasp. I tried to block it all out, but it wouldn't work. "I'm not lying," Victoria chirped with a victorious smirk.

"Oh really?" Rosalie asked, venom dripping from her voice. "Because then I have another question for you: at what time in the night did you actually _fuck_ my cousin, because I would really like to know? I mean, since, after all, I was with him that whole night after Bella left."

Winces sounded throughout the classroom. Victoria went quiet. "Um... I... we..." she stumbled.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Rosalie snapped. "Now, why don't you shut your mouth before I shut it for you? And one bit of advice: we all already know you would put out for _anything_, so it is probably best to not encourage this thought by making up stories about you being _used_ by a guy who doesn't even know your name."

Rosalie shot daggers at Victoria. Victoria huffed, flicked her hair back and turned to the teacher.

"Alright!" the teacher yelled. "Everyone settle down. Can I start the lesson now?"

I don't know what the lesson was about, and five minutes before the bell I was packed up and ready to flee. I didn't want to think about anything there. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just had to stay under the radar until I got home.

When the bell rang I was out of the seat and gone. Too bad I didn't get very far. I felt a hand grip my elbow as I tried to dart between everyone. My vision was blurring as I tried to escape and the feeling of this human touch made the tears spill over. It wasn't the touch I needed.

"Bella."

It was Emmett's voice that filled my ears. I tried to push it out again. I then heard Rosalie's voice a second later.

"Bella, please talk to me?"

I tried to shake off Emmett's hold. I did, and escaped a few more feet before he grabbed me again.

I turned around to face him, tears streaming down my face. "Let me go," I snarled, locking eyes with him.

Immediately, Emmett's expression dropped and his grip lost its pressure.

"Bella, please talk to us," he begged.

I yanked my arm away and took off towards my next class, not bothering to answer. It was Design, and it was with Rosalie and Alice. I knew that, and I tried to push that thought back into the farthest regions of my mind, along with all the others.

Just before I got to class, my feet froze. I couldn't walk in there. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to see the faces of the two people who reminded me of him so much – his cousin and his best friend.

I nearly ran away.

But then I changed my mind.

I wouldn't let what happened rule my life. I had to get an education. But more importantly, what happened shouldn't have stopped me from doing what I wanted. I didn't want to be weak anymore.

I took a deep breath before entering. When I got into the class I sunk down in my seat and waited for others to arrive.

When Alice and Rosalie sat down they both turned around to talk to me. I kept my head bowed and held back every feeling as their words hung in the air.

"Bella, are you okay? Please talk to us. Please, Bella." – _Alice._

_I swear, if one more person asks me if I am okay I will start swinging. _I didn't want to hear them.

"We are so sorry, Bella. We should have been there to stop it. Please, just talk to us. He is so sorry." – _Rosalie._

_It's not your fault your cousin is such a jerk. Just leave me alone. _

"Please, I don't want to lose you." – _Alice._

_Just give me some space. Let me breathe. I can't stand any of you right now. I just need time to get my head together._

"Jasper is so sorry. Please, just give him a chance. Give us a chance." – _Rosalie._

_Why should I? Stop defending him and leave me alone._

"Please? You have to, Bella." – _Alice._

And that was it. I didn't want to hear them and they didn't get the message.

I shot my gaze up to them and held it cold and stale. "I don't _have_ to do anything," I ripped.

Alice's mouth dropped open, but she closed it quickly. Rosalie stiffened. Both their eyes were pleading.

"But Bella-"

I cut Rosalie off. "No, okay? No. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to know if he's sorry, or if it didn't mean anything, or if half the stuff I've heard didn't happen. I don't want to hear it! But you know what I want? I want to be left alone. By everyone. Just give me some space. I don't _have_ to do anything. I don't _have_ to forgive him. And I certainly don't _have_ to listen to his two _friends_ make excuses for him. Just leave me _alone_. Please? Just let me _breathe _for a minute. Quit hounding me."

They were quiet for a moment. Alice reached towards my hand. I pulled it away. She froze.

I didn't want anyone touching me. It only made the burning increase and scorch away more of me.

"We know, Bella," Alice whispered. "We're sorry. It's just... we are losing him. He won't talk to us. He needs you. We need you. Please, just talk to him. We cannot lose him after everything. We cannot lose y_ou_ after everything. You guys _need_ to make this work. You need to forgive him. I can't stand to see him so low and cold. I can't stand to see _you_ so hurt. Just _try_, please."

I shot my eyes back to Alice. She was hurting. She was worried. I didn't let it get to me. If I did, I would cave.

"Leave me _alone,_" I spat. "I don't want anything to do with him. I don't _have_ to forgive him just because he is upset about what _he _did. He hurt _me_. He _deserves_ to suffer for it! Why should I forgive him just because you two don't want to lose him? He hurt me! He_ should_ drown in the guilt. It's not _my_ job to make him feel better. He brought this on us, not me! Don't blame me for him feeling bad!"

"Bella-" Rosalie whispered quietly.

"No," I growled. "I don't want to hear it. Just leave me alone and give me some space. I love you guys, but _please_, just _leave me alone_."

Tears were streaming down my face. For once I could feel them. I buried my head in my hands. I felt Rosalie's hand on my shoulder. I shook it away and sank further into my chair.

The hole in my chest was burning. I didn't want to feel it. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to zone out.

Eventually I heard Rosalie and Alice turn around. I know they had tried to talk to me further, but the words didn't register. I didn't hear them. Then the drone of the teacher's voice proceeded. I stayed like that for the whole lesson, trying with all my might to block out any tickle of feelings or emotions.

I wanted to go _home_.

Eventually the bell rang and I rushed out of class and away from Rosalie or Alice's grasp. To be scared to face them in my own school was stupid, but I just didn't want to talk. Whenever I heard their voices or saw their faces I could feel more of me being eaten away, and I had to cling desperately to what little I had left.

I put my hood up and my head down as I trudged through the corridors. I didn't know where to go. My usual table was inhabited by the exact people I wanted to avoid and my old table I had sat at in the first few weeks of school had the perfect view of the five people I didn't want to see. The rest of the school was filled with people alive with the gossip of Jasper and I. Everywhere I went people snickered and whispered. There was no support. Only sneers. It was like a return to my first day there all those months ago. I chuckled darkly at the irony that my first day of junior year was just as crap as my first day after moving.

The next chance I got I bolted into the girls bathroom.

It was empty, but I knew it would soon fill up. I hurried into one of the cubicles, locked it, hit the lid of the seat down and sat on it, bringing my knees to my chest. I kept my hood up as I buried my head in my knees. I let the tears fall silently as I blocked out all my feelings. The sneers, the hounding, the gossip, the whispers – it was all too much. Why couldn't anyone just provide _me_ a shoulder to cry on? Why did everyone either want to save Jasper or mock my misfortune? Why couldn't anyone let me _breathe_?

Instead of dwelling on these questions I tried to focus on building up a wall and shutting out all of my emotions. I wanted to make it so that, when the time came that I had to look into his eyes, I wouldn't be affected by them. I kept picturing them, and tried as hard as I could to stop my heart fluttering and my chest ripping. It didn't work, but I wouldn't give up. I would spend the entire day in there if I had to.

My concentration was broken when I heard the door open and close and the room filled with the giggles of two voices I didn't recognise.

"So did you go to the party on the Saturday before last?" the first voice asked. There was no undertone to this voice. I knew she was just making conversation. I just hoped this innocent conversation wouldn't go where I thought it was going.

"At Edward's?" the second voice asked. "Of course I did. I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"It was awesome, wasn't it?" the first voice added. "Hey, do you have any lip gloss?"

"Yeah, sure," the second voice answered, rustling in her bag. "It was awesome; full of _drama_. I mean, did you see what happened?"

My heart leaped into my throat. _Please don't be inferring what I think you are._

"What, that thing with Jasper, Victoria and Bella?" the first voice asked.

My heart nearly exploded. I had to bite my tongue to stop the scream.

"Yeah, I swear it was like an episode of Days of Our Lives."

_Screw you. This is MY life._

"Really? Damn, I didn't see it. I was with Angela in the kitchen. I mean, I've heard about it, but you can't really trust half the stuff that comes out of Victoria's mouth and Bella and Jasper aren't talking to anyone to reveal their sides. Jasper isn't even talking to his friends."

"Oh my gosh! You missed one hell of a show. I really do feel sorry for Bella, though." The second girl paused then. "I mean, imagine walking in on your boyfriend with his tongue down another girls throat. Especially when that girl is Victoria and we all know Bella and her hate each other. But, if I was her, I would forgive him. I mean, _look_ at him! He is _so_ gorgeous. She's lucky he even chose her in the first place."

"I know!" the first voice exclaimed. "And, I mean, have you _seen_ her today? She could at least put some effort into her appearance. I mean, sure, the guy hurt her, but that doesn't mean she should just let herself go. I don't even know what he saw in her."

I shut out their conversation as they started comparing what they saw and what they heard. I didn't need a replay of me running, falling and then slapping Jasper. I didn't need to know what Victoria had claimed happened afterwards and what Rosalie said. I didn't need to know that I didn't deserve him. I just wanted to be numb to it all.

When the bell rang I devised a plan to keep myself safe at lunch time. That involved detention. If I was late to Literature, I would get detention. Then I wouldn't have to listen to anyone. There was no talking in detention. Also, I wouldn't have to deal with being in the same class as Alice and Edward for that long. They wouldn't try to talk to me.

I sat, curled up on that seat as the final warning bell rang. I then zoned out as I let the time pass. I didn't think. I didn't move. I just let the time tick past. When twenty minutes had passed I dragged myself up and quietly walked out the door and towards class.

When I reached the door I knocked twice before entering. The whole class paused and looked at me as I walked in.

"Sorry Sir," I mumbled, "I-"

"Don't worry about the detention, Bella. Just take your seat. Alice explained that you weren't feeling very well."

_What? You have got to be kidding me._

I peeked to Alice in the corner of my eye. She was watching us, a slight smirk on her face.

"Ah... But sir, I think I _should_ get the detention. I mean, there is no excuse for being late. _Please_, sir," I tried.

The teacher shook his head. "There is no harm done, Bella. Now please take your seat."

I was not going to let her get away with that. Did she not get the point that I didn't want anything to do with them at that time? She was turning out to be really fucking annoying. For a second, I hated Alice.

"But please, sir. I _want_ the detention." I wasn't giving up.

"Come on, Bella," Alice's cheery voice said. "Come sit down."

I shot a look at her and she cocked her head towards my seat, frowning.

"Yes, please just sit, Miss Swan," the teacher encouraged.

"But-"

"Just sit!" he eventually yelled.

Defeated, I sighed and trudged to my desk. I plonked down on my seat, dropping my bag on the floor loudly. I then pulled one of my knees to my chest and dragged my desk as far from Alice as I could before hitting the person behind me.

Alice turned around as I opened _Wuthering Heights_. Her eyes were filled with apology as she looked at me. I tried not to meet her gaze.

"I'm sorry, Bella, okay? You two just need to talk this out, and you are not using a detention as an excuse to avoid him."

I didn't meet her eyes as I spoke daggers. "You don't rule my life, Alice. I will do what I want, and what I _want_ is to never talk to him again."

_Liar, liar, pants on fire._

Alice sighed then. "I may not rule your life, but I won't let you run it into the ground, either. Losing Jasper will kill you. Neither of you can survive without the other. You're the _definition _of co-dependent. I saw both of you before you got together. Neither of you had any life in you. You are the best things to happen to each other and I will _not_ watch you throw that away. I love you both too much to watch you go downhill so far again."

I felt my chest ebbing at the edges, slowly and painfully ripping. I knew she was telling the truth, but I wished she wasn't. I didn't want to need him. I didn't want to be weak again. I _wouldn't_ be weak again. And I most certainly didn't want to deal with her hammering me. Jasper hurt me. I didn't need someone like that in my life.

"I'm busy," I mumbled, trying to concentrate on the words on the page.

"You can't run away forever, Bella," Alice sighed.

I ignored her and kept my eyes on the page. I wouldn't respond. She kept looking at me for a long time, and I just continued breathing deeply and refusing eye contact. Eventually I heard Alice sigh and her chair scrape along the ground as she turned around. She then started whispering to Edward. I didn't even try to make sense of what they were saying.

Eventually the bell rang and I jumped out of my chair quickly to rush out the door.

As I passed Alice's chair she tried to catch my attention. "Bella."

Edward did the same. "Bella, stop," he said, grabbing my elbow.

I turned around to him and met his piercing green eyes. I narrowed mine. "Don't touch me," I snarled, snatching my arm back. Before a word of reply could be passed I rushed out the door. What was with these people? Did they have an inability to give me _space_? They were playing on my last nerves and making my day just that much harder.

I didn't know where to go then, so I just started walking. Sadly, one wrong turn into an empty corridor left me face to face with the person I was trying to avoid. It was_ him_.

"Bella." My name was a whisper on his lips as he rushed from the end of the corridor to me. My heart ripped to pieces as he spoke.

"Bella, I'm so sorry," he said, stopping mere inches from me. He raised his hand to brush a lock of my hair behind my ear. I took a large step away from his touch, bowing my head and wrapping my arms around my chest. I refused to let the tears tumble.

"Bella..." he whispered in shock and worry as his body froze. I wanted him to stop saying my name.

I dropped my head further as I turned away from him and started walking out. I didn't want to forgive him, but the pull towards forgiveness was so strong.

"Please, Bella. Can't we just talk about this?" he pleaded, touching my shoulder to turn me around.

The touch made the fire in my chest roar to life. It swallowed a mouthful of me before I had time to pull away.

Forcefully I pushed myself against the wall, pulling myself away from his grasp. He froze and looked back at me with shocked and worried eyes. I kept mine strong and emotionless.

We were silent then. Jasper couldn't speak and I didn't want to.

Eventually, however, he broke that silence. He always did.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Bella," he swore. My expression didn't change. After a few seconds he continued. "I was drunk and It... it just happened. She just... forced herself on me. It didn't mean anything. I would do anything to take it back and-"

"No you wouldn't," I claimed.

Jasper was startled. "What?"

"You don't want to take it back," I repeated defiantly.

"What? Of course I do! Bella, I love you. How can you say that? It didn't mean anything. If I knew it was going to end up like this I wouldn't have even d-"

"What?" I demanded. I was shocked and stumbled over what to say next. "Are you saying you made the conscious _decision_ to hook up with her?"

The hole was moving too quickly. I tightened my hold on my chest and tried with all my might to hold it in.

Jasper was taken aback. His eyes were wide with shock. I couldn't look at them. "Wait, what? No! Where did that come from? I would never!"

I scoffed then. "Yeah, you never meant it because you got _caught_! You said if you knew it was going to end up like this you never would have hooked up with her. You knew what you were doing!"

Jasper took a step forward to me. I mirrored him and took a step back. "No," he assured me. "No! That's not what I was going to say! I promise I would _never_ do that! I was _drunk_!"

"Your promises mean nothing," I spat. "Don't you _dare_ blame your mistake on being drunk! Too many people in my life do that already and it's _no excuse_! I don't want to see you. I don't want to speak to you. Just leave me _alone_!"

Jasper's expression turned to one of strength and determination. "No, Bella," he answered simply, stepping towards me with firm resolution. "I won't. I'm never leaving you alone. I swear it didn't mean anything. I know I hurt you and I know I don't deserve you, but I love you. Forever, remember? I will love you forever." He held his hand up and showed me the ring. "I just need a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes. I _need _you, Bella. I love you."

I was shaking my head as tears fell down my cheeks. It felt like I would never run out of tears. I started backing away from him slowly.

"No," I said, shaking my head as more and more tears fell. "No. That promise means nothing. Your promises mean _nothing_. _You_ broke it."

"I didn't break it," he claimed. "I never stopped loving you, and I _won't_ stop loving you. I won't let you go."

I shot my tear filled eyes to him and made them cold. I then showed him my empty fingers. "The promise is broken. _I_ took off the ring."

Jasper's eyes were locked on my hands. He then looked back to me. I couldn't read them. All I saw was an icy blue. I fell back into the wall as the burn in my chest engulfed and his piercing eyes took my breath away.

Broken.

Broken.

_Broken_.

Jasper took hurried steps forwards and grabbed my forearms, forcing me to look at him. I tried to shy away. He wouldn't let me.

"Look me in the eye now and tell me you don't love me. _Tell_ me to leave you alone and never speak to you again. _Tell_ me you don't love me! If you do that, I will leave you alone."

His touch burned my skin. Tears continued falling. I couldn't look him in the eyes and say those words. I couldn't look him in the eyes and speak those lies. I looked to my feet, my arms scorching under his touch. He held my chin up and forced me to look at him. Those piercing eyes were filled with emotions I had never seen before. It took my breath away. He wouldn't falter.

I knew if I just uttered those words it could all be over. I could close up and never get hurt again. But I couldn't. I couldn't lie to him. He would know, and I just couldn't. Even though I didn't want to love him, I did.

I looked him straight at him, my vision blurring from tears. Those eyes shook me to the core. "I can't do that!" I sobbed, looking at the blizzard brewing in the icy blue. "I can't say I don't love you because I can't _lie_!" I almost buckled over with sobs. "That's the _problem_."

As those words hit him Jasper's grip loosened. I looked up to him with tear filled eyes, desperate. I saw pain rip through his; excruciating, deep, gut-wrenching pain. Seeing him like that shattered my heart. So, a moment later, I yanked my arms free of his grasp and ran. Tears were still falling as I reached the end of the corridor. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the downpour, running as fast as my feet would go.

I ran until I hit a rock. Automatically I was caught by two strong arms.

Emmett.

"Wow," he eased, grabbing the tops of my arms softly. "Slow down, Bells. Take deep breaths. What happened? Please, just calm down."

His voice was soothing and his touch warm, but it still hurt me. It still made my heart ache, knowing it wasn't the person who I truly wanted to be soothing me, and knowing that person could never do that job again.

I looked up to him then, my eyes filled with tears. "Just let me go, Emmett. _Please_?"

Emmett was about to speak when I heard Jasper's voice. "Bella, wait!"

I flinched at the sound and wrapped my arms around my chest again, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Please, Emmett?" I whimpered, refusing to open my eyes for fear of contact with Jasper. I desperately wished to be able to move; to run away from everything.

Emmett was silent and deliberating for a moment. He shot a glance back at Jasper. It was filled with disgust, but also sadness and worry. He soon replied.

"Go," he whispered, releasing his hold. "Just be _careful_. Don't hurt yourself. Go _straight_ home. I will take care of him."

Taken by shock I looked up to him in amazement and thanks. Emmett simply nodded before giving me a little push, telling me to hurry up. Through everything, I managed to smile at him before taking off.

"Bella wait!" Jasper called. Then there was a loud thump. "Emmett, for fuck sake, let me go!"

"No, Jasper. Let _her _go," Emmett ordered.

Jasper was quiet for a second, seemingly in disbelief, but soon yelled a response. "What are you talking about? I have to talk to her!"

"No! For fuck sake Jasper, give her some space!"

"I can't do that! You know I can't!"

Emmett growled. "I don't _care_ what you can or cannot do! You're _going_ to do it! Let her _breathe_ and get her head together. Let her _recover_. I'm so fucking _sick of your games_, and until then, I'm not letting you near her!"

I blocked out the rest of their fight then, thankful for Emmett's protection. Obeying him, I ran straight home. The thought of school didn't cross my mind. I just had to leave. I had to get out of there. I was thankful that Emmett gave me that chance. I knew that he kept Jasper at bay for the rest of the day

###

I slept the rest of the day. On Tuesday and Wednesday I was left alone at school. I thanked Emmett for that. They looked at me occasionally, but they didn't dare talk to me. I only saw Jasper at Media Studies and Study Hall. I knew he was aching to talk to me, but he didn't dare. I tried as hard as I could to not meet his eyes. Every so often whispers surrounded me; gossip. Eventually I learnt to block them out.

On Tuesday I built up the guts to turn my cell on. I had over a hundred missed calls. Most were from Jasper and a few from the others. I deleted them all.

I tried to read _Wuthering Heights_ over those days; trying to get absorbed into a different world. But when I read over a part Jasper himself had spoken, I realised that was not possible.

"_And so do I. __I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind."_

That was when pictures of the day that Jasper and I spent at the beach came to my mind. Those memories flooded me. It was the day I heard about Rosalie and Emmett. It was the day we made our promises. It was that perfect day when we had the conversation about dreams. He told me that he always wanted dreams to end, because then he could be with me for real. It was the day I saw his mothers' house. It was the day we were in complete peace with each other. That was the day Jasper said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with _me_.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

When people say they run out of tears, it's a lie. They just stop caring.

###

On Thursday night my cell phone rang.

It was Jasper.

I answered.

Neither of us spoke, but I could hear his breathing on the other end of the line. He could hear mine, too.

My tears never ceased.

About ten minutes in he started humming quietly. I recognised the rhythm instantly. It was our song. I knew the lyrics that went along with that beat. I knew what he was asking.

"_Forever and ever, the dark of the night, the bright of the dawn, forever and ever, I'll stay here with you 'til the end of the storm... 'Til the end of the storm... Troubled times... they will come, with vengeance and spite in their eyes..."_

The dark of the night; we were in it.

The storm; it was happening.

Troubled times; they had come.

Were we still together forever? Would we stay _there_, _together_ in the storm?

Or would someone leave?

"I just don't know anymore, Jasper," I whispered before hanging up.

And I didn't.

I loved him, but I didn't. I couldn't stand to be away from him, but I couldn't stand to look at him. I needed him like I needed air, but when he was around I couldn't breathe. I wanted to dedicate my life to him, but then I wanted to flee forever. I felt empty without him, but then I didn't want to need him.

I was hurt by him. That was the thing I was afraid of. It was the thing I feared the most when I started to get close to him. Jasper normally protected me from my fears. He helped me overcome them and move on. Now, he brought them on.

I just didn't know anymore.

###

On Friday I didn't go to school. I slept in. I couldn't drag myself there for another day of uncertainty, pain and hostility. I was pulled somewhere else. I was pulled home.

I drove that old, decrepit, familiar road to the beach. Only this time, there was no one beside me.

I walked to our rock. I climbed to it on my own. I sat down.

The cold air blew my hair from my face; chilling and rejuvenating. The fresh air made me feel alive; clean; fresh. I curled up into a ball and tried to stop the pain as I waited for night to come.

Maybe this was what I needed; to go home and heal myself before going back to Jasper; to go to the place where I was truly free; to think clearly; to remember the good times; to forget the bad; to remember why I was in love with him in the first place.

I sat there as the waves crashed loudly against the shore. There were no seals that day. White foam churned from the sea and swirled around on the sand. The sun was concealed by heavy cloud. It was odd for a summer's day.

I thought over everything. I thought over what happened. I thought over Jasper.

I remembered why I loved him. I remembered what it felt like to be held by him. I remembered that one perfect night we spent there after the Prom. I remember all the days that flew by in that spot. We cried there, we laughed there, we _lived_ there.

But then I remembered that night that it all came crashing down. That night everything was perfect to begin with, and it came down hard. I would never know if that might happen again. It was unpredictable. I didn't like that. I didn't know if I could trust him. He claimed to have done it because he was drunk and Victoria threw herself on him. I would never know if that was the truth, and forever I would question what was real. He had claimed to still love me; to want me. I just didn't know if it was the truth or if I could open myself up to him again. I didn't know if I could forgive him. I needed time. I needed space.

He told me he still loved me. He told me it didn't mean anything. But there was a part of me that wasn't sure. The part of me that was scared of being hurt was taking over. That fear is what held me back to begin with, and no matter what I did, I was scared that part was taking over again. I wanted to be sure that Jasper and I would always be stable, but I just wasn't. We _had_ to take risks to be together, and a part of me – a very dominant part of me – was scared of doing that ever again.

I didn't want to be hurt again. I was hurt and I wasn't sure whether I was ready to forget that. He wanted me to forgive him too quickly. It had all happened too fast. This time two weeks ago we were all sitting around Alice's dinner table, eating pizza and playing poker while talking about the upcoming party. Edward had won. Typical.

Now, everything had changed in such a short time; weeks to build up, seconds to destroy. One wrong decision led to a million repercussions.

But was it just me causing all this? Was I taking what happened too seriously? I wasn't sure. What Jasper did hurt me, but it was just a kiss. _Just_ a kiss... Could it ever be _just_ a kiss?

Jasper had once told me I was the only person he ever wanted to be with. I was the only person's lips he needed. But that obviously wasn't the case. At the time those words blew me away, and I knew it was true for me too. But also, it was too much to say at such a young age. Maybe what we had _was_ just a High School fling. I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. But it was possible.

I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I was confused. Did I want to forgive him? Could it ever be the same again? Did he _really _love me? Should I have forgiven him? Did it mean anything? All these questions and more had my head spinning and the hole in my chest ripping apart and burning me slowly away. I was scared and confused and torn. He asked for forgiveness that I didn't know if I had. I asked for time which no one seemed to want to give. He seemed to legitimately love me, but I didn't know if I could trust him again. It was one big mess.

I hated him, yet I loved him. Thoughts of what to do were keeping me awake at night. The pressure everyone put on me wasn't helping.

I didn't know what to do. For a moment I thought that maybe I was just too young to deal with it all.

When the stars didn't show up I went home. I drove in silence, but tears ran down my face. It felt right to go to the beach, but it didn't feel right to be there without Jasper. It was _our _place. There we were whole; together. We worked. That day it felt like I was alone in my own home.

When I got back to my _real_ house, it wasn't quiet. I was met by the flashing red and blue lights of a police car and its sirens – and it wasn't my father's.

###

**Author's Note: **Would you forgive Jasper? What do you think Bella should do? And what do you think the police car is there for? Leave your thoughts in a review. You are all completely amazing.


	25. Chapter 23

**Let Go  
**Chapter 23

###

_Gone_

###

Sometimes, when you think your life has met its lowest point ever possible, it ends up surprising you. It takes you off guard when you are at your absolute lowest. It brings you to a whole new level of pain. It breaks you so much that you may never be able to regain what you lost.

But you can always regain what you lose. It can always come back. Somehow. Unless that thing you lose is dead.

My mom was.

The red and blue lights shone straight into my eyes as I pulled my truck to a slow stop in the driveway. People were starting to emerge from their houses to inspect what happened. I didn't dare look around for Jasper. I just sat in the cab of my truck, trying as hard as I could to calm myself. I took deep breaths and gripped the steering wheel tight, expecting the worst.

Eventually I pulled myself together enough to walk into the house and not collapse into a sobbing heap. My emotions had been stretched to their brink. I wasn't ready to be hurt again, and all I wanted to do was reverse out of that driveway and go back to the beach; back to home.

Slowly I turned that cold door knob and let the door creak open. I took a deep breath before stepping inside. I kept my head bowed as I entered the cold room. I knew there were four bodies occupying it. Two of them I recognised.

"Bella! Where the hell have you been?"

That was Charlie. He was angry, but not as angry as usual. It had an undertone of something I couldn't pick out; suppression, maybe.

"Um... I... I..." I stumbled over my words as I strained to meet the eyes of the people staring back at me.

When I did meet them I was met by two familiar sets. One was Dad, and in his arms was Renesmee. That was weird, and immediately I was put on edge. He never held her. He didn't even hold her when she was born.

The next sets of eyes were filled with sadness and apology. They were the cops.

"It's okay, Mr Swan," a man's voice said. "Please, Bella, take a seat." His tone was kind – cautious, even – as he indicated to the chair next to my father.

I obliged and ducked my head, taking the seat next to Charlie. Renesmee then crawled into my arms and sobbed into my shirt. I froze, startled by whatever had caused this reaction. I brushed the back of her head as I turned towards the police. There was one man and one woman.

The woman had a kind face and soft eyes. She took a seat opposite me and took my hand, watching me with concern. I wanted to pull away from the touch that burned the gaping hole in my chest, but I didn't. It was a kind gesture and I would accept it, even though it put me on edge. The worst of possibilities ran through my mind.

"Bella," she said, her soft hazel eyes watching me. "I am so sorry to have to tell you this..." she was quiet for a few seconds and glanced at her partner. My father sighed, folding is arms over his chest. The female took a deep breath, "but your mother was killed in a car accident this afternoon."

Renesmee flinched at the words. I felt like someone had just hit my lung with a sledge hammer.

I could see the police officer's lips moving, but no sound came out. I was dizzy. My head spun. I leant it into my hand, trying to make some sense of it all – control myself, at least – and clutched at my stomach which was suddenly churning. Without a thought, tears started to fall. She squeezed my hand and continued talking. I didn't feel anything. I didn't hear anything. Charlie was stale and motionless next to me. Renesmee's tears dampened my shirt. I couldn't breathe. I only caught a few of her words. The rest didn't mean anything.

"... Renesmee... drunk... lost control... tree..."

I got the jist of it all. I didn't need to know all the details. She was going to pick up Renesmee. She was drunk. She crashed. She died. That's the end. That's all. That's it. She was gone, and there was nothing that I could do about it. Just like that. Gone. Forever.

The cops kept talking. I kept my head buried in my hand and hugged Renesmee tight. My body was shuddering. People talked around me. The lady kept squeezing my hand. I wanted desperately to pull away. I couldn't. I wanted to make myself numb. I needed to not feel anything anymore. Sadly, all my powers with this were gone. I had to feel it. My mom was dead. It wasn't just something I could ignore.

Gone. Forever.

Eventually the cops left. My Dad got up, thanked them and then turned back to me.

"I'm going to start calling people," he said coldly. I didn't respond. I didn't even flinch. He didn't care. "Look after Renesmee."

Still, I didn't flinch. Renesmee didn't make a sound. I felt cold; exhausted; lifeless. I felt like every ounce of spirit had been kicked out of me.

Gone. Forever.

Mom had been clean. For so long it had all been good. She was trying as hard as she could. She was trying to be there for Renesmee and me. But now...now she was dead. She was drunk. She snapped again. She couldn't take it. I don't know what events surrounded the incident, even now, but I do know that she died. She's gone. Forever.

I didn't know what I was meant to do anymore. I was left with my Dad, and I knew he didn't want me. I had to look after my two year old sister, but I could barely look after myself. The one person I thought I could _always_ rely on wasn't what I thought.

Gone. Forever.

Eventually, when Renesmee's heavy breathing told me she had fallen asleep I carried her to her room and put her to bed. I didn't let my emotions break through. I didn't let myself think. It felt like I had flicked on the autopilot function. I trudged off to my own room, dragging my feet as I went.

I didn't feel anything as I dragged myself onto my bed and hugged my knees to my chest. I could hear Charlie calling everyone we knew and making arrangements. I had to drown it out. I lay there for a long time, eventually reaching a level of numbness I had only been dreaming of in the last few days.

Gone. Forever.

She was gone. Forever.

I felt empty.

What felt like hours later I heard one sound. It was a scratching on the window. I tried to forget it, but when I heard the window creak open, I knew I couldn't. My eyes shot up to my curtain as the wind blew it softly. I then watched as it was pulled back. Suddenly, I was in a spotlight, and realised he had picked the lock to get in.

My breathing hitched as he entered the room; the one person who I most wanted to see, but then most wanted to forget. I didn't know that it was possible to feel so torn about one person until then.

I kept my arms wrapped around my knees as I watched him. I wanted to scream and yell at him to get out. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone and never come back. I didn't want to need any of him. I didn't want to be weak for him. But, at the same time, I also wanted to be wrapped in his arms again. I wanted to be protected by him. I wanted to love him. I wanted him to kiss my wounds and fight off any more.

I was torn.

"Bella..." he whispered, his voice trailing off.

I sniffed and wiped my tears away. I felt cold, and that's exactly how I sounded. "What do you want?"

He took a cautious step forward. I found my body pulling back. He saw this small movement and stopped in his tracks, speaking hesitantly, as if treading on thin ice. "I... I... I just wanted to see if you were okay. I saw the police car and-"

"I'm fine," I interrupted, wiping away more tears. "Are we done here?"

Jasper was taken aback, and voted to not speak for a few moments – moments that felt like an eternity. He tried to read my expression. I made sure there was nothing legible in it.

"Is... is there anything you need... I mean... is there anything I can do?" he asked hesitantly.

_You could rewind time. You could take back everything you did at that party. You could bring my mom back. You could give me a chance to say goodbye to her. You could make me forget everything. You could bring us back to where we were before all this happened._

"No."

As that word dripped off my lips, toxic venom, my emotions came flooding back. They bubbled to a boil until I couldn't control it anymore. My body shuddered violently as I tried to hold them in. It didn't work. My sobbing came in a violent swing. Freezing temperatures shot through my body. Tears streamed down my face.

I had lost my mother.

Gone. Forever.

"Bella!" Jasper called, hurrying over and sitting next to me on the bed, placing his hand on my back. My skin engulfed. I had to pull away. I did, although there was a part of me that didn't want to. A part of me needed that contact.

"Don't," I pleaded, holding my hand up to stop him. "Please, don't. It makes it worse."

Jasper's hand softened before dropping. The cut in contact hurt more than the impact. "Bella, what is it? I'm so sorry...I...I-"

"This is not about what you did, Jasper," I sighed. "I just...I need to be alone."

Jasper was quiet for a few seconds. "I can't leave you when you are like this...not like this. What happened?"

"You are the last person I want to talk to," I mumbled.

_Liar, liar, pants on fire_.

Jasper froze. I could almost feel his pain.

"I know that," he sighed, "and I will leave you alone, but only when I know you will be okay." His tone was quiet and caring; a return to the Jasper I knew. He was the Jasper I loved. "I can't leave you like this without knowing you will be safe. If something ever happened to you I could never live with myself. I can't stand seeing you hurt and-"

"Stop," I interrupted, holding my hand up. "Please, just stop."

Jasper was taken aback. "What...what did I do?"

I paused for a few seconds, taking deep breaths. What _did _he do?

"Please, just don't say that," I begged. "You _did_ hurt me. You did leave me. Please just _stop_ promising these things that you end up breaking. _Please?_"

A depression dawned on Jasper, silencing him for a few moments. After a minute's thought, he spoke.

"I'm sorry," he admitted, standing up from my bed and moving away from me. "I'm sorry about what I did. It was a mistake. I didn't...just...I'm sorry. I'll go."

Jasper started to move away, and when he did, my heart ached; stung. It felt like a fat metal chain was wrapped around my heart and was being tugged by a jumbo jet. By being so close to me – by touching me – and then moving away so quickly, he hurt me more than he could ever know

An involuntary gasp of pain escaped my lips as he moved, which caused him to freeze. I clamped both my hands over my mouth and slammed my eyes shut, wishing to be able to take it back. Jasper was at my side in a moment, not touching me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked in alarm.

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting more tears fall. "Just go," I whispered, shaking my head.

"Not now. Please tell me what's wrong," he begged. "I can't leave you like this."

I shook my head, fighting away the memories of everything. They were chewing at the edges of my mind, trying to get in, like monsters, attacking in the cold and dark. I tried to shake them out.

Gone. Forever.

"Bella, please," Jasper pleaded, moving slightly closer to me.

I sighed, squeezing another rush of tears out. I took another long, deep breath before speaking. "If I tell you...If I tell you what it is...will you leave?"

Jasper was quiet as he watched me; reading me. Eventually he spoke. "I can't leave you when you're upset."

I scoffed at the comment. "Yes you can. You have done it before. And this is my house. I want you out."

_No you don't._

Jasper looked hurt at my comment, like I had driven a metal rod through his heart. After a few moments of deliberation he spoke. "Okay. I'm sorry. I'll leave. I have no right to force anything on you. You're right. I'm sorry."

Jasper stood and walked towards the window. That feeling returned – that chain. I clamped my hands over my mouth. It didn't work. The words came before I could stop them.

"My mom died!" I called after him.

Jasper spun round on his heels to look at me. His expression was washed with shock. Suddenly, I remembered that his mother had died too. He knew exactly what I was feeling.

"Bella," he sighed, hurrying back towards me. "I'm so sorry."

I put my hand up to him then. He was getting too close, and it scared me away again.

"No. Stop," I whispered. "Go."

"Not now," he argued, moving towards me again.

I made myself stale. I made my eyes cold. I held the hole closed. I shouldn't have told him. I should have kept my big mouth shut.

"Go," I ordered, stronger then.

"But-"

"Go!" I yelled.

Jasper looked to me and searched my expression for any faults. He was frozen in spot. He was debating. He was trying to get a sign out of me. Something. Anything.

I didn't let him.

"Go," I said again, only weaker. I wanted it to be strong, but it didn't work out that way. "I need time...to think. Go."

He stood there for a little while longer, deliberating. In that time I heard my Dad's booming voice.

"Bella, get down here!"

"Go," I growled to Jasper again. "I don't want you here."

_Lies_._ It's all lies._

Jasper was still watching me; fighting an internal battle. It seemed we both had one; part of me wanted him to stay and part to go. Part of him wanted to go, and part wanted to stay. Eventually, after another call from my father and demand from me, he left through the window. Watching him leave brought back that chain. I had to bite back a yell with a determined breath and _get on with your life _mantra.

Slowly I pulled myself off the bed and plodded downstairs. I was met by my Father sitting on the table, a bottle of gin in one hand.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, opening his arms wide. "Come and give your Daddy a big hug!"

His loud bass laugh filled the room. I just stood in my spot and watched him.

"For Christ's sake, Bella, get over here. We have reason to celebrate!"

I felt like I was kicked in the gut by his big leather boot. Bastard. I knew he blamed mom for a lot of things, but he couldn't possibly be happy she was _dead_. How could he wish that on anyone? I hated him. I hated him with a fiery passion.

"You're drunk, Dad," I sighed, folding my arms over my chest.

He laughed at the comment. "Really? Well fuck, I hadn't realised that. Why don't you come join me? I mean, fuck, we have _a lot_ to celebrate!"

I sighed, not watching my tongue. I didn't want to put up with his shit.

He raised his eyebrows to me in waiting. When I didn't speak he continued.

"Well, for one, she's _dead_! I mean, hell, isn't that just fucking _fantastic._" Sarcasm was dripping from his words, cruel and inhumane. "Now _I _get _stuck_ with you and sweet little Renesmee. My life is fucking complete!" He threw his hands in the air for extra emphasis. "Because I was the one who wanted to keep you two in the first place," he spat, finishing his rant off with a heavy scoff.

I was tired of his shit. I turned around to leave when he yelled again.

"Don't you dare walk away!" he growled menacingly. "We still have more to celebrate. I mean, not only have I gotten rid of the bitch, but I don't even have to worry about any of her family coming over for the funeral! They all said no! They don't _care_!" He laughed cruelly. "And you call _me _cruel hearted." He chuckled darkly after this point. "Oh, apart from your Uncle Phil. He's coming because he lives in this god forsaken state. It's great, isn't it?"

I hated him. I wanted to kill him. How could he say such cruel things? Mom had only died mere hours ago. I couldn't stand him. I didn't want to live in the same house as him. I couldn't live in the same house as him. Renesmee couldn't live in the same house as him.

Why did I make her?

Oh, because I was selfish. Because I couldn't give up Jasper for her.

"Just stop, Dad," I sighed.

He was angry then. He threw his bottle against the wall. It smashed with an ear-splitting sound._ You better clean that shit up, _I thought darkly. Suddenly he stood up from his seat, sending it flying across the room.

"Don't you _dare_ look down your nose at me!" he boomed. I didn't move. I just made myself numb to his words. I didn't care anymore. Not at all. "You are _just like me_. The apple never falls far from the tree!" He chuckled cruelly. "I saw the whisky bottle gone, and your _Mother_ hated whiskey. I know you drank it, so don't you dare look down at me!"

It was then that he shoved me against the wall. I crumpled to the ground, but didn't feel a thing. It didn't matter. I didn't care. I felt his heavy boot land into my stomach, a thick pressure which I didn't try to block. It didn't matter. No pain came, but I still clutched at the apparent wound. His laugh filled the room before he strode off upstairs.

I was left on that floor, clutching at my fresh wounds, and also ones that had been dug a long time ago. I couldn't drag myself up. I didn't have the strength. My stomach didn't ache, but my heart...it did.

I fell asleep on that cold, hard floor, begging for an eternity of unconsciousness, or at least a chance to turn back time.

Gone. Forever.

###

Saturday; I used to love Saturdays. In Forks I could spend them all with Jake. It was my version of heaven. When I came to Texas Saturdays took on a blessed routine; game and then beach. That was just one of the things I lost the day everything came crashing down.

The funeral was booked for Monday. Charlie wanted it to be over as soon as possible. Mom's body would be kept at the funeral home till then. I had to pick out her burial clothes. I gave them her favourite white and black polka dot dress. She had always loved it.

Saturday morning I woke up on the hard floor, stiff and freezing. I could hear Renesmee crying upstairs. She never cried like that. My heart ached for her. It was the one thing that made me pick myself up, ignoring my body's protests, and go to soothe her.

When I walked into her room she was sitting up in her crib, tears streaming down her tiny face. It crushed my heart to see her in that state.

I rushed to her and scooped her into my arms, cradling her against my chest.

"Oh, Nessie," I soothed. "What's wrong?"

Renesmee pulled away from me, her eyes red and puffy with tears.

"Where's Mommy?" she begged me. "What does dead mean?"

Her voice was weak and quiet. My breath hitched as her questions came.

Of course.

I sighed and walked over to the little sofa near the window, sitting down on it and holding her in my arms. I had to think for a while. I was in no space to explain this to her. How was I supposed to tell my two year old sister that her mother was never coming home?

Gone. Forever.

I should have known it was coming. She had spent a lot of time with mom in the months prior to her death. Of course she would have questions. She was only young. She didn't fully understand. Even _I _didn't fully understand.

"Do you remember when we had that goldfish, Squirt?" I asked after a few seconds. Renesmee nodded slowly. "And do you remember how she went to heaven because she fell out of her tank?" Renesmee nodded again. I breathed a sigh of relief. I had something to work with. "Well, mommy's kind of like that. Mommy had an accident and now she has gone to heaven too. She's with Squirt."

Renesmee nodded slowly again, thinking. Big brown eyes shifted to mine, swimming in fresh tears. "Does that mean I will never see her again?"

Gone. Forever.

How was I meant to explain the facts of mortality to a two year old?

"Yes and no," I answered, hugging her tight a wiping away an errant tear. "You see, Mommy won't be back _here _with us again, because she is in heaven now. But you will always be able to remember her. She will always be with you in here." I pointed to her heart. Her little hands followed, clutching at her own chest. "Just close your eyes and think about her. She will always be in heaven, looking over you and making sure you are safe. Mommy will never leave you, and years from now, when you are very, _very_ old, you will be able to see her again."

Renesmee kept looking at me, and then slowly nodded. "Is Mommy watching us right now?" she whispered. The adorable, crushing, pleading look she gave me brought on my own tears. I ached for her.

I smiled weakly and nodded, trying to stop the tears. "Yes. Right now she will be sitting on a cloud with Squirt, looking down at us and smiling."

Renesmee nodded, solemn, tears swimming. Her eyes flicked to the window, and her next sentence was whimsical. "I wish Mommy was here," she sighed, before leaning into me.

I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. "So do I."

Eventually I took Renesmee downstairs, had breakfast and then got her ready. We had to start getting things in order. The day was spent making arrangements, meeting with the Funeral Director and calling all the appropriate people to inform them of her passing.

I didn't let my mind think over anything but the funeral and organising everything that day. There was too much to do. I didn't need my emotions impairing my judgement. Jasper left me alone that day. Everyone did. I was glad for it. I didn't need to think of anything apart from burying my mother.

Eventually we retired from organising and I trudged to my room, after feeding Renesmee and getting her ready for bed. I slowly pulled myself to the bathroom and took a hot shower. The warm water helped my body's aches, but I still felt cold. After twenty minutes I gave up and got out, pulled on a pair of sweats and went to my bed. I didn't dare look at the bruise on my stomach. It would make it all too real.

I curled up on the covers and wrapped my arms around my knees. I could feel my heart aching and my chest tightening, struggling under the weight of tears I wouldn't shed. I didn't want to feel it, because I didn't want it to be real.

Gone. Forever.

After a few minutes I heard the threatening sound of Charlie's loud footsteps approaching my door. I then heard him climbing up that tiny ladder leading into my room. I froze.

"Bella!" he boomed. I peeked towards him and was met by his wicked smile. I could already smell the alcohol on his breath. "Come here."

I quietly slipped off the bed, walking towards him without hesitation. I couldn't bring myself to care about what was going to happen. I couldn't be bothered to make myself feel any more than I had to. It didn't matter anymore.

Charlie reached down and put his rough, hard finger under my chin, lifting it violently. It stung. He smiled down at me.

"You look like your Mother," he spat, shoving my chin away, his whiskey breath clogging my airways. "I don't like looking at you. I hate your Mother."

_Gee, thanks Dad._

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I want you to take care of Renesmee from now on. If you don't, I'll have to make other arrangements."

_What?_

I couldn't speak. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say.

I couldn't lose her too.

Apparently, I didn't reply in time for him, because the next thing I felt was a stinging pain on my cheek.

"Answer me!" he ripped.

I clutched at my cheek, shocked and frightened. The hole in my chest singed and burned. My heart dropped.

I answered quickly, cradling my pained cheek in my palm. "I will look after her," I squeaked out.

He nodded coldly. "Good. Now go away."

He shoved me back harshly, and I stumbled to the ground. He left muttering unrecognisable words.

I was left there, lying on the ground, clutching at my bruises once again. I was in pain. I was feeling emotions I had never felt before. Surely it couldn't get any worse. I hated it.

Gone. Forever.

Slowly I pulled myself back onto my bed and lay there on my side. I desperately called for sleep to take me. I was beaten and broken both mentally and physically. I just wanted it to _end_. It couldn't get any worse. Surely.

Gone. Forever.

I was about to fall asleep when I heard that familiar scratching on the glass. I knew who it was. I wanted to tell him to go away. I just didn't have the energy.

"Bella?" he asked cautiously as he stepped in.

I groaned and squeezed my eyes closed as I heard his voice. It only chewed away at more of me. Could I not get a break from anyone?

I started to pull myself up and sit on the edge of the bed. I looked to Jasper as he stood near my curtain. I tried as hard as I could to not show him any emotion.

"Go away, Jasper," I growled. I still couldn't stand to look at him. Those pictures of him and Victoria were at the front of my mind whenever I saw him, and they were the last things I wanted to see. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't be near him.

"I just want to make sure you are okay," he excused. "I heard yelling."

"You really shouldn't eaves drop," I spat coldly.

Jasper ignored that comment. "Listen, Bella, I have to talk to you. I just..."

"I don't want to hear any of it," I told him.

"Please don't be like this, Bella. I'm trying to make this better. I'm sorry."

"I _know_, Jasper," I breathed. "God, do I know. I've heard it plenty of times before. But I just cannot _deal_ with this right now. My mother just died! My father doesn't want me here! I'm trying to look after my baby sister and explain to her what _death _is when I can't even cope with my own grief! Surely _you_ of all people can understand that I need space."

I was pretty pissed off with Jasper. My Mom was dead, my Dad _wanted_ me dead, the love of my life hooked up with the girl who hated my guts and when I asked for space he somehow had this incapacity of giving it to me. To add to it, he thought it was the perfect time to have a 'talk'. I just couldn't deal with so much so quickly. Not when my mother's body wasn't even cold.

Jasper was quiet as he stared at me, deep in thought. My expression didn't change. Eventually he spoke.

"Your Dad hurt you again, didn't he," he growled. It was more of a statement than a question.

I sighed, tired and downtrodden and not at all in the mood to start another one of _those_ conversations.

"I don't see how this is any of your business," I countered.

"I will kill him," he snarled, storming towards my door.

I leaped up from the bed, ignoring my body's protests, and blocked the doorway.

"Don't you dare," I growled.

Jasper stood mere feet from me. I could feel the heat of his body near mine. My heart screamed at me to reach out and touch him. My head restrained me.

"Get out of the way, Bella," he ordered.

That made me mad.

I crinkled up my nose and braced myself as I stabbed my index finger into his chest. He stumbled back. I removed it quickly in order to soothe the burn in my chest.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do in my own house!" I yelled. "You have _no _right. Now get out before I call the police! Or hell, I'll just call out for my _father _to come up here with _his_ gun. He's a cop, right? Limits the wait time."

I raised an eyebrow at him, testing him. Jasper held stern and kept his stale eyes locked on me.

"By all means, call him up here. I can't wait to finally meet the bastard face to face," he growled.

That finally snapped my coil of patience with Jasper. Bracing my hands on his chest, I shoved him back. I knew I was being selfish, and I knew I had to talk to Jasper eventually, but at that moment, I just _couldn't_. It was too much.

"Get out!" I ordered.

Jasper fell back a step, shocked by my outburst. My weight fell forward, leaning on him. Shaking off the feeling of his touch, I stood up straight and tried again. And again. And again.

My shoves got weaker with every push as the feeling of touching him hit me like a bright yellow school bus. Jasper stopped moving.

"Please, just leave," I begged. "Just go. Please."

"Bella, calm down," he soothed, grabbing my wrists and halting my protests. Ripples of electricity ran through me. My skin was on fire. I tried to pull away. He held me firm.

"Let me go!" I yelled.

I wasn't going to let him do this again. He wasn't going to win. I wasn't ready to forgive him yet. I wasn't going to be weak; putty in his hands.

"Calm down, Bella," he tried to soothe me again. "Please, just _calm down_."

"Don't you tell me what to do," I snarled. "You cannot order me around! I cannot let you hurt me again!"

Jasper stopped abruptly. His expression changed to something I couldn't recognise. Then, he let go of me.

I snatched my wrists back.

"I would never hurt you," he breathed. "Not again. I love you."

I felt like I was going to collapse into a sobbing heap. "Please, don't say that."

"It's the truth," he promised.

"I can't," I told him, stepping away, hitting the door with a thump. "Not now. Not today. I can't deal with any of it."

I refused to meet his eyes, scared by what they might hold. Jasper wouldn't look away from mine.

"I'll wait," he promised. "I'll be here, waiting, until you can."

Everything he said hurt me more and more. He sounded genuine, but I had heard it all before. It wasn't the first time he had promised to love me.

"Go," I begged. "_Please_. I need to breathe."

Jasper deliberated, his sky blue eyes glancing at the red mark splattered across my cheek. Then, they shot back to mine.

"You deserve better than this," he told me, not letting me look away from his eyes. "Renesmee deserves better than this."

"Don't, Jasper," I whispered.

"I'll make sure you get better than this if it's the only thing I ever do," he swore.

Before I could answer he turned and headed towards the window.

Gone. Forever.

###

I didn't fall asleep that night. I lay awake, totally numb to everything. I just stared at the ceiling.

Jasper didn't come on Sunday. I think he had finally decided to give me that space. It was something I greatly needed. I needed to recover and get my head together. I needed to grieve the loss of my mother. I needed to look after my little sister. I needed to rebuild myself from the ground up. They were things I had to do alone.

That day Renesmee and I went to visit my mother's body at the funeral home. I remember the way she looked; pale, cold, lifeless. Years later the memory is still crystal clear. She had lost the spark she had; that twinkle in her eyes that you could see on her good days. Her hair was perfectly combed, parted straight down the middle. It wasn't right. It wasn't wild and unruly how she liked it. It didn't look like my mother. Even in that black and white polka dot dress, she looked alien to me.

Renesmee brought along the picture she had drawn of the three of us and left it in the coffin with her. She was scared to reach her hand in; scared to come within even five feet of the wooden box, so tasteless and bland, in which mom would spend the rest of eternity. She had clutched at my shirt with little tears rolling down flushed cheeks as we walked towards it. She was frightened. So was I. I had an undeniable urge to pull out coloured markers and doodle on the coffin; give it some sort of vitality and life like my mother had. She wasn't meant to be buried in a bland box.

I left my mother a letter. In it I wrote about everything; everything she never knew about me, everything I wanted to share with her and also, through everything, what I felt about her and how much I loved her. I had slipped it in beside her, careful not to touch anything, frightened that it might contaminate my memory of her while she was alive. We had never had an easy relationship, but it was the best parental relationship I had, and I was grief-stricken with the loss of it all.

That day, it felt like the tears never stopped.

When I got home that night there wasn't a question in my mind about what I had to do. With a determined, resolute breath, I started on my search for the ring I had lost. When I located it, tucked in a musty corner of my room, I dusted it off and slipped it back onto my finger, where it would stay. I knew I hadn't achieved the level of forgiveness that Jasper and I needed to move on, but my experiences that day showed me one thing of which I was sure; I didn't want to lose him like I lost my mother.

I loved him, and although we suffered through trials and tribulations, it would never change. I wasn't going to run from it anymore. I wasn't going to shut him out. I was going to let him in and talk it through because our bond was stronger than the force of any regretful kiss. Throwing away what we had over something that was a drunken mistake was idiotic. We were stronger than that; smarter than that.

I had lost my mother, but I refused to lose Jasper. Seeing her cold, lifeless body taught me that. I was facing the grief of her death alone – trying to comfort my little sister and explain to her what I couldn't fully understand myself – when I didn't have to. I had Jasper. I had someone who had been through it all before and wanted to be there for me. I had someone to lean on – someone I loved. I wouldn't throw that away. Everyone makes mistakes, and I had made my fair share. It only made sense that Jasper made a few too. We were only young.

I wouldn't throw what we had away. I would wear the ring and tell the truth, because I hated lies. Not wearing it was one. I loved him. That wasn't something I could deny.

I didn't asleep well that night. The next day was when I was burying my Mother.

###

**Author's Note: **This chapter took longer than expected to get out. Sorry about that. Thank you for all your lovely reviews. This will most likely be the last update until Christmas, at least (maybe even the new year, seeing as though it's quite a busy time), so I'll wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year right now. I hope everyone gets what they want and has a lovely time. If you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you have a good holiday season. Stay safe!


	26. Chapter 24

**Let Go  
**Chapter 24

###

_Lying_

###

That night I had a dream, although you could also label it a nightmare. It depends how you look at it. It scared me. I was panicking. But it also included the most beautiful thing in the world.

There was Jasper. He was walking in front of me over a train track. It hung over a deep, dark, thick mist that plunged into oblivion. It concealed everything around me. The stars were gone. I couldn't see what was ahead. I could only see a few feet in front of me. He was walking into the mist. I was following him. He was leading me into the unknown. I was trying to yell at him to wait for me. I was stumbling over the tracks. He kept walking. He was disappearing.

Then he was gone.

I started running after him. I was tripping over everything. I was hitting the wood. But then I broke into a clear patch.

I was met by five faces; five familiar faces. They were all standing on the train tracks, looking over the edge in anticipation. Then they turned to me. Emmett was smiling encouragingly at me. Rosalie was concerned. Alice was stern. Edward was filled with anticipation. I met Jasper's eyes then. He was looking into my own. His eyes were cold. I couldn't read them. It scared me. I didn't know what to think.

"It's about time you got here," Emmett said.

Then I shot awake.

I rubbed my eyes out of their blur, brushing the tears away. I was panting heavily. I had to calm myself with long, deep breaths. I then looked to my curtains. Subtle light was seeping through them. I looked to my clock. It was eight o'clock. The funeral was at eleven. Tears started falling again.

Slowly I got myself out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I had a shower. I brushed my teeth and hair. My cheek was a little red from Charlie's slap the night before, but nothing major. It wasn't bruised. It wasn't a hard slap. I applied some makeup to hide it. Then I went to my closet.

I was going to a funeral. What do you wear at a funeral?

Black.

I searched and searched. Eventually I found some decent, formal clothes that I could wear. I pulled out a simple, black dress that fell to my knees and had a synched in waist. It was nice enough. Not beautiful, but nice. I then put on black ballerina shoes and a simple black jacket. I didn't bother to look in the mirror. I just grabbed a small bag, put my phone and wallet in it and walked to Renesmee's bedroom.

It didn't matter.

I got her ready and dressed her in a little black skirt and a black top. I then brushed her hair and took her down stairs for breakfast. She was silent the entire time. So was I.

When we got there Charlie was pacing the room, talking urgently on the phone, filled with nerves. His brief glance he threw at us was not one of recognition, but disgust. I quietly sat Renesmee in her chair and gave her some food. All was deathly silent in the house.

"Ready?" Charlie asked when he turned to me.

I nodded slowly. "When Renesmee finishes her food."

He nodded and stormed over to the couch, sitting down and burying his head in his hands, breaking. As he did so he threw a comment back at me.

"It will all be over soon enough," he spat ominously.

I couldn't wait.

When we were done we all walked out to Charlie's cold black sedan and got in. As he pulled out of the driveway I let my eyes look over at Jasper's house. He was there, on the porch, leaning against a pillar and watching us drive away. I flinched under his gaze and looked away. I was suddenly thankful for the heavily tinted windows. Screw sunlight.

When we arrived at the Church people were already hanging about outside. The Hearse was there. It was waiting. I didn't want to look at it.

When we got out we were greeted by many sad and apologetic faces. They gave us their sympathy and best wishes. I just had to plaster on a weak smile and accept it. I didn't know who the people were. I didn't take notice of them. I just held a crying Renesmee in my arms and numbed myself to it all. I knew who I needed next to me, but that wasn't possible. I wasn't ready for that yet. I wasn't ready to dive head first again. I wanted him, but not that quickly.

When I looked into the Church I had to roll my eyes. It was a perfect set out. Everything was in line. Everything was spotless. My mom would have hated it. She would have wanted a hippy funeral. She wouldn't have wanted this, with the whole white roses and catholic priest thing. We weren't even catholic.

I was allocated greeting duty. I had to stand there with a smile and greet everyone on their way in. I didn't see the point. It wasn't what mom would have wanted. I could see Charlie standing near the Hurst, talking and laughing with his colleagues as if nothing had happened. I wanted to puke.

When people started entering and I greeted them politely. I had to hold Renesmee andshake their hands. She wriggled impatiently in my arms.

As people entered I just said the necessary kind words.

"_Thank you."_

"_Thank you for coming."_

"_Please enjoy the service."_

"_We are grateful you came."_

Blah de blah de blah.

It was only when a familiar, warm hand met mine that I snapped out of my trance and registered everything around me. The area was thinning out, although people were still coming.

"Bella."

I knew that voice.

My eyes shot up to meet it.

My heart stopped.

Rosalie.

"Thank you for coming," I said generically, fresh tears begging to be shed. I looked to my feet, refusing to keep looking at her. I knew it would kill me to see her. I couldn't face that. Seeing Rosalie – the person who had become my best friend and who was also so close to Jasper – nearly killed me. It reminded me of just how much I had lost.

She sighed and took my hand in hers. It was soothing, but still painful.

"I'm not here about Jasper," she told me straight out. I looked up to her and met her gaze. "I want to be here for you. I hate what my cousin did to you, and I want you to know that. Pressuring you at school was just wrong, and I'm sorry. But none of that matters right now. I'm here to...I want to...to be here for you at your Mother's funeral. I know what it feels like to lose your mother."

I knew tears were falling as I watched her. Her mother had run away. Sure, it wasn't death, but it was still a loss, and one that hurt just as much.

"Thank you," I whispered, truly grateful to have her there with me.

Rosalie hugged me then. A moment later we walked into the room together. At least I wouldn't be alone. I wouldn't have Jasper, but I had the next best thing.

###

The service lasted for a long time. I didn't take into account how long. When it was done we all left the room and followed the casket to the cemetery. We buried her there. The whole time Renesmee's little face was buried in my dress, tears dampening it. Rosalie kept her arm around my shoulder as I leant into her for support. Of all people, I never imagined that Rosalie would be the one supporting me at my Mother's funeral. But that didn't matter. She was the best person I could have had there. She knew when to speak and when not to. She knew when to hug me and when to let me have some space. She was...perfect. I loved her for it.

When it was done Rosalie turned to me and threw her gaze to a group of old, run down, mossy tombstones at the far end of the cemetery.

"I think someone wants to talk to you," she said softly.

I took a deep breath and followed her gaze. Jasper was sitting on one, his head buried in his hands. He had clearly been waiting for me. I knew it was time to face the music, and so I turned back to her and nodded.

"Would you take Renesmee?"

Rosalie smiled weakly. "Of course."

Slowly and gently I handed Renesmee over. I then looked up to Rosalie.

"It will be okay," she promised.

I smiled kindly to her before turning and walking towards him.

I knew I had to talk to him sometime. I knew I had to make it better. I knew we had to move on from this, or at least try to talk it out. I had been dodging to bullet for too long. It was time to face the music. He was sorry, and I couldn't doubt his honesty. At the same time, I couldn't lose him. It was enough to lose my mother.

As I walked towards him he looked up to me. His eyes were wet, red and puffy. He had been crying. I had never seen Jasper crying before. Normally it was me who did the crying.

This made more of my tears fall.

"Hi," I greeted, stopping ten feet from him and folding my arms over my chest. I could feel the pain coming up. The distance between us was barely anything, but at the same time it felt like we were worlds apart. We weren't synched. I didn't know what he was feeling. We were..._cold_.

Jasper peeled his eyes up to meet mine. Pain ripped through them. They then flicked to my finger, staring at it, emptiness filling them. He didn't look away from it as he spoke.

"You're wearing the ring," he noted coldly. He still wouldn't look at me.

I nodded, trying to find the right words. "I...I...I want to talk this out," I stuttered. "I don't want to lose you."

Jasper refused to look at me as he continued speaking, not acknowledging what I just expressed.

"I don't think you should wear it."

I felt like he had just hit me with a shiny silver bullet.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. I must have heard him wrong.

He still refused to look at me as more shots were fired. "I don't think you should wear it anymore," he said coldly, "because they mean nothing."

I couldn't breathe.

I _must _have heard him wrong.

"You're lying," I claimed; begged, even. He couldn't have meant that.

"I'm not," he swore, watching his feet. "I don't want it anymore. I don't want youanymore. I don't love you, and I never did."

I felt like he sliced a burning knife through my heart. Desperately, I clung for air, and to the remnants of our relationship.

"Please, Jasper," I begged. "You can't mean that. You don't mean that."

And then it hit me.

What had he said last time I saw him?

"_I'll wait...I'll be here, waiting, until you can."_

_"I'll make sure you get better than this if it's the only thing I ever do."_

I clicked immediately.

He was trying to make me leave.

"I do," he swore, still avoiding my eyes, his stance firm and his fists clenched. The smell of fresh dirt and the summer sun made me feel sick to my stomach. "I _don't_ love you. It's _not_ forever. It never was."

I made myself immune to the cuts, because I knew they weren't true.

"You're lying," I tried again. "You're lying. I know you're lying."

My voice was certain, not wavering. This finally made Jasper look up at me. When he did, I saw the tears and the pain protruding through big, aching blue eyes, and it tore at my heart, almost making it burst into flames. It was then that I realised that my appearance matched his in every way; torn apart from the seams, desperately clinging to a little bit of hope and dissolving into tears before the one person you love the most.

"How do you know that?" he challenged.

_Simple_. "Because of what you said the last time I saw you. You said you would wait. And because you couldn't look me in the eye when you said you don't love me. When you lie, you can't look me in the eyes."

"I wasn't lying," he swore, but his eyes darted away again, pain ripping through them.

I knew it.

"Then say it to my face," I told him, sobs rocking through my body. "Look me in the eyes and say you don't love me."

Suddenly, I felt déjà vu, back to the day of our confrontation in the corridor. Only, we had swapped sides, and _I _was the one trying to pick up the scraps of our relationship; of us.

Jasper looked up to me, his eyes locking with mine like glue, and I could see the blizzard beneath the blue as he waged a war with his head and his heart. Pain paraded through him and shook him to the core. I felt naked under his spotlight. A second later, he looked away.

"You have no idea when I am or aren't lying, Bella," he growled. "I don't want you."

Anger shot through me. I couldn't hold back the onslaught. "Stop lying to me," I growled, emotions overpowering me; begging the not have heard the words. I couldn't hear them again. Every time I did, a part of me died. "I know you and I _know _what you're saying _isn't true_!" My voice was desperate and pleading. I couldn't let us slip away. "You can't expect me to believe that everything in these past months has been a lie! Don't say that!"

Jasper didn't flinch at my tone, but he still wasn't looking at me. I suddenly felt very cold, even under the blistering heat.

"It has been a lie," he told me gruffly, finally looking at me. "I've been lying for a long time."

The fact that he looked at me in the eyes threw my confidence.

"No you haven't," I tried again. "I _know you_. You haven't."

"No, Bella, you don't _know me_!" he shouted, his eyes shooting daggers as his hands ran through his hair. "If you knew me you'd know the truth, and you don't!"

"Jasper..." my voice trailed off, stunned to silence.

"Stop it," he growled. "Just stop it. Stop _talking_. You don't know any of it. You don't."

I could see him breaking down, and that expression shattered my heart. Something was eating away at him and itching under his skin. Something was hurting him. Little did I know that that something would shatter_ us_.

"You don't know..." he muttered to himself, tears falling down his face. "You don't."

I shouldn't have spoken, but I did.

"Know what, Jasper?"

His eyes shot to mine, pained and aching. Without looking away, he spoke, and for once I _knew_ he wasn't lying. That hurt more than anything before.

"You don't know when I'm lying because I've been lying to you all this time. I've been lying to you about my mother." My breathing hitched as he spoke his next words. "She never died. She ran away, pregnant, and left me alone. And I never told you."

I couldn't think properly.

I could barely even breathe.

I wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay, but then I also wanted to run away and never look back, hurt for everything he was saying to me that day.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, my voice breaking.

Jasper kept looking at me in that way that revealed every painful emotion he felt. I didn't know how to react. Shock took over me. Too much was happening that day. I couldn't deal with any more.

"Because I didn't want you to hate her or judge her by knowing the truth. She was good to me. I love her. I wanted to pretend that...it didn't happen."

I couldn't believe it. I felt like I was about to faint. I didn't know where to look.

I thought he had lost a mother like I had just done. I thought he understood the pain. I thought it could bring us closer.

"We were meant to be honest with each other..." I breathed, my voice trailing off again.

Jasper refused to speak, his eyes avoiding mine at all costs.

"What is it; you didn't trust me enough to love her just because you did?" I pressed. "You thought I would judge her? You thought I would hate her and hurt you when you wanted me to love her?"

Jasper didn't answer again. I knew what that meant.

"I thought we trusted each other. I thought you trusted me to not do that, Jasper. I thought we were honest with each other."

My words were mechanical, and I couldn't really feel any emotions other than the overwhelming shock filling me.

He didn't answer again. Suddenly, I felt cold and distant from everything; from _him_.

"So you don't want me?" I questioned. "You lied to me about your mother because you weren't sure if you really wanted me, so you couldn't open up and be honest and trusting because of the uncertainty, and now you've decided I'm _not_ the one?"

It all hurt to say.

Jasper opened his mouth to speak, and this time words actually came out.

"No, that's not it. I did want you. I just...I just had to lie."

I nodded along, unable to muster the energy for any sort of emotional reaction.

"So what was today about? You don't want me, or were you just trying to scare me away?"

Jasper was silent for a few moments; long enough for me to ponder walking away without another word. But eventually, he spoke.

"I had to get you out of your father's house," he answered quietly.

Ah.

I nodded once, unable to care about the answer; unable to bring up anything that would _make me _feel. Too much had happened that day.

"That's not your decision to make," I answered mechanically before turning on my toes and walking away from him.

###

I walked over to Rosalie without a backward glance. As soon as she saw my expression she let out a little gasp and gave me a look exactly like one she had given me a long time ago. Suddenly, I was sucked back to a conversation we had had in a car outside Edward's house that I had long since forgotten about.

"_...There are things about Jasper you do not know. I know that's an obvious thing. I mean, you haven't known him for long. It's just...what I mean is that...there are things you __should __know before your relationship goes this far that you don't..._

"_Now, don't get me wrong. I love my cousin to death. It's just that...Jasper can be difficult. He is a great guy, but can be destructive to anyone he meets, especially people who he is close to. I don't want you getting hurt, and you should be prepared. It may seem like you know him, but all of a sudden his mood changes spontaneously. You will be left in the dust thinking what the hell happened. I just want you to be careful."_

She had known all along. She had known he had been lying all along.

And she never told me.

At that moment I couldn't even fathom whether Rosalie's silence on the topic was wrong or right, considering he was her cousin, but I certainly wasn't going to stick around to talk it out.

"Bella..." she breathed as she noticed my appearance. "Bella, what happened?"

I took Renesmee from her and looked at her blankly. "You knew. You knew all along, didn't you?"

Rosalie caught on immediately. "H-he didn't want us to tell you," she admitted weakly.

Of course he didn't. And they always listened.

I didn't know what to think about that. I didn't even know if it was right to be angry at her. What gave me any right to any more information on people's lives than what they wanted to share? What gave me the right to know more about Jasper than what he wanted me to? Was I over reacting?

Then again, Jasper had lied, and we had always been about honesty. I had trusted him enough to be honest about everything to do with my life. He had even told me everything about the other's lives, expecting complete honesty there. This was all without giving it himself. How was that fair?

But was it Rosalie's fault that he did that? She had come to be with me at my mother's funeral. She was good to me. Should I have been angry at her for just doing what Jasper wanted?

I didn't know, but I was still hurting and lost.

Thus, only two words left my lips as I turned my back.

"Goodbye, Rosalie."

Within five minutes Renesmee and I were back in my father's black sedan with locked doors, driving back to our empty house.

###

**Author's Note: I hope the holiday season was good to you all! Happy New Year! Please do review. Would you be angry at Rosalie? What about Jasper? Thanks for reading!**


	27. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: **Warning: This chapter does contain some abuse that may disturb some readers. There will be a **"AAA" **notifying you of the beginning and end of this, and discretion is advised for some in that area.

**Let Go  
**Chapter 25

###

_Realisations_

###

The days passed relatively silently after the funeral. Everyone was very obliging with us. Charlie was given two weeks off work while I was given the same time off school. Most of the time, Charlie purely sat in front of the TV and drank. I tried to stay out of his way. On Tuesday, however, after receiving a concerned phone call from school about my falling grades – due to my numerous absences – he decided I deserved punishment, and so I was shoved into a counter and slapped, granting me a nasty bruise on my lower back, as well as one on my cheek. It was nothing that I couldn't cover with makeup when visitors came over though, and I had honestly stopped caring about his abuse by then. I just didn't have the energy.

Every afternoon Angela Weber, the kind soul that she was, dropped my assignments off on her way home. Sometimes she would stay for a few minutes and talk to me – try to provide me with some sort of company. But, as much as I appreciated it, I could never drag a smile from my heart or even a laugh. It all hurt too much. I felt like a giant hole had been punched through my chest, loss and heart break and disappointment knocking me off my feet.

I talked to Jacob a few times on my time off, but our conversations were short and awkward and depressing, nothing like usual. I didn't have enough heart left in me to put energy into it, and because he understood what it felt like to lose a mother, he was always very obliging and understanding with me. He also knew that Jasper and I were fighting, and although I never told him the _particulars _of why, he understood that I needed space. For that, I loved him, and knew he would always be there to support me as a best friend.

Renesmee was just as uneasy as I was. She was quieter than normal, and although never voiced any complaints, she lacked energy. On Wednesday, it was her birthday, and I made her a cake and decorated her room and bought her presents, but none of it brought any light back into her eyes. The fact that we had to hide it all from Charlie was a continuous dampener. The fact that we _also_ had no one else there to celebrate hurt even more. And although I tried to give her a good third birthday, for what felt like the hundredth time in so few weeks, I knew that I had let my baby sister down again, and although I wanted more than anything to stop it, a crushing feeling came over me at the thought that she might grow up even remotely like I had – filled with feelings of disappointment and abandonment.

I didn't really want to think about the whole situation with Jasper at all. A part of me thought I was feeling too much and just wanted to shut it out and forget about anything even remotely off topic. But then, that wasn't possible, and in the quiet of the night when Renesmee was in bed and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't help but think about it.

I didn't know what to do with him. I wasn't angry at Jasper because he had kept a secret. In normal circumstances, it would have been understandable. His mother leaving would have been exceptionally painful, knowing she had been willing to abandon him and leave him alone with such a cruel father. I could understand that, whole-heartedly. In a way, for most of my life, my mother had done the same thing; although she never left physically, she certainly left me alone emotionally to face my father's wrath and never stopped it. I understood that he kept the secret, and that part of me wanted nothing but to hug him tight and kiss him and tell him it was all going to be okay and that I would be there for him forever.

But then again, I couldn't. It wasn't the lie that held me back, but the circumstances around it. He had preached honesty in everything we did. He had demanded my honesty and his friend's honesty; _everyone's_ honesty. And that was something that I had struggled greatly to give. It hurt to open up. It was something that I never did lightly. And part of me did it because I thought he had done the same. But then, I find out he didn't, and that while I had opened every scar and painful memory I had to him, it turned out he hadn't done the same, and that link between us – one of total honesty – was shattered. To add to that, him not admitting to me what happened with his mother brought up a lot of different fears of mine; namely, that he didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. And we had always been about trust. So, that made me think he didn't really want me, and there came another flood of fear and pain. In the end, I was confused and hurt and angry at him for what he had done. To me, it was worse than the kiss, because at least that had been a mistake, and at least that had only lasted for mere seconds. He had been lying to me for months.

Concerning Rosalie, I never knew what to think. Part of me was angry that she didn't tell me the truth, but the most part of me – the logical part of me – realised that it wasn't her secret to tell. Jasper was her cousin – her family – and I knew that if he asked something of her, she would do it, just because she loved him and couldn't stand to lose him. Some part of me could actually admire Rosalie for her dedication to him. She kept his secret through thick and thin. They _all _kept his secret. If anything, that showed their love for him through anything, no matter if they were fighting or getting along. In a way, that made me even angrier at _him_, because although he had demanded their secrecy on his mother, he had told me everything about them. He had made them open up their wounds and reveal all without giving the same himself. He had made us _all_ open up. That hurt, because he expected so much of us, but never gave the same. In reality, I wasn't angry at Rosalie and the others at all. If anything, I felt linked to them, like we had all been victims, and that was a terrible thing to have to feel, purely because it showed me that Jasper had been, in some way, a bad guy.

For three days they all left me alone, in the majority. I received a few texts from Rosalie, Charlotte and Alice, but other than that, all was silent on the friend front. The only thing I could put it down to was Jasper swearing them to silence again. Maybe he was trying to give me some space without me having to ask for it this time. Maybe he understood that I had to get my head together after my mother's funeral and look after my baby sister. Maybe he was being reasonable because he wanted to make it right. Or maybe he was even keeping away because he wanted to convince me he didn't actually care in another attempt to make me leave. Whatever the motives, I didn't really care, because I needed the space away from him. The three day drought ended, however, when Angela came home with my assignments and a note on Thursday afternoon.

"Here's Physics," she said, offering me four assorted folders of assignments as we sat on my bed, "and Literature, and Design, and _Media Studies_." She produced the last folder – a plain yellow one – with a certain poignant grin. "There isn't much for the first three, but you might want to get a head start on Media. There's a pretty big assignment that's just been handed out."

"Okay, thanks Ang," I nodded blandly, grabbing the yellow folder and opening it to find a booklet of stapled instructions.

Angela was quiet for a few moments, watching as I read the first page. After growing a little impatient, she sighed and nudged my elbow.

"Flick to the fifth page."

I looked up to her inquisitively. "Why?"

Angela shrugged. "Just do it."

As soon as I did, I wish I hadn't, because written in Jasper's loose handwriting was a post-it note stuck to the page.

_Bella,  
I need to talk to you. If you are ready, I'll be waiting at the beach every night until you come. Take as much time as you need. I know I've hurt you and I'm sorry, but please, think about it? There are things I need to say.  
J._

My breath caught. For a moment, I forgot that Angela was in the room, until she spoke.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

Angela, like everyone else, wasn't informed on the particulars of Jasper and my problems, but she knew well enough that we were fighting. Our fighting was the very reason why she was dropping off my assignments instead of him. She, kind as ever, had offered, seeing as though she lived only down the road.

I nodded with a gulp, barely peeling my eyes away from the paper with his familiar scrawl enough to look at her. I felt like there was a cold gust of wind shooting through the gaping hole in my chest, stinging from his betrayal.

"How did he...?" My voice trailed off, but she understood my question.

"He's the one who has been collecting your work for Media Studies and giving them to me. He...uh...gave me the note to attach to it and asked that I make sure you get it. I didn't read it if that's what you're..." her voice trailed off and her eyes darted to the pile of papers resting between us.

"That's okay, Ang." I nodded once. "Thank you."

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, suddenly very concerned for my wellbeing. It was understandable. I was yet to look away from the little yellow post-it note.

I nodded awkwardly again, ignoring the lump bubbling in my throat. "I'm fine. I swear."

"He's sorry, you know. He's really sorry."

Shocked, I looked up to her with a raised eyebrow, wondering what she knew. She answered that unvoiced question too.

"When I pick up your work he talks. He asks how you are. He's worried as hell. He's quiet at school. He...he misses you."

Unable to do anything else, I nodded once, telling her I knew.

Angela went to stand up then, her voice tentative. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have..."

"No, it is okay, Angela. Really," I promised, looking up to her and forcing a smile. "Honestly, I'm fine. Thank you."

Angela nodded, unsure of what else to do, and started heading towards the door.

"I'll be back tomorrow," she promised.

I looked up to her and managed a smile. "Thanks for everything."

"No problem."

As soon as the door was shut behind her I tossed the folder to the other side of the bed, like a flame had burnt my fingertips, and pulled my legs up to my chest, trying to bite back the tears that wanted to shed.

###

I sat in that position for a good ten minutes, trying to decide what to do. Jasper wanted to talk, and I knew we had to eventually. I realised that I couldn't run away from it anymore. I had to grow a pair and learn that you can't run away forever. I realised that we had to face it. But, at the same time, I didn't want to face him again, because I never knew how I would hold up. I loved him. I did. Only, the revelations of the lies he had told had made it hard to trust him again.

Not only that, but there were the logistics of getting to the beach. I couldn't very well leave with Charlie in the house. Under his authoritarian rule he wasn't letting me see the light of day – not while he drank, at least, which was every day. He always was a controlling drunk. I also couldn't leave Renesmee by herself at night to go and see him, nor could I take her with me when we were no doubt going to be fighting. Day care was also out of the question, seeing as though he wanted to see me at _night_. Basically, I couldn't go, and I had to put my responsibilities of looking after Renesmee over him.

There was really only one solution.

He answered on the third ring.

"Bella," he breathed, astounded.

"Hi," I squeaked, my voice breaking at the sound of his. I felt a tug at my heart. It was the first time we had spoken since the funeral.

Silence ensued for a few moments. Eventually, he broke it.

"You got my note?"

I nodded, but realised he couldn't see that. "Yes, but -"

"But you're not coming," he answered for me. I could hear how the revelation made his spirits drop.

"I can't leave Renesmee alone in the house," I explained. "But..."

I didn't know how to say it without breaking into tears. Jasper egged me on.

"But what?"

"I know we have to talk about this."

Jasper was silent for a few moments. "Would you let me explain?"

"As long as you give me space to get my head together."

"Of course."

I nodded again, only to realise for the second time that he couldn't see that.

"Come over to my place," I instructed. "Tonight. At eleven. Charlie and Renesmee will be asleep. We can talk then."

He only said one more thing before we hung up.

"Thank you."

###

Jasper climbed through my window at half past eleven, pink faced and panting. The scene confused me. I stood up from the bed awkwardly, unsure of how to approach him, which felt very foreign to me.

"You look exhausted."

Jasper's eyes flashed to me, swimming in emotions and taken aback by my greeting, of sorts.

"The bike broke down four miles back, so I ran," he explained.

"Why didn't you try to fix it?"

"No time. I can call Emmett to help me pick it up later," he answered, not faltering in the way he looked at me. I felt bare under his gaze, and so I had to change the subject to avoid the awkward truth.

"You must be thirsty. Do you want a glass of water?" I asked quickly, shuffling around the bed.

He shook his head. "No. I'm fine."

"You're parched," I rebutted, scuttling off to the bathroom. I washed out the cup I kept on my counter and filled it for him, taking my sweet time and deep breaths as I went. When I walked back to give it to him he took it gratefully and chugged it down.

"Thanks," he admitted.

I stood back from him as I watched him drink. Once he was done I took the glass back to the bathroom, trying to steady my racing heart and unabashed nerves as I took a deep breath, fixed myself in the mirror and headed back out. When I did, I found him in the exact spot I had left him.

"You can sit," I told him, motioning to the bed. He was still looking at me in that way which made me want to hide away and curl into a ball so that I couldn't feel it.

Jasper nodded solemnly, our interactions too cold and awkward, and perched down on the corner. I watched him sit, and then approached the opposite side to sit on the edge tentatively. We were watching each other like hawks, scared of putting even a hair out of line, unsure of how to act appropriately and yet still wanting to be with each other.

"I can't believe you agreed to talk to me," Jasper said eventually, breaking the silence.

"Running from it doesn't help anyone," I reminded him.

Jasper just nodded in agreement. "Where do you want to start?"

The question forced a lump in my throat as tears I didn't even know I had threatened to spill over.

"The t-truth," I stuttered. "What h-happened with her?"

The question seemed to strike a nerve, because immediately Jasper looked away from me, pain tearing through his features.

"She left," he answered simply under his breath.

I nodded, and took a deep breath before continuing. "Why?" I pressed without thinking, not taking into consideration how hard it was for him. In the next moment, when I noticed the blunder, I backtracked. "I mean, I'm sorry. I know this is hard. You don't have to –"

Jasper ignored me and went straight into the rest of the story. "She and my Dad had a tough relationship," he began, clearly understating it. "He was having...affairs and..._she_ had an affair, as well." Jasper took a deep breath, swallowing back the pain. "She – uh – fell pregnant. He was a married man – _happily _married – and so wanted nothing to do with it. My father was...uh..." Jasper looked up at me, questioning something. A moment later, he said it. "Abusive. My mom didn't want the kid to grow up like I had. I guess she wanted to give at least one of her kids a good chance at growing up peacefully." He spat the last part with absolute searing venom. "It was more care than she ever showed me," he growled, anger seething from every pore. Then, he took another deep breath to calm down. "So, she left. Just up and left, and I've been stuck with my Dad ever since."

"Oh, Jasper."

He shook his head. "_Please _don't start with the apologetic stuff," he begged. "It's...I'm over it."

"I can't believe she left you," I gasped.

"It doesn't matter," he swore. "The point is for us to be honest – for me to be honest – with you."

I didn't know what to do. Sure, I was still angry at him, but the truth almost destroyed any of these feelings, and I wanted nothing more than to hug him and comfort him.

"Have you heard from her...?"

I didn't have to finish the question.

"No," Jasper answered darkly, his expression suddenly seething. "And I don't care to."

"Jasper..." I breathed.

"Stop," he spat. "I don't need pity. I couldn't care less where she is or what she's doing. Right now, I don't care if she never comes back. If she doesn't care enough about me to stay, why should I care about her?"

That shocked me senseless. I had never expected that from him – something that was such a change from his opinion of her at the funeral.

"She's your mother," I reminded him.

"Who picked her fucking bastard affair-child over me and left me to rot in a house with a jackass for a father. What kind of a mother does that?" he spat, pain tearing through him and tears about to spill. At that moment, he didn't care what he said or what it sounded like. "I don't give a shit about her anymore. What she did – it's – it's caused enough problems in my life; in my relationships. I don't care anymore."

I watched Jasper as he spoke, completely unsure of what to do. How could I even attempt to understand what he was going through? The closest thing I had was my mother dying. I had never been sacrificed in favour of another child. I had never been forgotten and disconnected from my mother. I had never been abandoned like Jasper had – especially not after having a loving mother for most of my life only to have her run off like Jasper had. I didn't have the knowledge that somewhere out there my mother and sibling were living safe and happy lives. I couldn't understand what he was going through, nor did I know how much he had suffered over the years. What right had I to judge anything he did or thought in regards to her? What right had I to judge how he dealt with it? No wonder he refused to enter her house.

"I thought...I thought you wanted me to think she was a good mother. I thought you wanted to pretend it didn't happen."

Jasper laughed cruelly at that, almost spitting at the thought. "Huh. Yeah. And look where that got me." His eyes flicked up to me, filled with an intensity that made me gasp. "Look at what good that want of mine, to play pretend and ignore what she really was, did to _us_ and our relationship. I fucking ruined it, and for what? To be able to give her some sort of respect that she didn't even fucking _deserve_? To be able to deny myself the truth and prolong the suffering of what she did? _What_? What good did my stupid game bring?"

Hate dripped from his every word.

"You loved her," I answered. "You said you loved her."

"Love." He spat the word with venom. "Fucking love. Yeah. I loved her. And guess what? She still fucking left me. I was only fucking _eleven years old_. She didn't love me. If she did..." Jasper's voice faltered then, and in the dull moonlight filtering through the window, I saw a glistening tear tumble down his cheek. Stopping it, he leant his face in his hands and sniffed it away, "if she did, she would have taken me with her."

I couldn't breathe as he spoke the last sentence. My heart tore in two as I watched him, so broken, so lost, so beautiful, all at the same time. For a long time, silence hung thick in the air. Eventually, though, he turned to me, his eyes swimming in tears, and locked my gaze to his. It was impossible to pull away.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I lied to you about her. I just...I just wanted to pretend. I thought she deserved you to love her...I wanted you to love her, because she was the closest thing I ever had to a real parent. And..." he paused, swallowing a large lump in his throat, "I guess I also wanted you to like her in case she ever...came _back_, which didn't even make sense. It was just...I was just stupid, and trying to fool myself that something like that was actually possible was just idiotic. I didn't realise how badly that selfish act could actually screw us up and how dumb it was. I risked our future for some stupid past memory that doesn't even mean shit." He wiped furiously at his tears and took a deep breath. "I know that I made a mistake now, and I don't want to lose what we had because I was caught up in my fucking damaged childhood. I've...I've had enough of that shit. I've had enough of denying what she did, and not only because it damaged us, but because it fucking ravaged every other fucking relationship that I have with my friends. It's...it's not worth it."

"Jasper–" I breathed, but he cut in.

"I'm not done," he said, taking another deep breath. "It's just...it's just that...I _love_ _you_. You're the one I don't want to lose and you're the one I want to have respected and cared for. I don't want to lose _you_. She...she doesn't matter – not nearly as much. I'd...I'd trust you with my life, Bella. I trust you with everything. And I know that I was a dick and not honest and that looks _really_ bad, but it's not like that. It...it was just a mistake and I was just naive. I never meant for you to think that I didn't trust you. I _love you_, Bella, and I don't want anything to fucking destroy what we have, and I'm going to stop creating things that do. In the end, it's not worth it. Only _you_ are worth it, and I'm not going to risk our future again. I just...you have no idea how sorry I am. If I could, I'd take it all back. I'd...I'd...I'd do anything to have you back. I love _you_."

I couldn't breathe after hearing all of that, but there was one more thing I had to ask.

"What about Victoria?" I squeaked, her name feeling like venom in my mouth. "What...what was that?"

Jasper looked away from me, fire burning beneath the blue of his eyes. He looked repulsed with himself, more than anything.

"Guilt," he answered simply, shaking his head in hate for himself. "You've...you've given me everything. You've given me love and hope and fucking everything that I never had growing up. You've given me more than anyone. You...you _get _me. You love me for who I am and not what you think I am or fucking football or any of that other shit. You...you've given me everything, and that night...you gave me even more. You were your complete self with me and you gave me trust and honesty like I never had before and I still wasn't giving you that." He looked away, running a frustrated hand through his hair, and then looked back to me with a pained expression, holding back furious tears. "I was still lying and I never gave anything to you in return. So...I felt guilty, and I found Edward's booze and...and...I was drunk, and Victoria was there, and before I could realise what was happening she was...she was..." he looked away, utterly repulsed. "She was _there_, and then you were there, and then you ran, and Emmett yelled and Peter intervened and you drove away and Peter punched me and the next thing I knew I was in an interrogation and I couldn't _get to you_!" He was shouting then, but quickly quietened again. "And then...then I had to wait and give you space and I'm so sorry because I fucking ripped your heart out and I'm a jackass, but I love you and it was all one big pile of fucking shit that I never meant."

Jasper didn't seem to have taken a breath through his whole explanation. Once he was finished, I could barely even think straight. His tortured expression killed me, and I felt like my heart was being wrenched from my body. My hands itched to touch him – to comfort him – but the way he was closing in on himself in the silence, feeling vulnerable and guilty and angry and disappointed and sorry and feeling all those things that changed him from that confident man I knew so well to a vulnerable and _real_ person, made me think twice about it. I wanted him to know that I understood, and that I loved him so much, but reaching out to him seemed so hard, and I didn't know whether he wanted me to try to comfort him. I still felt betrayed and hurt and confused about everything that he had done and didn't know whether I was ready to just forgive and forget. But still, what he had said...

All I could do was get off the bed and walk over to him. As I did, Jasper watched me with confusion, tears streaming down his face, and that scene broke my heart; his cheeks pink, his eyes puffy, his hair in disarray and those beautiful eyes lost in a sea of pain. And as I stood in front of him, I watched as he bowed his head in shame, and that crushed my heart. And so, lifting his head up, I leant down and hugged him as tight as I could, needing him to know that I understood.

I didn't know what to do. I felt hurt and betrayed and angry with him and everything he did. Yet, could I really let it tear us apart? Could I really hold his lie against him after everything he had been through? He had a difficult childhood and was still battling with the demons of it all. He was a good guy who had been put through hell. I could understand that, without a doubt, and he was still only young, and so of course he was going to make mistakes and be confused and lost. We both would. How could I hold that against him? Did I expect for him to be perfect and not bothered by anything he had suffered through? No, of course not. That was just silly, and his speech that day showed me how helpless and regretful and apologetic he really was. It showed me that he was finally realising what he had done and facing the truth of it all. He sounded genuine.

But then again, I was completely shattered by what he had done. He had lied from the very beginning, and surely after everything we had been through something in his brain would have told him that he didn't have to lie to me, and he _shouldn't _lie to me. I felt let down and betrayed and was still reeling over the shock of it all. I laid myself bare for him, only to find out he hadn't done the same, and so that reserve of trusting him was still there. Still, it was lessening with every minute after hearing just what he had to say and seeing how he was so torn apart.

Jasper and I talked for the rest of the night, and he didn't leave until early Friday morning when we heard Charlie stirring. I didn't swear myself to him that night, and I didn't assure him that everything would work out perfectly, because there was still a lot to work out, but I also wanted to give something back to him for his laying out of the truth that night. I promised we would work together to pull through it and learn from our mistakes. We agreed on a "No bullshit" policy – complete honesty in everything we did. To me, it was a step in the right direction, and a step towards regaining what we had. After hearing what Jasper had to say, I knew he had made many mistakes, but I also knew that I could never deny my feelings for him or what he felt about me. I knew we had to work towards building ourselves back up, and that and the realisation that Jasper was just a good guy who had made some mistakes helped me to decide to keep working at us. It might take a while, but it would be more than worth it.

###

It was around ten in the morning on Friday when I took Renesmee down for breakfast. I placed her on the sofa in the TV room with her favourite doll and went to get her food, where she sat happily waiting.

As I walked back to the TV room, my father entered before me – something that, although slightly alarming, didn't freak me out. I would simply grab Renesmee and take her elsewhere, as to not bother him.

As soon as he arrived Charlie plonked himself down on the couch and snatched the remote, flicking on to the sports highlights. This was normal enough, apart from the fact that he had sat down on Renesmee's doll. Since our mother's death, Renesmee had developed a significant attachment to that doll, and being separated from it became very traumatic for her. When Charlie sat on it, not noticing, Renesmee began to cry desperately, and before I could stop her, she crawled over the sofa, attempting to recover the doll.

**AAA**

The next events happened so fast I barely had a chance to process it. I had just arrived next to the sofa when it happened. Charlie, angry and impatient as ever, swiped a hard hand at Renesmee as she tried to dig for her doll, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. He yelled an expletive-packed command at her as he went, and the next thing I knew, I was watching Renesmee's tiny body being thrown off the sofa, Charlie not even flinching at it.

Renesmee flew off the sofa with a crash, her head smashing against the corner of the coffee table, and without realising it, I let out a belting scream, dropped her food – which splattered over the carpet – and dove to the ground to save her as Renesmee's pained cries filled the room. That was when Charlie realised what he had one.

Wide eyes shot to me as I clutched Renesmee against my chest, tears spilling down my face, feeling her little body shaking uncontrollably in my arms. She was still breathing, and that felt like a miracle. Dulling, I recognised hot dampness on my skin; blood – her blood. That was when I had the realisation of just what I had to do. Sadly, it was also when Charlie realised just what he had done. He saw the fear and resolve in my eyes.

**AAA**

In the next second, he shot up from his seat, anger boiling, and started yelling at me. Instinctively, I leaped back, shielding Renesmee's shuddering body in my arms, and screamed at him.

"Stay away from us! Don't you dare _touch her_!"

Charlie's eyes bulged. I kept backing away. "Don't you_ dare_ make another move! Bella, you give her to me _right now_! Bella! Give me the fucking kid!"

Renesmee was balling her eyes out in my arms. I was hysterical, screaming at him and calling him all the names under the sun.

"You _monster_! You disgusting, repulsive, abhorred excuse for a _father_! You _stay away from us_! You _sick fuck_!"

I was just backing out of the room as Charlie suddenly launched forward. That was when I took off.

With Renesmee in my arms I ran towards the door, grabbing the keys to my truck from the table as I went, and shot out the door, refusing to look back. I knew Charlie was on my tail. As soon as I was outside I let my screams ring out as loud as I could.

"Jasper! _Jasper_! JASPER, help!"

I didn't care for what anyone thought. I didn't care who heard me. The more, the better. As soon as Charlie heard me his chase slowed and his voice turned to a low hiss as he ran across the lawn towards me. I had just reached the truck and was fumbling with the lock, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, when a pair of familiar hands landed on me.

"Bella!" Jasper's voice hit me hard through the panic, panting, like he had just launched himself over the little fence between our yards. "Bella, _what happened_?"

Through forced breaths, a racing heart, fumbling keys and clutching Renesmee, I answered with a voice of pain and anger.

"Renesmee! He hurt _Renesmee_!"

Flicking his eyes down to the child in my arms, that was all Jasper needed to hear. In the next moment, Jasper's hands had left me. Through my matted hair and confusion, I looked up to see Jasper running towards Charlie, who had then stopped in his tracks, horrified by the appearance of a third party, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

And this time, I had no intentions of stopping Jasper from what he was about to do, because this wasn't about me anymore. It was about saving my little sister.

###

**Author's Note: **Wow. That was insanely difficult to write in all aspects. I'm really worried about what you guys are thinking about what just happened. I'm so sorry the update is late, but inspiration left me and then I had a zombie movie binge, and then I was very busy, and then I struggled to write this correctly, especially that last scene, and it's still not right. I apologise profusely for everything and how crappy this chapter is. I just want to thank you all again for sticking with this story. I can't tell you how much I love you guys.

Oh, on a side note, my zombie movie binge has kind of got me inspired, and I want your opinions on this: what would you guys think of a zombie fic? You know, the events in the book twisted into a zombie apocalypse tale. All human and stuff. It'd be an angsty/romance/horror/comedy thing. Because one is bubbling in my brain right now and I absolutely love the idea...or maybe I just love zombies right now. Anyway, it's just a thought, but would any of you ever read something like that, or is the idea stupid? I dunno. Your thoughts would be great. Tell me whether the idea is shitty or awesome. I won't mind.


	28. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: **I don't know much about the medical profession or Child Protective Services, so I did need to use my imagination in this chapter, despite my research. I apologise for any discrepancies now and in the future concerning these areas.

**###**

**Let Go  
**Chapter 26

**### **

_Admissions_

**### **

I will never forget the flash of horror that struck Charlie's face just as Jasper got to him. It's one of those memories that, even years later, I would be able to recall with astounding clarity, like it was made merely hours before. Maybe it was the fact that this was one of the largest turning points in my life to date that caused the remembrance. Maybe it was purely the trauma of it all. But whatever it was, that look became etched into my memory, as permanent as granite.

Jasper ran up to Charlie, screaming at him, calling him all the names under the sun, ready to start swinging. Charlie was shocked senseless, and only when Jasper's hands landed on his shoulders, shoving him back, did he start moving again.

"You sick fuck!" he shouted as his hands met Charlie. "You fucking bastard! I'll kill you!"

That was when Jasper took the first swing. And that was also when, in his shocked state, Charlie looked horrified for the first time in my life.

I couldn't have been happier.

Jasper's fist collided with Charlie's face with a deafening crunch. Charlie stumbled back, almost falling to the ground, clutching at the wound, blood seeping through his fingers as he winced in pain. I just looked on with absolutely no intention of feeling bad for him, clutching the sobbing Renesmee to my chest. I would call to Jasper soon, telling him that we needed to get Renesmee to the hospital as soon as possible, but at that exact moment, I couldn't bring myself to stop it. Charlie deserved to feel that pain.

Jasper threw another punch at Charlie, hitting on the opposite cheek, and Charlie buckled over again. Jasper's fist then went flying towards Charlie's gut, hitting with astounding force, Jasper's anger steaming out of him. His other hand went to follow, landing in the same place, when through the pain Charlie's hand flew up and grabbed Jasper's, stopping it midair and crushing it with all his strength.

That was when Jasper yelped out in pain.

That was also when I knew I needed to stop it. I couldn't have Jasper hurt.

"JASPER STOP! Japer, RUN!"

But still he didn't listen to me.

Jasper yanked his left hand away from Charlie. Charlie was beginning to straighten up, wincing in pain, blood pouring down his face from his nose and mouth. Weakly, Charlie threw a desperate punch at Jasper's face, which collided with his nose and made Jasper stumble. I screamed out for him again, but it seemed like nothing came out of my mouth. Through the stress, I couldn't hear what I was saying. All I could hear was their yells and Renesmee's cries.

Jasper shook off the hit quickly, and, clutching his left hand to his chest and clenching his right, he threw and forceful punch at Charlie, collecting his jaw with a loud crack. Charlie buckled over, stumbling to the side, desperately clinging at the air in an attempt to collide with Jasper. Yet, he missed, and with one more punch to the face Jasper had Charlie on the ground.

When I felt Renesmee's little hands dig into my chest, I knew we had to go.

"Jasper, STOP! Renesmee needs help!"

With a heavy kick to Charlie's gut, who was writhing in pain on the ground, Jasper spun around and ran to the truck, yanking the door open.

"Get in!" he yelled as I stood there motionless, watching Charlie scramble in pain to his feet.

"Bella!" Charlie called roughly, blood seeping out of his mouth. "Bella!"

"Bella, move!" Jasper shouted over him.

Obeying immediately, I yanked the door open and chucked Jasper the keys before leaping inside with Renesmee. I had barely shut the door by the time Jasper had reversed out of the driveway and was changing gears on the road, revving the engine as high as he could in order to pick up speed. My truck groaned mercilessly in response, but still obeyed his commands as much as it could.

I was clambering with the seatbelt, trying to wrap it over Renesmee and I, when he spoke.

"Where to?" he demanded.

I had to think for a moment. The police station was out of the question and useless. Charlie worked there, and what help could they give to Renesmee's injuries? The emergency room was no doubt packed, with a long wait list, and we certainly weren't just going to doctor injuries today. I needed to talk to someone.

There was really only one answer.

"Is Carlisle at the hospital today?"

Jasper glanced at me, understanding immediately.

"We'll be there in five minutes," he promised, wiping his mouth with his right fist and slamming down the gas pedal.

That was when I noticed the blood. It made my heart break.

"Jasper! You're hurt!" I said, alarmed.

Jasper shook his head and placed his hand back on the wheel, wincing slightly as he pulled his left fist tighter to his chest.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. How's Renesmee?"

It wasn't just nothing. His lip was split, his nose and mouth were bleeding, he was splattered in my father's blood and his hand was clearly injured, if not broken. Dully, even then, amidst the stress and panic, I realised that all of this would have been completely unnecessary – the two people I loved the most being injured – if I had just come forward earlier, when Jasper had said to.

Renesmee was still clutching at my shirt, sobbing and trembling terribly. I pulled her back a little bit to inspect her. Her forehead was covered in blood, which was now soaking my shirt, and there was an obvious gash on her hairline, as well as a bleeding nose. My heart broke for her, and all I could do to really comfort her was hug her tighter and promise it would all be okay.

"Hurt and distraught. You both need to be seen to. How far away are we?"

Within two minutes, Jasper skidded to a stop in the emergency parking at the front of the hospital.

**###**

I was out of the car and running towards the reception desk before Jasper had properly put the truck in park. It was the second time I had entered that hospital, both times being some of the worst in my life.

Jasper was mere feet behind me as I ran, clutching Renesmee to my chest, to the desk.

"Can I help y–" the redhead behind the desk looked horrified at the sight of us. I couldn't care less.

"Dr. Cullen. Where is he?" I demanded.

"H-his o-office," she stuttered, pointing to the corridor to our side. "B-but he's on his br–"

I didn't care to let her finish.

Jasper and I took off down the hallway, Jasper shooting off ahead of me, already knowing where to go. I followed eagerly, rasping for breath as I ran. People looked on to us in horror as we passed, but I didn't care to look at them. All that mattered was getting to Carlisle, and his office seemed to be unreachable.

Eventually, though, we arrived, and Jasper threw the door open with his good hand with a loud crash, flinging the door back against the plaster wall. I shot inside first, but skidded to a stop when I saw Carlisle's shocked expression.

He was leaning over his salad, his mouth hanging open, his fork poised to scoop in a mouthful and his tie flicked over his shoulder out of the way. His wide, distraught eyes scanned up and down my body, before landing on Renesmee. He lingered there for a while, before darting to Jasper, then back to Renesmee. That was when he stirred into action.

Carlisle dropped his fork and tossed his salad directly into the trashcan beside him before leaping off his chair and hurrying over to us. His expression was of nothing but worry, and I could only imagine what we looked like; forget the blood, but the sweat, tears and terrified expressions would be enough to startle him.

"Kids! What happened?" he demanded, heading over to me and leaning down to Renesmee. At the feeling of another body near her Renesmee pushed further into my chest, covering her little face with my shirt and shuddering uncontrollably. "W-was there a – a car accident or a – a – a...?"

He couldn't think of anything else, because as his hands met Renesmee's back, he felt her shrink away, and knew something was terribly wrong. She had usually loved him.

Carlisle's eyes darted up to mine and I felt a shot of cold shoot up my spine. I knew it was time to come clean. After all those years – everything I had been through – I knew I had to end it. Anticipation bubbled inside me. But at the same time, fear did too. For so long I had bitten my tongue, and now, the thought of letting it loose scared me – felt in some way wrong, even, although it really wasn't at all.

But, as those feelings of hesitation and fear spiked in me, I had to squash them, refusing to let them take over. I had to let go of them; I had to let go of the fear that my father had drilled into me from a young age. I had to let go of my reluctance and my concern for staying near Jasper. I had to let go of the boundaries and the walls that I had erected and maintained for my entire life, like I had done when I met Jasper. I just had to let go of everything, and finally, for once, tell the truth of my life and insure safety for my baby sister and myself.

_Let go_, I told myself. _You have to._

"C-Charlie," I admitted, my voice breaking. That was all Carlisle needed.

Carlisle's eyes widened. I could see him itching to reach out to us – hug us – but Renesmee's terrified stance held him back.

"Sit," he motioned, and I obliged quickly, taking one of the three chairs in front of his desk. Jasper, who had been behind me, shut the door silently, and that was when Carlisle looked at him, horrified and concerned.

"Jasper, what –"

"See Nessie first," Jasper interrupted, his voice cold. I looked over my shoulder to him and he stood, cowering by the door, tears brewing in his eyes and his healthy hand clenched into a fist at his side. He was holding in the anger that I knew he still had inside and wincing at the pain of his injuries. It broke my heart.

Carlisle debated over this for a moment, but eventually gave in. I saw the hesitation in his eyes, but I also knew that, since he knew Jasper so well, he knew better than to argue once Jasper set his mind on something.

Quickly, Carlisle sat down on one of the visitor seats next to mine and locked eyes with me. He started speaking, but the only thing I could focus on were the little flecks of yellow in the pale blue.

"Now Bella, you said Charlie did this?" I nodded. "Do you realise that this requires me to call Child Protective Services?"

I nodded again, biting my lip, my heart pounding loudly in my ears. I knew that very well, and I also knew what I had to say.

"Do it."

And so he did. The conversation was quick, and when he was done, he turned back to me. "They will be here within the hour. Now, let me take a look at Renesmee."

Numb, I nodded, and tried to coax Renesmee into Carlisle's arms.

"Nessie, darling, this is Carlisle. You remember Carlisle, don't you? Edward's daddy. He's going to help you."

Renesmee peaked up at me through thick, tear stained eye lashes. She looked completely shattered. I felt her little hands tighten on my shirt, but dully she nodded.

Carlisle stood up immediately and headed towards the patient bed next to the wall.

"If you could just come and sit with her on here, I can take a look," he said.

I obliged quickly, and with tears streaming down my cheeks, I sat and listened as Carlisle examined Renesmee. He asked her questions, touching her arms and legs and asking what hurt. There was a significant gash on her forehead and her nose was bleeding, but the prognosis was better than expected in the end. During the entire time Jasper stood away from the three of us, pressed against the far wall, biting the insides of his cheeks like he was about to explode.

"She's is going to need a few stitches in her forehead," he said eventually. "She will have bruising around her nose and eye, but there is nothing broken, and it looks like the bleeding has stopped. I will give her a clean and stitch her up. But first..."

Carlisle took a step back and straightened up. He seemed to be debating what to say next.

"You said your father did this, correct?" he asked softly. I nodded, biting back tears. Carlisle nodded in understanding. "Alright. Well, in that case I would also like to take a few photos of her injuries first. Is that okay?"

I nodded quickly, and a moment later Carlisle was done, had put the camera away, and was busy cleaning up the blood smeared across Renesmee's face.

The room was deathly silent for the twenty minutes it took him to clean her up. First he tenderly washed her face, and by the time that was done she had softened up to him. He then had to give her a numbing injection and disinfect her wound before stitching it back up. She got ten stitches in all, and was extremely brave throughout. Really, her bravery astounded me. She never made a sound. It was heart-wrenching watching her though. Silent, beady tears tumbled down her cheeks and big brown eyes peered up at me, wide and pained, as he worked. The sight broke my heart; shattered it. I realised that if I had only come forward sooner, none of it would have happened like it did.

After Carlisle had bandaged Renesmee up he gave her some pain killers and a big drink of water. Afterwards, she looked far happier, and he snapped a few more photos before turning back to me. By the time he was done, Renesmee was starting to fall asleep in my arms, still fisting my shirt for dear life.

"Now Bella, I want to keep you and Renesmee here for a discussion, so please stay. Jasper," he turned to the blue eyed blonde who was still leaning against the door, silent as a mouse, squeezing his hand into a fist, "I need to take a look at you."

"I'm fine," Jasper insisted.

Carlisle stood up and walked over to Jasper, talking to him in a low, authoritative tone. "Jasper, now is not the time to disregard yourself. Let me take a look at you."

Jasper still didn't budge. Instead, he avoided Carlisle's eyes. That was when I spoke up.

"Jasper, please," I whispered.

The room went deathly silent again – tense – and Jasper's bright blue eyes locked on mine. Behind them I saw everything – his pain, anger, resentment, guilt and love, for both Renesmee and I. It made me want nothing more than to hug him.

It took a long while for Jasper to speak. Instead, he kept watching me in that way which made me shiver.

Eventually, he looked away from me and nodded to Carlisle.

"Okay," he agreed through gritted teeth.

Carlisle smiled politely and led him over to sit him up on the hospital bed, which he had cleaned after Renesmee. Then, the big question came.

"What happened?"

My mouth fell open and my heart leapt into my throat. Jasper, however, had no problem relaying it.

"I punched Charlie."

Carlisle looked stunned. "You what?"

"Repeatedly."

"And he hit you back?"

"Well, yeah," Jasper nodded. "I didn't self-inflict these." He pointed to his blood-splattered face for good measure.

Carlisle couldn't help but smile a little bit. "Well, Jasper, I don't know what to say. Off the record, I say good on you. The bastard deserved it. But I have one question; how did the fight break out?"

"Bella was running to her truck," Jasper started immediately. "I heard her calls and jumped the fence. When she told me what happened, I spotted Charlie running over, and so I..."

He didn't need to explain what he did again.

Carlisle suddenly looked glum. "Jasper, I hate to say it, but because of your attack on Charlie, I don't know how this is going to affect the case for Bella and Renesmee..."

That made Jasper mad.

Jasper shot up from his desk, furious. "You can't be serious! They didn't do anything! It was me; all me! Lock me up, but don't let it jeopardise their safety!"

Carlisle spoke in a calm and even tone. "I won't, Jasper. Believe me, I won't."

There was a fire in Carlisle's eyes that was hard to look at.

Jasper nodded then, looking at Carlisle meaningfully, and slowly sat down. That was when Carlisle got to work. Jasper was covered in blood. It was all over his face, his clothes, and even matted the shaggy curls of blonde hair that hung over his eyes. Carlisle first cleaned him off with a damp towel. Jasper's bleeding mouth was caused by his deeply split lip, which Carlisle had to stitch up with six stitches. Jasper was quiet through it all. Next he gave Jasper an icepack for the side of his face and eyes, which were already swelling and throbbing. Luckily, no bones in his face were broken, but Jasper's bottom lip had swollen to three times its' normal size and was numb, which made him talk funny. It was distressing to see him so torn up, and I couldn't fight back the rush of guilt that I felt. I was surrounded by the two people I loved the most, injured and in pain because I had messed up. And I...I was fine. Not a scratch.

Silently, I wished Charlie had done it all to me instead.

Once Jasper's face was bandaged up, Carlisle went to doctor his hand. As soon as he merely grazed it, Jasper yelped in pain. There was something terribly wrong.

Suddenly, a realisation dawned on me. Jasper had given me everything, despite what he had said the night before. There was no way I was going to turn him away after that day's events. No way. I would forgive him.

"I'm going to send you in for an x-ray," Carlisle said quickly, walking towards the phone on his desk and punching in a few numbers. "I believe your fourth and fifth Metacarpals are broken, but I need to be sure," he said quickly before the phone was answered. "Uh, yes, hi Amanda, it's Carlisle here. Yes, I need an urgent x-ray. Hand. Yes, broken. Yes, it's urgent. Jasper Whitlock. I will send him down now. Thank you, Amanda."

Jasper went to ask him a question, but Carlisle held his hand up to stop him and punched in a few more numbers. "Hi, Glenda. Yes. I have a patient in my office who needs to be taken down to Radiology. Would you be able to aid him? I am currently dealing with another. Yes, thank you."

Carlisle set down the phone and faced us. At that moment, the door creaked open, and in the frame appeared a short, chubby women with a kind smile and black hair pulled back in a tight bun.

"Hi, Glenda. Thank you. Jasper," Carlisle addressed him. "Follow Glenda down to Radiology to get that hand x-rayed. Glenda will sort you out. Glenda, if you could take the x-ray to Dr. Holmes to assess what he needs. Thank you."

Glenda smiled politely. Jasper nodded obediently. That was when I piped up.

"I'll go with him."

Carlisle looked at me in surprise, and took a few moments to untie his tongue. "No, Bella," he said softly. "I need to talk to you here. Jasper will be safe. We have a lot to discuss."

Desperately, with wide eyes, I looked to Jasper. The thought of him being alone while injured and in pain terrified me. Jasper noticed.

"Maybe I should stay for a few minutes..." he volunteered.

Carlisle was dead-set against it. "I don't think that's a good idea. Bella, the things I'm going to talk to you about are quite difficult to discuss. It is easier to get the truth when there is no one around you to influence it."

Basically, Carlisle meant that if Jasper was around, I would no doubt downplay the abuse for the sake of saving his worry. Jasper was protective like that, and I didn't want to worry him.

I took a deep breath. "You're right," I admitted. He was. I knew he was. "Jasper," I stood up and walked over to him, laying a soft kiss on his uninjured cheek, still cradling a drowsy Renesmee in my arms. "I love you," I whispered in his ear. "Be careful, okay?"

Jasper chuckled at my concern. "It's not the first time I've broken a bone, Bella."

I was horrified at the thought.

"Football," he answered my unvoiced question.

"Oh."

"I'll see you later on," he promised. I could only nod.

Jasper smiled a little bit – something that was difficult with his swollen lips – and turned to follow the kind nurse. I stood watching the door close. Once it had, my heart leapt into my throat. I knew what it meant.

I couldn't hide anymore. I couldn't lie. I had been doing it for my entire life, but now...now everything was different. Now I had to come clean. Now I had to tell the truth and save my little sister.

The thought petrified me.

"Please sit, Bella," Carlisle asked softly, motioning to the chair. Awkwardly, and with my heart pounding loudly in my ears, I did, and he sat next to me.

"So," he began, "Bella, firstly, I want to say that none of this is your fault, and you are very brave coming forward today."

He had no idea how wrong he was.

It was my fault that the love of my life and my little sister were injured and in the hospital. It was my fault that it had all dragged out so long. It was my fault because I was so fucking selfish. It was my fault that Renesmee had to go through it all.

It was all my fault.

I was about to reply to him when a knock rapped on the door. Carlisle shot up to open it. When he did he revealed a tall, slight, blonde woman with straight, shoulder length hair, delicate features, strong green eyes and a comforting smile, carrying a satchel over her shoulder and a clipboard. She didn't look much older than twenty seven.

After a quick glance at Renesmee and I, our visitor turned to Carlisle, sticking out her tiny hand in greeting.

"Lucy Connors," she greeted.

"Carlisle Cullen. We spoke on the phone," Carlisle nodded.

"Right," Lucy agreed with a small smile before turning to me. "And you must be Bella. I'm Lucy. And this must be Renesmee. Hi sweetheart. What a beautiful child."

Lucy had walked over to us, taking a seat next to us and leaning down towards us, sadness washing over her features as she spoke to Renesmee, eyes darting over her bandages. I felt frightened, her closeness putting me on edge, and I found myself shrinking away from her instinctively, clutching Renesmee tighter to my chest.

"Bella, I am from the Child Protective Services. I'm here to help you and Renesmee. It was very brave of you to come forward today."

_It isn't bravery. It's cowardice. I would have been brave coming forward before my baby sister was hurt. Now I'm just running_, I thought bitterly.

I merely nodded, shrinking further away from her, hesitant and frightened and feeling all these emotions that put me one edge and raised my guard. It felt so foreign to be in that situation; with someone I didn't know, about to bare my soul, revealing things that I had long learnt how to bury deep down. I found it hard enough talking to Jasper about things like that, and I knew him like I knew the back of my hand. Forget the stale environment; the uncomfortable chairs, the blaring white walls, the systematic interviewing. I could deal with all of that. It was the talking - the revealing and the trusting - that got to me, itching under my skin and causing me to shrink back from everyone. In that moment, I wished Jasper was next to me, holding my hand and telling me that it was all okay; coaxing me to be strong. But, at the same time, I knew that he wasn't there, that he couldn't be there, and I wouldn't always have him next to me for every hard decision and every heartbreak in my life. I had to stand on my own two feet, and I had to learn to do things without him. I had to learn to be dependant on myself, not him.

I had to grow up, and I had to learn to let go of all of my fears and dependancies and insecurities to better my life, and my sister's. She deserved at least that much.

"How is this going to work?" I asked immediately, shoving aside my fear and swallowing back any reservations I had, hugging Renesmee tighter to me, needing to protect her, and knowing that talking to Lucy was the only way to do that. "Do I just...spill my guts...or is there some sort of paperwork I have to fill out or something?"

Lucy and Carlisle both looked taken back, sending each other startled glances, Carlisle still hanging back by the door. I kept my expression strong, waiting for an answer. I knew that I sounded rude, but with the anger towards Charlie flooding through me and the ever-present reminder of my injured baby sister sitting on my lap, I wanted nothing more than to get the bastard locked up as quickly as possible. That meant I had to shove away the emotional shit and get straight to the point. I had to let go of all of it - all of the _shit_ holding me back from giving Renesmee and _real _chance - and grow up.

"Uh...no, no paperwork," Lucy answered. "That's my job. Right now, I just need to hear your side of the story, Bella." She shuffled around in her satchel, pulling out a ballpoint pen and a tape recorder. "Would it be okay if I recorded this conversaton, for evidence's sake?" she asked kindly. I nodded. She smiled appreciatively to me. "Thank you," she said, turning the recorder on and placing it on the desk. "Now, first I just need to ask you a few questions. Is that okay?"

"Go ahead," I answered strongly, not faltering in my resolve.

Lucy looked startled again, glancing from her clipboard and back to me a few times, before starting.

"How old are you, Bella?" she asked.

"Sixteen."

She nodded, scribbling it down before looking back at me.

"And what about Renesmee?"

"Three."

"And your full name is Bella Swan?"

"Isabella Marie Swan," I answered. "And Renesmee Carlie Swan," I added, nodding the Ness.

Lucy nodded, still writing. "Beautiful names," she acknowledged. "And what is your current place of residence?"

"Number twenty six, Marlborough Court. We used to live in Forks, Washington till a few months ago."

Lucy nodded, finishing off her writing before turning back to me and putting on that kind smile she had entered with, immediately setting me at ease. In that way, she reminded me of Jasper; her mere presence calmed me.

"Great," Lucy grinned, looking up to me and locking my gaze to hers. She watched me in that way that made me unable to look away, but also made me feel comfortable and safe and like I could spill my deepest secrets to her without reprocussions. I didn't know whether it was some sort of professional tactic hammered into social workers or if it was just her way, and I suppose that that is what worried me the most. "Now, Carlisle, can you give me a summary of the injuries Renesmee has received."

Carlisle nodded, moving over to take his seat behind his desk, smiling apologetically and encouragingly at Renesmee and I, tears swimming in his eyes. The sight shocked me. I had never seen Carlisle look like that.

"She came in with a bleeding nose and a severe gash on her forehead, requiring ten stitches," he told her. "There is going to be bruising around her eyes, nose and cheeks, and most likely some parts of the rest of her body. Luckily, no bones are broken."

Hearing her injuries summarised like that tore at my heart, and I felt like I was being gutted like a fish.

"And you said that there was also another victim, correct?" Lucy pressed.

Carlisle nodded. "Jasper Whitlock. He's Bella's boyfriend; one of my son's best friends. He suffered injuries to his face and hand. He had fought with Charlie Swan, the girl's father."

Lucy nodded along silently. That was when I spoke up, unable to bite my tongue, feeling the overwhelming need to defend Jasper's actions. I didn't want them thinking he had picked a fight purely for the point of it, or that any of it was his fault. Both were shocked when I spoke.

"He was just trying to protect us," I told Lucy eagerly. "I...when I ran outside, I yelled for him. He lives next door to us. And...and he came out, and Charlie was chasing us, trying to stop us from getting away, and Jasper saw how Nessie was hurt, and then saw Charlie, and he went to stop him. He was defending us. It's the first time Jasper ever did anything to Charlie and it's not his fault. Charlie would have stopped us from getting away if Jasper hadn't been there!"

Lucy watched me carefully throughout my entire explanation. Under her watch, I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling that I shouldn't have spoken at all, until another smile formed on her thin lips.

"So Jasper was protecting you both?" she checked.

"Yes," I answered strongly.

Lucy nodded, but I could see some sort of reservation in her eyes, and a quick glance to Carlisle said that Jasper's intervention could mean more than I thought.

"What?" I demanded. "What's wrong?"

Lucy looked at me reluctantly. "I just...I don't know what Jasper's actions could mean. Charlie could charge him for harrassement, possibly."

"But Jasper's only sixteen!" I insisted. "He's under age, and he was protecting me!"

"You're right," Lucy agreed. "We'll just have to see."

I sent a desperate look to Carlisle, but he refused to meet my eyes. A disgusting, guilty feeling rose in the pit of my stomach, the thought of Jasper suffering making me want to vomit. It was all my fault.

"But...but he can't charge him, surely!"

"I doubt he will, Bella," Lucy assured me. "And Jasper is likely to be favoured by a judge anyway, considering the circumstances of the fight. You don't need to worry about it, okay?"

Reluctantly, I nodded.

Lucy smiled then, and locked eyes with me, moving a small hand to my knee in comfort. "Now, Bella, would you also be able to explain to me what happened before you ran outside, please?"

The question made a spark of terror leap in my stomach. My eyes widened in worry. It was time.

Taking a deep breath, trying to swallow back the lump of tears that formed in my throat, I adjusted Renesmee, who had then fallen asleep, and went over the events, starting at waking up and ending at pulling into the parking lot, all the while battling with a churning stomach and constricting throat. I could feel tears forming, but refused to let them shed. I couldn't bare to look at either Lucy or Carlisle as I spoke. I felt weak and stupid and pathetic and guilty for ever letting anything like that happen. I felt like it had all been my fault; my fault that Renesmee was hurt, my fault that Charlie was like how he was and my fault that Jasper was hurt. Although I could battle the tears, I couldn't battle the inner demons that ate me away inside.

But, through all that, I had to tell her, and I knew that, so I repeated my mantra over and over again until it became background music to the entire conversation.

_Let go_, I repeated to myself. _You have to_.

And I did let go

Once I was finished with the story I managed to peel my eyes up from my hands, which I was fidgeting with nervously, and meet Lucy and Carlisle's eyes. When I did, I couldn't help but shed the tears I had been willing myself to contain. That was when Lucy wrapped her arms around me and handed me a tissue in comfort.

As I sniffed and snivelled and tried to clean myself up she comforted me.

"Bella, listen to me darling, please. None of this is your fault. It is okay to cry - completely natural - and you are _so _brave and _so _strong for coming forward today. Everyone is _so _proud of you."

I nodded along, hearing her, but still not really believing it, dismissing it quickly, "I know, I know."

"We are going to sort this out for you, Bella, trust me. We are going to find you a safe place to live and we are going to make sure he suffers the consequences of what he has done to you."

Anger sparked in me. I didn't want him to just 'suffer consequences'. I wanted him to writhe through every little thing that he had put us through, one hundred times over. I wanted him to burn in hell for what he did to my baby sister...to my mother...to me.

"I know," I agreed quickly.

"We can take a break if you would like, Bella. I know this is hard."

"No," I almost shouted, shaking myself awake. "No. No break. I'm fine."

Lucy was hesitant, but after a few moment's deliberation she nodded. I took a deep breath.

"Alright then," she agreed. "What I need to know next, Bella, is whether this is a singular incident or whether it has happened at all before?"

Anger shot through me again.

"It's been happening for as long as I can rememeber," I spat, remembering just _one _of them; seeing Charlie's laughing face in my mind as he kicked me as I lay in the dirt, sobbing, scratching, bleeding, crying. I saw the whisky bottle clutched in his hand. I saw the laugh lines on his face. And, I also saw the gleaming badge on his police uniform. All I felt was anger. Anger and disgust and an undeniable rage at the bastard who destroyed everything. "It has been happening for years."

Lucy nodded apologetically. "To Renesmee, too?"

I shook my head. "No. This is the first time he has laid a hand on her."

Lucy nodded again. "And...do you remember when the abuse first started? How old were you?"

I tried to think back. I searched and searched as hard as I could for a time when it hadn't been happening; searching for some sort of happy memory I had with my parents; with Charlie. And, for the life of me, I couldn't find one.

Only when Renesmee fidgeted in my arms did I realise.

I saw the blaring sun shining under the crack of the door. I saw the shadows of his footsteps growing, coming closer and closer until the sun was blocked and the dark came. I saw the door creak open, and his massive figure towering in the doorway. I saw the little piece of red ribbon I was clutching in my little hands like a security blanket. I saw his smirk in the dull light of the room. I heard my mother's screams and cries downstairs. I saw how he had approached me, towering above me, always bigger and stronger and scarier; my own personal monster. And, just before the pain came, I saw the single card sitting on my dresser from Jacob, and I saw that message written in bright red marker.

_'Happy 3rd Birthday, Bella!'_

Three...

"I-I-I was three," I stuttered, tears streaming down my face, looking down to my baby sister in my arms - so innocent, so unbeknownst, so brave - and I realised something that I should have sooner. "I...I had just turned three..."

Sobs rocked through my body as I remembered Renesmee's age. If I had realised sooner, maybe I could have stopped it.

I felt an arm go to my shoulder, and realised that Carlisle had moved to the seat on the other side of mine, trying to comfort me.

"You're doing so well, Bella. _So well_," Lucy assured me, placing another hand on my shoulder. "We can take a break if you would like."

I shook my head defiantly, slamming my eyes shut and refusing to let myself breakdown. I needed to be strong.

"No. I'm fine. Really. Keep going."

Lucy nodded hesitantly, and looked at her clipboard, as if searching for another question.

"Bella, can you tell me what he used to do to you? Anything at all?"

The question shook through me. _Anything. Anything at all._

"Just that. Anything," I told her. "Physical abuse. Emotional abuse. He hit me...kicked me...threw things at me...when I was young he used to lock me in cupboards. He...he drinks and...and gets angry. He...it just...it depends what mood he is in. He...he used to hit my mother, too. She did drugs a lot. She used to drink like him. She...she received a lot of abuse from him, too."

Lucy nodded solemnly, as if she understood; as if she had been through it all too. For a moment, I had a sinking suspicion that she had, and that thought made me look at her in a new light.

"Can you recall any specific incidents, Bella? Any at all?"

I almost laughed at the question. I could remember them all.

I started from when I was young. I told her about the first time he had hurt me, about the time when I was four and he tied me up and locked me in the broom closet as he hit my mother. I told her about the time when I was five and I had come home from my first day of school with paint on my dress, so he had broken my nose. I told her about when I was seven and he broke my arm. I told her about how, when I was nine, I had to stay home from school for two weeks because my face was so swollen after he had been drunk and angry, and how when I was eleven I received fifteen stitches to my arm from broken glass, and how when I was thirteen I was thrown against the wall and knocked unconscious... It all carried on; all of these stories, at least the ones I could recall, for years and years, all building up, shaping what my life had been. It hurt to recall every single one, and with every one a thousand tears fell. But, also, with every one, Carlisle and Lucy were always there to help me. Finally, I knew it was also time to admit to them - and mainly to Carlisle - something that I had been lying about all along.

"Carlisle," I said, turning to him, tears streaming down my face, "do you remember that time when Alice was in the hospital and I had that bruise on my face that we all claimed had resulted from me falling down the stairs? Jasper even said he witnessed it."

Carlisle nodded solemnly. "I know, Bella."

"It wasn't the stairs," I admitted, ignoring what he had just said. "It was Charlie. And I got Jasper to lie to you even though he wanted to say something and was_ going _to say something. He even made sure that the others didn't try to say anything, and I made sure everyone kept their mouths shut because I didn't want anyone to find out. And we lied to you and we sowed this story and it worked..."

Sadness washed over Carlisle's features. "Why didn't you ever tell me, Bella? Why didn't you tell any adults? Why did you stay?"

In all honesty, even _I _barely even knew anymore.

"Because I was scared," I explained, tears streaming down my face. "I...I...I've never known anything different, and I didn't know how to, and I didn't know whether taking Renesmee away from her parents was right when they never hurt her and were good to her sometimes, and I didn't know how to, and I was frightened and my mother told me to _never _tell anyone and that families had to _stick together._ I knew he would always find me, or stop me, and then he would hurt me more! And after that, things started to get better, and he was home less and I was happy with Jasper and the others and Renesmee was happy with us and we finally had a _family_. And...and...and when I came here, I didn't want to because I didn't want to lose Jasper or the others. I...I didn't want to leave, and I need Jasper, and we are good for each other, and we help each other through everything, and I _love him_. I need him! I thought...I thought it all might just..._stop_. And then...then we could be safe. But now...now he's hurt Renesmee, and I now how wrong I was, and I won't let her grow up like I did because she deserves _better than that_."

Immediately, I felt vulnerable, because I had never admitted that to anyone before. At least, not in that way.

"You deserve better as well, Bella. _Never_ forget that," Carlisle told me.

"What about in Forks, Bella? Did anyone know then?" Lucy asked.

I nodded guiltily, biting my lip and squeezing fresh tears out. "My best friend Jacob. He...he knew a little bit, and his family tried to get the police involved, but...but my father was chief of police, and it never worked because he had such a good reputation, and Renesmee and I were forced to lie when we were questioned, and my mother and father lied too. They...they couldn't prove anything, and in the end everyone just ignored what Jacob and his family claimed."

Lucy nodded, like she understood; like the system had failed _her _before, too.

"Bella, none of this is your fault, okay?" she told me. "You've been very brave today."

I just nodded.

"Now, Bella, I need to ask you something else; do you remember when the last time your father abused you was?"

I remembered it like the back of my hand.

"Tuesday," I answered. "My grades have been falling, and school called, and...he hit me."

I stood up then, handing the sleeping Renesmee to Carlisle, and grabbed a tissue, wiping at my cheek and removing my concealer. Fear sparked in me before I did. I had always tried to hide my injuries. Revealing them like this felt so unnatural and wrong that I almost buckled over in weakness. I had to repeat my mantra to gather the strength. _Let go, Bella_. _You have to_.

Once I did, I saw their eyes widen, and I knew they could see the nasty bruise. Then, I turned around and pulled up my shirt, showing them the massive bruise on my back that throbbed with every movement. Both looked stunned.

"Oh, Bella," Carlisle breathed.

Lucy stood up and wrapped her arms around me, comforting me. "Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry," she exclaimed.

"Do...do you need to take a photo of it or something?" I asked.

Lucy nodded, and wiping her tears away, she did just that. The scene broke my heart.

As we sat down again Lucy placed a comforting hand on my knee. I felt strange.

"We will sort this out for you, Bella," she assured me. "We will make sure he is punished greatly for this."

I just nodded, needing to change the subject.

"What happens now, then?" I asked. "I mean...where do I go?"

Lucy nodded and gave me the options. "Child Protective Services offers a wide range of foster families who can take care of you, or we can find your nearest relatives and set you up with them, as long as an investigation deems them safe for you. It is your decision."

I knew there was only one that would work. "I have no relatives who would be willing to have us. They all disowned us."

Lucy nodded. "Well then, I'm sure we can find you some good foster parents to take you in temporarily, until we get things sorted out."

That was when Carlisle offered a alternative. "Uh...Miss Connors...Lucy, may I suggest something else?"

Lucy looked at him, startled, and nodded. "Certainly."

"Well, my wife and I know Bella and Renesmee quite well, and have plenty of spare rooms. As well as this, Bella and our son are friends, and she knows the house quite well. She is _more _than welcome to come and stay with us until things are finalised. Perhaps the girls may prefer it more than staying with strangers."

I couldn't help but grin as Carlisle sent me a promising smile.

Lucy's eyes widened, and she looked from Carlisle, to me, and back to Carlisle. "Well...uh...I can't see why not. I suppose a familiar place and familiar people could be very beneficial. Bella, what would you prefer?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "I would like to stay with Dr Cullen, if you would have me?" I asked, turning to him.

He nodded with a kind smile. "Of course, Bella. You're more than welcome."

**###**

Lucy, Carlisle and I talked for another half hour before finishing. We discussed where to go from here, and Lucy informed me on the charges Charlie was likely to face and what my future could hold. The options varied from family, to friends, to foster care. Once we were done, Carlisle went to walk Lucy out of the hospital and back to her car, still discussing some smaller details, while Renesmee and I stayed in his office, getting ready to head back to the Cullen's house. That was when Jasper came in, his arm wrapped in a sling, his free hand clutching a paper bag of prescriptions and his lip the size of a sausage.

"Jasper," I breathed when I saw him appear in the doorway. Renesmee was still asleep, lying on the patient bed, breathing heavily. His eyes darted over her before coming to me and laying to rest on the bruise now clearly visible on my cheek.

"You're hurt," he said, worry and anger sparking in his voice.

"Tuesday," I explained, and Jasper merely nodded, his good hand clenching tightly around the bag and his eyebrows diving into a deep, angry frown. I saw a darkness wash over his features that I desperately wanted to chase away, and so I took tentative steps towards him. "How is your arm?"

"Carlisle was right. My fourth and fifth metacarpals are broken, whatever that means. I have to wear it in this sling and kill the pain with these," he shook the paper bag in his hand, "until I can get surgery next week and have a rod inserted into my hand. The Doc fixed me up well though, so I'm feeling fine."

Disgust sparked in the pit of my stomach, all aimed at myself.

"I'm so sorry you were hurt, Jasper," I apologised, moving towards him quickly, standing a mere foot from him and bringing my hand to his cheek. "I should have never...I'm so sorry. It's all my fault and-"

Tears were beginning to fall again, soaking my cheeks, making my eyes go all red and puffy and blurring my vision. Jasper's finger went to my mouth, silencing me quickly, before moving to my cheek, trailing down my bruise tenderly, barely skimming my skin, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my breath catch. The line of his skin against mine ingnited into a fire, soaking deep into my bones and shaking me to the core. It had been so long since he had touched me like that.

"Sshhh, Bella, please. None of this is your fault. _None_ of it," he told me sternly. "And there is no better reason for me to break my hand than for _you_, and for Nessie. I _love you_. _Both _of you." His eyes flickered to Renesmee, washing with adoration, highlighting his point.

The tears didn't stop falling. I could hear the truth in his voice, and that warmed me through. Hearing that was the one thing that I needed above all else, because at that moment, I knew that I was doing the right thing; insuring that this - our _family_ - would be safe.

"I love you too," I sobbed, unable to restrain my emotions. In the next second, one gut-wrenching sob rocked through me, and I found myself crumpling to the floor, burying my head in my hands and pulling my knees to my chest, unable to hold any of it in anymore. It was all too much. My emotional and physical limts had been pushed to breaking point. I felt angry and catharic and pained and guilty and disgusted and relieved and thankful and confused all at the same time.

Without missing a beat, Jasper was next to me, sitting on that cold lino floor, wrapping his arms around me tightly, letting me bury my head in his chest as cries shook through me. He held me as tight as he could and rested his head on mine, so close that I could feel his breath, hear his heartbeat and feel his body warmth soaking through my clothes and into me. And, although I felt weak and vulnerable and crushed and exhausted and pathetic and all those things that I shouldn't have been feeling, because I _should_ have been a strong, independant women standing on her own two feet, I couldn't have asked for anything different. He was the one thing I needed, and although we were both broken, as we lay on that floor, I felt hole again, and Jasper refused to leave me.

When Carlisle arrived back, finding Jasper holding me on the floor, he didn't speak. All he did was kneel down beside us, silent and understanding, and provide to me all the comfort he could - something that I couldn't have been more thankful for. At that moment, I learnt what a _real _father was.

After a few minutes I pulled myself up, and not letting go of Jasper, I picked up Renesmee. The four of us walked out of the hospital and towards the cars. Jasper drove my truck home whereas Renesmee and I travelled with Carlisle as we headed to the Cullen house; to my new home...at least temporarily.

**###**

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry that this chapter took longer to get out than expected. I had a bit (a _lot_) of trouble writing it, seeing the tougher subject matter. I'm still not fully satisfied with it.

Also, I have a Jasper/Bella one-shot up called 'Match', which I just posted a few days ago. If you feel like it, go check it out. I've seen a few of you there already, so you guys rock so much!

Thanks for reading! The response for the last chapter actually blew my mind, so thank you all so much!


	29. Chapter 27

**Let Go  
**Chapter 27

###

_Advancements and Complications_

###

I should have predicted what the scene would be like when we arrived at the Cullen's house, but of course I didn't. Half of me expected everyone to be at the beach enjoying the bonfire party. Then again, I should have known better. I suppose I was just digging for normalcy in suspecting any different. I should have known that Jasper would have gotten in contact with them all. I should have expected them to all be there, completely clued in and overly accommodating. I should have known a lot of things. But, for what wasn't the first time that day, it turned out I wasn't as smart as I thought I was.

Jasper arrived first, and waited outside his car for Carlisle, Renesmee and I to pull up. Once we were out of the car, Renesmee cradled in my arms, we started on our walk up to the house. Jasper seemed protective of us, even then, shadowing my movements carefully and walking in that precise way that meant he could jump in front of whatever wanted to come at us. It seemed silly. We were completely safe at the Cullen's house. Yet, I still understood why he did it.

The first thing I noticed when we walked in was the silence. The only sound was the deep breath as the door swung open. A small gasp echoed in the distance by the staircase. It didn't take long to realize what was waiting for us. Jasper's arm tightened around Renesmee and me as I looked up.

They were all there – Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Alice, Charlotte and Peter. All were wearing horrid expressions and all were sitting on the stairs, talking quietly, awaiting our arrival. When we did arrive, all eyes went to us, and it felt like we were running the gauntlet.

Rosalie was the first to speak, which seemed fitting. If I was to judge, out of all of them, she had the most resting on this.

"Jasper…Bella…" she breathed, standing out of Emmett's arms and taking the steps two at a time. Before I could even blink she was standing in front of us, unreadable. Her eyes flickered over Jasper, concentrating on his busted lip, bruises, and injured hand. "What…?" she couldn't finish her sentence, because it was then that she looked at me and Renesmee. It all made her gasp just a little. "Oh Bella," she exclaimed, and without another word, her arms were wrapped around me, hugging Renesmee and I tight. Her next words were merely whispers in my ear. "I am _so_ proud of you. So, _so_ proud. And I am so _sorry_. About everything."

At that moment, the entire situation with Jasper's mother and the lies that were sown around it just didn't seem to matter at all. It was odd how the world could be put back into perspective like that. I could never stay mad at Rosalie.

I couldn't speak properly. All I could do was reply with a simple nod and a small gesture, "Me too, Rose. I'm sorry too. I love you, you know?"

Eventually Rosalie pulled away and immediately latched herself onto Jasper. Watching the two of them hug, I couldn't help but feel warmth flooding through me. Both looked on the edge of tears and both clung to each other like they were all the other had. I suppose, when you stripped it all down to it, they were. Bloody was always thicker than water. They shared ties that none of us could break – not even Emmett and me. All I could hope for was to come second place in Jasper's heart, at best. And also, at that moment, I realised that that bond was the reason why they could trust each other so fully even to the point of lying to others. They loved each other to a point larger than anyone else cold measure. They trusted each other. They needed each other. They were the only family they had. Of course Rosalie was going to stick on Jasper's side and do anything he needed her to, even if she didn't agree with it.

The others approached us soon after, and all addressed each of us with silent love and respect. Even Edward embraced me – something that he had never done before – and Emmett looked down with that torn proud Papa smile that set me on ease. The kiss he planted on Renesmee's forehead made it all that much more beautiful. When he, Peter and Edward approached Jasper, there was a nod of understanding between them all. Their eyes gleamed with pride, and all I could guess was that they all believed Jasper's injuries were worth it.

Once everyone had greeted us, Esme arrived, and her embraces were nothing but warm and comfortable. The feeling of being hugged by her pricked at my heart, and her motherly instincts reminded me of the mother that I had lost.

"Bella," she said softly, brushing the hair from my eyes, "do you need anything? Anything at all?"

When she spoke, that was when I realized it; all of the attention on me. Everyone was watching me, waiting expectantly to hear what I wanted. It put me on edge; frightened me, even. There was really only one thing that I wanted, and that was to be alone and have some time to think. Renesmee was already exhausted, and I knew that if I stayed on my feet for any longer, I would collapse from tiredness.

"I think…I think I just need some rest. Is there a room that I could take Renesmee into?"

Esme nodded with a smile that radiated kindness, watching me carefully, as if she was trying to judge how best to handle us. "Of course, sweetheart. There's a spare room upstairs next to where Jasper stays. I have set up Edward's old cot in there for Renesmee. Come with–"

"I'll show her," Japer volunteered quickly.

Esme glanced over him apprehensively, watching carefully, before nodding. "Good idea. I will send you up some dinner in a few minutes, as well. If you need anything else – anything at _all_ – please let me know, darling."

I nodded and thanked Esme and Carlisle. As Jasper went to lead me to the staircase, everyone parted around us, drawing a line through the group. Their eyes stayed glued on us as we walked. It felt like we were under a microscope. Only when we had turned left at the top of the stairs did I feel relatively normal again.

Jasper was silent as we walked. Under normal circumstances, that would have been fine. But these were not normal circumstances.

"Talk to me," I begged him quietly as we approached the door. "Please, tell me you're still with me."

"I'm still with you," he replied.

_Not what I meant. _"You haven't said a word to me since the hospital," I reminded him.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked as we entered the room, greeted by a plush queen sized bed and a cot at the end of it.

"Something. Anything," I answered. "I just want to know that you are alright."

He smiled at me then, turning to face me in the middle of the room. Immediately, my worry seemed irrational.

"I'm fine, Bella. Happy, even, under the circumstances."

"But you've been so quiet," I reminded him again.

That was when he pointed to his swollen jelly lip. That was also when I felt like smacking myself in the head.

"Talking's not that easy, Bella."

"Oh," was all I said, feeling silly, then busying myself with putting Renesmee in her cot, who had fallen asleep on the slow walk upstairs. She was exhausted. Once she was settled I took a deep breath and turned around to face Jasper. My heart ached as I saw his injuries once again.

"Thank you," I said then, attempting a smile.

Jasper's forehead crinkled into a frown. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged nervously. "I don't think I have thanked you yet. So, thank you, for everything. You…you _saved_ us." I motioned to his injuries for extra effect. "If you hadn't been there…I don't know what would have happened. If you hadn't been there…we…we would –"

Jasper stopped me, taking a step towards me and cradling my cheek in his palm. "You would have made it out all the same," he answered for me, refusing to let me look away. His hand dropped from my cheek and grasped at the hand at my side. He started to draw those little circles as he spoke. "I didn't save you, Bella. You did that all on your own. _You _ran away when he hurt Renesmee. _You_ screamed and yelled and decided exactly what we were going to do. _You _told Carlisle the truth. _You_ made sure I left the room so you could tell your story. _You _made sure you got the help. Don't diminish that, Bella, and don't give credit where credit is not due. _You _saved _yourself_, and you saved your baby sister, and I am _so _proud of you. It was all_ you_! And you know what makes me even prouder? You didn't do it for _me_. You did it for yourself and Renesmee, and although I have been an asshole to you and everything was going to shit, you refused to let it get worse and you _fought back_."

His speech shocked me. So did the intensity of his eyes. But I didn't believe it for a second.

"I still couldn't have done it without you," I insisted. "I wouldn't have gotten away."

Jasper let out a strained laugh, throwing his head back. "Yes, you could have, and you would have. And you know what? You showed strength because you didn't do it when someone _told_ you to, but when you knew it was right. And I love it because you have showed me lately that you don't _need _me. You can survive without me. Even when I completely rip your fucking heart out, it just keeps on beating. And that means so much, because it shows me that it's not the fact that you need me that's keeping this together, but that you genuinely _want _me. You could have done everything you did today without me, but you didn't. And I feel honoured to have been able to stay with you through _everything_."

I still didn't believe him. I wasn't brave or strong or any of those things. I was a coward who should have said something sooner and got everyone she loved hurt in the process.

I wanted to change the subject. "I just wish you hadn't have been hurt like this," I sighed.

"Anything for you," he answered.

"You shouldn't say that," I scolded.

Jasper didn't fight with me. He just laughed. "We are always going to just keep going round in circles over this topic, you know."

I couldn't help the playful smile that came. "Then admit defeat."

That same playful smile came to his features. "_Never_."

That smile was all that I ever needed. "Stay with me tonight?" I asked him. "I don't want to be alone."

The declaration felt so heavy in the midst of our brief laughter.

Jasper reached up to brush away a ringlet of hair that had fallen over my face, deep blue eyes watching me with a strange yet familiar intensity. "You know I never plan to leave you, right?"

The sentence held so much. Of all people, I did know that he would never leave me, even just considering his past.

"I know," I promised.

I slept relatively well that night. Every time a nightmare came and woke me up, Jasper was there to scare it away.

###

I must have slept for at least fifteen hours that night, because Jasper and I didn't wake until midday on Saturday, and that was only when Esme came and got us up. Renesmee had already been taken down for breakfast by the time we stirred. We woke in a good haze. Well, until I went downstairs and reality came crashing back down around me.

Jasper was upstairs taking a shower when I arrived downstairs. I didn't know where the others were, but Carlisle and Esme were sitting around the dining room table with Lucy and two other people. Immediately, I recognised them as cops, and fear spiked in me.

"Bella," Carlisle greeted. "Good morning, darling. I hope you slept well."

I simply nodded, my eyes glued on the two strangers in my safe haven.

Lucy noticed my nervousness. "Uh, Bella, this is Detective Henderson and Detective McDonell. They are here to talk to you today."

I just nodded again. "W-what about?"

That was when the black haired one – Henderson – spoke. He was short and chubby, with kind eyes and a sweet smile. His demeanour reminded me of Emmett.

"Come and sit down with us, Bella, please. We would like to discuss some things with you."

Silently, I obliged, taking a seat between Esme and Lucy, and turned to Lucy for an explanation. The detectives still frightened me. I had never been very trusting of cops. My father insured of that.

"The detectives are here today to fill you in on your father's case, Bella. There have been some advancements."

Lucy glanced to Henderson and McDonell. I turned at the same time. McDonell engaged me.

"Your father is currently being held under arrest, Bella," he told me, "with no chance of bail for at least two weeks. He is consulting with his lawyer about his options, but from the evidence gathered against him, your plight is looking very good."

The good news rang in my ears, but I still had many questions. "If he is convicted...what could his punishment be?"

McDonell nodded solemnly. Henderson took the question. "Considering the severity and longevity of the abuse, five to ten years. We may be able to push for twelve or fifteen considering your mother's case as well."

Shock took over me as I heard the numbers. They were exactly what I wanted.

"And what happens to Renesmee and I? Where do we go?" I asked then.

"That's a good question, Bella," Lucy acknowledged. "There are a few options. You could stay with family, a foster family, or perhaps family friends. It really depends. But it is probably best to discuss that at a later date once the formalities of the trial are more concrete. The Cullen's have offered for you to stay for as long as needed."

I nodded again, turning to Carlisle and Esme in thanks, smiling my best smile at them. They returned with kind ones of their own, but I couldn't help but catch the tears in their eyes.

That was when Henderson spoke. "We do have a question for you though, Bella. We have heard your side of the story through the interview with Lucy, but we do have to ask whether there is any more that you need to add? Are there any more details on the abuse you suffered that are of importance?"

I shook my head. "No. I told Lucy all of it, really."

Henderson nodded politely. "Great. Also, are there any family members that you require us to contact for you? Any friends? Anyone at all?"

One came to mind straight away. "My friends from Forks, Washington," I gasped. "Jacob and Billy Black. I have to tell them."

Henderson nodded again. "And would you like us to–"

They didn't need to finish the question. "No, I can do it. I need to talk to them."

Henderson looked shaken by my enthusiasm. I was practically jumping out of my skin, not able to believe that I had nearly forgotten them. He was about to speak when the descending of stairs sounded behind us.

Henderson, Lucy and McDonell looked up, alerted. Jasper was there, looking at us with just as much confusion.

"What's going on?" he asked tentatively, walking across the room towards us.

"Jasper," Lucy greeted. "This is Detective Henderson and McDonell. They are here to talk to you today."

Jasper caught on to exactly what I had heard.

"Talk to _me_?" he asked. "Why me?"

It didn't take long to catch on to what they were inferring.

"The fight," Jasper sighed. Their unanimous nods answered our questions.

"Bella, if it would be alright we would like to talk to Jasper alone. Perhaps you could go into the other room and contact your friends in Washington while we chat?" McDonell asked.

I could barely move. I couldn't seem to shake the terror that was shuddering through me. They all seemed so serious. Was something going to happen to Jasper? Was Charlie pressing charges? Was he going to suffer because of me?

I couldn't let that happen.

Unable to speak, my eyes wide with shock, I nodded gingerly and stood up. Jasper wore the same expression as me, and as we passed – him to take my seat – we couldn't resist embracing each other. Jasper's hold was unnaturally strong. He was frightened, too.

Mindlessly, I grabbed the phone and headed back up the stairs and to our room. I could hear dull murmurs as I ascended, but nothing that gave any clues of what was happening. I didn't know what to think, and that frightened me.

I couldn't let Jasper be hurt.

Once I was sitting on the bed I shook off my reservations and dialled Jacob's number. He answered on the fifth ring.

"Hello?" he greeted.

"Jacob," I breathed.

A moment's pause came and went. "_Bella?_"

I nodded, but realised that he couldn't see that. "Hey, Jake."

"Bella, how are you? It seems like I haven't talked to you for ages? How are you going? How's Nessie? How has everything been with your Mom and –"

Jacob was rambling, always a spirited talker. I had to cut him off.

"Jacob, listen, I have something important to tell you."

There was a moment's pause again. Suddenly, he was very serious.

"What is it, Bella?" he demanded.

I had to take a deep breath before telling him. The fear I had felt for so many years never seemed to cease.

"I reported Charlie."

The moment's pause that came then seemed to last a lifetime.

Jacob's voice was oddly distant. This was news he had been waiting his entire life to hear.

"When?" he asked.

"Yesterday," I answered.

I could hear his deep breathing in an attempt to calm himself.

"What made you do it?"

It took me a long time to go through the entire story of what happened with Renesmee. I then had to describe the events with Jasper and the hospital and Carlisle and Lucy. By the time it was done, it had been a good fifteen minutes, and I couldn't shake the feeling of just having had a massive load lifted off my shoulders.

The silence that punctuated the end of my story nearly killed me.

"You know, Bella, I am _so _proud of you right now," he said eventually.

I couldn't doubt the sincerity in his voice, but the fact that people kept saying that angered me more than anything..

"It was nothing, Jake," I told him.

"_Don't_ even say that!" he insisted. "It wasn't nothing. This is a big fucking deal, Bells. The bastard can finally rot in hell for what he has done. You're so brave."

"I'm not, really," I mumbled.

"You _are_," he told me. "Don't doubt yourself on this."

I didn't want to talk about it anymore, and so I took a deep breath and changed the subject.

"The cops are downstairs now. They are talking to Jasper. I think it's about the fight he had with Charlie."

"Jasper is a fucking legend for doing that," Jacob told me. "I like the boy, Bells."

"He got _hurt_, Jacob! That's not a good thing," I scolded.

"He'll heal," Jake reminded me. "I hope Charlie never does."

_I couldn't agree more with the last sentiment_.

"Yeah," I agreed, "the only tough part is deciding where to go now."

Jacob had an answer straight away. "Come and stay with us. We wouldn't have it any other way."

"Oh, Jake..." I breathed. I loved the idea, but the thought of leaving Jasper scared me, too.

"Yeah, I know," he laughed. "It's a tough choice. But Bella, you just have to know that I am so proud of you."

"Thanks," I said again, despising the reminder of just what a coward I was.

"I'm coming down there, you know. Dad and me. We are going to catch the first flight we can and come and support you through all of this."

Shock hit me like a bullet-train.

"Oh, Jake, you don't have to. It's okay, really," I tried.

"No. It's not just _okay_. We are coming, Bells. I'm not leaving you alone in this."

Even after I had hung up, I couldn't shake that warm tingly feeling that came from talking to Jacob. Even though I felt emotionally and physically exhausted, he warmed me through.

###

Another ten minutes had passed and Jasper was still not back. I was just about ready to go downstairs when my door creaked open and Rosalie appeared.

"Rose," I breathed as she slid in quietly. "What are you doing here?"

Rosalie didn't speak. She merely walked straight over to me and wrapped me in a tight hug. It must have lasted for a full minute. By the time she pulled away from me, I could see the tears in her eyes.

"Oh Bella, I am so happy for you. I can't believe you did it."

I didn't know what to say. "What...Rose...what do you mean...?"

Rosalie smiled at me and took my hand in hers. With the tears and the pained expression, it had to be one of the most vulnerable states I had seen her in.

"You have done it. You've saved yourself. And that's more than any of us have ever been able to do," she explained. "I'm just...I'm so proud of you.

I didn't know what to say. I resented the fact that everyone thought I was so brave, when really, I was far from it.

"You...you amaze me, Bella, and I am so, _so_ proud of you. I just...I'm so glad that my cousin has you in his life."

"Please don't, Rosalie. _Please_."

Rosalie smiled then, laughing through the tears. "I'm just happy for you. You...you're so strong. Know that, okay? And remember that, although things are going to get tough, you did the _right thing_."

Suddenly, I felt guilty, because despite what they may say, I really wasn't all that brave. I was a coward who should have spoken up sooner.

"Please, don't say that, Rosalie. It's not...it's not true."

Rosalie looked at me sternly then, taking my hand in both of hers and insisting I was wrong.

"It _is_ true, Bella. Don't ever deny it. You are brave and strong and perfect and you have made the _right choice_. That's more than _any _of us have been able to do."

That was when it hit me, and I saw Rosalie's pride in a new light. Like me, she also suffered at the hands of an abusive father, but she was yet to get out. Her words meant so much more than what they merely seemed. Yet, they still felt misplaced.

"Rosalie...Rosalie, you...you are the brave one, not me. I'm not...I'm just a coward and a–"

I went to argue with Rosalie – sick of everyone insisting that I was so brave and deserving – when the door to the bedroom was thrown open. Jasper was standing there, his hair a mess and his expression torn. It even made Rosalie jump.

"Jasper, what is it?" I asked quietly, shocked.

Jasper didn't look at me when he spoke. I knew what was coming before it did.

"It's him...he's pressing charges."

###

**Author's Note: This chapter seems like more of a filler chapter, and I'm sorry, but I had to get something out before I leave for University tomorrow. The next update may not be for a few weeks because of my heading off to uni, so I apologise for that.**

**Anyway, please do review! Once again, I know next to nothing about the law profession and the police, so I basically took creative license there. I apologise. **

**Thanks for reading!**


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